Families
are supposed to be a place of support, love, and acceptance. Sometimes,
however, family relationships can be the place where we experience the deepest
hurt.
Sometimes we can spend years sacrificing our mental
and spiritual health in harmful relationships under the notion that we have to
because they are family.
Traits
of a toxic person:
1. Are
abusive mentally, physically, sexually, or emotionally. When a relationship is
based on manipulation, overt or covert; abuse is happening!
2. The
only contact you have with them is negative, or you get anxious of the thought
of an encounter with them.
3. The
relationship creates so much stress affecting your work, home, and personal
life.
4. The
relationship is one-sided, usually it is all about them and their needs.
5. When
you do not give into their demands, silent treatment can happen and blaming.
6. You
feel worse after talking with them or being around them. They bring your energy
level down.
7. Create
drama and chaos, and you get emotionally pulled-in to the whirlwind of
emotions.
8. You
find yourself in a cycle of trying to fix, enable, and rescue them, and you end
up frustrated because none has worked.
9. Do
not take responsibility for their actions, and blame others. .
10. Create
strife and division.
11. Unforgiving
and angry, sometimes even hostile.
12. There
is turmoil and confusion around them.
13. Use
others for their needs and benefits, regardless of the impact on others.
14. Lie
easily and it is difficult to know when they are telling the truth.
15. Financially
irresponsible, and expect you to bail them out of their poor choices.
If you have been involved
with a toxic family member for years, letting go of them is not as easy as
letting go of a friend or boyfriend/girlfriend. But letting go is what may need
to happen so you can gain your sanity back, and allow God to intervene. Try
first to set healthy boundaries with your family, and if they break the
boundary you implemented; set a consequence. If the boundaries you set for them
are repeatedly being broken, or you are not seeing any real change; it may be
time to step aside. Letting go may be for a season and not permanent.
Know your limitations and
realize we are not superhuman. Realize that a toxic person can drain your
energy, health, well-being, and sanity. Detaching is not only healthy but may be
exactly what you need to restore you. Because of our Christian teaching on
humility, kindness, and self-sacrifice, we sometimes get the impression that to
set boundaries and consequences is wrong. We believe that we must endure and
take whatever someone dishes out on us. When we give someone permission to
repeatedly sin against us without consequences, we enable them to sin.
Sometimes the best thing we can do with someone who openly continues to sin is
to part company with them. This process can help us to forgive them and pray
for them regularly. A lot of the times if we stay engaged in a relationship
that is toxic we can end up bitter, angry, and resentful. We are to keep peace,
and one of the best ways to keep peace may be to detach in love.
For
our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against
the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the
spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Ephesians 6:12
What suggestions do you
have to deal with a toxic family member?
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