Counselor's Corner: Rising Above Disappointments in Life

A disappointment in life can be anything that has let you down or not come through for you in some way.

Disappointments can happen in relationships, unfulfilled dreams, dashed hopes, or unmet needs.

Disappointments can rob you of hoping again. If you have been disappointed repeatedly you may be inclined to think, “Why hope again, I’ll just get disappointed again.”

I have been disappointed numerous times these last few months, anywhere from family relationships becoming difficult and strained, not being what I need them to be to gaining weight even though I am an avid runner and tend to eat pretty healthy.

 

Let the light of hope shine even if it's just a flicker.

I have wondered and even questioned God on a few of my disappointments, ‘God, why did you allow this to happen, again!” I can admit that perhaps I have felt a little disappointed with God. I try and live my life pleasing to the Lord and I have a healthy fear of God, sometimes I think,” That should give me a pass from experiencing pain.”

When you experience a series of disappointments over a short period of time, the disappointments can weigh heavy on your mind. Negative thinking can ensue as a result and you can think defeated thoughts like, “Nothing ever works out or “This always happens to me.”

It is wonderful to have hopes and dreams, but when your hopes and dreams are dependent on people or your circumstances working out the way you would like-you will be disappointed.

What do you do when disappointments threaten to rob you of experiencing hope again?

1.     Take some time and experience the pain of your disappointment. Don’t pretend it did not bother you or push it away. Deal with the hurt surrounding your disappointment.

2.     Step into reality and ask yourself is it really that bad? Many times, we want what we want, but when we get it, we find we did not want it after all.

3.     Don’t stew over your disappointments, overwise discouragement can develop into depression. If you feel hopeless that things will get better, you have crossed over into depression.

4.     After you deal with your disappointment, don’t ruminate over what might have been or could have been.

5.     Focus on what is right and good in your life and keep a daily gratitude journal. Change your focus from the disappointment to what is going right.

6.     Expectations can lead to disappointment, so adjust your expectations. Your hopes cannot be on your children, your family, your finances, or your career.

7.     Discipline your mind by taking those negative thoughts captive that can accompany discouragement by replacing them with truth of God’s Word and faith-filled thoughts.

*If you need more help on discipling your mind, check out my book, “Discipling your mind, 30 days to a better you.”

www.stephaniereck.com

Respond:

What about you, how do you deal with disappointments?

Counselor's Corner: Going Through the Grief Process After Any Type of Loss

Death is not the only experience you can grieve from, but anything that is perceived as some type of loss in your life. Grief can be defined as losing something or someone significant in your life, or not experiencing the hopes and dreams for your life.

I realized this week that I was experiencing grief over the relationship that I could have had with my mother. A few months ago, my mother moved close to where I lived to escape an abusive relationship and we quickly developed a close relationship that we had not had before. However, very abruptly she decided to go back to the relationship that was abusive to her. I had no warning, I was not prepared for her sudden departure. Since her leaving I have experienced anger, irritability, frustration, fatigue, hormonal imbalance, emotional numbness, anxiety, cynicism, loss of hope, and overall sadness. I did not realize until this week that I had been going through the grief process. Afterall, I did not lose anyone to death so I was not making the connection I was experiencing grief.

Any type of loss can have your emotions on a “roller-coaster” ride. What defines loss to one may not be perceived as loss to another. However, whatever has caused a vacancy in your life is loss.

Some examples of loss can include:

loss of significant relationships

loss of a job

divorce

loss of health

miscarriage

unfulfilled dreams

There are usually (5) stages of the grieving process, and one must work through the stages to properly heal and not get stuck in grief. It is possible not to heal properly and allow the grief that you are experiencing to define you in every area of your life.

The (5) stages of grief are:

1.     Denial- is a common defense mechanism that buffers any immediate shock of loss, and numbs your emotions. During this time, you hide from the facts. During this stage you may believe that life is meaningless, and nothing is of value any longer.

2.     Anger- As the masking effects of denial begin to wear off, the reality and pain re-emerge. The anger experienced during this stage can be directed at complete strangers, friends, or family. You may resent the person who caused you pain or left your life.

3.     Bargaining- This is a normal reaction to feelings of helplessness and is often a need to regain control through thoughts such as, “if only I had…” Guilt often accompanies bargaining.

4.     Depression- During this phase you may experience a lose of pleasure, hopelessness, and sadness.

5.     Acceptance- Reaching this stage is important for your healing. Working through the above stages can help to eventually get you to the stage of process.

People who are grieving do not necessarily go through the stages in the same order or experience all of them. There is no timetable for working through grief, for some it can be weeks and others several months before you begin to feel better.

The pain of grief can disrupt not only your physical health but your mental and spiritual health. The pain will not go away faster if you ignore it or keep it from resurfacing.

For real healing, it is necessary to face your grief and deal with it.

1)    Give yourself a time period to give full attention to the memory of the loss, however, you should draw a line on prolonged grieving. Give yourself a time period, maybe a few days to a week to work through the sadness. Wallowing week after week will keep you stuck in your grief.

2)    Let your pain out, let the tears flow, and find an outlet for your pain. Share your feelings with your spouse, a trusted friend or family member. Talking through your emotions helps you to sort out your feelings. Write or journal your pain. Express your emotions to God.

3)    Distance yourself from those who are not compassionate or understanding to your grief. Hearing words from people like, “Your too sensitive,” or “It’s not that big of a deal,” can hinder your healing process.

Reflect:

“Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.” Matthew 5:4

When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all. He keeps all his bones; not one of them is broken. Psalm 34: 17-20