Word of Encouragement: Counselor’s Corner How to Accept Your Life Just the Way It Is

Have you ever told yourself, “Life is not fair?” Have you struggled with the reality of the way your life has turned out? Did you have different dreams and hopes for your life?

One of the best ways to deal with the unfairness of life is acceptance-accepting that this is how things are and how you can find ways around it to thrive better. You have to learn how to navigate your life differently. If what you are doing is not working, such as, hoping and wishing things were different in your life; you need to change the direction in your thinking and responses to these adverse events in your life. Acceptance may seem harsh, but living in the cycle of continual dashed hopes is exhausting. Your life plan will not look like everyone else’s life plan. Stop comparing what other people have and you don’t.

Living in a continually state of surrender, and letting go of control can be a challenge; especially if life has not quite worked out the way you thought it would. You can try and control your environment, other people, but you will end-up frustrated. Letting go of things that are out of your control is a key step to acceptance.

We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope.

Marin Luther King, Jr.

Focus on you. It is not your job to fix everyone else’s drama. Accept the fact that some people may not want to change, and you have to accept this reality. You may need to accept that some people are not good for you, and learn to release them fully into God’s care.

Learning to let go of things that are not in your best interest can ease stress and lift your mood. Trying to change people or continually trying to fix them, will cause you to live in a state on continually unrest.

When you begin to ACCEPT your life as it is there will be benefits. Does this mean you should stop praying, believing, and hoping? Absolutely not! However, you may need to step into the reality of how things are right now, but always keep the door of hope open. If you are living in a state of looking at others’ lives wanting what they have, or wanting a different life; then you are in jeopardy of discontentment. Acceptance of your lot in life can bring less stress, you will be able to let go of past trauma, your mood will improve, your sleep will be better, you will be more content, depression will decrease or maybe even completely lift, and you will feel more control over your life.

When you have things in your life that linger or that bother you daily, it is time for a change. Many people linger on about things that are out of their control, this can bring stress, depression, and anxiety. Learning to count your blessings every day is a start to accepting your life. In other words, what is right in your life? REFOCUS. Instead of reflecting on what you do not have, start choosing to see what you do have. Keep your mind off the situations in your life that cause you the most depression and anxiety. Instead cast your cares on God (1 Peter 5:7). Cast your cares, and then go do something else, don’t stew over them over and over.

Not that I am speaking in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. Philippians 4:11

And He said to them, “Take care, and be on your guard against all covetousness, for one’s life does not consist in the abundance of possessions.” Luke 12:15

What are some things that you may need to let go of?

Contentment where you're at in Life

                                    

How many times I have caught myself saying, “I will be happy when…” I have waited years for answered prayers and longings of my heart to be fulfilled. Can anyone relate? What happens to some is during the “wait” we become discontented and begin to grumble and complain about our circumstances. Is it possible to have contentment right in the middle of your trials and difficult circumstances? I say, “Yes, it is possible but not easy to overcome, but yes possible.”

Be joyful and content today!

In my book, “Wilderness Mentality, Stop Your Stinkin’ Thinkin’,” I devote an entire chapter on the art of learning contentment. I will share with you some excerpts from chapter 3 of my book.

The definition of contentment is to be calm, relaxed, and free of worry? Does that define you? If not, why? Ask the Lord to show you why you are discontented.

 If you are not content with your lot in life you will complain. I have learned (the hard way), that contentment is accepting God’s control over ALL of my circumstances. Most of us are content when circumstances are going well, but God wants us to have contentment in all things and in all seasons in our lives. 

Wait for the Lord in confident expectation. Be joyful today, not when your circumstances are perfect. Enjoy your life now. God molds, teaches, and trains us through our circumstances. Surrender all to God and release control to our Savior. Stop dwelling, pondering, wishing, and wondering when, why, and where. Stop being controlled by your emotions and circumstances. Do not wish to be anybody else or have what someone else does. You really do not know what other people go through, that perfect family and perfect spouse you see; may not be all that perfect. Some people are better at hiding and covering up their problems.

Stop trying to force things to happen on your own time. It’s about timing, and God’s timing is perfect. Do not compare your situations to others. God has a unique plan for each of us individually.

Contentment means wanting nothing more than what God has given you. It is not saying you can never have desires, but if those desires become idols (idols are anything we place above God), then you are risking losing contentment.

I know all too well about the “wilderness mentality.” For so long, I was truly not content with my life (and now it’s a daily, conscience choice to be content). I had a lot of pain and heartache, and I just wanted to slip into someone else’s life. I soon realized that everyone has problems.

Instead of talking about how big your problems are, start thanking and praising God instead. It will confuse the enemy when you praise instead of complain. Stop being a victim, there are many people who go through pain and losses as well. Change your perspective about your life, is it really that bad? Is there anything that you have been blessed with?

Take it one day at a time, and refrain from magnifying everything by saying, “My life will always be this way.” The enemy will always try and keep you focused on what you don’t have, he will even show you! But don’t take that bait! REFOCUS on what you do have and what is right in your life.

Disclaimer:

And yes, everything I write here to you, I had to apply in my own life. I write from my personal experiences with contentment. It has been a journey, but I pray you will take from my experiences and learn something that took me a long time to get.

Scriptures to meditate on for contentment, ponder and reflect over these, say them out loud:

Not that I speak in regard to need, for I LEARNED IN WHATEVER STATE I AM, to be CONTENT. I know how to be abased, and I know how to be abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. Philippians 4:11-12

Give your burdens to the Lord, and He will take care of you. He will not permit the godly to slip and fall. Psalm 55:22

But Godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. People who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires plunge men into ruin and destruction. 1 Timothy 6:6-10

For further reading and to order your copy of “Wilderness Mentality, Stop Your Stinkin’ Thinkin’,” Go to www.createspace.com/4036785

Thank you and may the Lord God speak to you through this book, and let me know how He does!  

Refocus

What has caught your attention lately? Have you been more concerned with the cares of this world, other people’s problems, or on difficult circumstances? Maybe you have been in a long spiritual battle and it has kept most of your time and attention. Whatever the reasons, you have lost your focus on Jesus. When we do this we can endure restlessness, anxiety, fear, stress, and feeling overwhelmed.

Just like with a camera lens, sometimes we need to adjust the camera lens so we can see the picture clearer. In our lives, sometimes we need to step back and find out why we are not focused on the things of God.

They enemy will use anything or anybody to derail and distract us from our purpose and walk with Christ. If you are focusing on the problems around you more than the promises of God, you have lost your focus. You may sense a lack of joy and peace in your life as a result of keeping your eyes fixated on the things that you cannot fix. Perhaps, you may have tried to fix other people’s dilemmas, which led you to focus on their cares and concerns more. The focus has been on everything but Christ. This was not intentional, but a subtle scheme of the enemy to turn you away from your only source of peace and hope, Jesus Christ. If you have been too busy for Christ, than you have been too busy.

Start today by evaluating what your focus has been on lately, and begin to lay aside every weight that has encroached upon you. Spend daily time with the Lord, and get into His presence where He can bring you back to His promises. Ask the Lord to give you His perspective on each thing that has caused you to lose focus on Christ. Maybe God wants you to cut back something, or even back off from relationships that keep you continually focused on the cares of this world. You may need to pull back for a while from relationships that have drained your energy and depleted you spiritually. These types of relationships have the potential to keep your focus in the wrong direction. If you have been helping others and have got lost in their problems, and you are sensing your helping is not helping but keeping you from the things of God; step back and get back into alignment with Christ.

How do you know you need to refocus with Christ?

1.      You are feeling anxious and uptight. You have lost your peace and joy.

2.      You are focused more on the problems than God’s promises.

3.      Your time with God is little or non-existent.

4.      You feel worried and fearful.

5.      You are irritable and perhaps even angry.

6.      You become cynical.

7.      Are worn-out physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

8.      You are putting your trust in everything but Christ.

9.      You are disappointed, discouraged, and maybe depressed.

10.  You are overwhelmed and stressed.

11.  You are not sleeping restfully.

Colossians 3:2 ESV

Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth.

Psalm 1:1-6 ESV

Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers; but his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither. In all that he does, he prospers. The wicked are not so, but are like chaff that the wind drives away. Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment, nor sinners in the congregation of the righteous;

Matthew 6:33 ESV

But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

Romans 8:5 ESV

For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit.

Philippians 4:8 ESV

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.