Be
a God pleaser, not a man pleaser.
Reflect
and ponder: Are you more concerned with pleasing man
than God? Do you seek the approval of others? At the core of people pleasing is
insecurity. We can be insecure for a number of reasons. Insecurity can have
roots stemming back from our childhood.
Counselor’s
corner: How do you know you are dealing with
insecurity?
Here
are some key signs insecurity may be a part of your life:
1. You
question everything you do. You are uncomfortable with decisions you make.
You look to others to decide what’s best
for you.
2. You
lack confidence in speaking and having conversations with others, and social
settings make you feel uneasy.
3. You
look to others to approve you and to validate you.
4. You
always believe you’re at fault and take the blame when things go wrong.
5. You
don’t know who you are in Christ. Your identity is based not on what God says
about you, but on what others say about you.
6. You
believe what others say about you, whether good or bad.
7. You
are overly sensitive to needing others to approve of you and sensitive to
criticism, even constructive criticism.
8. You
live in constant fear and you lack trust for others and even God.
All these insecurities can lead to people pleasing and
eventually lead to approval addiction. It is important that you know who you are
in Christ, and that you allow the Holy Spirit to uncover your roots of
insecurity so that you can be healed and function the way God intended. If you
do not believe what God says about you, you will believe what others say about
you. This is especially true of people that have been verbally/emotionally
abused and verbally bullied by peers. Young people today are being “cyber
bullied” and many young people succumb to these taunts and torments. These
bullies are acting as agents and mouthpieces of the kingdom of darkness. God
would never ridicule, torment or verbally abuse us.
People
approval will lead you to do things that are not led by the Holy Spirit.
So
many people succumb to peer pressure, and not just young people. I have seen
grown people succumb to the pressure of people in the church. If you are not
lead by the Holy Spirit you will end up exhausted, frustrated, stressed and
burnt-out. People will always want you to fulfill their agenda, but what is
most important is what God wants you to do. You may have to say “No” to people
and set boundaries. It is okay to say “No.” You have choices and you don’t have
to lead by the feelings and desires of man, but instead God gives us wisdom and
discernment to know what we should be involved in.
You
are not called to be everywhere, do everything, and fulfill the wants of
others. Ask yourself if you have peace. If peace is not involved, chances are
God is not a part of it.
It is hard not to desire to be liked and approved of
others, especially the ones we love and are closest to. We don’t want them to
think bad of us or be angry at us. It does not matter what others say or think
of you. Others are going to have their opinion about you, and a lot of times
there is not a whole lot you can do about it, but you can pray that God softens
their hearts towards you.
If
you continue to be judged, misunderstood, or just treated unfair because you’re
setting boundaries and learning to say “No”, than it is a matter between them
and God.
Key
Characteristics of a People-Pleaser:
1. More
concerned about pleasing others than God or yourself.
2. Not
lead by peace but by emotions/feelings.
3. Let
others control and manipulate you.
4. Easily
influenced by what others want.
5. Can’t
say “No” to others demands or desires.
6. Lack
boundaries with others. Hard time separating self from others.
7. Feel
guilty if you ever do say “No.”
8. Have
issues with rejection, insecurity and fear.
9. Don’t
want anyone to be mad at you or disappointed in you, and you will go to great
lengths to insure others are pleased with you.
10. You
are not free, and you are bound by others expectations of you.
11. You
are devastated if someone disapproves of something you have done or not done.
12. The
needs and well-being of others takes precedence over your needs and well-being.
Freedom from insecurity and people-pleasing comes from
knowing and believing what Christ says about you, and allowing God to heal the
roots of your insecurity. People do what they do for a reason. It is not enough
to have head knowledge about what Christ says about you. You must believe what
Christ says about you.
MEDITATE
ON THESE SCRIPTURES:
Yet
at the same time many even among the leaders believed in Him. But because of
the Pharisees they would not confess their faith for fear they would be put out
of the synagogue; for they loved the praise from men more than praise from God.
John 12: 42-43
Fearing
God is a dangerous trap, but trusting the Lord means safety. Proverbs 29:25
