Counselor's Corner: Developing Self-Control

Self-control is part of the fruit of the Holy Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23), but I must admit I have struggled with maintaining self-control more often than I would like to. I tend to act on impulse instead of waiting to respond to someone or something. I have dealt with having a short-fuse and can easily become angered. I know that God does not want me to continue lacking self-control, so painfully and persistently God has been teaching me the benefits of keeping self-control, and He has also shown me the consequences of not maintaining self-control.

I grew up fighting and learned how to win every fight I was in after being bullied. Now I’m grown but there are still “bullies” that come across my path from time to time, those that intimidate, dominate, control and manipulate me are some of the most difficult “bullies” I encounter. My gut reaction with bullies is to take action quickly so they don’t have any opportunity to hurt me, and this is usually in some form of aggression. I can lash-out verbally and make you wish you hadn’t messed with me quicker than I can snap my fingers.

Often times those who struggle with addictions and a lack of discipline don’t exhibit self-control-their motto is, “If it feels good, just do it.” They think of the consequences of their actions afterwards not before as those with self-control do. I used to have disturbing desires to “get wasted,” and would react to my initial desire immediately. Lacking self-control with alcohol, drugs, gambling, food, or even pornography can cause one to go down a dark road that sometimes can be impossible to overcome. Once the enemy gains a stronghold in an area of your life, he does not let go easily.

Listed below are some techniques that you can use to develop self-control:

1.     Think through the consequences before reacting to a situation or deciding to act impulsively. Ask yourself,” How would I feel after I ____________?” Also think through if your actions could hurt someone close to you.

2.     Don’t react immediately, take a step back before exploding or giving into your sinful desires. Pray, go for a walk, and wait 24 hours before deciding to take any action. Very likely if you wait 24 hours your initial desire or your impulsive will be significantly less or not there any longer.

3.     Reward yourself when you resist the urges to lose your self-control.

4.     Keep yourself in a calm and peaceful state. Get up early in the morning and spend time in God’s presence declaring over yourself that ,”You have the peace of Jesus Christ and are self-controlled because the Holy Spirit strengthens and enables you to do so.” Ask the Holy Spirit to help you have self-control.

5.     Don’t allow other people or people that are used of the enemy to rob you of your peace and joy. Decide to let no one control your thoughts, behaviors and actions. Don’t give others that much control over your life.

6.     Get physical-exercise, garden, build to release any pent-up emotions and to turn your attention from whatever is wanting you to lose your self-control.

7.     Identity and remove any triggers as much as possible. If you have trouble eating unhealthily, remove any unhealthy foods and snacks from your home.

A lack of self-control will eventually lead to fleshly, worldly desires and lusts. Eventually these worldly desires and lusts will have full control over us. We will become slaves to the enemy as we are in bondage to our fleshly, sinful nature. Exercising self-control keeps the enemy from gaining a foothold over us. Self-control is necessary because we are at war with our own sinful desires. If your cave-in to a lose of self-control, seek forgiveness from God and forgive yourself.

When you’ve Done ALL That You Can Do

As a parent of a prodigal child, I can assure you that I have done everything possible to bring my child back to the ways of Christ. I have fasted many, many times in hopes that,” some things are broken by prayer and fasting alone.” Last December, I was fasting 1-2x per week, believing that my fasting was helping bring my child closer to Christ and breaking the “strongholds” in his life. Fasting alone did not seem to be working, so I then added a book about praying scriptures over your prodigal children. I prayed through the entire book in the 90 days it suggested, believing that was the answer-praying scripture daily. I was already praying morning and night for my child, but when my prayers were seemingly going unheard, I started to add fasting, speaking scriptures, and then I restored to begging and pleading with the Lord. Through the years of my child going his own way, I have had countless intercessors pray for him, believing perhaps God would hear their prayers-for I was certain I was doing something wrong because my prayers were appearing to go unanswered.

When my child first started going his own way over 10 years ago, I prayed daily but never restored to begging God for him to turn back from the things of the world. You see, if you have never had a child “wandering” in the world year after year involved in all sorts of heart-wrenching activities such as any type of addictions, homosexuality or different levels of mental/emotional instability-please don’t judge, when I say after a decade of praying, I started to beg God. I was tired and mentally and emotionally exhausted. I needed God to come through quickly, I mean didn’t He know valuable time was being wasted? I spent last Christmas without my child for the first time and that led me to do whatever I needed to get God’s attention-fasting weekly, praying scriptures, and devoting a lot of my prayer time to what I call “spiritual warfare intercession,” or taking back what the enemy stole prayers. I went into overdrive time with my prayers, fasting and scripture reading. I became much focused on my child’s deliverance that my prayer needs were virtually non-existent. I mean, I did not have time to focus on other prayer needs, my child was in trouble and he needed me to help rescue him!

After months of believing somehow if I did this or that right in praying for my child, than that would get God’s attention and He would finally answer my prayers. I just needed to know the formula for God to hear my prayers, because I needed Him to act quickly. I tried everything I knew to do! I even took advice from well-meaning people, believing maybe they had the answer, but still my child is not delivered. Oh, what is the momma to do? I want him to be all better, but the Lord says, “Let him go.” You got to be kidding Lord? Let go? The Lord showed me that letting go does not mean that you don’t love them or that you are giving up on them, it means that you are taking the backseat and the Lord is now driving-His ways and His time table! Ouch! Can’t say that thrills me to take the backseat to my child’s life, but I am not God and He knows better than I do. I have to let go of how I THINK the outcome SHOULD turn out. I have been given so many prophecies concerning my child, and in my mind they should be unfolding right about now. I am impatient and I want to see the promises come to pass in my lifetime.

I am learning to walk by faith and not by sight. If I look to long at the circumstances around my child’s life, I get depressed, anxious and fearful. I never wanted things to turn out like this, I would have hoped that by now breakthrough and deliverance would have occurred. God gives me what I call “little nuggets” of hope that he is still working. The answer to God answering our prayers, is not dong more in hopes that will move God, but trusting and resting that He hears even the tiniest of our prayers. God is moved not by us doing, going to more Bible studies, having more people pray for our situation, or fasting more, but by our faith. It takes great faith to let go of your loved one and let God take the reins. It takes great faith not to live in torment, fear, anxiety, or depression concerning your loved one. It takes great faith to have joy despite the deepest trouble in your life. It takes faith to say, “Not my will be done, but your will be done Lord.” It takes faith to believe God knows our heartache and will use it for good. It takes faith to rest and not strive to make God move on our behalf. In rest comes peace, with peace comes joy.

When your dreams and expectations have been dashed for your loved one, take hold that you are not alone and God does repair shattered dreams. I don’t know what the outcome will be in child’s life, but I know God is routing for him way more than I am-and that I have done all that I can do. Now it’s time to rest…trust…and let go and let God.

41 Healthy Activities to do Instead of Drinking

Be free from the chains of addiction! 

Have you recently stopped drinking or desire to, but feel you would have nothing to do? I have composed a list of healthy activities that can replace drinking. However, no activity can replace the life-transforming relationship with Jesus Christ. If you are not a Christian, will power alone or self-help groups, cannot be enough. The power for lasting change and hope is in Jesus Christ. How do I know this? Because I have attempted recovery before in my own strength and will power, and I was defeated every time. But there is hope, you do not have to live defeated.

If you have had a history of alcohol abuse/addiction finding other things to do can be quite a challenge. Our natural reaction to a stressful day, busy day, or difficult day is to unwind with our bottle or glass of alcohol of choice. We believe that alcohol relaxes us, soothes us, and is a reward for enduring hard times.

However, there are other healthier alternatives to drinking:

1.      Read a book

2.      Do a Bible study online

3.      Garden/plant flowers or an herb garden

4.      Talk a walk/exercise

5.      Clean your closets-purge the old out

6.      Write an article or blog post

7.      Journal

8.      Watch a funny sitcom or movie

9.      Participate in an online Christ-centered recovery program like, www.settingthecaptivesfree.com

10.  Eat out to eat at your favorite restaurant

11.  Go on a nature trail

12.  Paint a room or paint something

13.  Become a bird watcher

14.  Do home repairs or remodeling

15.  Go for a bike ride

16.  Go to the library

17.  Play a favorite board game

18.  Listen to praise music and sing

19.  Attend a Bible study and/or attend church

20.  Visit a museum, park, or zoo

21.  Go for a swim

22.  Take a walk on the beach

23.  Get coffee at your favorite coffee shop

24.  Go on a picnic

25.  Go to a local community festival

26.  Go canoeing

27.  Take your dog for a walk

28.  Try a new recipe

29.  Fly a kite

30.  Have breakfast in bed

31.  Go to a movie and get the popcorn

32.  Pray

33.  Drink tea in the afternoon outside

34.  Have a spa day at home

35.  Take a drive and go exploring

36.  Go to lunch with a friend

37.  Attend a play

38.  Call a friend or family member to catch up

39.  Write that book you have been putting off

40.  Try the herb Kudzu to help with urges and desires

41.  If you have the money budgeted, do a little shopping

Do not get drunk on wine which leads to debauchery, instead, be filled with the spirit. Ephesians 5:18

Do not join those who drink too much wine or gorge themselves on meat. Proverbs 23:20

The first 60-90 days of staying free of alcohol will be a transition time, it may seem strange and difficult; especially as you are trying to find new things to occupy your time. You will need to put away the places, people, and things that could cause you to stumble. God will make new connections for you, and He will place new desires in you.

What about you, what healthier activities do you like to do instead of drinking? Please share with our readers.