We
are called to be Holy and to live righteously before God. We are also called to
be a light in this dark world, but what happens when you become entangled in
helping others?
Merriam-Webster
defines entanglement as something that entangles, confuses, or ensnares.
The condition of being deeply involved.
Synonyms for entanglement are web, mesh, net, noose, quicksand, snare, toil,
and trap.
Free
Dictionary defines entanglement as twisting together or entwine into a
confusing mass. To complicate or confuse.
Have
you ever tried to help someone repeatedly and felt you were getting entangled
in their problems?
The more you try and help the more you feel like you
are getting into quicksand and you feel there is no answer to their situations,
which in turn causes you frustration. You start second guessing if you are a
“real Christian.” You feel a sense of false guilt over not being able to cope
and handle all the problems that others bring to you. Many times the very
people you are entangled with are piling heaps of guilt and manipulation upon
you. This is especially difficult when dealing with loved ones and family. There
is a deeper entanglement that comes from the ones we love. We don’t want them
to suffer and to hurt, but what happens when all the helping is not helping but
hurting you?
The
enemy will bring situations and people into you path to distract and derail your
purposes. There are some signs to watch for when you have gone too deep with
someone.
1. Did
you feel prompted by the Holy Spirit to intervene or was it pressure from the
other person or a desire to please?
2. Are
you struggling with your walk with God? Feeling spiritually bankrupt? Your time
with God is lacking and you are having trouble focusing on hearing God’s voice.
3. You
may feel discouraged, defeated, and like a failure.
4. You
feel stress, turmoil, tension, strife, chaos, and confusion.
5. You
can’t seem to get a clear or direct answer from the person you are trying to
help. It seems when you talk with the person you are trying to help it appears
muddy or confusing.
6. You
may experience fatigue and even sickness.
7. The
person you are trying to help does not listen to the advice you are trying to
give to them, and they continue to do what they are doing; meanwhile still
wanting you to fix their problems.
8. You
begin to feel frustrated, irritable, and maybe even angry.
9. You
are consumed with trying to intervene, and maybe even losing sleep as a result.
Your focus is on their situation, and not on Christ.
10. Your
peace is gone and joy has dissipated.
11. No
amount of intervention or help is never enough for the person or people you are
entangled with.
12. You
feel emotionally, physically and spiritually drained.
13. You
feel distracted and out of balance.
14. You feel like you are on an emotional roller
coaster ride with their issues.
15. You
try and point them to Jesus but discern they are not sincere in seeking Him.
You
may be dealing with a toxic person. To get entangled in a toxic person’s issues is dangerous to your
mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual well-being. Not all people who say they want help, in fact really want help.
If the Holy Spirit is leading you, there will be
harmony, peace, and a desire to be around the other person you are trying to
help. If you begin to dread being around that person or talking to them, it is
a sign that it is not a healthy relationship and the Holy Spirit is not
directing you.
Restoration
and reconciliation are always hoped for in these types of relationships, but until
Christ is at the center some precautions need to be made for your sanity.
1. Take a time-out from these
destructive relationships. Regain your peace and order. Ask
the Lord Jesus to step-in and take full control, and you step out before you go
under with them.
2. Confront in love. The
person that repeatedly causes drama and chaos in your life should be confronted
as the Holy Spirit directs. Don’t do this in anger, but with the hope of true
repentance.
3. Set proper boundaries and
consequences. This is important in dealing with ones
who say they are sorry but continue to repeat the same behaviors over and over again.
You will need to keep a guard up, and observe their behavior for a time (a
solid year of consistent behavior is a good indication of true change), before realigning
your life to theirs.
4.
Keep
in mind that Jesus is not expecting to wear yourself out to help others who are
not really helping themselves.
5. Begin taking care of you
and foster the good and positive relationships in your life. Stay away from toxic and negative people as
much as possible. Nurture yourself and love yourself.
6. Many
times when we are engaged with other toxic people we neglect our other relationships
that are satisfying. Take time to rebuild
and restore satisfying relationships.
7.
Forgive
yourself and let go of all guilt. Guilt is a tool straight from the pit of hell. It NEVER comes from God.
Remain in love and forgiveness towards ones who abuse
and hurt you. Don’t allow any bitterness or anger to cause you to stumble.
Sometimes
we have to “let go and let God,” and that can include letting go of people who
really don’t want help.
Stand
fast in the liberty wherewith Christ hath made us free, and not to be entangled
again with the yoke of bondage. Galatians 5:1, KJV
Soldiers
don’t get tied up in the affairs of civilian life, for then they cannot please
the officer who enlisted them. 2 Timothy 2:4, NLT
