Counselor's Corner: Believing the Best About Yourself

We all have good qualities, strengths, and areas that we excel in, but when you believe the worst about yourself it can produce a negative outlook and attitude. Most do not intentionally desire to think the worst about themselves, but between failures, mistakes and the big one-what people think of us; these all can really hinder our ability to think good about ourselves.

When you do not believe the best about yourself, you tend to have faulty lenses that cause you to look at yourself negatively. God certainly does not view you in the worst, in fact, He sees you as valuable and worthy. The reality is no on is perfect, and most of us try the best that we can to be decent, upright, and respectable.

Many have been damaged by the actions and opinions of others. If we know in our hearts that we did not intentionally try and harm someone, and have sought forgiveness of the Father with any part we played; it would not be beneficial to continue to believe negative about yourself. Holding onto what you could have or should have done differently in a situation can lead to a negative view of self. We will fall short on occasions, but God’s grace and forgiveness covers those times. The problem becomes when we live in a continual state of thinking our mistakes define who we are. We are not defined solely by our mistakes, failures and sins. God bestows upon us His unmerited favor in times when we fail. When we honestly turn from our shortcomings, He can use our failures to help us grow and learn.

Reflect and ponder: Do you believe the best about yourself, even when you fail, make mistakes, or have a weak moment? Are you able to forgive yourself fully and completely the way that Christ forgives you?

Counselor’s Corner:

How you can believe the best about yourself:

1.      Write down your good qualities and strengths. Focus intentionally on your positive attributes.

2.      Accept yourself just the way that you are-failures, weaknesses, and all your shortcomings. This does not mean that you don’t ever desire change but your primary focus is embracing the reality of who you are.

3.      Forgive yourself completely of all your past regrets. Ask God to forgive you of any past or present sins and accept that God does not think of your sins and weaknesses any longer, so why should you?

4.      Surround yourself with supportive people, one’s who build you up and encourage you, not deflate and deject you.

5.      Watch your “self-talk,” Don’t agree with the lies that the enemy would like you to believe, and stop replaying your past failures and mistakes.

6.      Besides God, be your best “cheerleader.” Praise your accomplishments, speak good things about yourself, and believe God looks at your heart not just your actions. Stop condemning yourself for things that are already over and you have been forgiven for.

Scientific evidence points towards a significant link between how you feel about yourself and your overall health and sense of well-being. CHOOSE today to forgive yourself. Accept yourself and embrace the person that God created you to be. CHOOSE to believe the best about yourself.

Even if you have made thousands of mistakes and made really poor choices in your life, you are more than your flaws and failures. Look deep inside at your heart and see the person that you really are. Stop replaying what others have spoken about you, and start believe what God sees and thinks about you. You are so much more than all your faults. See past the wrong in you, and push through to see the goodness that God has given you. If you are a child of God, THERE IS GOODNESS IN YOU! If God believes that through Him you are good, than who are we to believe anything less?

MEDITATE ON THESE SCRIPTURES:

But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.

1 Samuel 16:7

For you created my inmost being. You knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

Psalm 139:13-14

Word of Encouragement: Counselor’s Corner: Are You Merciful to Yourself?

Do you give mercy to others but find it difficult to give mercy to yourself?

Forgiving others may come much easier than forgiving yourself. You can justify forgiving others for tremendous offenses but seem to find it difficult to forgive yourself for lesser offenses. There could be a wrong belief that says that you need to pay some sort of penance before you can let yourself off the hook.

You might say that you are your worst own critic. Taking care and helping others are your primary concern, but you seem to neglect proper self-care of yourself. Enjoying life and not taking life so serious is challenging for you because you feel at times you should be punished for the wrong that you have done. Even more challenging is others who have not offered you forgiveness of your wrong doings, and you may condemn yourself because you do not feel forgiven by them.

When you show mercy to someone, you let them off the hook. Showing mercy means you will have compassion and forgiveness instead of giving that person what they deserved. Mercy means not bringing up the offense committed again. Are you able to do this with yourself, or do you rehash your shortcomings over and over? Do you beat yourself up over mistakes and weaknesses that you have? Are you rigid and hard on yourself, not able to let go of prior offenses?

You have asked Jesus to forgive you for your past mistakes but you continue to punish yourself in some way. You can punish yourself by not enjoying life. If you replay in your mind all the hurtful things you have done, or all the regrets that you have-you will not enjoy life!

God does not punish you for your past mistakes by wanting you to remember them and not enjoy life. In fact the opposite is true of God-He is merciful and gives mercy. Jesus paid your debts that you owed on the cross, and when you seek His forgiveness in your daily walk with Him; He washes you clean as if you never committed any sin!

Showing mercy to yourself means that you recognize that you are human with weaknesses and shortcomings, and you will not always act perfectly or do the right thing. Letting go and forgiving yourself of any wrong doing that you have done will sow mercy for yourself. If you feel you just can’t show yourself mercy because you mess up daily or frequently, you especially need to give yourself mercy. If you are honestly trying not to hurt or offend others, and you are striving daily to grow in your relationship with Christ, then give yourself MERCY!

Counselor’s Corner: Believing the Best about Yourself

We all have good qualities, strengths, and areas that we excel in, but when you believe the worst about yourself it can produce a negative outlook and attitude. Most do not intentionally desire to think the worst about themselves, but between failures, mistakes and the big one-what people think of us; these all can really hinder our ability to think good about ourselves.

When you do not believe the best about yourself, you tend to have faulty lenses that cause you to look at yourself negatively. God certainly does not view you in the worst, in fact, He sees you as valuable and worthy. The reality is no on is perfect, and most of us try the best that we can to be decent, upright, and respectable.

Many have been damaged by the actions and opinions of others. If we know in our hearts that we did not intentionally try and harm someone, and have sought forgiveness of the Father with any part we played; it would not be beneficial to continue to believe negative about yourself. Holding onto what you could have or should have done differently in a situation can lead to a negative view of self. We will fall short on occasions, but God’s grace and forgiveness covers those times. The problem becomes when we live in a continual state of thinking our mistakes define who we are. We are not defined solely by our mistakes, failures and sins. God bestows upon us His unmerited favor in times when we fail. When we honestly turn from our shortcomings, He can use our failures to help us grow and learn.

Reflect and ponder: Do you believe the best about yourself, even when you fail, make mistakes, or have a weak moment? Are you able to forgive yourself fully and completely the way that Christ forgives you?

Counselor’s Corner:

How you can believe the best about yourself:

1.      Write down your good qualities and strengths. Focus intentionally on your positive attributes.

2.      Accept yourself just the way that you are-failures, weaknesses, and all your shortcomings. This does not mean that you don’t ever desire change but your primary focus is embracing the reality of who you are.

3.      Forgive yourself completely of all your past regrets. Ask God to forgive you of any past or present sins and accept that God does not think of your sins and weaknesses any longer, so why should you?

4.      Surround yourself with supportive people, one’s who build you up and encourage you, not deflate and deject you.

5.      Watch your “self-talk,” Don’t agree with the lies that the enemy would like you to believe, and stop replaying your past failures and mistakes.

6.      Besides God, be your best “cheerleader.” Praise your accomplishments, speak good things about yourself, and believe God looks at your heart not just your actions. Stop condemning yourself for things that are already over and you have been forgiven for.

Scientific evidence points towards a significant link between how you feel about yourself and your overall health and sense of well-being. CHOOSE today to forgive yourself. Accept yourself and embrace the person that God created you to be. CHOOSE to believe the best about yourself.

Even if you have made thousands of mistakes and made really poor choices in your life, you are more than your flaws and failures. Look deep inside at your heart and see the person that you really are. Stop replaying what others have spoken about you, and start believe what God sees and thinks about you. You are so much more than all your faults. See past the wrong in you, and push through to see the goodness that God has given you. If you are a child of God, THERE IS GOODNESS IN YOU! If God believes that through Him you are good, than who are we to believe anything less?

MEDITATE ON THESE SCRIPTURES:

But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.

1 Samuel 16:7

For you created my inmost being. You knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

Psalm 139:13-14

Counselor’s Corner: Have You Forgiven Yourself

You have asked God to forgive you and you have asked others to forgive you, but have you forgiven yourself? Others do not need to remind you of your past mistakes and failures because you do a good job reminding yourself of them. You are your worst own critic.

If you are hard on yourself and you do not allow yourself the room to make mistakes and learn from them, you will not enjoy your life very much. The hardest person to forgive is yourself.

Reflect and ponder: Why do you believe you have a difficult time forgiving yourself? Do you believe that punishing yourself by withholding forgiveness somehow will pay for your mistakes?

Counselor’s Corner:

Why it is hard to forgive yourself:

1.      A lack of unconditional love for self. You have learned to love yourself conditionally when you do this or that, but not at all times.

2.      A root of perfectionism. A false belief that you must do all things perfectly or else you are a disappointment and a failure.

3.      You are overly critical and place yourself under a microscope examining each and everything that you have done or have ever done, while you allow others to be examined through a much larger lense.

4.      Self-condemnation. You beat yourself up with your words and come into agreement with what the enemy says at you. One of the enemy’s favorite tactics is bringing up past sin and mistakes.

5.      Others have not shown you true forgiveness, so you don’t feel worthy of forgiving yourself. Significant people in your life have made you feel unworthy of forgiveness.

6.      You magnify your failures and do not allow yourself any allowances for weaknesses.

7.      Anger at yourself for allowing something to happen over and over again.

8.      A lack of understanding God’s grace and how He forgives. God’s grace is not like man’s grace. God’s grace is not based on merit or the ability to earn it. God’s grace is getting what you don’t deserve.

Not forgiving yourself will cause you to see things through the eyes of guilt, shame, and condemnation. Not forgiving yourself can destroy your faith. Become easy on yourself, and when you do made a mistake or fail ask God to forgive you and believe that He does! Stop rehearsing the negative tapes in your mind about your past sins and failures. Learn from your mistakes, and realize that you did the best that you could at that time.

MEDITATE ON THESE SCRIPTURES:

In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace.

Ephesians 1:7

If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

1 John 1:9

Overcoming Your Past Emotional Wounds

 

“If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold all things have become new.” (2 Corinthians 5:17).

Emotional mental abuse, physical abuse, sexual abuse, betrayal, and bullying, can you relate to any of these words? Do you believe because of those things that have happened to you that you are an inferior being that does not deserve love? Some of our problems may be the result of things that happened to us in childhood or even in our adulthood. We are products of our environments to some extent. However, whatever has happened in the past to hurt you, Jesus can bring healing emotionally and mentally to you.

Inner healing needs to take place, and when it does is to never forget a hurtful or traumatic event, but where the Holy Spirit identifies the problem area and removes the stinger from it. When this is done, a person can look back on that wound, and see it in a different way; it will no longer be painful to look at.

How do you know you have emotional wounds that need to be healed?

1)      Feelings always rise up. Feelings of anger, resentment, jealousy, hatred, etc. seem to rise up at the slightest offense from another.

2)      Overly sensitive about your past.

3)      Difficulty forgiving others and self. It is difficult to love others, yourself, and to forgive.

4)      Difficulty receiving love. You may be surrounded by people who love you, but find it difficult to receive their love. Have difficulty with God’s love.

5)      Lashing out on others. An inner wound that has festered can cause you to lash out at the ones who love you.

6)      Feelings of anger towards God. When you have been wounded it is easy to blame God and feel anger towards Him.

7)      Self-hate. If you have been hurt/abused in your past, you may think what happened to you is somehow your fault.

8)      Low self-esteem. Do not feel worthy to receive love or have what others have.

9)      Fear, usually fear of authority figures.

10)  Guilt and shame.

11)  Escapism. This can happen in the form of TV, alcohol, drugs, computer, shopping, etc.

12)  Having frequent pity parties. Your past is such a strong identity to you, and you feel compelled to tell others so that you will receive their sorrow.

13)  Unrealistic expectation of others. Somebody who has been wounded set high and unrealistic expectations for others and for themselves. There is an intolerance for the mistakes of others.

14)  Perfectionism. If you have an emotional wound, it is likely you are performance driven. This could stem from never being able to please a parent, and later on in life, that rejection wound caused you to be a performer to the point where you are never satisfied and burned out by your efforts.

15)  Being overly driven. When you suffer from an emotional wound, it can create a sense of void in your life’s meaning, thus driving you to find meaning and purpose. This could be in the form of college degrees and careers.

If you are going to receive healing from an emotional wound, you have to get honest first.

Ask yourself the following questions:

1)      Who is it that you blame or hate, and what was done to you? Be specific, and go back as far as you can remember.

2)      What things from your past do you regret doing? In particular, be aware of why you may have self-hate and unforgiveness of yourself. Are you excessively embarrassed or ashamed about anything from your past? It is important to get to the roots of why your wounds have still not healed.

It is important to settle in your heart that God is disappointed with you or that He does not love you. Getting yourself to the place where you know that God loves, forgives, and accepts you, is one of the foundations for inner healing. Carrying around shame is a sure way to hinder the healing process. One of the biggest keys to receiving healing is your perception of God. Open up your wounds and give them to Jesus. If you hold your wounds in darkness they will never heal. You need to take your “mask” off and expose it to the light of Jesus Christ. Christ has taken our pain to the cross, and if we transfer it to Him, He is waiting to heal our wounds. If you choose to carry your own sorrows, it is usually because you do not believe or realize that He carried your sorrows.

Picture in your mind, Jesus’ sorrow and tears; as He wept beside you feeling the hurt and suffering that you have.

Another key to inner healing is not to meditate or continue to think about what was done to you. Once you have given it to the Lord, don’t continue to think about how badly you were wronged. You will cause emotional wounds to fester when you continually think about what was done to you. Don’t deny what was happened to you, but once you bring it before Jesus; then leave it with Him and let Him carry your pain. You need to make a firm decision that you will not dwell on the things of the past, they need to be “starved so that they can eventually die.”

Stop listening the the voice of the enemy. He will remind you of your past wounds and why you should feel hurt and anger. The enemy likes to stir up past emotional wounds to cause them to get infected again.

It can be tempting to desire hatred over healing. Do you REALLY want to be healed? Would you rather see that person who hurt you suffer and punished for their wrong?  Jesus made it clear that if we want to forgiven, then we need to forgive others. Stop blaming the person that has wronged you, because it is not what they did to us that is keeping us in bondage; it’s our reactions to what they did. You are not responsible for what has happened to you, but you are responsible for how you choose to react. Blaming others will hinder the healing power of the Holy Spirit in our lives. If you want to receive mercy in your life, then you need to be merciful to those who have wronged you.

Forgiving yourself is vital to your inner healing, and seeing yourself the way God sees you. Know that you are cleansed, washed in the blood of Christ, and your past failures have been removed from your account. If you continue to walk around beating yourself up, then you are denying the work Christ has done on the cross.

God desires to heal our wounds and sorrows. Remember, once you give God your pain and wounds; keep them with Him. It is very important that you do not pick them back up by talking about them and dwelling on the pain of the past. Let go, and let God.