Counselor’s Corner: God Convicts But Never Condemns!

You may have failed at a relationship, a ministry opportunity, or in another area of your life. God makes messes out of our mistakes, but the enemy whispers in our ears,” You shouldn’t have done that, now you’ve really messed up.” If we listen to the voice of the accuser for any length of time, we begin to get discouraged and not want to take any more risks or chances in life.

As important as it is to forgive others, we must forgive ourselves! Even if you sinned against God and others, all that you need to do is sincerely repent and turn from that sin. God may convict us in an area of our lives to bring us back into a right relationship with Him, but never to condemn us. When God convicts it is done lovingly, gently, and with a way out. When the enemy condemns there is discouragement, feelings of inadequacy and failure, and no way to rectify the situation.

Condemnation leads us believe that we will never change and we are not worthy of God’s love. The reality, Christians mess-up, fail, and are prone to weaknesses at times, but God picks us back up and gently shows us our error and He points us back on the right road.

Condemnation causes us to wallow in self-pity. You may hear a faint whisper, “Poor you, you just can’t get it together.” God however says, “Learn, grow and get up again my child.” When the enemy condemns he is harsh, unloving, and unrelenting of reminding us of our mistakes. The enemy likes to rip open old wounds and pour his bitter salt over them, but don’t be deceived he will not give you the exact package of old wounds every time; he repackages them. The enemy is a master deceiver, he likes to use what is in our past to inflict us. Why would the enemy use new tactics when the old tactics still work? The enemy knows your blueprint and has studied what schemes have worked before to trip you up. If you have battled with rejection, unworthiness or inadequacy, best believe the enemy will expose those weak areas. The exposure comes only to condemn you, to make you feel like quitting and giving up, and for you to come into agreement with the lies of the enemy, “what’s the use, I will always mess up. I am a failure.”

The enemy uses your past hurts, wounds and other weak areas to remind you that you have not really changed when current similar incidents transpire. The enemy loves to use our past against us. There may be times we do fall back, but if we get back up and continue on the race set before us, the enemy can’t use our sin against us any longer.

Why does the enemy condemn? To cause us to shriek back, turn inwards, and give up. If you ever hear yourself saying “What’s the point…I will fail anyways,” the enemy is behind it. Most likely if you are moving forward, beating some sin habit in your life, or choosing to serve Christ over man, and then a “hiccup” occurs to throw you off balance. The enemy gets you cornered by bringing relentless distractions and then you blow-up. You did not mean to get angry or lose your peace or even say something negatively about the person who has now rubbed you wronged for the tenth time, but you did and the enemy comes in to capitalize on your weakness and sends condemnation like, “Who do you think you are? You call yourself a Christian? You really blew it this time” We all have weaknesses and areas that bend and try us, we will at times fail. During those times where we fail, it is important that we get back up quickly in the fight, don’t stay down. You may have been knocked down, but don’t stay there-get up! It can be more difficult to climb out of a pit, then just tripping over the pit and then moving past the pit.

Reflect and ponder: Are you feeling bad about yourself over a situation that you have already asked God to forgive you for but it continues to fester and cause those wounds to be exposed again and again? Are you listening to the lies of the enemy (the accuser of the brethren) over the voice of truth? What are you listening to in your ear that then penetrates your very soul? Do you believe that you really are a bad_____________ (you fill in the blank) and deserve to be alone or it is your fault the way things have turned out?

Counselor’s Corner: If you have let the voice of the accuser condemn you, it is time to get washed in the truth of what God says. You may not initially believe what God is saying, but speak the Word of God over your life, and the lies of the enemy will have to bow down to the truth. If you have already asked God to forgive you, there is no need to keep revisiting the should have, could have or ought to have-these keep you tied to your past and bring condemnation.   

To condemn means to pronounce guilty and convict means convince of error or sinfulness. If we have been made in right standing through the shed blood of Jesus Christ then our sins are under the blood of Christ. Does that mean we can continue in sin after receiving Christ? No, it means that when we do sin, we can go straight to our Father and ask for His forgiveness and He no longer remembers that sin. It is the accuser who torments us with past sins that we have already been forgiven for. The enemy reminds us we are not worthy to receive such grace for our sins and weaknesses. His love, grace, and forgiveness are limitless. We are not perfect, in fact, really far from perfection. We will stumble, we will sin, and we will expose our own weaknesses, and because of that we are in desperate need of a Savior who can forgive and cleanse us when we do falter.

MEDIATE ON THESE SCRIPTURES:

• You were not a mistake, for all your days are written in my book. Psalm 139:15-16
• You are fearfully and wonderfully made. Psalm 139:14
• You are not condemned by God. Romans 8:1
• You can never be separated from God’s love. Romans 8:39
• You are a child of God. John 1:12
• You have been justified-completely forgiven and made righteous. Romans 5:1

5 Reasons We Compare Ourselves to Others

You are unique, one of a kind, really you are! What happens when you look to others to find out how to act or even what to do? Disappointment and frustrated. We were not made to copy other people’s lives. God created each one of us different, with different talents, abilities, and gifts. You may admire someone else’s gifts, but if you try and copy what they are doing you will end up very frustrated. We can never do exactly what someone else does. If we look to another person and what they are doing, we can lose who we are. We will never truly be happy with someone else’s life!

5 reasons we compare ourselves and even try to replicate what others do:

1.      Insecurity. We do not know who we are in Christ or what God has called us to do individually, so we look to others to figure it out.

2.      Fear. We want to be well-liked and approved of. We try and fit-in and do what everybody else is doing.

3.      Listening to others. Many people can give you ideas about your life’s calling, but you must hear and confirm it with God. What does God say He wants you to do?

4.      Failure. If you have failed in the past for any reason, it can make it harder to follow on that same path again or a similar path, so it is easier to follow the path of another.

5.      Lack of confidence. This confidence has to come from Christ alone, not self; however, some have no confidence in what Christ can do through them and find it easier to do what everyone else is doing.

What if you stepped-out today, and believed that you are unique, distinctive, and special? Meaning you will not think, act, or behave like anyone else? You will not have the same calling from God as everyone else. You will even have a distinct path in finding your life’s purpose. If you want to know your life’s direction, stop comparing your life to others, and ask God what He desires for you to do. God may have something very specific for you and it does conform to what the “group” is doing. If you feel different and that you have tried to mold yourself after others and it never works, then maybe it is time to stop copying and be who God created you to be.

Keep your eyes focused on Jesus and His blueprint for your life. It is okay to have role models and people that inspire you, but trying to do exactly what they are doing will cause you to be defeated. Comparing ourselves to others will always make us feel inferior about ourselves. We were not meant to be like anyone else. If someone reacts a certain way or does something differently than you would, that is okay! You will not always respond like everyone. God has given you a brain and DNA that no one else has. Embrace your uniqueness, see it as a gift from God. Love yourself and stop beating yourself up for not being able to be like everyone else, not even the people in the church! Love who God created you to be, God does.

Thoughts to ponder: What is it that you need to accept and love about yourself? How do you need to stop comparing yourself to others? Can you begin to believe that you have been uniquely created?

Are You a Perfectionist? 12 Characteristics to Let You Know

For the perfectionist, nothing is never enough. The perfectionist is on a never-ending treadmill to never make a mistake, prove their worth and value, and never allow anyone to see their weaknesses. That sounds exhausting, and it is! Perfectionism can lead to all sorts of complications like depression, anxiety, stress, and alcoholism.

Perfectionist have unrealistic expectations of themselves and others. The perfectionist is their worst own critic and judgmental to others. Usually, this tendency stems from a critical parent or other authority figure while growing up. The root of perfectionism is an unhealthy need for acceptance.

A perfectionist will seek to try and control variables and outcomes of their lives, seeking no room for any surprises. A perfectionist never wants to be caught unprepared. This is because the perfectionist needs to avoid any failure and mistakes.

12 characteristics of a perfectionist:

·        If you agree with most of the statements below, you may be a perfectionist.

1.      You are highly conscious and hyper-critical of making mistakes.

2.      You desire to be the best at everything you do.

3.      You see things through the “lenses” of black and white, with no grey areas.

4.      You are extremely critical of yourself. You can beat yourself up over the smallest mistakes.

5.      You over-analyze when things go wrong, and obsess over what you could have done differently.

6.      You only see the end result. You love to make goals but only if you can complete them all.

7.      You are very conscious of any situation where others may not perceive you as perfect.

8.      You think “all or nothing,” meaning if you cannot do something right; you will not do it at all.

9.      You hate any type of feedback or critical construction, unless it is all positive.

10.  You define yourself by your accomplishments. A perfectionist can never have enough degrees, titles, or accomplishments.

11.  You appear confident but you are actually afraid of failure.

12.  You believe if you do not succeed at a task, that you are a failure.

Could you identify with the above questions? If so, maybe today is the day that you ask Jesus to set you free of perfectionism.

Perfectionism stems from fear; fear that you may be seen with all your faults and weaknesses. Give yourself permission to fail and to have weaknesses. Jesus said, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:9

If you are ready to overcome perfectionism, begin today sincerely praying this prayer:

Father,

You know my tendency to be a perfectionist. Please take away at the roots why I act this way. Help me to love myself, forgive myself, and to have weaknesses. Lord, help me to rest in being the best that I can be, but not try and compete or compare myself to others. I ask that I would no longer have unrealistic expectations of myself and others. Please heal and deliver me from perfectionism. In Jesus name, amen.

Do You Feel Like a Failure in This Performance-Based World?

How many Christians especially women, feel like you are not good enough at times? You feel you have to keep up with the performance of others. As women, we often look to other women as our guide to how to run our lives. This will always lead to disaster, because what we should do with our individual lives should come from Christ alone. God has a unique blueprint for each one of us, so if we compare our lives to others, we will end up frustrated.

Our worth and value does not come from what we do or even how much we do. Our worth and value comes from Christ; not performance. So many women are trying to keep up with the status and positions of other women, but God may not want you to do what other people are doing. God has a different plan for each of us. If we start to mimic our lives to other people’s lives, we can end-up feeling like a failure. God will not cause us to succeed in an area He has not called us to.

Ask God what His unique plan is for your life. Don’t try and follow or copy someone else. Learn to be content with what God has for you to do. Trying to live up to other’s expectations or other’s approval can make you feel like a failure. Getting your identity and worth from what you do instead of who you are in Christ, will cause you to feel like a failure.

God has designed each one of us with a purpose. Keeping up with what everybody else is doing, and not following what God has uniquely designed you for can make you feel incompetent. If God’s plan is for you to be a stay-at-home mom, stay-at-home wife with no kids, a career professional, or a ministry worker, then be okay with what God has for you. If you look to others in the world and try and copy what they are doing, you could get burned-out and frustrated because most people live hectic lives and are involved in way to may activities. We still have to make sure our top priority always is our relationship with Jesus.

No matter what God has you doing, if God has called you to it; you do not need to look to other people for your identity and worth. You are not like anyone else, and you talents and abilities are not like anyone else. Accept yourself exactly where you are at in your life, and what you are doing with your life. Nothing is wasted, what God has called you to is valuable. Know your priorities in life and stick to what God has for you.

Know what God has called YOU to do, and don’t compare it to anyone else! It is not really what you do in life that really matters, but knowing your identity in Christ is. Take your eyes off your neighbors, other stay-at-home moms and wives, other ministry workers, and co-workers, and instead look to God for your direction and purpose. It will be unique and you will not be able to copy it to someone else’s life.

Overcoming Fear

God tells us in the Bible over 100 times, “Do not be afraid.” Yet, we can be paralyzed and overcome with fear. There is a lot of things we can fear, the unknown, the future, change, people, failure, and rejection. If we allow fear to rule in our lives, we can become overtaken by it; and live by fear instead of faith.

 

God says, "Do not be afraid."

It takes trust in God not to let fear rise up. We do not always see what is happening, and as humans we can become gripped by the unknowns and what ifs. We can hear the enemy whispering to us, “What if…?” We can then start o be preoccupied by the scenarios that the enemy shows us. We can get in agreement with the lies of the enemy, and believe what the enemy shows us is factual. The enemy always magnifies our circumstances, and makes them appear impossible to overcome and to find a solution to. Fear overwhelms and is rooted with worry and anxiety. If the enemy can get us to live in fear, then he knows we cannot possibly live by faith.

In this fallen world and the times and seasons we live in, there can be a lot to fear. Our only real security is in Christ. We must understand that fear is not implemented by God, and the enemy is the source of all fear. We will all experience fear in our lives, but God does not want us debilitated by them.

You can overcome fear by believing what the Bible says, and meditating on these truths daily, as well as reading Psalm 91. You can also overcome fear by not agreeing with what the enemy says, but instead trust God and His faithfulness. You can overcome fear by believing that God is with you, and He will strengthen you. Believing that fear is not of God, you can take the authority that Christ gives His true believers, and tell that spirit of fear to leave you in the name of Jesus Christ. It is not God’s will that His children live fearful, weak, and intimidated by the enemy. God wants us to be strong and courageous, and not to be afraid.

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you, He will never leave you or forsake you. Deuteronomy 31:6

“Peace I leave you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” John 14:27

Cast your care on the Lord and He will sustain you. Psalm 55:22

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10

Believe what the Word says!

Hope for when you are Discouraged

KJV dictionary definition of discouragement is to extinguish the courage of; depress of spirits; to deject; to deprive of confidence or hope; to attempt to repress or prevent; to dissuade from.

Merriam-Webster dictionary defines discouragement as a feeling of having lost hope or confidence; something (such as failure or difficulty) that discourages someone.

Discouragement refers to a sense of being overwhelmed, weary, and losing hope over circumstances. Other times, discouragement can overtake us when we have just had a spiritual victory, or making progress in our spiritual walk. In any case, discouragement will cause you to feel hopeless, lose heart, and lose confidence.

Discouragement Synonyms: Hopelessness, despair, dishearten, loss of hope, depression

Discouragement Antonyms: Encouragement, hope, and hopeful confidence.

Discouragement is a weapon of the weapon to prevent our progress, derail us from moving forward, and prevent our destiny and purposes being fulfilled. Rest assured, if you have been discouraged, the enemy wants to stop something from happening in your life. Usually during this attack, your weaknesses get exposed and the enemy bombards your mind with negative thoughts about yourself. If you listen too long to the enemy’s voice, you will end up feeling hopeless, depressed, and feeling like a failure. You will also lose your confidence to move ahead in what God has planned for you. This is where a lot of Christians are derailed; when discouragement invades them. During discouragement you can experience “old issues” coming up again. You may even think,” Did I not deal with that issue before? Or Was I not delivered (healed) from this?” The enemy is a master illusionist, so he can make you think you are truly dealing with old issues again, and you were not healed or delivered.

Signs to look for when Discouragement comes:

1.       Fatigue: Your defenses are lower when you are fatigued, and you may not feel as spiritually strong.

2.       Sickness/Illness: When you are not feeling well it is easy to become discouraged, especially if you have been healed from a certain illness, and it appears like it is coming back, or you are still waiting on healing.

3.       Women’s monthly cycle: Hormones change, and so does your emotions. Women are more prone to being sensitive during this time, and discouragement can easily seep in.

4.       Failure: You perceive that mistake you made has doomed you, or you can never get passed it. You may feel like you can’t do anything right during this time.

5.       Spiritual victory/progress: You have determined to go forward with the things that God has called you to do; you have made progress in your spiritual walk with God. The enemy does not like progress.

6.       When you take your eyes off Jesus: You look to your circumstances, and you start to magnify them, ponder them, analyze them, and try and figure them out.

Steps to overcoming discouragement:

1.       Pray and ask the Holy Spirit to show you how to overcome your discouragement. Command, in the name of Jesus that discouragement flee from you if you discern it is a spiritual attack.

2.       Count your blessings daily and out loud.

3.       Be still and know that God will get you through. Keep a good attitude during this time, and watch what you speak. Don’t allow your words to agree with the enemy’s.

4.       Rest, pull back, and take time away from the “crowds.” Renew your time with God and Let His word refresh and restore you. Limit your schedule during this time, and who you are around. Don’t surround yourself when you are discouraged with negative, faith-less, discouraging people.

5.       Praise and worship God. Listen to some praise music to lift your spirits.

6.       Understand discouragement will pass, don’t give into the lies. Do not repeat, dwell or accept the lies of the enemy. Speak what God says not what the enemy is trying to tell you.

7.       During times of discouragement, don’t follow your feelings; wait until the discouragement has passed before making decisions.

Reflect on these scriptures…                                

When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their trouble. The Lord is near the broken-hearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all. Psalm 34:17-19

Cast your burden on the Lord, and He will sustain you; He will never permit the righteous to be moved. Psalm 55:22

But they who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:31

Everyone will face discouragement at some point, but we don’t have to entertain or accept discouragement. Don’t give into self-pity, and don’t talk down to yourself. Recognize discouragement comes to all at some point, but we must not let the “seed” of discouragement take root.

Temptation Will Come

As I have counseled with numerous Christians I have come to realize temptation will come. I have seen temptation come in various forms such as addiction, pornography, homosexuality, and marital affairs. The enemy knows where you are the weakest and he will target those areas. If you have any areas in your life that has not be healed or exposed to the light of Jesus, satan can and often does attack in these “hidden” areas.

Here is my go to place, the beach when I feel tempted
 and need to get alone with God. Where is your go to place
when you need to flee, run from temptation?

No matter how strong of a Christian you think you are, temptation will eventually come, and you must know your weaknesses and stand your ground. You might say,” I don’t have to worry about this because I attend church weekly, serve at church, and I have a close walk with the Lord.” That is wonderful and that means you will recognize when temptation comes and what to do when it comes. I have seen and known countless “strong” Christians fall into temptation that lead into deep sin. No Christian is immune from the temptations of satan and his cohorts. We must know what to do when temptation comes and be guarded always. This is nothing new, satan tempted Eve first in the garden and she fell for it! Temptation never comes in its purest, evilest form; instead it comes packaged with a beautiful red bow on top, ready for you to open. The only problem with this beautiful gift is that it is deceiving, once you unwrap (or fall into sin), the box or sin is empty. There is nothing in the box, satan deceived you. The enemy set you up to take the beautiful gift and once you open the box it is hard to return the gift to the sender. However, you can always send the empty box (sin) back by repenting and turning away from that sin.

Not all temptation will led to sin, however, a lot of times if you keep “looking at the beautiful box with its shiny red bow” you will eventually open the box. Turn immediately from temptation. It is not a sin to be tempted, all will be tempted, but temptation is where satan tries to get his hook into you. If satan can get you to look and gaze long enough, he will set you up and hook you into his trap and web of deceit. Now, let’s take the analogy of a fisherman who “hooks” bait on his lure to “catch fish.” Satan “hooks, lures” (tempting things/people) into your life so that you will take the “bait.” We know that when a fish is caught on a hook that hook is lodged into the fish’s throat, it is very difficult for the fish to escape now. When the fish was in the water the fish saw this “shiny, beautiful lure” and the fish was deceived into thinking it was food and the fish took the first bite and was hooked. That is what satan does to us, if he can present that “shiny, lure” (temptation), he hopes we will take the “first bite,” because when we do that we become “hooked.” How many people I have spoken with tell me, “I am hooked on pornography and I can’t stop, I just looked once.” Or I have heard, “I can’t stop this adulterous relationship, I am hooked to this person. It did not start out this way, it was innocent at first, just office flirtation, but now I can’t let them go.” Once you enter into satan’s dark world of sin, you become trapped and ensnared. Think about those words, reflect for a moment, does it appear it would be easy to disengage satan’s throws of sin once he gets you “hooked?”

Don’t think for a moment that once the “hook” goes in, satan will just release you. Let’s go back to the analogy of a fisherman who just caught a fish. The fish is hooked and when the fisherman reels the fish in, the fish fights, but the fish is hooked and is not going anywhere. If you have ever fished, you know once a fish is reeled in the fish only can be released when the fisherman unhooks the fish from the lure. If you want to be released from the “hook” first know satan will put up a fight, there may be a battle to release you and you may want to give up because the battle is difficult, but if you allow Jesus to “unhook” the sin, He can truly release you from the grips of this sin.

There are some key steps to take to OVERCOME temptation and stay away from sin:

1.     FLEE. Flee, run, and get away from all situations that are tempting.

2.     Choose to change your thinking.  When thoughts come (and they will), replace that thought IMMEDIATELY with a faith-filled, positive thought and/or Scripture. DO NOT DWELL, PONDER on the tempting thought. The battlefield starts in your mind first! An example would be when a tempting thought comes replace immediately ( using Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy) with something like, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”

3.    Stay away from ALL tempting places and people. Examples: bar, casino, nightclub, seducing people, people you are attracted to, and any others that are tempting to you.

4.   Be careful to guard your mind from T.V., movies, books, computer, phone (if your phone has internet), and all electronic devices. Replace these if they are a problem, place filters on electronic devices if you have to keep them, and NEVER use these devices ALONE if they are an issue for you. If you are alone in your bedroom and this is a problem for you, shut off ALL electronic devices including phone. Use these devices only when around others. I know this is difficult since we are the “age of technology.” But there is no other way. DO you TRULY want to be free?

5.     Tell someone you trust, a pastor, Christian counselor, or friend. Confess your sins to one another so that you will be healed. James 5:16.

6.     Confess, Repent. Cleanse yourself of all known sins so that you can be healed and receive the forgiveness that is yours in Christ. No condemnation, just God’s forgiveness of sins. That’s why He died for us!

7.    Get an accountability partner if the sin is uncontrollable.

8.   Read the Bible daily, pray daily and as often as needed, and worship Jesus through thanksgiving, praise, and music. This step cannot be underestimated! You cannot get rid of the temptation or sin without replacing God’s truth. The lies of the enemy have to be exposed to the truth of God’s word! You cannot skip this step!

Here are some Scriptures to reflect and meditate on. They are truth and are not from the author but from the Word of God. Do not take what I say or anyone else but what the Word of God says.

For in Christ all the fullness of the Deity lives in bodily form, and you have been given fullness in Christ, who is the head over every power and authority. In Him you were also circumcised, in the putting off of the sinful nature, not with a circumcision done by hands of men but with the circumcision done by Christ, having been buried with Him in baptism and raised with Him through your faith in power of God, who raised Him from the dead. When you were dead in your sins and in the uncircumcision of your sinful nature, God made you alive with Christ. He forgive all your sins, having canceled the written code, with its regulations, that was against us and that stood opposed to us; He took it away, nailing it to the cross. And having disarmed the powers and authorities, he made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them by the cross.    Colossians 2:9-15, NIV.

Praise Jesus! We are not prisoners of sin any longer, He nailed our sins to the cross, know the truth, the enemy cannot hold you captive if you are a born-again Christian! You can tell the enemy he has to flee from you in Jesus name!

Everyone who sins breaks the law; in fact, sin is lawlessness. But you know that He appeared so that He might take away our sins. And in Him is no sin. No one who lives in Him keeps on sinning. No one who continues to sin has either seen Him or known Him.   1 John 4:4-6, NIV.

Once again, we see that if and when we sin we have Jesus, our High Priest to take away our sins. We do not need to live bound in sin any longer.

You adulterous people, don’t you know that friendship with the world is hatred towards God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God. Or do you think Scripture says without reason that the spirit he caused live in us envies intensely? But He gives us more grace. That is why the Scripture says:

“God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.”

Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and He will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will lift you up.    James: 4-10, NIV.

Submit to God, Flee from the devil and repent with sorrow and God will cleanse you and lift you up.

Read carefully and meditate on this Scripture from Galatians 5:16-26

Additional resources from author can be located @ these websites:

Online Christian Counseling:www.gospelguidance.com/advisors/5311-sreck

Latest book publication, Wilderness Mentality, Stop your Stinkin’ 

Thinkin’:www.createspace.com/4036785

Newsletter: http://eepurl.com/Djeuz

Pain of a Prodigal, A Mother's Perspective

Every soon to be mother begins dreaming for her child that is to be born. Mothers dream that their children will be productive, love their parents and honor them, be who God destined them to be, and fulfill the call and purpose in their life. Mothers dream early on that they will have a close, loving relationship with their child. Mothers see themselves shopping with their daughters and having lunch dates and mothers see themselves at every ball game of their son’s life. Mothers dream of harmony and peace for their child. They desire their child to have to go through minimal pain and heartache in their lives. Mothers dream of the day they child will find and marry their God-given mate and produce Godly grandchildren.

What happens when all those dreams become shattered, crushed, and torn? A mother is thrown a lot of the times into deep despair and discouragement and sometimes even depression. A mother will often go through a series of grief encounters. Sometimes a mother accepts this tragedy and finds some comfort that her child is far away from the things of God, and other times the mother grieves in her spirit. She has a pain that no one can see. A type of “hole” in her heart, a slow leak. You may see this mother at the grocery store or even at your church. Most likely every mother’s day and every holiday she feels pain. She gets that reminder, as she sees the other children with their parents that her child is once again not there.  She tries not to show too much emotion but she is overcome in private with a whirlwind of emotions. She wonders what went wrong and how much longer. Every phone call she holds her breath, for she does not know if this time it will be the dreaded phone call. Every unexpected knock on the door startles her. Fear takes over her mind more times than she would like to admit. She realizes that fear does not come from God, but sometimes fear gets the best of her. Sometimes, this mother is up at night, can’t sleep; disturbed. Other times she is up warfare praying for her child. Regardless, her sleeping is not as peaceful and restful as it once was.

This mother waits year after year for the return of her prodigal child. Each year she grows more wearied and despaired. The waiting is excruciating. There are good moments and even peaceful times, but a mother forgets their child and never forgets what or where they might be. Sometimes to survive she has to put this out of her mind and “pretend” all is okay with her. She has tried to discuss this with other mothers, but they can only understand so much about the plight of a mother waiting for the return of her child. They can only understand the unresolved grief that plagues her, and how sometimes she is strong and other days she is weak and wearied from the crying and waiting.

What is a mother to do in this type of pain? How does she continue to hold on when her world seems to be flooding her with overwhelming circumstances? She sees and knows her child is in a desperate situation. Some prodigal children lose everything and a mother has to sit there and watch her child suffer. She knows if she intervenes as she has done in the past so many times, that it only makes matters worse. How difficult it is to not intervene. A mother’s love will always want to intervene when they see their child in trouble; it’s natural and normal. It is not normal for a mother to do nothing when she sees her child yet again suffer a consequence. As mothers we understand that if we continue to bail out our children from their difficulty they may never learn and turn from their destructive ways.

So what is a mother to do as she waits?

1.      Take time for yourself. You have to take regularly time for yourself because of the enormous stress having a prodigal can have, it is vital that you take regular time for yourself. I like to call them retreat days. Pamper yourself during those times.

2.      Have daily time under the cover of the Lord and Savior. Also, incorporate at least 1x monthly retreat days with God. Journal during those times, listen for God, pray, worship, sit outside and rest and wait for God to refresh your soul and spirit.

3.      Exercise. Walking is a great stress reliever.

4.      Find at least one friend who you can trust and pray together, laugh together and have a “girl day.”

5.      If you are married, have your spouse pray over you regularly and pray together in intercession weekly for your child. Praying in agreement is powerful.

6.      Worship and sing praises to our Lord. Praise will defeat the enemy and send him running!

7.      Play relaxation music at every chance you can. Soft melodies, jazz, nature music, and even classical.

8.      Take bubble baths and light candles, bring your relaxation music in your bathroom as well.

9.      Do something fun at least 1x per week.

10.  Find a creative outlet, painting, drawing, and writing.

11.  Go to the movie or rent a movie on something funny or inspirational.

12.  Date your husband. Go on at least 2 planned dates a month with your spouse.

13.  Do not talk non-stop about your prodigal child. Assign 20 minutes a day to discuss your child and then move on to something else.

14.  Incorporate nature into your life, walk on the beach, watch and/or feed birds, ride bikes or walk on nature trail.

15.  Be gentle with yourself and forgive yourself. Love yourself, take care of yourself. Let go of all false guilt and false responsibility.

16.  Live one day at a time and do not live in fear and terror.

17.  Do not take on other heavy loads and burdens. Having a prodigal child is a heavy enough load and burden to carry. If you have other family members that are difficult and needy, you will need to let go of them and let God intervene. God will not put more on you than you can handle.

18.  Stay away from getting entangled in other people’s problems and lives. You can pray and encourage someone but do not get entangled. The enemy would love to burden you with not just your prodigal but everyone else’s problems.

19.  If you are not able to attend church on holidays or mother days because of the intensity of the grief, don’t.

20.  Find other things in your life to focus on instead of your prodigal all the time.

21.  Live in HOPE! Never, lose hope and wait expectedly upon the Lord.

If you are in need of additional help or prayer, contact author @ www.christianhopecounseling.com for online counseling, support and prayer. She understands your pain and what you are going through. You ar

New Perspective

Change your thoughts and change your life. How do you view your life? Do you see the glass half empty or half full? Maybe you need an attitude adjustment and a new perspective. You may be seeing your life through faulty lenses.

We lose perspective in our lives when:

1.      Discouragement occurs

2.      Disappointment happens

3.      Defeat, failure and regret sets in

4.      Hope is deferred once again for those things we are waiting for

5.      We become weary in our waiting time

6.      We stop being thankful and become complainers and murmurs

7.      Trials, circumstances, crisis and trauma that are out of our control

All the above can change our perspective in life. Life can let us down and our expectations about life can let us down. We can become disillusioned very quickly when our lives take a detour. A detour happens when the path we would like to stay on gets detoured by life’s circumstances. If we are not careful our attitudes can become rotten.

Maybe it’s time to get your perspective back today. You might need new lenses to see out of today. When you put on these new lenses your life will look differently.

How do you get a new perspective?

1.      In every situation, trial or circumstance know that God will bring good from it. Maybe not right away but good eventually can come from your worst circumstances.

2.      Be thankful for the good and blessings in your life. If you want the enemy to flee from you, then praise God in everything; this will send the enemy packing. When you do this you are telling God,” I trust you and I know you will turn this around for my good.”

3.      Take the garbage out and stop your stinkin’ thinkin’. Renew your mind and take all your thoughts into the obedience of Jesus Christ. Don’t just allow anything to fall into your mind. You must be proactive and stop the A.N.T.S. (automatic negative thoughts).

4.      Ask God to renew your faith as your waiting for His promise to come to pass in your life. Some of you have been waiting a long time for certain things, and you have grown weary and disillusioned.

5.      See the good in every situation. Don’t see the negative in a situation but see the potential and the good that can come from it.

6.      Surrender your life to God totally. That means giving up controlling your life and others.

From our perspective, God seems slow to intervene on our behalf. But what might appear slow to us is good timing from God’s perspective. It is easy to become impatient while waiting for God to act, but we must never give up on Him! God is worth the wait. Change your perspective and change your life.

To contact author go to http://www.christianhopecounseling.com

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Be Strong and Very Courageous

Sometimes we don’t feel strong or courageous. Sometimes we feel weak and scared. Sometimes we are afraid to move forward and afraid to go backwards. There are even times where we feel paralyzed.

We even like the familiarity of our comfort zones. In other words, stepping out into a “new season” or God’s calling for your life is not always in our comfort zone. We know when God is calling us to step out, but our flesh may say, “I’m okay here in my comfort zone.” You may even feel safe in your comfort zone, but you will miss God’s calling and purpose for your life if you stay there.

What Do We Really Fear if We Step Out Into God’s Promises:

·        Fear of failure

·        Fear of the unknown

·        Fear of other’s reactions (man pleaser, instead of God pleaser)

·        Fear that you won’t have the strength to do what God has called you to do

 Do you have peace about stepping out? You may have some fear, but God wants us to be strong and courageous. Many people never take a step of faith and remain in bondage to what they fear. Living in bondage to fear is paralyzing, and you will not be able to fulfill God’s purpose for your life.

When God asked Peter to step out of the boat and onto the water, Peter had to do it by faith not fear. What is God calling you to do but you are acting in fear not faith? We are in a spiritual battle so sometimes the enemy will hold you captive to fear. If the enemy can hold you captive, you will not move forward to what God has for you. Ask God to show you the source of your fear. Is your fear from your flesh, the enemy, or perhaps a combination? Stepping out means believing what God has told you to do and then doing it. Don’t be surprised if you are attacked with fear before doing something for God.

No man shall be able to stand before you all the days of your life;

as I was with Moses, so shall I will be with you. I will not leave you or forsake you.

Be strong and courageous;

for the people you shall divide as an inheritance the land which I swore to their fathers to give them.

Joshua 1:5-6, NKJV

Have I not commanded you?

Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid; nor be dismayed,

for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.

                                                                                                                        Joshua 1:9, NKJV

From the above scriptures we know that Joshua succeeded Moses as leader. What a huge task that must have been for Joshua. Joshua’s new job consisted of leading more than 2 million people into a strange new land and conquering it! What a challenge that must have been. Just as God was with Joshua, He is with us as we face new and difficult challenges. God’s promises to never abandon us or fail to help us.

What has God challenged you with? Now, be strong and very courageous; for your Lord God goes wherever you are.

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 Be Strong and Very Courageous