Daily Encouragement: Counselor’s Corner by Stephanie R. Reck, LMSW, LBT, BCCC : Recharge Your Batteries

Unplug from the world and plug into Christ.

Some people live hectic and busy lives with no times for recharging. Our bodies can be compared to our electronic devices that need to get charged every day so that they won’t run-low and eventually die. Our bodies cannot function on go, go, go all the time. We must have times that we are able to recharge. Not having regular times of recharging can lead to stress-related issues such as high blood pressure, headaches, and insomnia.

God never intended for us to hustle and bustle continually.

Serving God is a good thing, but if you are at every function at church, and are at church “serving” every time the church doors open-you will burn out! What you do must be led by the Holy Spirit, not what everyone expects of you or what everyone else is performing. Following what everyone else is doing, often can get you into trouble. If you are “burning the candle” at both ends, some area in your life will suffer- your relationships, your health, and even your mental health.

Reflect and ponder: Are you too busy to take times to recharge? Not sure? Are you frequently tired, easily frustrated/annoyed, have a short-fuse, critical, feel tense/stress, have frequent headaches, or just can’t seem to unwind? If you answered yes to just (3) of the above, chances are you are needing to recharge more often.

Do you work a full-time job and serve full-time at church? If you answered yes, your life is out of balance and some area in your life is not thriving. Ministry, occupational or even relationship burn-out will eventually happen if you continue at the pace that you set for yourself. I realize I may be “stepping on some toes” by saying you can’t serve full-time at church, your home and on your job effectively and that some area of your will suffer. How can you recharge if you are either at work or at church? How can you be the best husband, wife, father, or mother if you are not recharged and “snapping” at everyone because you are tired, resentful, and frustrated? How can you hear God and spend intimate time with the Father if you’re too busy? If you are not recharging with the Father, you will not be able to be your best.

Counselor’s Corner:

Effective ways to “Recharge Your Batteries:”

1.      Learn to say, “No.” You can’t be everywhere and be everything to everyone. Take time to say, “Yes,” to yourself. It’s okay to take care of yourself!

2.      Don’t overcommit yourself. Learn to balance your life. If you are working full-time, coach baseball, serve at church, attend a bible study group, are married and have children-your plate is already full! Where is your time to recharge? Oh, you are one of those who don’t need it, now anyways you may not, but your body cannot sustain at that pace for an extended period of time.

3.      Find daily time to carve out for connecting with God. You might say,” Well, I attend my bible study group or I attend church, that’s all I need.” True, these things can help, but alone time with the Father can bring stillness in your spirit and that brings refreshment to you.

4.      Have at least 30 minutes every day where you do something YOU ENJOY that can be a walk in your neighborhood, watching something funny on TV, reading a book, or taking a warm bubble bath.

5.      Unplug from your social media and phone at least 30 minutes before bed, an hour is preferable. Have times in the day or after work where you leave your phone in another room so that you are not obsessively checking who called, texted, retweeted your tweet, reposted your Facebook post, or pinned something on your Pinterest. How can you recharge with all the tweeting, texting, reposting, pinning, and checking emails?

6.      Take time off as needed, whether it is a small vacation, stay cation, half day, or an entire day to recharge and do things that you enjoy. Life is meant to be enjoyed. If you too busy to take some time off, your too busy!

MEDITATE ON THESE SCRIPTURES:

And on the seventh day God finished His work that He done, and He rested on the seventh day from all of His work that He had done. So God blessed the seventh day and made it holy, because God rested from all His work that he had done. Genesis 2:2-3

Let us therefore strive to enter that rest, so that no one may fall by the same sort of disobedience. Hebrews 4:9-11

His Divine Rest

A lot of people of God are worn-out, tired, and lacking Holy Spirit fire. We are worn-out and tired for several reasons. We try to please man and not God. We are more concerned about what people think of us or will think of us than what God wants us to do. We don’t want to let people down so we do things God has not told us to do. We have difficulty managing our lives and our lives are out of balance. We feel we have to be a part of every church activity and have to be at every church service. We look around at what others are doing and we try and do what they are doing, but God does not call everybody to do everything. There are some Christians who want to be “super Christians,” but that is not God’s plan for your life. God has something for each of us to do, but He does not have everything for us to do. We are worn-out and tired because we don’t say, “No” to our family and friends. There is a time to help when the Holy Spirit directs you and then there is a time to let it go and let God. If you are trying to be everyone’s Holy Spirit then you are not in His Divine rest.

As Christians we believe that if there is a need we must meet it, and if there is something my church is doing I must be a part of it. There is a Divine order to your life and it follows in this order: God first, marriage second, children third, and lastly work/ministry. That’s right, your main concern right now may not be to be helping everyone in your church but being there with and for your family. A lot of Christians have this order all wrong, and you especially see this order at of place in church leadership. I do not believe that is how God wants us to live; out of order. If your family life is falling apart or your children are in need of more family time, then it is time to reorder your life. You will risk burn-out, being worn-out, tired and frustrated if your life is out of balance.

A balance in your life will led to His Divine Rest. If you’re doing more in one area in your life, then chances are your life is out of balance. For instance if you spend most of your time doing church activities and attending church services then building your marriage; you are out of order. If you are tired and worn-out from doing; then stop doing and start being. Being in His presence more than being at this event or activity or even helping when it is not God-led.

Divine rest means your life will flow and it will have peace, rest, and order in each area of your life. One area in your life won’t be larger than other areas in your life. This is especially important to people in ministry, church leadership, or anyone else serving in His Kingdom. If you are not taking a Sabbath day in your week, and you are filling your time with needless things, you are in jeopardy of getting burned-out. There is such a thing as ministry burn-out. When you are “burning the candle at both ends” it is hard to see you may one day wear yourself out. A lot of people believe they have that kind of energy and endurance to last a lifetime, but we don’t. Our bodies are created for rest and balance. You don’t even have to be in ministry to get burned-out. You can just be a misled Christian believing that as a Christian you have to meet every need and have to help at any cost. This kind of thinking and doing will also burn you out. I have seen this time and time again working in ministry and being around Christians long enough. We are not supposed to be and do everything. We must pray and wait for the leading of the Holy Spirit.

 When we enable, fix, try to control outcomes, and feel responsible for everything and everyone we are in danger of falling into Christian Co-Dependence. This type of Co-Dependence is different then secular Co-Dependence that you may know about. Christian Co-Dependence is a set of beliefs and behaviors that Christians do that support and enable others dysfunctions, addictions and bad habits. As Christians, we fall prey to this because of the belief or lie that as Christians we are supposed to do everything that comes into our path. This type of behavior will also led to burn-out and exhaustion. Co-dependence can get confusing because it is wrapped around doing “good stuff.” Co-Dependency is shame-based and motivated by the needs of others, usually this stems from behaviors learned from our family of origin.

There remains therefore a rest for God’s people of God. For he who has entered His rest has himself also ceased form his works as God did from His.

Let us therefore be diligent to enter that rest, lest anyone fall according to the same example of disobedience.

Hebrews 4: 9-11, NKJV

Feeling Frazzled?

What a hectic week I had. I was running from this event, to this activity, and still squeezing in time to minister to others. However, at the end of the week I was tired, stressed, and a bit irritable. Can anyone relate to this madness of keeping up with the demands and fast pace life we can have? Did I mention trying to keep up my social media accounts for work, balancing family obligations, and making time for my husband? By the weekend, I realized I made everything and everyone a priority over placing my time with God first. We will suffer either mentally, physically, or spiritually when we put things ahead of God.

Do you ever feel this way?

Why do we get frazzled?

1.      We take on too much responsibility.

2.      We do things out of obligation rather than God directing us.

3.      We fear saying, “No,” to others and letting people down.

4.      As women, we seriously think we can do it all.

5.      The enemy sends distractions (even things that seem like a good thing).

If you have felt this way, run to the feet of Jesus immediately. Tell someone, “No, I can’t today,” or shut off your phone, stop obsessively checking your emails and social media, and shut the TV off. If you can carve out a day or half a day to replenish with God. Things can wait, and God will send someone else to help whoever you believe needs your help.

When you feel your “cup is empty” you will exhibit these signs:

1.      Fatigue/exhaustion

2.      Irritability/anger

3.      Stress/overwhelmed

4.      Feeling burned-out

5.      Anxious/restless

6.      Forgetful/easily distracted

7.      Depression/discouragement

8.      A lack of peace, joy, and contentment

9.      Weakened immune system

It is not God’s will for you to feel burned-out and exhausted. Stop comparing yourself to others. Some people can do more and go more, and some have not learned how to place boundaries on their lives. Copying what others do is a sure recipe for disaster. God did not create you to be like others, and to follow what someone else does. Be your own person, and be comfortable that you are not built like anyone else.

Reprioritize your schedule, and leave only the things you must do. You will feel different for doing this. Few people, including Christians and sometimes especially Christians, have difficulty balancing and prioritizing their lives; that is why you cannot follow after others. Even if you are the only one who has balance in their lives, then be a leader. As things come your way, ask God, “Is this what you have planned for me?” So many people never do this, and wind-up doing just whatever falls into their path. Do what God is leading you to do. This will require you to not be a people-pleaser, and to be obedient to God. 

Reconnect and Rebalance with God the Father

Sometimes our lives get so hectic and busy that we unplug from our power source, Jesus Christ. This is not always intentional, life takes over sometimes and before you know it our relationship with God has been put on the back-burner. Distractions do come into or lives, and some do not appear bad. When we come out of the flow of the Holy Spirit, and start doing things in our own strength, we will become agitated, frustrated, and we will lose our peace.

Reconnect and rebalance with God the Father. His burdens are not heavy. He will give you rest.

If you are feeling overwhelmed and distracted by circumstances, it’s time to reconnect with the Holy Spirit. Many things come into our lives that can take our focus off Jesus and His ways. Jesus brings peace, refreshment, joy, and love. When we get out of balance we may become anxious, worried, fearful, and begin to gaze at our circumstances. This life is not easy and sometimes we get distracted with life’s problems and concerns. If we are honest, there is a lot we can get distracted about.

God may be calling you to step away from the distractions, the turmoil, the confusion, and just focus on Him. You might feel going to church is enough to recharge you, but it is not. You need to spend time with Jesus yourself. Church can and does help, but it is simply not enough. We need to hear from God and we need to come away from all that distracts us to hear Him. We must get still and be still to hear His voice. You may need to lay some things down at Jesus’ feet and surrender all that concerns you. You may need to step away from the “crowds,” and listen for Jesus to speak to you. If the enemy can get you distracted, you cannot hear God as clearly. You may be doing many good things for others, but if you are not communing with God regularly and replenishing with God, you will get out of balance. Distractions keep us busy, therefore it causes us to become tired, which then leads to us becoming weak. When we are weak then the enemy knows we are a prime target. Do not think you can serve, do good works, and not be replenished with the Lord. Everyone needs refilling, most people are performing with their “cups” empty. If your cup is empty you will be a disservice to yourself and to others. Know when you have had your limit, and look for these signs that you need to step away (agitation, irritability, tiredness, heaviness/feeling burdened, overwhelmed, anxious, sadness/depression). Do not believe you are superhuman and you can continue when you feel these things. Everyone has a caution light that is build-in to our system. When you experience the caution lights of tiredness, being agitated, etc., listen to your body. If you do not heed the warning light it can lead to burn-out, exhaustion, and possible even sin. When we experience the above caution symptoms, it weakens us, thus can led us to temptation, and if the opportunity presents itself to sin, you could be too weak and tried to resist the temptation. This is real and it happens to many non-intentional, believing Christians. You need to know when you are at your limit, and then say, “No,” turn your phone off, turn off all electronic devices, and find your quiet spot and rest, replenish, and reconnect to your power source. Then, you can continue with the things you were doing, sometimes you need an entire day, and if you are extremely tired and burned-out, a week with God can help. You might say, “I don’t have that kind of time.” Make whatever changes so that you can have as much possible time with God as you can. You don’t have to be legalistic, you can recharge with nature, God does speak through His nature; taking walks, and just “unplugging” from phones, social media, and not being available for every need to help.

If you are unable to hear God or sense His presence because of all the distractions and business of your life, step away and reconnect to God the Father. Your life may be out of balance, and you may need to rebalance your life. If you are more concerned about your circumstances, including people, and you have unplugged from the power source; your life is out of balance. Many people and circumstances will pull at you, be discerning when and who to help and when to pull away. Listen to your body, your mind, and check how your spirit is doing. Have you become critical, negative, lost your peace and joy? Are you fatigued? Do you feel God is far off somewhere? These are signs that you need to reconnect to the power source.

Quiet your spirit, get alone with God, and reconnect and rebalance your life. Get in-tuned to what the spirit is saying to you, not the distractions or other people. In our culture, quieting ourselves is not easy to do, but it is important that we unplug from all our sources of distractions to hear God clearly.

Ways to know your life is spiritually balanced:

1.       You are at peace.

2.       You can experience joy.

3.       You feel “light” and not burdened.

4.       You are not fearful, anxious, or worried.

5.       You focus on Jesus not your circumstances.

6.       You are thankful and give praise to God.

7.       You don’t feel heavy or oppressed; you are not carrying the burdens of others.

8.       You can hear God louder than the voice of the enemy.

9.       Your focus is on pleasing God not man.

10.   You are able to enjoy your life and not feel guilty when you do.

11.   You are at rest that Jesus will take care of all that concerns you.

12.   You are full of faith and believe God is working things out for your good.

13.   You are content and are accepting of your life.

If you are around people who are taking from you more than giving, spiritually immature, or unbelievers; you need to know when to unplug from them and replenish with God. God needs to refill you and build you up so that you can truly be a light in the dark world. God does not expect you to give exhaustively until all off your strength runs out, know when you need to step away. It is okay to step away and plug into the power source. It is okay to say, “No” to others and it is okay not to answer your phone, your emails, or respond to your social media accounts. We live in a day and an age where we think we are indispensable with our phones and social media, but we did not live that way once upon a time. People had to wait to get a hold of us if we could not answer our home phone (not cell phone), and people had to wait to hear form us when snail mail was sent to us, not an instant email. We survived then, and we can and others can survive if we need to unplug from theses sources.

                        How to balance your life and prioritize your life:

1.       God first.

2.       Your spouse.

3.       Your children.

4.       Your job/ministry.

5.       Extended family.

If your life is not in balance, let’s say you have your job and ministry as #1, you need to reprioritize. If you have your children ahead of your spouse or if God is last on your list, it’s time to rebalance your life. You may have a demanding career or you may be in full-time ministry, therefore if they are #1 on your list, and God is not first then your life will get out of balance. With hectic schedules, weed out what you can, wake up earlier, spend time on your lunch break, take a day off if and when you can, and spend time with God on your day off. You don’t have to be legalistic, remember you can recharge and reconnect to God outdoors in nature, walking, being still, unplugging from all electronics to hear Him, and journaling. God is a creative God, and your time with Him will always be refreshing no matter how you spend time with him recharging. He knows how you may need to recharge.

It’s Okay to Say, “No”

Most people have an insecurity about saying, “No” to people and their requests. We do not want to let people down, or we do not want people think badly of us; which is another way to say we are people pleasers. Sometimes, we can, “Yes” to things that are not spirit-led. Doing things to please others can lead to burn-out, exhaustion, and frustration.

Be free to say, "No."

As Christians, we often think a good request or act of service should be performed by us. 85% of what we do can be done by somebody else that means we often take more of a load than we should. That does not mean we do nothing, but often we “follow the crowd,” and are swayed by what others want from us. We look to other people to see what we should be doing. How about instead of following the crowd and being swayed by other people that you follow the guidance of the Holy Spirit and do and go where He wants. You will be surprised what God will take off your plate to lighten your load. But too often, we never ask God what He wants us to do, we instead listen to what others want from us or follow what others are doing. When you follow Christ, your activities and schedules may not look like everyone else’s. You have to get comfortable that you may be different because you are not following what people want. So many times, people are involved in numerous activities, committees, and services because they have a need to be validated, get recognition, and prove their worth. In a lot of cases, these people end-up too busy to spend needed time being refreshed and renewed in the Father’s presence, and their cups run empty and they are doing from an “empty cup.” It is wise that we do not let our cups run empty going and doing “good works” that we forget our relationship with Jesus, our families, and taking care of ourselves. Yes, it may seem selfish to prioritize this way when others are in need and we have the answers and the time to help, but everything should be in balance. If your priorities are out of balance, you will be out of balance. It is never wise to serve and extend yourself if you are empty and depleted.

Learning to tell others “No” is a step to finding your worth in Christ alone, and not based on what others think of you. Be aware that other people may not like you to saying “No,” some may get offended, but your true friends will understand without pressure, guilt, coercion, or manipulation. We should all give each other the freedom to make choices that are best for us.

Everyone has boundaries but not everyone implements them. Some people have a need to always be doing and going, and expect everyone else to do the same. However, we are not built like one another, and some cannot go at the pace and speed of others. In our Western culture we have more heart disease and stress as a country as a whole compared to others, because we are always striving to keep up, get more, and we do not know how to rest and be still. Resting brings peace and with rest and stillness it opens you more to hearing the voice of God. So many people say they cannot hear God, and it is because they cannot get still enough. Most of the time their cell phones, iPads, or other electronic device keeps them distracted. Let’s not follow everyone else and what they are doing, but let us take time to step away from the crowds and distractions to hear the voice of the Lord.

Reflection Questions:

1.    Do you say, “Yes” to other’s request for fear of letting them down? Fear of losing their approval? Or fear they will be upset with you?

2.    Are you a God-pleaser or a people-pleaser? Do you pray before giving someone an answer to their request? (It is okay to say, “I need to pray about that; let me get back to you.”)

3.       Do you follow what everybody else is doing or do you follow the leading of the Holy Spirit? (An example would be, everyone at your church just signed up for a class, you don’t pray about whether God wants you there, you sign up because you feel like you should do what everyone else is doing).

4.    Do you lack boundaries? Do you have insecurity/lack of confidence? (These questions will give you insight why you may have difficulty saying “No.”). Ask the Holy Spirit to show you why you may have difficulty saying “No.”

Let’s look at some truths:

1.      You cannot do and be what everybody else wants. Your confidence comes from Christ, not what you do or who you can please. Always pray and seek God before committing yourself to something, even if it seems good. You do not have to give somebody an answer immediately, they can wait!

2.      It is okay to say “No, “and not feel bad. We are all created differently and have different needs. Some good responses are: “ Now is not a good time, I need to pray about that and get back with you, I need to pray first, No, thank you, or maybe another time.” In doing this, you are setting boundaries with others. If you do not set boundaries with others, you could end up exhausted, overwhelmed, and taken advantage of.

3.      It is okay to not sign-up, join, or attend every activity at church, with friends, or with family. The key is not copy what others are doing, and be God-led.

4.      It is also okay to say “No” to company and surprise visits by others. It is okay to say “No” to company that wants to drop in unexpectedly or without much notice. Do not feel bad if you need to say “No.” You may need rest, time alone with God and your family, or you may need extra time to prepare, and all is okay. Do not compare yourself to someone who could at the “drop of a hat” be ready for unexpected company. If God gives you the grace, strength and peace for company then you know and you will have it, if not it is not going to be fun for you or them.

If you feel pressure, guilt, condemnation, or manipulation from others to conform to what they want from you, then it is time to set some clear boundaries, and possibly some consequences if that type of behavior continues. A consequence could be separating yourself for a time or not engaging frequently with ones who would invade your boundaries. People who lack boundaries do not care if they take your time and energy, so you must protect your boundaries and be able to tell others “No,” and be okay with that.

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Coping With and Managing Stress in Healthy Ways

Between 75-90% of all doctor’s visits are stress-related. Stress comes in a variety of symptoms, ailments, and conditions. Stress can affect you spiritually, physically, and emotionally. There are many things in life to cause us to feel stress and anxious. Chronic stress can complicate matters and can lead to burn-out and Adrenal Fatigue.

 The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines stress as a state of mental tension and worry caused by problems in your life, work, etc.; something that causes strong feelings of worry and anxiety; a physical, chemical factor that causes bodily or mental tension and may be a factor in disease causation.

What happens to our bodies under stress:
1. Cortisol mediates various metabolic processes. Cortisol levels can be elevated if we are under physical or psychological stress.
2. Immune system can weaken and you can become more susceptible to colds and flus.
3. Have difficulty falling or staying asleep.
4. Bouts of irritability, anger, and easily frustrated/annoyed.
5. Fatigue and don’t feel like you got a restful night’s sleep.
6. Anxiousness, fear, and low moods (mild depression).
7. Mood swings (hormones out of balance).
8. Feelings of being overwhelmed.
9. Eating too much or too little.
10. General sense of not feeling well (malaise).

 What are we stressed about? Some common stressors in people’s lives:
1. Family
2. Marriage (getting married if you are not married)
3. Children
4. Finances
5. Work, career
6. School
7. Budgeting, paying bills
8. Paying for children’s education, college
9. Health
10. Health of family members
11. Friendships (lack of or not spending enough time with)
12. Death of a loved one
13. Death of a pet
14. Divorce, remarriage
15. Stepfamilies
16. Salvation of loved ones
17. Not sleeping
18. Unresolved childhood issues or unresolved grief issues
19. Single parenting
20. Fear of the unknown, not being in control
21. Addictions with self or family members
22. Infidelity
23. Infertility, miscarriage, abortion
24. Moving, adjustments/transitions
25. New job or retirement
26. Having a baby
27. Debt
28. Family member moving in
29. Family member having emotional/ mental difficulties
30. A goal/dream was not accomplished

 Add up the above stresses for the past year and if you listed 5 or more that occurred this last year, you could have a high level of stress that needs to be dealt with.

 Steps to Coping with Stress and ways to Manage Stress Levels: 
1. Spend daily time in the Word, praying and giving thanksgiving for the things that are good in your life.
2. Attend church regularly and fellowship with the Body of Christ.
3. Write down (5) things to be thankful for EVERYDAY. Keep a Gratitude Journal.
4. Journal, write often. Write the date on each journal entry and how you are feeling, what God is speaking to you, and anything else that would be helpful.
5. Walk or do light exercising. Walking is the best exercise for stress reduction.
6. Take it One Day at a Time. Focus your energy and thoughts on the present day.
7. Do something fun daily! Enjoy your life!
8. Find a hobby such as gardening, bird watching, or painting.
9. Watch comedies often! Laugh! Smile!
10. Take every thought captive into the Obedience of Jesus Christ and renew your mind continually. Watch what you are thinking and talking about.
11. Eat balanced meals consisting of fresh fruits, vegetables, and protein. Stay away as much as possible from fried foods, processed foods, sugary snacks, and high-energy drinks.
12. Drink 3 cups of green tea and/or Yerba Mata tea. You can choose to drink 1 8oz. cup of coffee.
13. Switch to Stevia instead of sugar.
14. Limit your time with negative, draining, and toxic people. Watch who your spending your time with.
15. Avoid overreacting to problems as much as possible. Practice praying first, and being still.
16. Listen to relaxation music such as jazz, classical, and soothing sounds.
17. Take bubble baths and light scented candles.
18. Light scented candles and other fragrant scents throughout your home.
19. Don’t take on the burdens and problems of others. You can pray for others always and intercede ONLY when God calls you to.
20. Set limits and boundaries with others. Learn to say, “No.” Do not try and meet the expectations of everyone.
21. Be a God pleaser not a man pleaser.
22. Do not seek the approval of others but what God would have you to do.
23. If you are able to afford a massage or you can have your spouse do for you.
24. Take time off when you can. Rest when you can. You don’t have to be going and doing all the time!
25. Take small vacations or staycations if you cannot afford to leave.
26. Nap when you can and when you need to, its okay!
27. Eat sitting down and eat slowly and enjoy your meals.
28. Do not live in a hurry or rushing around. Let your pace be relaxing.
29. Help when you can help but don’t take on the responsibility of others.
30. Forgive yourself, forgive others.
31. Be gentle with yourself. Stop being so hard on yourself. Let go of perfectionism.
32. Take a multi-vitamin, B-vitamin and look into natural herbal remedies. I do not make any medical disclaimers here but I do recommend for natural alternative treatments to try Native Remedies. You can go onto my website @ www.christianhopecounseling.com  and click on the link to Native Remedies.
 33. If you need further assistance, counseling, or prayer you can contact me @ www.goseplguidance.com/advisors/5311-sreck

Word of Encouragement-Freedom from people pleasing, fear of man, & setti...