Word of Encouragement: Counselor’s Corner: How to Stop Complaining and Become More Thankful

Life can be stressful and complaining can seem like a release to our stressful situations. However, complaining is not only a sin but it affects our brains and our physical health. Murmuring is a form of complaining that harbors a negative attitude toward a situation. Sins of the tongue that spread negative reports create an environment in which murmuring can thrive. A murmuring spirit will jump to wrong conclusions. Murmuring leads to self-pity. Murmurers feel sorry for themselves and focus on how they have been mistreated. Murmuring refuses to recognize that God can conquer any problem, and refuses to recognize that God may use negative circumstances to accomplish His glory on our lives.

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Complaining releases stress and zaps our energy. Even though we believe we are releasing tension when we complain it actually releases a sense of sadness and a discontentment. Complaining fosters a negative attitude, it draws attention to the negative aspects around us. Complaining affects those around us, no one likes to hang out with a complainer! Complaining never changes the circumstance. When we complain less it shifts our focus on what is good. Gratitude can deepen as we focus on the good and not complain.

If something goes wrong in our lives, our immediate response may be to put a negative spin on it. When we complain to others about our problems we are dumping our negative emotions on them. It is okay to talk to a trusted friend or family member about a difficult situation that you may be in, but this must not become chronic and it should always end with prayer. Talking problems over with anyone should not become a habit or a way to unload upon another person. Our complaints should be taken to God first. Venting and complaining are different. Venting briefly can be okay. Venting is short and should not happen repeatedly, while complaining happens frequently and without any resolution.

How to stop complaining and become more thankful:

1.      Change your thinking! See the good and positives in each situation that causes you heartache and trouble in your life. Accept your situations for what they are, leave those difficulties at the feet of Jesus and move on.

2.      Be adaptable. Nothing will stay the same, change is inevitable. Your bad circumstances will eventually change. Whatever is creating problems in your life can’t last forever.

3.      Live one day at a time. Live in the present moment. Stop living in the past with regret and stop projecting the future with all the “what-if” scenario’s.

4.      Recognize that we will experience trials and discomfort in this life. Not every day will be difficult and not every day may be 100% good, but there is usually a balance between the two. Don’t get flustered and the days that are not comfortable, but keep pushing forward and realize without the rain, rainbows don’t come. If you feel you are being pushed to your limit, step back and sit with the Father. When you are sick and tired, the enemy will try and step you up to sin. During these times, pull back and get before God.

5.      Don’t judge others. You don’t know their story and why they act the way that they do, so maybe there is a reason for their moodiness.

  Everday say out loud or write in a journal what you are grateful for. Focus on what went right in your day not went wrong. Magnify the positives of your day and minimize the negatives.

Complaining can become a habit and like any habit it can be broken.

Challenge: For the next 30 days do not complain about anything not even if someone ask how you feel and you just want to download all your woe’s-don’t! Begin to see the good in EVERY situation. Yes, this will be a challenge, especially if you have some tough situations. Instead of complaining start becoming thankful for everything good in your life. See how you feel after this 30 day challenge. There is a good chance you will be less anxious, depressed, stressed and will have an increase in peace and joy.

Counselor’s Corner: Out With the Old and in With the New

Ask God what old things need to be discarded in your life, and what new things He is wanting to bring into your life. You may have to get rid of the old before God can make room for the new. Some things no longer work for us, and we need to have wisdom to what those things are. If you are going to purchase a new car and your old car is still in the garage, how can you make room for that new car? Some will try and fit the new car with the old car, but why would you want to hold onto your old car if it no longer is working? Some of us need to stop holding onto to the things in our past, so that God can make room for the new things He is trying to bring to pass.

Reflect and Ponder: Ask yourself what is no longer working in your life? For example you want to go forward in your life and experience all that God has for you but you are still holding onto selfishness and pride. Perhaps God is asking you to let go of worry and fear. Anything that could be hindering you from moving forward God very well may have you to remove these before preceding to what He has for you next. If you have gotten yourself into the habit of complaining, God may have you deal with this before experiencing your breakthrough or blessing that you have been waiting for.

Counselor’s Corner:

Before we can move into our new season we have to let go of the old first:

“Old what you may be asking?”

1.         Old attitudes that kept us in the “wilderness,” and moving into our “promised land.” These attitudes include: complaining, murmuring, fault-finding, covertness, thanklessness, and idolatry.

2.         Old mind-sets. Allowing our minds to think whatever it wants, and not taking every thought captive into the obedience of Jesus (2 Corinthians 10:4-5). Thinking thoughts that are negative, faithless, and hopeless. Some of us have strongholds and lies that we have believed for years and need to be torn-down by renewing our minds in the Word of God.

3.         Holding onto the old things of the past. Some friendships, ministries, and possibly marriages did not succeed but when we hold onto these things and condemn ourselves repeatedly for our past mistakes we cannot move forward. Ask God to forgive you if you need to, and believe that God has forgiven you and that He does not want you dwelling in your past any longer. (Philippians 3:13-14).

Moving forward into our promised land will require “letting go” of former things. Former things that are no longer working for us, and possibly areas of sin in our lives that must be dealt with. It hurts to let go, but sometimes it hurts more to hold on.

MEDITATE ON THESE SCRIPTURES:

Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See I am doing a new thing!

Isaiah 43:18

Forgetting what is behind and reaching forward to what is ahead, I pursue my goal the prize promised by God’s heavenly call in Jesus Christ.

Philippians 3: 14

If what you are doing in your life is not working, it is time to make some changes. The mental health definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. Is it time for change?

Why I Choose Thankfulness

Choose- means to make a choice. You have to make a choice to be thankful.

We have to sometimes CHOOSE to be thankful. Being thankful does not come as easy when we are heart-broken, despaired, overwhelmed or rejected. We have to CHOOSE our attitudes otherwise we can slip into complaining, discouragement, and eventually even depression. You might not feel like giving thanks, but remember it’s a CHOICE! Instead of giving thanks you may instead feel like calling your friends and talking about all what is wrong in your life. Let me encourage you not to complain about your circumstances, first it will overwhelm you, then exhaust you and then cause you to feel sorry for yourself (self-pity). I am not telling you anything I have not told myself countless times, and that I have to practice continually; CHOOSING to be thankful.

Being thankful is a choice. You can CHOOSE to be thankful or you can CHOOSE to be ungrateful. You may not have the spouse you desire, children, a prodigal child, or you may even be going through some sickness, but whatever season you are in you can be thankful for the many blessings that you do have. It is really a conscious decision to focus on what is a blessing verses focusing on what are your hardships and trials. There is always something to be thankful for. Don’t get bitter by your life’s challenges and struggles, but see the silver lining in each circumstance. Being thankful and grateful will cause you to live with passion and zest for life.

When we CHOOSE an attitude of gratitude our lives can be transformed and we can begin to have renewed purpose.

If you are grateful and thankful it is very likely you then will be content. When you are content, you are then at peace with yourself and with others. Having the ability to be thankful is life-changing.

I challenge you if you have struggled with being thankful to say out loud everyday (5) things that you are thankful for. This task will increase your gratitude and then your attitude. Don’t look at what you don’t have, what you have not accomplished, your fears and failures, and all your unmet desires. That type of thinking will weigh you down and cause you to have an unthankful heart.

This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it. Psalms 118:24

I will give thanks due His righteousness, and I will sing praises to the name of the Lord, the most high. Psalm 7:17

In everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.  1 Thessalonians 5:18

Let all that I am praise the Lord; may I never forget the good things He does for me. Psalm 103:2

Count your BLESSINGS, name them one by one,

Count your BLESSINGS, see what God has done!

BE THANKFUL AND GRATEFUL this holiday season and COUNT YOUR MANY BLESSINGS, ONE BY ONE!

Contentment where you're at in Life

                                    

How many times I have caught myself saying, “I will be happy when…” I have waited years for answered prayers and longings of my heart to be fulfilled. Can anyone relate? What happens to some is during the “wait” we become discontented and begin to grumble and complain about our circumstances. Is it possible to have contentment right in the middle of your trials and difficult circumstances? I say, “Yes, it is possible but not easy to overcome, but yes possible.”

Be joyful and content today!

In my book, “Wilderness Mentality, Stop Your Stinkin’ Thinkin’,” I devote an entire chapter on the art of learning contentment. I will share with you some excerpts from chapter 3 of my book.

The definition of contentment is to be calm, relaxed, and free of worry? Does that define you? If not, why? Ask the Lord to show you why you are discontented.

 If you are not content with your lot in life you will complain. I have learned (the hard way), that contentment is accepting God’s control over ALL of my circumstances. Most of us are content when circumstances are going well, but God wants us to have contentment in all things and in all seasons in our lives. 

Wait for the Lord in confident expectation. Be joyful today, not when your circumstances are perfect. Enjoy your life now. God molds, teaches, and trains us through our circumstances. Surrender all to God and release control to our Savior. Stop dwelling, pondering, wishing, and wondering when, why, and where. Stop being controlled by your emotions and circumstances. Do not wish to be anybody else or have what someone else does. You really do not know what other people go through, that perfect family and perfect spouse you see; may not be all that perfect. Some people are better at hiding and covering up their problems.

Stop trying to force things to happen on your own time. It’s about timing, and God’s timing is perfect. Do not compare your situations to others. God has a unique plan for each of us individually.

Contentment means wanting nothing more than what God has given you. It is not saying you can never have desires, but if those desires become idols (idols are anything we place above God), then you are risking losing contentment.

I know all too well about the “wilderness mentality.” For so long, I was truly not content with my life (and now it’s a daily, conscience choice to be content). I had a lot of pain and heartache, and I just wanted to slip into someone else’s life. I soon realized that everyone has problems.

Instead of talking about how big your problems are, start thanking and praising God instead. It will confuse the enemy when you praise instead of complain. Stop being a victim, there are many people who go through pain and losses as well. Change your perspective about your life, is it really that bad? Is there anything that you have been blessed with?

Take it one day at a time, and refrain from magnifying everything by saying, “My life will always be this way.” The enemy will always try and keep you focused on what you don’t have, he will even show you! But don’t take that bait! REFOCUS on what you do have and what is right in your life.

Disclaimer:

And yes, everything I write here to you, I had to apply in my own life. I write from my personal experiences with contentment. It has been a journey, but I pray you will take from my experiences and learn something that took me a long time to get.

Scriptures to meditate on for contentment, ponder and reflect over these, say them out loud:

Not that I speak in regard to need, for I LEARNED IN WHATEVER STATE I AM, to be CONTENT. I know how to be abased, and I know how to be abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. Philippians 4:11-12

Give your burdens to the Lord, and He will take care of you. He will not permit the godly to slip and fall. Psalm 55:22

But Godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. People who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires plunge men into ruin and destruction. 1 Timothy 6:6-10

For further reading and to order your copy of “Wilderness Mentality, Stop Your Stinkin’ Thinkin’,” Go to www.createspace.com/4036785

Thank you and may the Lord God speak to you through this book, and let me know how He does!