I have always desired to have supportive and healthy
relationships with the women in my family, but over and over I have been
disappointed by their lack of nurturance and availability to be there when I really
need them. Even though I am the youngest in the family, I have taken on more of
a parental role through guidance, financial support at times, and emotional
support. I don’t know if these significant relationships will change so I can finally
get what I think I am missing in my life, but what I do know is that I have to
let go of all the what could have been scenarios
I anguish over. Sure, I pray and I always will have hope that the women in my
family will someday be who I need them to be, but in the meantime, I must let
go of all the regrets and disappointments I have in these relationships.
You may not be experiencing any relationships that you
need to let go of, perhaps you need to let go of an unfulfilled dream, or that you
missed out on many years with your prodigal child. As a mother of a prodigal
child for many years, sometimes I go down the road of what could have been. I believe
we all can go down that dark road of
what could have been, but I tend to find if I park there, disappointment is soon
followed by depression.
What I have finally realized is that in all the
relationships and other parts of my life that I have had difficulty letting go
of, was because I never grieved over the what could have been. I held onto
these relationships and my unfulfilled dreams because I could not face the reality
of them, it would hurt to much, but keeping them tucked deep in my heart where
no one could see the hurt only intensified my pain.
Facing
the reality of the situation is key to your healing.
For many years, I did not face the reality of my circumstances and
relationships because to do so would mean I had to face the truth about them
and that is painful. This is not to say you don’t hope for better, but you don’t
allow things you have no control over to keep you stuck.
Acceptance
is another key to letting go of what could have been.
Acceptance does not mean you just move on, but you do the healing work to
cleanse your heart of pain caused by relationships or other issues from your
life. Acceptance says, “I can’t change them but I can change me, or I can’t
change my circumstances but I can change the way I view my circumstances.”
Another
key to healing from letting go of what could have been is to properly grieve.
Give yourself time to work through the stages of grief: denial, bargaining,
depression, anger, and acceptance. You may not go through the stages of grief
in any particular order and very possibly could experience several stages all
at once. Many people never get to the place of doing the grief work because it
is uncomfortable and involves a lot of work. The good news is if you invest in grief
work, you will properly heal and be able to move forward in the new season in
your life instead of staying stuck in grief. Grief can be masked through bouts
of anger, irritablility, sarcasm, and negativity. Any major loss can be a source
of grief.
Lastly, in healing from letting go of what could have
been after you have faced the realty of your situation, accepted your situation
and then properly done the grief work, you
will need to retrain your thoughts from dwelling or ruminating on the what
could have been. This will take discipline.
Letting go of the what could have been in life is not
easy, it takes a conscious decision to face the truth and accept the reality of
your life. Experts have found that when emotional pain prevents you from
healing from a situation, it’s a sign that we are not moving forward, take the
necessary steps and begin to heal so you can move forward.
