Counselor’s Corner: God Convicts But Never Condemns!

You may have failed at a relationship, a ministry opportunity, or in another area of your life. God makes messes out of our mistakes, but the enemy whispers in our ears,” You shouldn’t have done that, now you’ve really messed up.” If we listen to the voice of the accuser for any length of time, we begin to get discouraged and not want to take any more risks or chances in life.

As important as it is to forgive others, we must forgive ourselves! Even if you sinned against God and others, all that you need to do is sincerely repent and turn from that sin. God may convict us in an area of our lives to bring us back into a right relationship with Him, but never to condemn us. When God convicts it is done lovingly, gently, and with a way out. When the enemy condemns there is discouragement, feelings of inadequacy and failure, and no way to rectify the situation.

Condemnation leads us believe that we will never change and we are not worthy of God’s love. The reality, Christians mess-up, fail, and are prone to weaknesses at times, but God picks us back up and gently shows us our error and He points us back on the right road.

Condemnation causes us to wallow in self-pity. You may hear a faint whisper, “Poor you, you just can’t get it together.” God however says, “Learn, grow and get up again my child.” When the enemy condemns he is harsh, unloving, and unrelenting of reminding us of our mistakes. The enemy likes to rip open old wounds and pour his bitter salt over them, but don’t be deceived he will not give you the exact package of old wounds every time; he repackages them. The enemy is a master deceiver, he likes to use what is in our past to inflict us. Why would the enemy use new tactics when the old tactics still work? The enemy knows your blueprint and has studied what schemes have worked before to trip you up. If you have battled with rejection, unworthiness or inadequacy, best believe the enemy will expose those weak areas. The exposure comes only to condemn you, to make you feel like quitting and giving up, and for you to come into agreement with the lies of the enemy, “what’s the use, I will always mess up. I am a failure.”

The enemy uses your past hurts, wounds and other weak areas to remind you that you have not really changed when current similar incidents transpire. The enemy loves to use our past against us. There may be times we do fall back, but if we get back up and continue on the race set before us, the enemy can’t use our sin against us any longer.

Why does the enemy condemn? To cause us to shriek back, turn inwards, and give up. If you ever hear yourself saying “What’s the point…I will fail anyways,” the enemy is behind it. Most likely if you are moving forward, beating some sin habit in your life, or choosing to serve Christ over man, and then a “hiccup” occurs to throw you off balance. The enemy gets you cornered by bringing relentless distractions and then you blow-up. You did not mean to get angry or lose your peace or even say something negatively about the person who has now rubbed you wronged for the tenth time, but you did and the enemy comes in to capitalize on your weakness and sends condemnation like, “Who do you think you are? You call yourself a Christian? You really blew it this time” We all have weaknesses and areas that bend and try us, we will at times fail. During those times where we fail, it is important that we get back up quickly in the fight, don’t stay down. You may have been knocked down, but don’t stay there-get up! It can be more difficult to climb out of a pit, then just tripping over the pit and then moving past the pit.

Reflect and ponder: Are you feeling bad about yourself over a situation that you have already asked God to forgive you for but it continues to fester and cause those wounds to be exposed again and again? Are you listening to the lies of the enemy (the accuser of the brethren) over the voice of truth? What are you listening to in your ear that then penetrates your very soul? Do you believe that you really are a bad_____________ (you fill in the blank) and deserve to be alone or it is your fault the way things have turned out?

Counselor’s Corner: If you have let the voice of the accuser condemn you, it is time to get washed in the truth of what God says. You may not initially believe what God is saying, but speak the Word of God over your life, and the lies of the enemy will have to bow down to the truth. If you have already asked God to forgive you, there is no need to keep revisiting the should have, could have or ought to have-these keep you tied to your past and bring condemnation.   

To condemn means to pronounce guilty and convict means convince of error or sinfulness. If we have been made in right standing through the shed blood of Jesus Christ then our sins are under the blood of Christ. Does that mean we can continue in sin after receiving Christ? No, it means that when we do sin, we can go straight to our Father and ask for His forgiveness and He no longer remembers that sin. It is the accuser who torments us with past sins that we have already been forgiven for. The enemy reminds us we are not worthy to receive such grace for our sins and weaknesses. His love, grace, and forgiveness are limitless. We are not perfect, in fact, really far from perfection. We will stumble, we will sin, and we will expose our own weaknesses, and because of that we are in desperate need of a Savior who can forgive and cleanse us when we do falter.

MEDIATE ON THESE SCRIPTURES:

• You were not a mistake, for all your days are written in my book. Psalm 139:15-16
• You are fearfully and wonderfully made. Psalm 139:14
• You are not condemned by God. Romans 8:1
• You can never be separated from God’s love. Romans 8:39
• You are a child of God. John 1:12
• You have been justified-completely forgiven and made righteous. Romans 5:1

Freedom in Christ

Take some time and sit with Jesus and ask Him how your life would be if:

How would you feel if you did not carry false guilt (what if, should be, or could be doing)?

How would you feel if you did not worry about your family and other nagging issues?

What if you did not need a substance or chemical to feel alive and to have pleasure?

What would your life be like if you did not compare your life to anyone else’s life? Simply content with your lot in life.

What would your life be like if you no longer cared so much what people thought of you? It’s great if others like you, but if they do not-you are okay!

How would you feel if you no longer condemned yourself or beat yourself up for your shortcomings, mistakes, and weaknesses? What if you accepted yourself completely, shortcomings and all?

What if you began to see yourself as worthy and with value? What if you believed you have purpose and your life does matter?

What would your life be like if you did not try and figure out the outcomes and instead rested and trusted God for the outcomes?

How would your life be if you totally and radically trusted Jesus? Even if your prayers “seemingly” go unanswered and you stand by and watch other people get the very blessings that you want.

What would your life be like if you loved people the way Christ wants you to, not how other people want you to love them?

How would your life be if you did not get easily offended and did not speak judgmentally and critically of other people?

What would your life be like if you focused on the good and not the negative, and your words magnified the good instead of all your problems?

What would your life be like if you did not live in a constant state of panic and stress? What if you adopted the mindset, “Take life as it comes?”

What if you are okay with being misunderstood by people because you choose to follow and serve Christ?

What if you could truly enjoy life without feeling guilty that others don’t have what you have?

What if you could be led by the Holy Spirit and not what man wants from you?

What if you lived knowing that you are a child of God, adopted into His family and are no longer an orphan? What if you knew that Jesus does love you even if you don’t get everything that you want?

What if you loved God with all your heart, soul, and strength and placed no “idols” before Him (including family, work or ministry)?

What if you truly let go of all the expectations that you have of people, if they choose to be a benefit and blessing to you-that’s great, but if they choose to do things that cause you pain, you can release and forgive them.

What if you did not let anyone disappoint you with their actions?

What if you did not live bitter because of your life’s circumstances and was truly happy when others got exactly what you have been praying for.

What if you could experience FREEDOM? Jesus wants us FREE in ALL these areas so that we can experience life in abundance and enjoy life to the fullest (John 10:10).

Having this type of FREEDOM will require some basic steps for you:

1)      Love God FIRST-He must get first place in every area of your life. Place nothing before Him. Focus on things above, not on things on Earth-become eternity focused.

2)      Push away the distractions that will come to steal your time with God and to steal your peace and joy. Distractions can come through people, phone calls and texts, the internet, and nuisances.

3)      Care more about what God thinks about you than what others think about you. People will have an opinion about you but if you know whose you are and what He has called you to do you can rise above people’s opinions.

4)      Live in the present, the moment-not projecting the future. Don’t plan too far ahead and hold your plans loosely in case Jesus wants to interrupt your plans.

5)      Never compare yourself to anyone. Jesus has a unique plan for each of us. If you try and conform to the world and what the world is doing, you will feel very lost.

FREEDOM in Christ means More joy, More peace, More love, More contentment, and More enjoyment of your life. You can have FREEDOM in Christ by following Jesus not the ways of the world. Jesus said He came to Earth to “proclaim freedom,” and He said “if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed” (John 8:36). Jesus was not saying free to do whatever we wanted, but free to be the kind of people He created us to be. We are all under the power of the natural tendency to sin, and sin has brought a penalty. But we have the freedom to choose life over sin and death, and that comes from accepting Jesus Christ’s sacrifice for our sins on the cross and accepting and believing that. We are no longer under sin’s grasp-we have been freed. Like a prisoner, the cell doors have been unlocked for all of us to get out by Jesus Christ. As we submit to Christ and His ways, sin loses its grip on us. When we choose to trust and follow Christ our sin habits and bad attitudes lose their control over our lives. True freedom is not doing whatever pleases your flesh, because that will lead you back into the prison without a way out.

The way out of your prison (sin) and to freedom is: obeying and trusting Jesus.

What Does Freedom in Jesus Look Like?

 Have you truly experienced the Lord’s freedom for your life?
 

If you are free in Christ:

 You are not bound by people’s approval or opinions. 

 You are able to say, “No” to others without guilt and condemnation.

            You follow what Christ wants for you-not man.

            You don’t adhere to legalism or religion.

            You have appropriate boundaries with others.

            You don’t feel you should have, ought to or could have done.

            You don’t try and fulfill the needs and expectations of others.

            You don’t fear man and what they may think of you.

            You are led by the Holy Spirit concerning all things.

Being free in Christ means you can have a personal and intimate walk with Jesus, not conformed to be like someone else. We are all unique, one-of-kind creations.

Not everyone will be happy or pleased when you begin walking in freedom. Some people will try and hold on with control, manipulation or guilt. When you begin to flow in the Holy Spirit’s will for your life, don’t be surprised if the people in your life get upset. People, situations, and circumstances will try and keep you bound, but who can contain the work of the Holy Spirit? The Holy Spirit goes and does what it wants. Be tuned-in to the Holy Spirit, not other’s expectations for you.

If you are to be a follower of Christ and not people, you will have to let some people down. That may be difficult if you are accustomed to people pleasing, but you can have an abundance of joy and peace when you begin to walk in freedom.

You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve on another in love. Galatians 5:13, NIV

Why I have had a Hard Time with False Guilt

I have always wanted to please others and do whatever was necessary to avoid conflict. My family has been quit unhealthy since as far back as I can remember. I knew from an early age that I wanted better for my life and the constant barrage of conflicts and confusion that stemmed from addictions in my family and various mental illnesses. I was desperate to be different, but I did not know how to be. I was always searching for the next thing to make me better, but nothing seemed to last. Sure, I tried to manage and cope with life through various addictions as my family had, but I got sick and tired of that lifestyle. I was not taught about having a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, but God sent a minister into my path to show me God’s love. I rejected the “message” at first, but I was desperate because I had been to “hell and back.” I eventually turned my heart to God and ask Jesus to be my Savior. Fast forward, 17 years later and I am out of that deep, dark pit that I was in, but my family has chosen to stay there. I want them out, because I know the life that God given me, and I want them to have what I have.

I had developed false guilt because I tried and tried to step-in and help my family, only to come away feeling like I never do enough. It seemed no matter what I would do for them, they needed more and more. I felt a false duty to do whatever I needed to “get them to Christ,” but as a result I began having an overactive conscience and never could rest. I was always trying to figure out how I could help them. I began doing things for my family out of guilt and family obligation, because that’s “what family’s do.”

If you have endured false guilt, then you know that it causes you to be worn-out. Always trying to please others and get their approval, because you want to make others happy. The mission for someone who suffers from false guilt is proving their worthiness to others-you will love me if I do __________. You never know if you measure to the standards of others, so you live with a lot of uncertainty. Thus, you try harder to win their approval, but you don’t and the cycle continues.

The bottom line is that I feared losing those relationships that caused me to act out of guilt, because then I would know that I was unworthy, unacceptable and rejected. Not only do I not want someone to be mad at me, but I am a natural-born “rescuer.” This combination can be a breeding ground for developing a false sense of guilt. If I hear or see a need, then I automatically assume that it is there for me to pick up, and if I don’t I can hear very negative messages about myself. What I am learning through all of this, is that when God wants you to intervene you will not struggle with heavy guilt, and you won’t have to figure-out how to solve the problem. There will be an inner “knowing” or nudging inside when you are supposed to help. When the enemy is involved he sends waves of pressure like, “You should be helping.” You will also hear condemning messages such as,” What kind of daughter are you not to intervene, its family and that is what you do.”

Condemnation always comes from the enemy. If the Lord is not in something and you pick it up anyways, there will be no active solution. For instance, you were asked to help in a situation with a family member but you did not have God’s peace but because it is family you tried to step-in only to be met with frustration after frustration concerning their problem. Yes, we are supposed to help and encourage others, but when we REPEATEDLY offer our energy and resources to ones who are not getting it in hopes that “this time will help,” we can carry heavy loads of false guilt on our shoulders. It is amazing how certain people know what to say to get you to do what they want, but if you rely on the leading of the Holy Spirit instead of emotions you will know what you are supposed to do. Take time and step away and pray first, the enemy is in the business of making you rush and feel hurried to give an answer immediately, others can make you feel it is an emergency when in fact it is not. Feeling hurried, pressured and confused are great indicators that God does not want you involved. If you have to conjure up the solution yourself to someone else’s problem after racking your brain for days, chances are God is not in it. God gives the solution, He does not leave you empty-handed grasping for solutions-He is the solution! 

God always makes a way, and if we are trying to solve problems for our families or other relationships we can end up anxious, fearful, depressed, sick, and exhausted. Why? Because God maybe trying to get that person to turn to Him, instead of you to fix their problems. When God has something for you to do, there is no guilt, heaviness, or burdens attached to it. You just know deep down inside what you need to do, but when the enemy sets you up to get entangled in others problems that God did not call you to-be careful because you can easily be deceived and enmeshed.

There is freedom from false guilt, and it starts with acknowledging the “roots” of why we do what we do? Lack of trust towards God, people approval, fear of rejection. Then acknowledging what is sin and confessing it to the Lord and asking Jesus to deliver us from false guilt.