Counselor's Corner: When Life is Not Fair

Have you been given your share of heartaches and trials in life? Sometimes life just is not fair!

Maybe you thought by having a relationship with Jesus or serving God would somehow make your life fair or easier. You may have had some expectations for God, and when those expectations did not come through as you had hoped; disappointment in God slowly creped in. I know it is not easy to talk about when you feel disappointed by God, but the truth is He already knows what is in your heart.

What about the statement, “God never gives you more than you can handle?” What happens when you feel you did get more than you thought you can handle? Or what about,” Just pray and have faith and it will all work out?” What happens when things don’t work the way that you thought? 

Sometimes children die, your parents’ divorce, miscarriage and infertility occurs, or you have years of stressful circumstances.

Life just doesn’t seem fair sometimes! Why do bad things happen to good people? Of course the right answer is we live in a fallen world with evil abound, but if you have struggled with this question, you are not alone. A closer look at this question calls for a deeper response-At the core there is a deep-seated belief that God is not fair and that He has not been good to you. There are underlying reasons that you battle with believing God is good to everyone but you. Most likely you like justice and want God to balance the scales of justice and fairness in your life, and because He has not in the way you would like; you make a judgment about God: He is not fair.

I recently saw the movie, “The Shack,” in this movie the main character’s young daughter was brutally murdered and He asked God some tough questions about where God was and how He could be a just and loving God. You know the ending of the movie if you have seen it, but if you have not seen it go and find out how beautifully God’s love and mercy is explained in the movie. One of my niece’s best friends was murdered 3 years ago, and just this week her killer was found. The parents of this young girl said, “Finally justice is served.” My niece’s friend was an only child, was in her junior year at college, she loved God, and was one of the sweetest and kindest people that you could ever know. How was her murder fair, or how was it fair to her parents being she was their only child? Now they are robbed of seeing their daughter finish school, get married or have grandchildren. Fair? Absolutely not! Sometimes life is difficult and there are events that happen in our lives that leave us breathless. Yes, we have free will and unfairness will result when free will is a part of our humanity.

We all what fairness and justice. We all want life to be fair, but when it is not we can struggle with disappointment and an overall dissatisfaction in life.

Reflect and ponder: Do you feel that your life is not fair or that life in general is not fair? Ask God to expose the “roots” of why you feel life is unfair. Do you feel God has let you down, or not come through for you in a particular situation? What do you believe about your life?

Counselor’s Corner:

Tips to remember when life is not fair:

1.      What happens in you is more important than what happens to you. Joseph in the Bible went from the pit to the palace because he choose to concentrate his energies on being the person that he could be for God in whatever circumstance he was in.

2.      There are times that God tests us to see what “spills” out of us when we go through unfair circumstances. God desires to “clean-up” what has contaminated our spirits such as bitterness, anger or envy.

3.      Accept the reality of your situation, not “woe is me.” After you begin to accept your situation, you can control your reaction to those things that have harmed you.

4.      Seek out the lessons and the strength’s that you now have because of your hardships.

5.      Rise up and become a victor not a victim over your circumstances. No more wallowing in self-pity and asking, “Why me?”

Life is not fair, and you may not get everything that you want in this life. You may endure more than some people, but God can use those times to strengthen your relationship with Him and your faith has a chance to be purified. God does redeem our losses. Keep believing that God will cause good to come from your tragedies.

MEDIATE ON THESE SCRIPTURES:

God is just: He will pay back trouble to those who trouble you.

2 Thessalonians 1:6

He will judge the world with justice and rule the nations with fairness.

Psalm 9:8

How to Accept Your Life Just the Way It Is

Have you ever told yourself, “Life is not fair?” Have you struggled with the reality of the way your life has turned out? Did you have different dreams and hopes for your life?

One of the best ways to deal with the unfairness of life is acceptance-accepting that this is how things are and how you can find ways around it to thrive better. You have to learn how to navigate your life differently. If what you are doing is not working, such as, hoping and wishing things were different in your life; you need to change the direction in your thinking and responses to these adverse events in your life. Acceptance may seem harsh, but living in the cycle of continual dashed hopes is exhausting. Your life plan will not look like everyone else’s life plan. Stop comparing what other people have and you don’t.

Living in a continually state of surrender, and letting go of control can be a challenge; especially if life has not quite worked out the way you thought it would. You can try and control your environment, other people, but you will end-up frustrated. Letting go of things that are out of your control is a key step to acceptance.

We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope.

Marin Luther King, Jr.

Focus on you. It is not your job to fix everyone else’s drama. Accept the fact that some people may not want to change, and you have to accept this reality. You may need to accept that some people are not good for you, and learn to release them fully into God’s care.

Learning to let go of things that are not in your best interest can ease stress and lift your mood. Trying to change people or continually trying to fix them, will cause you to live in a state on continually unrest.

When you begin to ACCEPT your life as it is there will be benefits. Does this mean you should stop praying, believing, and hoping? Absolutely not! However, you may need to step into the reality of how things are right now, but always keep the door of hope open. If you are living in a state of looking at others’ lives wanting what they have, or wanting a different life; then you are in jeopardy of discontentment. Acceptance of your lot in life can bring less stress, you will be able to let go of past trauma, your mood will improve, your sleep will be better, you will be more content, depression will decrease or maybe even completely lift, and you will feel more control over your life.

When you have things in your life that linger or that bother you daily, it is time for a change. Many people linger on about things that are out of their control, this can bring stress, depression, and anxiety. Learning to count your blessings every day is a start to accepting your life. In other words, what is right in your life? REFOCUS. Instead of reflecting on what you do not have, start choosing to see what you do have. Keep your mind off the situations in your life that cause you the most depression and anxiety. Instead cast your cares on God (1 Peter 5:7). Cast your cares, and then go do something else, don’t stew over them over and over.

Not that I am speaking in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. Philippians 4:11

And He said to them, “Take care, and be on your guard against all covetousness, for one’s life does not consist in the abundance of possessions.” Luke 12:15

What are some things that you may need to let go of?