Counselor's Corner: Wait for God to Vindicate You

As a believer in Christ one of the most hurtful experiences you can have is when you are misjudged, slandered, falsely accused, or rejected. The pain of these experiences is deeper if they happen with a loved one. When you take a stand for truth or start living for God instead of pleasing man, don’t be surprised who attacks you. Your flesh will want to vindicate itself, and prove that you are wrongly being misinterpreted.

Jesus did say to, “Turn the other cheek and forgive 70x7,” but what about when you keep getting mistreated by the same person? Stepping aside and allowing God to vindicate you would be your best outcome for this situation, and operating from a heart of forgiveness towards those that mistreat you.

Jesus in no way wants you continually wounded, inflicted by another’s wrath, manipulated, controlled or abused (verbal or physical).

Reflect and ponder: You could be at a crossroads in your life-you have tried to build bridges of reconciliation and offer open and honest communication with others who have mistreated you, but the person or people who you are dealing with are still behaving spiteful, cruel, malicious, manipulative, or offensive in some way. Should you continue to reach out hoping the next time they will not do something damaging to you? Releasing the people who have injured you and allowing God to vindicate you would be a better choice than continuing in a relationship. Perhaps down the road you can try again to restore your relationship if you know there is repentance and a turning away from previous damaging behaviors towards you.

When you are waiting for God to vindicate you:

1.      Ask God to cleanse you and forgive you of your part (if there is one, usually there is). Repent of any wrong doing that you are aware of.

2.      Forgive your offender. Your heart will need to be cleansed of any bitterness, unforgiveness, and offense before you can proceed to forgiving someone who has repeatedly wounded your heart or who has not offered forgiveness. Talk to the Lord or a trusted, Godly person about your struggles with the individual or group that has inflicted pain to you, not as a way to gossip or to pass judgment but to cleanse what is in your heart. Make sure to pray after releasing your experiences. Bringing what is hidden in the dark into the light brings healing, but it is important that you don’t keep rehashing what happened again and again.

3.      Do not retaliate in anyway against your offenders or take revenge upon them. Turning the other cheek does not mean keep standing there and allowing someone to hurt you, it means walk away and do not take matters into your own hands.

4.      Begin to pray and speak blessings over the ones who have used you, misjudged you, rejected you, and falsely accused you. This is an example of “doing good to your enemies.”

5.      Let go and release the people that have hurt you into God’s hands. Stop focusing on what happened and move on.

6.      God makes all things right in His time. Wait patiently for God to vindicate you. Wait humbly. Wait meekly. Persist in prayer that God will clear your name.

MEDIATE ON THESE SCPITURES:

All those who were incensed against you shall be ashamed and disgraced; they shall be as nothing and those who strive against you shall perish. You shall seek them-those who contend with you. Those who war against you shall be as nothing, as a nonexistent thing. For I, the Lord your God, will hold your right hand, saying, “Fear not, I will help you.”

Isaiah 41:9-13

Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me.

Matthew 5:11

Vindicate me, O Lord, For I have walked in integrity. I have also trusted in the Lord; I shall not slip. Examine me, O Lord, and prove me; try my mind and my heart.

Psalm 26:1-2

Vindicate me, O God, and plead my cause against an ungodly nation; and deliver me from the deceitful and unjust man!

Psalm 43:1

Vindicate me, O Lord, according to your righteousness; and let not them rejoice over me.

Psalm 35:24

Counselor’s Corner: Inferiority Complex

A definition of inferiority complex is to lack self-esteem; feel inadequate; lack self-confidence; and feel second-rate.

God designed all of us differently, with diverse talents, gifts, and personalities. Yet, some struggle with feeling unworthy and comparing themselves to others. Some people believe they just don’t measure up, and no matter what they do it just not quit good enough. They are always second-guessing themselves, and end-up feeling that their opinions don’t really count.

Low self-esteem and a lack of self-confidence is at the root of inferiority. Usually, someone develops low self-worth and lack of confidence in early childhood years. This could stem from being bullied, rejected, verbal/mentally abused, or repeated failures in a person’s life. Not knowing who you are in Christ can impact your feelings of unworthiness. Believing what others have said about you or the lies of the enemy can surely affect your self-esteem.

Reflect and ponder: What do you believe about yourself? Do you believe you are as worthy as others?

Counselor’s Corner: Believe the best about yourself, and more importantly what God says about you. There is no one else like you on earth, so stop comparing yourself to others. God knew what He was doing when He created you; you were no surprise to Him. Allow the Lord to bring you inner healing from your past, and uncover the roots of your inferiority. You are not what others have said and done to you.

Instead of believing what others have said or done to you, try trusting what God says about you. Say the below scriptures out loud every day until you believe them. Write out these and any other scriptures that speak to you on index cards, and place throughout your home and your car. Read the index cards as you pass by them. You are retraining your thoughts to line up with God’s truth about you. This is one of the best ways to increase your confidence and self-esteem, by knowing God’s thoughts towards you.

MEDITATE ON THESE SCRIPTURES:

"I am the body of Christ and Satan hath no power over me. For I overcome evil with good" (1 Corinthians 12:27; Romans 12:21).

"I will fear no evil for thou art with me Lord, your Word and your Spirit they comfort me" (Psalm 23:4).

"No weapon formed against me shall prosper, for my righteousness is of the Lord. But whatever I do will prosper for I'm like a tree that's planted by the rivers of water" (Isaiah 54:17; Psalm 1:3).

"Christ has redeemed (paid the price for our freedom) me from the curse of the law. Therefore, I forbid any sickness or disease to come upon this body" (Galatians 3:13).

"Christ has redeemed me from the curse of the law. Christ has redeemed me from poverty, Christ has redeemed me from sickness, Christ has redeemed me from spiritual death" (Galatians 3:13; Deuteronomy 28:15-68).

"Because I am born of God and His heir and more valuable than many sparrows, therefore I have great value. I honor and esteem myself highly, but I honor and esteem others more than myself" (Galatians 4:7; Matthew 10:31; Romans 12:10).

"The blessing of Abraham has come upon me through Jesus Christ and therefore whatever I do will prosper" (Galatians 3:14).

"Because God has shed His love abroad in my heart by the Holy Spirit, I love God more than life and I love myself and others with the love of God. I put God first, others second and myself last." (Romans 5:5; Mark 12:30-31).

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens, enables and empowers me. There is nothing I cannot do through Christ for with God all things are possible" (Philippians 4:13; Matthew 19:26).

"I am the head and not the tail, above and not beneath" (Deuteronomy 28:13).

"Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof" (Proverbs 18:21).

"Those who control their tongue will have a long life; opening your mouth can ruin everything." (Proverbs 13:3)

Below are some scriptures with positive affirmations that you can always say out loud:

I take every thought captive into the obedience of Jesus Christ, casting down every imagination, and every high and lofty thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God. (2 Corinthians 10:5).

As a man thinketh in his heart, so he is. Therefore all of my thoughts are positive. I do not allow the devil to use my spirit as a garbage dump by meditating on negative things that he offers me. (Proverbs 23:7).

I do not speak negative things about myself. (Ephesians 4:29).

I am very prosperous. I prosper in everything I put my hands to. I have prosperity in all areas of my life-spiritual, mental, financial, and social. (Genesis 39:3; Joshua 1:8; 3 John 2).

I am joyful always. (Thessalonians 5:16).

Word of Encouragement for the Hurting:

May you know that you are valuable not because of what you do, but whose you are! You may feel alone, rejected, and may be experiencing deep pain; but God desires to bring the healing balm of Gilead to your heart. God loves you right where you are at, not when everyone finds acceptance in your performance or behavior. God sees your caring heart and your compassion towards others, and knows your desires to help others. God knows your longings and unmet needs and He has seen every tear that you have shed. God says, “You are good enough, stop trying to impress everyone.”

God sees your hurting and aching heart and the loneliness that you feel. God says that “He is Emmanuel, the God that is with you.” God knows that you have tried to connect to others, only to be burned over and over again. He knows that you do not have the strength to try again and to feel rejected all over again. God has a few followers who will come alongside of you, but it won’t come in large groups. Remember, Jesus did not have a large intimate group of people around Him. He had His 12 disciples in His inner circle, and even in His inner circle there were ones who betrayed Him. Jesus understands your difficulty in connecting to others after betrayal and rejection. Don’t try and be anything that you are not, or force yourself to fit into a certain group. You are unique and tailored-made, and you have always known that about yourself. You never really fit into a certain group of people AND you still don’t.

You walk closely with the Father, but not everyone understands this. Some think that you are weird, a recluse, or that something is wrong with you. God has a perfect relationship with you and nothing can take His place. You have put the Father first in your life, over family, friends and ministry. YOU HAVE KNOWN THAT NO ONE OR NOTHING CAN HEAL YOUR BROKEN HEART, SO JESUS WANTS YOU TO CONTINUE TO RUN TO HIM, OVER AND OVER AGAIN. Others will not understand your solitude with God, but you are truly not alone for you are with your Father and at His feet. You are no longer running to people or to groups to get answers and help, but you are running to the feet of Jesus who has all the answers. God will be the One who turns your mourning into laughter, not a person. For you and the Father are one. You don’t move until the FATHER SAYS MOVE AND YOU DON’T GO UNTIL TH FATHER SAYS GO.

Dealing with Bitterness

Bitterness is displaced anger, and resentful cynicism that results in intense antagonism or hostility towards others. You can get hurt so badly in life that you become cynical and hard. Bitterness can affect one experiencing profound grief, and is the state of mind which willfully holds on to angry feelings, ready to take offense, and able to break out in anger at any time. A person who is bitter is often resentful, cynical, harsh, cold, and unpleasant to be around. An expression of these characteristics is sin against God.

Bitterness happens and most often is a normal response to hardships or sorrowful situations. However, we should see to it that we deal with any bitterness in our lives, for if we do not it can cause a host of other sins, such as, hatred, cruelty, antagonism, self-pity, vindictiveness, and prideful ambitions. Bitterness motivates complaining. People who habitually complain are bitter people. When we allow bitterness to fill us with occupation with self, with life, and problems, we are on dangerous territory.

Bible examples of bitterness:

Women who are bitter because they cannot have children (1 Samuel 1:10)

A foolish son is bitterness to his mother (Proverbs 17:25)

Suffering causes bitterness to people who do not give priority relationship to God (Deuteronomy 32:24)

Ruth asked that her name be changed to “Mara” meaning bitter because of her losses (Ruth 1:20-21).

Job’s complaint to God, “Why does God let this happen to me,” is a statement of bitterness (Job 9:17-18)

When a Christian is bitter, there is a loss of close fellowship with the Lord and a hindrance in one’s relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ.  Bitterness becomes sin when we do not forgive others that have hurt us, (Ephesians 4:13), when jealousy and selfish ambition occurs (James 3:14), and when we allow a bitter root to grow (Hebrews 12:15).

Roots of bitterness that need to dealt with and pulled up out of our lives:

1.      Forgiveness of wrong-doing by others.

2.      Animosity towards others and even God.

3.      Confrontation of others when issues are unresolved.

4.      Learning to trust God’s sovereignty and His plans for our lives.

Bitterness shows up in (3) ways:

1.      Directed against God. You feel He could have protected or prevented unpleasant and harmful things from happening in your life. You feel angry and ask, “Lord, if you love me why did you allow this to happen?” or “Lord, why have you not answered my prayers?”

2.      Against other people. You have been hurt, mistreated, used, and rejected by others.  This kind of pain usually happens with the people we are the closest to. You might say,” I forgive them,” but your heart says “I will hang onto this hurt a little while longer to make them “pay” for hurting me.”

3.      Against yourself. This comes in the form of not being able to forgive yourself, which in turn can cause you to live in self-pity. You believe you deserve whatever has happened to you, or that you are being punished by God and “should take it.”

Bitterness is often caused by people, most of the time by people we love, or people we cannot confront, or people we trust. Grace includes the ability to look at people and see them as God sees them, and includes the ability to let them live their lives as directed by the Lord, and trusting that God will make His way clear to them. Grace allows people to make mistakes without judging them. Forgiveness is the key to right relationships with others, it will promote joy and peace in your lives. Does it matter how many time someone has hurt you? No, forgive as often as it takes. Do not allow unforgiveness to fester, and allow grudges to grow. Bitterness is also caused by hardships and sorrows in our lives. Realizing that your happiness does not depend on people or circumstances can be very freeing. Trust God in the things that you do not understand. Easier said than done, yes, but relinquish your plans and your desires to the Almighty.