Counselor's Corner: Enjoying Life in the Middle of Difficult Circumstances

Chances are if you have been going through a difficult circumstance that is unrelenting, you have had difficulty enjoying life. Depression can loom over you as you trudge through the muck and the mire of your adversity. Some mornings you just feel like pulling the covers over your head and would rather stay in bed until the calamities have passed. It is one thing to have a difficulty come through your life and leave, but it is entirely different when a difficulty parks and stays a while. Grief hits you smack in the face, and you begin to sink further and further like you were in quicksand.

It is possible to enjoy your life in the middle of your deepest and darkest pain, or what I like to refer to as, “the dark night of the soul, however, it won’t come easily. You will have to become a resilient fighter. You will have to decide one day when you have had enough of the enemy stealing your life, and choose to get up and live again. If the enemy cannot take you out physically, he will use your pain to turn you against God and rob you of the joy that is your inheritance.

Your pain is real and there is a time to grieve what you have endured or lost, but deep mourning should not be a continual theme in your life. Yes, it is hard to let go of people you love or accept the reality of a situation. When you place those seemingly impossible heartaches into God’s care, peace can rule in your heart. An exchange takes place when you say to God, “I can’t do this anymore, take it from me.” This exchange can open up the channels to begin enjoying your life again. Surrender is key to enjoying life again.

Reflect and ponder: How can you enjoy life when just getting out of bed is a chore? What do you do when your pain overshadows every blessing in your life? Are you willing to fight to get your life back and enjoy what is good in your life? Remember, this won’t come easy if you have been enduring the same difficulties for years. The enemy has enjoyed you being in the pit with no way out, and don’t be surprised as you are climbing out of the pit, he tries to kick you back in. This is where a “don’t give up, no matter what” stance must come over you. If you get kicked back in the pit, quickly get up and out, don’t look around that familiar pit that you are used to. Have a set mind that you will enjoy life again, no matter what!

Practical tips for enjoying life in the middle of difficulties:

1.      Let go of everything that you cannot change. Accept what you cannot change. If you have tried over and over to change a situation or person and it has not worked yet-let go!

2.      Limit your “talk” time about your difficult situation. It is okay to share with trusted people, but not 3-4x a week. Run to the throne more than the phone. Opening your mouth and spewing out to other people your woe’s continually or without just cause, can open you up for more problems. Be careful who you share your personal information with. It can bring you true joy to find like-minded people who can walk beside you, and you know they got your back. It is another thing to deal with people who bring you more pain than gain. To enjoy your life again, you will need to stop allowing drainers, whiners, complainers, and manipulators into your life.  

3.      Simplify your life, cut out all non-essentials. Going through difficult times can deplete you of energy. Learn to say, “No,” and say it as often as needed. If someone complains or makes you feel bad about saying, “No,” just ask them if they would like to “walk a mile in your shoes.” Get plenty of rest and take as many stay-cations as you can. Enjoy the simple things in life, a stroll around your block or breakfast in bed.

4.      Learn when you need to pull away from the “crowds.” There are times being with other believers is good and fellowshipping with them, but there is also times where solitude can render inner peace and times of reflection. Being still with God can only happen when you are quiet. There are many times that God will call you to the “still waters.” I am called to these still waters often and I no longer fight these times, but accept that God wants to speak to me and bring me comfort.

5.      Protect your “sanctuary.” My sanctuary is my home, it is the place I have peace the most. This is why I guard my sanctuary carefully. I am very careful who comes in and out of my place of peace and rest.

6.      No more living bound in guilt. Guilt and condemnation are straight from the enemy. If God wants you to do something, He will give His grace, strength and peace. Guilt steals all joy.

7.      Make it a daily habit to bring all your worries and concerns to God. Take a few minutes and pray over your worries and then consciously leave them with God.

8.      Take good care of yourself. Eat balanced meals, exercise, sleep at least 7-8 hours every night, take a multivitamin, and spend time with God as often as you can (daily if possible). The presence of God can bring you much joy. When you feel good physically by taking care of yourself, you can enjoy your life more.

9.      Do something that brings you pleasure or happiness at least 2-3x per week. Maybe a movie and popcorn, planting flowers, painting, or taking a bike ride bring you pleasure. Enjoy the simple pleasures in life as well such as bird watching or swinging on a swing.

10.  Encourage someone or cheer someone up. Be a blessing to someone.

11.  CHOOSE to focus on what is good in your life, and say out loud daily or write down at least 5 things that you are thankful for.

12.  Stop asking, “Why me.” No more being a victim and feeling sorry for yourself. Being negative drains you, instead speak life, blessings and the Word of God over yourself.

13.  Learn to laugh again. You did as a child when you had no worries. Watch a funny movie or comedian (clean though).

Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s learning to dance in the rain.

Vivian Greene

Is it time for you to dance?

MEDITATE ON THESE SCIPTURES:

A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. Proverbs 17:22

The thief comes only to steal, kill and destroy. I came that they might have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance (to the fullest, overflowing). John 10:10

Living Again After Pain and Loss

In 2017, I had several losses within an 11-month period, my grandmother, grandfather and uncle all passed away. I was not close to any of them, but I did reconnect to my grandmother and grandfather towards the end of their lives. I walked through these difficult times with my mother who endured the losses of both her parents and brother, and subsequently the death of one of her best friends (a family friend also). Before my grandparents and my mom’s friend passed away, there was the visits to the nursing home and hospitals and the “wait” for the dreaded phone calls. My uncle was found living in his car before an aneurism took his life. My uncle had been a drug user for the last several decades, so we were not sure exactly what the main cause of death was for him. During this time, I was also estranged from my prodigal child and had not spoken or seen him in months. This just added to the already devastations my family was facing. As a way to cope with all the pain, I begin to go “numb.” I lost the ability to enjoy the simple pleasures in life and found it most challenging to enjoy anything.

This season of pain and loss left me feeling distant from God and at times lacking the faith that I needed to overcome. I felt alone during this time and that one really understood what I had gone through. Some people seemed to not care at all, not even calling to check on me or send me a sympathy card.

If you have endured pain or some type of loss you may feel more than tired than usual, not be as active socially as you once were, find yourself wanting to sleep more, feel misunderstood by others and alone at times, feel numb emotionally, not motivated or passionate about much, and feeling like you are surviving more than truly living. There is a time to mourn and grieve and then there is a time to live again. Everything has a season, and mourning should not last years.

If you have been just surviving not thriving because of pain or loss, cut yourself some slack-pain is hard and many people do not recover well from it. Some people get stuck in the pain and do not allow themselves to truly heal and move forward. If you had a recent tragedy or loss, no one can say exactly how long it will take to feel like yourself again, however you should begin to feel at least slightly better after several months to a year. This of course will depend on the type of loss endured, your support system, and any previous losses that may still not be fully healed. Emotional healing takes time, so don’t feel the need to go and do everything. Take it slow and be gentle on yourself.

How to start living again after pain and loss:

1)      Start your morning off with God. Read the Word of God and be still to listen to what God may be speaking to you. Tell God how you feel.

2)      Tell yourself it is okay to enjoy life once again and begin to enjoy just the simple pleasures in life first.

3)      Keep your focus on your blessings and write down at least 5 things that you are thankful for every day, this will help you to focus on the good in your life.

4)      Take it one day at a time. Don’t try and figure out what’s next.

5)      Engage with those that are supportive and encouraging of what you have gone through.

6)      Write or journal what you have been through. Writing is therapeutic and can unlock deep emotional pains to the surface for healing.

7)      Take baby steps in doing things you might enjoy or things that you used to enjoy.

8)      Keep it simple and don’t overcomplicate or overschedule yourself, your learning to live again so you will need time for self-care.

Take one step everyday to living again and enjoying life, and you will eventually look back in a year and noticeably see how far you have come. One step at a time, not focusing or comparing what other people are doing or how others “get over” their losses so quickly.

Does God Wnat Me to Enjoy Life?

Far too many people struggle with enjoying their lives. You may be one of those people who does not know how God would like you to enjoy life. I know I have struggled enjoying life and how God wants me to enjoy life, but I am learning and I hope you will too.

God does want us to enjoy life! He does not want us to be discouraged, defeated, depressed and lacking. Oftentimes, our circumstances cause us to lose our zest for life, and we become consumed by how large our problems appear. There are other times we exhaust ourselves copying what other people are doing, whether it is serving in the church or trying to “keep up with the Joneses.” We all go through challenging seasons that can zap our enjoyment of life, but we should not remain in this continual state. Depression whether medical or spiritual can cause you to not enjoy life, but with proper care such as with prayer, dietary changes, exercise, and/or supplements to treat the causes of depression, you should begin to enjoy life once again.

I went through a long season of extreme heartbreaking circumstances, during this time I forgot how to enjoy life. I did not laugh or smile very much during this season. I did not believe there was anything to laugh or smile about. Pain is tough and can change how you view life. I became very serious and “on-guard,” to what was going on around me, just in case there was more “danger.” How can one enjoy life when you looking around the corner for the “next?” You can’t!

You may get judged and criticized by others for not being what they need you to be. People may want you to go and do as before, and when you are not able to, some will judge you unfailrly. A word of caution not to judge why people may not do the things they used to do, pray for them and encourage them. We never truly know what others go through. Do what you can do, but do not feel guilty for needing to pull back and take care of yourself. When the time is right, God will pull back the “doors” that need to be opened in your life.

How does God want me to enjoy life?

·         In the simple things in life-a beautiful garden, birds singing or taking a walk-in nature.

·         Take time every day to unwind and relax. You don’t always have to going and doing.

·         Be still in the presence of the Lord and bask in His presence.

·         Slow down and stop being in a hurry.

·         Enjoy your meals and savor each bite.

·         Have at least one Sabbath day a week and take a nap!

·         Laugh often through comedies or being around people who make you laugh.

·         Stop being so serious about everything-lighten up!

·         Sing and dance around your house. David in the Bible danced before the Lord.

·         Be silly at times (not immature). You can still color and blow bubbles.

·         If you are married, enjoy your spouse and take pleasure in each other.

·         Drink a cup of tea on your porch.

·         Have lunch or coffee with a friend who is supportive and encouraging.

·         Treat yourself to something that you would really enjoy.

·         Be creative-paint, draw, or build something.

What do you believe that God would like you to start doing to enjoy your life?