Word of Encouragement: Counselor’s Corner: How to Stop Complaining and Become More Thankful

Life can be stressful and complaining can seem like a release to our stressful situations. However, complaining is not only a sin but it affects our brains and our physical health. Murmuring is a form of complaining that harbors a negative attitude toward a situation. Sins of the tongue that spread negative reports create an environment in which murmuring can thrive. A murmuring spirit will jump to wrong conclusions. Murmuring leads to self-pity. Murmurers feel sorry for themselves and focus on how they have been mistreated. Murmuring refuses to recognize that God can conquer any problem, and refuses to recognize that God may use negative circumstances to accomplish His glory on our lives.

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Complaining releases stress and zaps our energy. Even though we believe we are releasing tension when we complain it actually releases a sense of sadness and a discontentment. Complaining fosters a negative attitude, it draws attention to the negative aspects around us. Complaining affects those around us, no one likes to hang out with a complainer! Complaining never changes the circumstance. When we complain less it shifts our focus on what is good. Gratitude can deepen as we focus on the good and not complain.

If something goes wrong in our lives, our immediate response may be to put a negative spin on it. When we complain to others about our problems we are dumping our negative emotions on them. It is okay to talk to a trusted friend or family member about a difficult situation that you may be in, but this must not become chronic and it should always end with prayer. Talking problems over with anyone should not become a habit or a way to unload upon another person. Our complaints should be taken to God first. Venting and complaining are different. Venting briefly can be okay. Venting is short and should not happen repeatedly, while complaining happens frequently and without any resolution.

How to stop complaining and become more thankful:

1.      Change your thinking! See the good and positives in each situation that causes you heartache and trouble in your life. Accept your situations for what they are, leave those difficulties at the feet of Jesus and move on.

2.      Be adaptable. Nothing will stay the same, change is inevitable. Your bad circumstances will eventually change. Whatever is creating problems in your life can’t last forever.

3.      Live one day at a time. Live in the present moment. Stop living in the past with regret and stop projecting the future with all the “what-if” scenario’s.

4.      Recognize that we will experience trials and discomfort in this life. Not every day will be difficult and not every day may be 100% good, but there is usually a balance between the two. Don’t get flustered and the days that are not comfortable, but keep pushing forward and realize without the rain, rainbows don’t come. If you feel you are being pushed to your limit, step back and sit with the Father. When you are sick and tired, the enemy will try and step you up to sin. During these times, pull back and get before God.

5.      Don’t judge others. You don’t know their story and why they act the way that they do, so maybe there is a reason for their moodiness.

  Everday say out loud or write in a journal what you are grateful for. Focus on what went right in your day not went wrong. Magnify the positives of your day and minimize the negatives.

Complaining can become a habit and like any habit it can be broken.

Challenge: For the next 30 days do not complain about anything not even if someone ask how you feel and you just want to download all your woe’s-don’t! Begin to see the good in EVERY situation. Yes, this will be a challenge, especially if you have some tough situations. Instead of complaining start becoming thankful for everything good in your life. See how you feel after this 30 day challenge. There is a good chance you will be less anxious, depressed, stressed and will have an increase in peace and joy.

Choose to Magnify the Good in Your Life

Dictionary.com defines magnify as to make greater in actual size or to enlarge.

What are you magnifying in your life? God’s blessings and goodness or all your difficulties? What you CHOOSE to focus on will become larger. Our problems become larger as we mull them over and over again. A magnifying lens will actually make something smaller look larger, but if you pull the magnifying lens back what you were looking at will get smaller. If we stop gazing at our problems and focus our eyes instead on Jesus we will gain His perspective on our situation-our problems will get smaller in His presence.

Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Hebrews 12:2

I recently had many opportunities to focus on what was going wrong in my life, but I made a decision to reflect on what was right instead. For a season in my life, I magnified all that was negative in my life. The enemy had me so consumed with what has not come to pass in my life, or my losses, or my trials that I had difficulty seeing any good. Now, I know none of you have ever magnified the bad over the good, but if you ever have done this you will know that it makes matters worse. I did not intentionally set out to amplify my circumstances, but sometimes life hits you with one curve ball after another, and before long you can find yourself deep in the pit of despair.

When we have difficult trials in our lives, magnifying the good will be a conscious choice. In other words, you will not feel like focusing on the good in your life. Heartache and pain can cause you to look at what is wrong in your life, and the enemy will then magnify or distort the true reality of your anguish.

Set your minds on things above, not on things that are on earth. Colossians 3:2

Start your day by writing (5) things that you are grateful for. Doing this will shift your thinking from the negative to the positive. Even if you feel nothing is going right, think again! Dig deep and take some time to reflect on what you do have. Practice the skill of gratitude daily and you will begin to think differently about what is wrong in your life.

We all have problems and situations in our lives that if we stare at them to long, we will become overwhelmed, anxious, worried, depressed, and full of fear. This is exactly what the enemy wants. 

What if instead we gave our problems over to the Lord, and daily cast our cares upon Him? What if we began to magnify the blessings in our lives and stopped gawking at our problems? What would your life look like if you did these things?

The Importance of Being Thankful

If you are like me, being thankful and appreciative doesn’t always come naturally. I have learned I have to choose to be thankful. Every day, I get out my journal and write out five things that I am thankful for. Writing down my blessing serves as a visual reminder to me that I have more in my life than I think I do. I need this reminder daily! I can always find things to complain and grumble about, believe me I have my fair share of problems and heartaches, but I choose to reflect on what I do have.

When we have an attitude of gratitude, our lives will be transformed.

You might think you do not have a lot to be thankful for, but look around you-there are others who go through far worse circumstances. I’m I belittling your pain? Not at all! I have to tell myself the same things because I have seen so much heartache and loss in my own life. Being thankful is a conscience decision that will change your life for the better.

You can be bitter about your life’s difficulties or you can be better because of them. You get to choose!

If we choose to look at our lack in life or what we don’t have, we can become cynical, hard-hearted, thankless, unappreciative, bitter and even depressed. Being thankful has health benefits, such as fewer aches and pains and overall feeling healthy. Thankful people take better care of themselves by exercising more and eating healthier. Thankfulness also reduces toxic emotions like bitterness, envy and frustration, and decrease depression. Thankfulness also reduces stress, improves self-esteem, and helps overcome trauma. Being thankful can boost your immune system and improve your heart rhythms.

Be aware of what you are thankful for and choose to reflect and ponder daily on all the positives in your life.

There Are Heath Benefits to Counting Your Blessings

Feeling down? Want a technique to immediately lift your mood? Think about something that you are thankful for! Repeating this daily can permanently change and lift your mood. This will also have the potential to effect those closest to you. You have the potential to rewire your brain by continual grateful thoughts.

Focusing on your blessings instead of what you do not have can bring real health benefits. Thinking about all what you do not have or lack can have the opposite effect, and it can produce negative health issues. There is always something that you can be thankful for. This can be a bit of a challenge if you have gone through many trials and heartaches. If you had formed a habit of thinking about all that is wrong in your life, it will take some time to form a new habit of choosing thankfulness.

Benefits to becoming more thankful:

An increase of good feelings. Grateful people tend to be optimistic, thus creating more feel good emotions.

Overall you will have a greater sense of well-being, contentment, relaxation, and calmness.

Happier memories. You can choose to be thankful for the good that was in your past and not reflect and dwell on all the negative components.

Less envious of others. Gratitude reduces a multitude of toxic emotions, such as envy, regret, frustration, and resentment. Gratitude has been linked to increased happiness and reduction of depression.

Healthier marriage. Being thankful for the little things your spouse does can make your relationship stronger, instead of pointing out the wrong that they do.

More friendships. Gratitude deepens friendships.

Improved sleep. Spending as little as 10-15 minutes daily reflecting on your blessings can help you sleep better, especially before bedtime.

Get sick less often, and grateful people experience fewer aches and pains and feel overall healthier. 

Grateful people take better care of themselves.

Increased energy, empathy, and optimism.

Increase in self-esteem and value and appreciate the accomplishments of others.

More productive at work, as well as better time management and goal achievement.

Reduces stress and new research is showing that gratitude reduces trauma. Recognizing all that you have to be thankful for, especially during tough times can make you more resilient. Being grateful can help you cope with daily problems better.

Able to let go of controlling outcomes. You do the best that you can do and work towards the best possible outcome, but you are able to let-go and let the “chips” fall where they may. Being thankful for allowing your life to happen on God’s terms allows for greater peace.

Allow others to be a work in progress as well as yourself. If you’re in a continual state of being grateful for all progress that you and others make, in turn it will make you happier with yourself and others. Being able to accept yourself and others, creates harmony and peace.

Feeling sorry for yourself, having self-pity, or complaining will decrease your mental, spiritual, and physical health. Try exchanging self-pity with gratitude and see if you feel a difference. Change your focus from reflecting on what is lacking in your life, to what is good in your life. Being grateful redirects your focus from what is troubling or worrying you, to what is good. Gratitude separates our attitude from our circumstances so that our current reality does not drag us down.

Being grateful is not just a one day occurrence, it must be cultivated daily to reap the benefits. You can choose to say your blessings out loud or even write them out. Start your day off right, FIRST THING in the morning CHOOSE to say something you are grateful for. It will get your day started on a positive note.

This is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118:24

Giving thanks always for all things to God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. Ephesians 5:20

What about you, what are you thankful for today? Share with our readers. 

CHOOSE Thankfulness

Choose- means to make a choice. You have to make a choice to be thankful.

What have you given thanks for today?

We have to sometimes CHOOSE to be thankful. Being thankful does not come as easy when we are heart-broken, despaired, overwhelmed or rejected. We have to CHOOSE our attitudes otherwise we can slip into complaining, discouragement, and eventually even depression. You might not feel like giving thanks, but remember it’s a CHOICE! Instead of giving thanks you may instead feel like calling your friends and talking about all what is wrong in your life. Let me encourage you not to complain about your circumstances, first it will overwhelm you, then exhaust you and then cause you to feel sorry for yourself (self-pity). I am not telling you anything I have not told myself countless times, and that I have to practice continually; CHOOSING to be thankful.

Being thankful is a choice. You can CHOOSE to be thankful or you can CHOOSE to be ungrateful. You may not have the spouse you desire, children, a prodigal child, or you may even be going through some sickness, but whatever season you are in you can be thankful for the many blessings that you do have. It is really a conscious decision to focus on what is a blessing verses focusing on what are your hardships and trials. There is always something to be thankful for. Don’t get bitter by your life’s challenges and struggles, but see the silver lining in each circumstance. Being thankful and grateful will cause you to live with passion and zest for life. When we CHOOSE an attitude of gratitude our lives can be transformed and we can begin to have renewed purpose. If you are grateful and thankful it is very likely you then will be content. When you are content, you are then at peace with yourself and with others. Having the ability to be thankful is life-changing.

I challenge you if you have struggled with being thankful to say out loud everyday (5) things that you are thankful for. This task will increase your gratitude and then your attitude. Don’t look at what you don’t have, what you have not accomplished, your fears and failures, and all your unmet desires. That type of thinking will weigh you down and cause you to have an unthankful heart.

This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it. Psalms 118:24

I will give thanks due His righteousness, and I will sing praises to the name of the Lord, the most high. Psalm 7:17

In everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.  1 Thessalonians 5:18

Let all that I am praise the Lord; may I never forget the good things He does for me. Psalm 103:2

Count your BLESSINGS, name them one by one,

Count your BLESSINGS, see what God has done!

BE THANKFUL AND GRATEFUL this holiday season and COUNT YOUR MANY BLESSINGS, ONE BY ONE!

If you need encouragement, prayer, or support, you can contact me through my website@ www.christianhopecounseling.com or send me an email@ Stephanie@christianhopecounseling.com