Healing from Unresolved Grief through Emotional Resiliency

Unresolved grief is different than normal grief. With grief there is closure eventually, such as with a death of a loved one, but with unresolved grief there is no closure. Over time, the unresolved grief may lessen but that does mean there has been a recovery from the loss. Some examples of unresolved grief could be having a child that is addicted to drugs or alcohol, an adult child that rejects their parents, infertility, having a missing family member or having a disabled child. Not being able to have closure can cause a host of mental health issues such as depression and anxiety. Unresolved grief is complicated grief, in that there is a need to still keep hope alive but it also interrupts the mourning process. This can feel like a wound that never heals. As a mother of a prodigal child and having experienced unresolved grief after 10 years, I began searching for ways to heal effectively. At some point, I believed there was no hope and that I would continue to live in grief. I honestly do not believe that is God’s plan.

Unresolved grief can cause you to feel stuck and unable to move on with your life.

Unresolved grief affects current and future relationships. You begin protecting your heart from any further hurt, which means relationships suffer. Unresolved grief is usually at the root of fear about new relationships. One may also experience constant fear of loss, anger/cynicism, guarded emotions, helplessness, loss of identity and chronic depression. Issues need to be resolved before you can begin to have healthy relationships. You may need to write a letter to your loved one expressing how you feel, but then you may choose to burn that letter or bury it.

People who experience traumatic loss are more susceptible to developing PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder), and can suffer from psychological stress.

Some symptoms of trauma related stress:

Nightmares, trouble sleeping, being on edge/easily alert, low energy, feeling depressed, memory problems, feeling overwhelmed by the smallest of tasks, feeling irritable/agitated, fearful of the future, feeling emotionally numb, withdrawn and disconnected, and relying on alcohol and drugs to ease the pain.

Healing from unresolved grief and any trauma related stress starts when we acknowledge the loss and accept the loss. Part of acceptance means letting go. Share your story with someone who you can trust, but then take it to God. Tell God exactly how you feel. Ask God to bring healing to your unresolved grief, and help with moving on with a new life. You are not betraying your loved one if you move on with your life, and it does not mean that you do not love them.

Pray that God gives you emotional resiliency.

Being resilient means to become strong, healthy or successful again after something bad happens (able to return to an original shape). Emotional resilience simple means being able to adapt to stressful situations or crisis.

Emotionally resilient people get knocked down, but they get back up quick. Emotional resilience can be learned, but I believe that Jesus can aid in that learning.

Emotional resilience is a must in dealing with unresolved grief.

Emotional resilience means that you accept that you cannot change your painful situation. Resilient people are characterized by an ability to experience both positive and negative emotions after a difficult or painful situation. Losses are mourned, but emotionally resilient people find the potential redeeming value in most challenges. Resilient people always find the silver lining in the most painful or difficult of circumstances.

When adversity strikes, focus on what you are thankful for, and this will boost your resiliency, and choose to focus on what is positive and good in your life. Taking regular breaks, nurturing, and taking care of yourself and doing things that you enjoy, regular exercise, laughing, being kind to others and yourself, social support, and continuing to learn, can help build resiliency as well.

You cannot control everything that comes at you, but you can control how you react to it.

Putting our hope in people, will almost always lead to disappointment, but placing our hope in Jesus will never disappoint.

The navy SEALs have a saying: “Get comfortable being uncomfortable.”

Learning to be uncomfortable at times instead of running and escaping will force you to learn from the situation that is causing you pain. Resilient people learn and grow from pain and challenges. Resilient people who need to survive the harshest situations and still accomplish goals (like POW’s, Special Forces units and Nazi holocaust survivors like Corrie ten Boom) balance a positive outlook with a realistic world view. Emotional resilient people do not remain focused on the negative, and they tend to rapidly disengage from problems that appear unsolvable. Emotional resilient people face their fears, they do not let fear overpower them.

PTSD was mentioned in this article, but someone can also experience the reverse: post-traumatic growth. Many people who experience hardships and get through them properly can come out stronger not weaker!

Coping with the Pain of Having a Prodigal Child

This Christmas was the toughest one I have had so far. I had these great expectations that I would see my son for Christmas, I mean I have celebrated every Christmas with him since he was born. Last Christmas was difficult, being it was the first year he brought his partner to our house for Christmas; but at least he came! However, this Christmas, he did not show at all. I just received one tiny little text, no phone call, no gifts, and no spending any holiday fun together like most families do. I waited expectedly all day on Christmas for him to show up, but when nightfall came I realized he was not coming, I wailed like someone had just died. You see having a prodigal you feel all the emotions of grief, like anger and depression, but this grief cannot be resolved.

I went through the motions on Christmas day, my heart was far from feeling like it had any joy. I would have random thoughts throughout the day that invaded me like a plague, thoughts that said the most awful and fearful things to me. I just wanted to crawl back in the bed and hide. To be honest, I want to hide most of the time. I can feel intense shame and disgrace for my only child to be in such shape that he is in. Many times, I feel an overwhelming sense of guilt and that I utterly failed my child. I battle dark thoughts more often than I would want to say concerning my prodigal. It is s battle, and a daily one. It is a journey that can make you feel as an outcast or even that you do not belong anywhere.  Finding where I “fit in,” is a challenge for me. Even at church, I am not sure what group to belong to. Having a prodigal can make you feel alone and at times even isolated. Sure, I have tried small groups at church and Bible studies but I oftentimes feel worse after going, after hearing about all the joys of having wonderful children and grandchildren. I have found that very few people discuss openly having a wayward child. So often prodigal parents feel that they are the only ones dealing with such children.

Every knock at the door and every unexpected phone call can cause my heart to race with anxiety and fear. I have developed great fears over the years in dealing with my prodigal, some of the fears are a direct result of terrifying things actually occurring, and some are a result of the unknown. Not knowing where my son is or when I will talk to him next, can cause such great anguish in my heart. It feels so abnormal to have a child that you cannot have a relationship with. I want so desperately to chase him, but I know it is time to let go. Letting go of your child and letting God have your child takes a tremendous amount of trust in God.

I miss my child terribly. I feel a loss in my heart for him. I feel I am wasting all this precious time with him. My child has been wayward for over a decade now, and I have waited and hoped all this time for his deliverance. I still believe and hope for him, but I must now find a way to live my life again. You see over the years I have been so burdened and heavy concerning my child’s lifestyle that I stopped living. Yes, I am alive but not living. I don’t enjoy what I used to and I have carried shame and guilt for his choices. I never meant to end up here, but the years of heartache and disappointment has consumed what I used to be like.

I am certain that this is not the way God would have me deal with this situation, but I believe for me it has been about survival. I have just been trying to survive under weight of pain. The truth is I have felt depths of pain that have been crushing. I have fasted many, many times, prayed daily, and begged the Lord to intervene. I have had others prayer for my son, but after a decade of praying, many of my prayer warriors have stopped calling and praying for my son. I can understand though, it can be discouraging when you pray for someone and those prayers don’t seem to be answered. It is rare that you will find someone who will stick by you through the many years and tears of having a wayward child. I have found that many family and friends either ignore the situation by not asking anything about my child or not offer words of encouragement or prayer. As a mother having a prodigal child can be lonely. I often have little to say around other parents and feel a bit awkward as they interact with their children. I have to be careful because I can fight jealousy being around other parents with their children. I can also struggle with feeling like a failure when I am around other parents that have seemingly good children.

BUT this NEW YEAR, I am resolving with the Lord’s help to live again and to have joy despite my deepest trouble. I know I can’t do it, but I am believing with God’s help I will be able to find a way to not only to survive but to thrive. I have to! I have spent enough years in grief. If you would like to join me in prayer for this upcoming year for our prodigals and to encourage one another please contact me @ HopeandEncouragement4Women@gmail.com or find me on Facebook @ www.facebook.com/HopeandEncouragement4Women

I would love to hear from other prodigal parents. Please share your story, your hopes, and your struggles. 

God Gives Beauty for Ashes

To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them BEAUTY FOR ASHES, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness, that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified. Isaiah 61:3

God is a restorer and a redeemer. God can take all the ugly and hurtful things that have happened in our lives and transform them into something beautiful. No matter what your life has been like, abuse, abandonment, rejection, or trauma, God can take the pain and rebuild your life. If you have experienced deep sorrow, and you feel worthless and hopeless, hold onto God’s Word that He gives beauty for ashes. Ashes are the occurrences in our lives that have caused us much grief, agony, and heartache. God has a plan to repair the ruins in your life.

Some people have endured deep scars from sexual, physical, or mental abuse, and they feel they could never be whole or complete, but God trades the wounds and misery for His rebuilding and completeness. God never waste hurt, if you have been affected by suffering through abuse, rape, sexual assault, or any other traumatic life experiences, God desires to bring you renewal. God can take the most devastating things that have happened in your life, and renovate you and use you to bring recovery and hope to others. God will not only repair you from brokenness but He will use you to help others overcome their damaged lives.

God has a purpose for your life and He will cause something magnificent to come from the distress of your life. God desires to deliver you from the things in your past that weigh you down and cause you much heaviness. Many times, people that have a history of affliction begin to self-heal and self-medicate the pain through numerous addictions, such as alcohol, drugs, and food, but God wants to repair all of your painful memories and bring deliverance from these dependencies. God will help you work through the uncomfortable remembrances, one at a time, and He will lavish His unconditional love upon you and reconstruct you from the years of destruction. Do not be concerned what your former years were like or even what you have done, God can rectify the most distressing events in your life.

There is a reason for your existence, and God has a plan for your anguish. So many people, including myself, have helped so many individuals with their devastating life circumstances because we have not only gone through the encounters but we have allowed God to redeem, recondition and repair us.

God does give beauty for ashes.

God wants you to be delivered from what you have done and from what has been done to you - Both are equally important to Him.

― Joyce Meyer, Beauty for Ashes: Receiving Emotional Healing

Be Still Before The Lord

Trials, heartaches and debilitating circumstances may be weighing you down. Perhaps you have endured more than you think you can handle. You may be voicing to God that you are at your limit. You may be wondering if others go through such distress and trauma. You may have even thought you have done something wrong to bring on such calamity in your life. If you have ever read the book of Job in the Bible you feel like you can understand his situation because you feel like Job. You feel like there is little or no direction for your life. You are just filled with heartache and grief. You have begun to wonder what the purpose is for so much pain and turmoil. Your grief runs deep and your trials seem endless. You are desperate for peace and rest. Your zest for life has fizzled out and you drag through the days.

Consider and reflect on this scripture: The thief comes only to steal, and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life and have it to the full. John 10:10, NIV.

What do you need to take back that the enemy has stolen from you, destroyed or killed? Has the enemy stolen your peace and joy? Destroyed your family? Or killed your passion? Are you living the abundant life that Christ came to give you? If not, maybe it is time to reclaim your life.

If you are at a place where you just cannot make sense of anything anymore; be still. Be still and listen and wait for God to show you and led you up out of the pit of despair. Being still means not trying to figure out everything or analyzing your problems. Being still means resting in God. To rest means to seize from work. You may be at “work” trying to solve your problems and trying to understand what went wrong and how to make things better. Rest your weary soul and mind. Take shelter upon the Most High God and seize (refrain) from trying to figure out outcomes and your life. Let go and let God. Embrace His comfort as you wait upon His deliverance.

Rest knowing that God will fulfill all His promises and will work all things out for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purposes (Romans 8:28). And if you’re feeling like Job, remember that God blessed Job’s later life more than his earlier life (Job 42:12-15). 

Dealing with Bitterness

Bitterness is displaced anger, and resentful cynicism that results in intense antagonism or hostility towards others. You can get hurt so badly in life that you become cynical and hard. Bitterness can affect one experiencing profound grief, and is the state of mind which willfully holds on to angry feelings, ready to take offense, and able to break out in anger at any time. A person who is bitter is often resentful, cynical, harsh, cold, and unpleasant to be around. An expression of these characteristics is sin against God.

Bitterness happens and most often is a normal response to hardships or sorrowful situations. However, we should see to it that we deal with any bitterness in our lives, for if we do not it can cause a host of other sins, such as, hatred, cruelty, antagonism, self-pity, vindictiveness, and prideful ambitions. Bitterness motivates complaining. People who habitually complain are bitter people. When we allow bitterness to fill us with occupation with self, with life, and problems, we are on dangerous territory.

Bible examples of bitterness:

Women who are bitter because they cannot have children (1 Samuel 1:10)

A foolish son is bitterness to his mother (Proverbs 17:25)

Suffering causes bitterness to people who do not give priority relationship to God (Deuteronomy 32:24)

Ruth asked that her name be changed to “Mara” meaning bitter because of her losses (Ruth 1:20-21).

Job’s complaint to God, “Why does God let this happen to me,” is a statement of bitterness (Job 9:17-18)

When a Christian is bitter, there is a loss of close fellowship with the Lord and a hindrance in one’s relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ.  Bitterness becomes sin when we do not forgive others that have hurt us, (Ephesians 4:13), when jealousy and selfish ambition occurs (James 3:14), and when we allow a bitter root to grow (Hebrews 12:15).

Roots of bitterness that need to dealt with and pulled up out of our lives:

1.      Forgiveness of wrong-doing by others.

2.      Animosity towards others and even God.

3.      Confrontation of others when issues are unresolved.

4.      Learning to trust God’s sovereignty and His plans for our lives.

Bitterness shows up in (3) ways:

1.      Directed against God. You feel He could have protected or prevented unpleasant and harmful things from happening in your life. You feel angry and ask, “Lord, if you love me why did you allow this to happen?” or “Lord, why have you not answered my prayers?”

2.      Against other people. You have been hurt, mistreated, used, and rejected by others.  This kind of pain usually happens with the people we are the closest to. You might say,” I forgive them,” but your heart says “I will hang onto this hurt a little while longer to make them “pay” for hurting me.”

3.      Against yourself. This comes in the form of not being able to forgive yourself, which in turn can cause you to live in self-pity. You believe you deserve whatever has happened to you, or that you are being punished by God and “should take it.”

Bitterness is often caused by people, most of the time by people we love, or people we cannot confront, or people we trust. Grace includes the ability to look at people and see them as God sees them, and includes the ability to let them live their lives as directed by the Lord, and trusting that God will make His way clear to them. Grace allows people to make mistakes without judging them. Forgiveness is the key to right relationships with others, it will promote joy and peace in your lives. Does it matter how many time someone has hurt you? No, forgive as often as it takes. Do not allow unforgiveness to fester, and allow grudges to grow. Bitterness is also caused by hardships and sorrows in our lives. Realizing that your happiness does not depend on people or circumstances can be very freeing. Trust God in the things that you do not understand. Easier said than done, yes, but relinquish your plans and your desires to the Almighty.

Reflections on Waiting on God

God understands our pain. It is good to share your heart with Him. Tell Him how you feel, and what you need. He is a friend to us, and is ready to listen to us.

Lord, how long will you keep me this way?  I am desperate for breakthrough. My heart has many desires that have gone unfulfilled. Lord, I have waited for you, let me not be ashamed for waiting on you.

Do you hear me Lord? Are you there? Don’t you see how my enemies have taunted me? I have seen my desires upon my enemies. Grief has struck me like a tidal wave, and my eyes have grown tired from crying. My heart aches for your promises to be fulfilled in my life. I am desperate for your touch. Lord, how much longer will you keep me this way?

God, I hurt so deeply at times, and feel misunderstood. I have been rejected by family and friends. Why are you so afar from me? Why has your presence left me? What have I done Lord, just show me so that I can make this right. Who on earth can I run to but you Lord?

Can you make this pain stop? Can you restore me God? Hope deferred makes the heart sick, God my heart is sick. My hope has vanished like the night air. I don’t have the strength nor the faith to even pick myself up again, but I know you can Lord. I believe you can make these dry bones live again.

Lord, have mercy on me. I have grown weary from the continued trials and testing of my faith. I have felt like Job at times, and have wondered will you restore the things that have been taken from me? I want to believe that I am waiting for restoration like Job and Ruth. I have waited for years for your promises to be fulfilled in my life. I have waited for you Lord. I have never lost hope in you Lord.

I am desperate. I am afflicted on every side. Troubles have come my way as I wait on you Lord. I have been broken, refined by the fire, taken into the wilderness, and pruned over and over again. Is it over yet Lord? Oh, Lord, I have waited patiently for you.

I feel alone and abandoned, but yet Lord, I know you have never left my side. Why does it feel like I have been forgotten at times, looked over? Do others know what I have been through, do they even care? Do they even ask if there is anything they can do, or offer to take me for a coffee? Or do they judge me for the things they do not know, and offer unsolicited “words from the Lord” to me? Does anyone truly see me but you Lord? And Lord if you fail me, where shall I turn?  God, what shall you have me to do? Please Father, not another day waiting in brokenness.

Father, I trust you, even though I don’t understand your ways for me most of the time. I have felt the stings of rejection since my youth, and I have felt I have lived more cursed than blessed at times. I have felt misplaced and misjudged, and have seen my enemies get the very things that I have been praying for. I have felt “slapped in the face” so many times, yet, I still hold onto to you Lord. I have lived with shame because my prayers go unanswered for a time, while my enemies get the desires of their hearts. I have waited in thanksgiving and waited in offering sacrifices of praise. But now Lord, my waiting is becoming like a vice grip to me, and it is strangling the life from me. The enemy has tried to get me to turn from you, and say, “Your ways are not good.” I know that is a lie.

Thank you Lord that I can come to you and share my heart. I know you have not forgotten me. I will wait for you. You alone are my hope.

I waited patiently for the Lord; and He inclined to me, and He heard my cry. Psalm 40:1

Cry out to the Lord in your desperation. He hears your cries. Talk to Him like your very best friend. He is waiting to hear from you today.

Longings Unfilled, A Perspective on What it is Like in the Waiting Period

In this article, the author will share her experiences and her heart on longings being unfilled.  The author will share her perspective on waiting for desires of the heart to be fulfilled. My prayer for this article is that others do not feel alone, and other’s will post and share their story, their lessons, and any advice and hope in the wait. Please post any comments at the bottom of this article, and share with others who need to hear this message.

Longings and desires unfulfilled can become possibilities with God.

What have you been waiting for God to fulfill in your life?

My Story

Pain comes in many forms and suffering comes to us all. I am no stranger to pain and suffering. Sometimes it can feel like you are all alone, and like no one really understands what you are going through. Sometimes, the pain comes in waves, other times it lays dormant, just waiting for a time to slip out and cause me emotional turmoil. There are times that I feel like I am on a roller coaster ride, my feelings and emotions ebb and flow with certain times and seasons.

I have deep longings that I cannot contain sometimes. There are times these deep-seated emotions get triggered and these emotions fall upon me like an avalanche. I have done everything I know possible to wait with a “thankful heart,” but sometimes, I fail miserably, and I sink it a pit of sorrow and despair. I want so desperately to have what I think would bring me joy and excitement. There are some things that I cannot seem to get a hold of at times, and these longings get the better of me. I am desperate to not feel this way, but there are times the enemy sends me little reminders of what I don’t have and before you know it, if I am already tired, sick, or hormonal, then I fall for the lie and the trap of the enemy. I long to keep my emotions and feelings in check and not have them spill out and cause me anguish. I long to be free from the waiting period, and just move on already.

For some of us, the longing in our hearts is for a spouse, for some it is for a child, and for others it is a supportive family. I have several deep, unresolved, longings in my heart. Sometimes, I think, “I have healed from those longings, but then a reminder, and I start the longing all over again.” I did find my companion, my best friend, but I had a child from a previous relationship in my teenage years. I carried a lot of shame for having a child so young. My only child is living a different lifestyle than me, he is my prodigal child. I have waited, prayed, and cried for his return for 9 years. My heart grows heavy sometimes for him, and I realize that I may not see the desire of my heart for grandchildren in this lifestyle. I do know, God has my child, and follows and pursues him, but sometimes, it feels a heavy weight, and I need a time-out to “slip away from the crowds and grieve to God.” I know he hears my cries for my child, but sometimes I wonder, “When will this end?”

I have always desired to have at least 4 children, but early on in our marriage we detected I was having trouble conceiving. I did see a fertility doctor, had surgery, took hormone shots, and waited in faith as my church family told me. Well, the wait is now 12 years. Twelve years to have a child. Some might say, “Well you already have a child.” My answer would be, “Yes, but I was so young and did not enjoy the pregnancy and I long to have a child with my Godly husband and raise the child in the ways of the Lord.” I am pro adoption and of course pro-life, so we tried to adopt through the foster care system, the unfortunate tragedy was that we kept the baby boy for a month, but I was not willing to allow the parents another 6 months to a year to fulfill their service agreement and possibly get their child back. All sorts of fears crept up in me, “I thought if there is a possibility that I may have to give this child up in 6 months or a year if these parents decide to get their acts together, and that may be way too difficult for me.” We decided that foster-adopt would not work for us, because of the heavy risks involved in losing a child, and since we were already undergoing such heartache trying to conceive that this would not be an option for us, but I believe it is a beautiful thing when the right family can take a child from the foster care system. I was so heart-broken after that incident that I was not even wanting to look at foreign or domestic adoption.

My other longing is for my family and my husband’s family to know Jesus, and to be healed of dysfunction, mental illness, and addictions. You see, both our families with the exception of a small few, have tremendous issues. I long for them to receive Christ and for the ones who are battling addiction, mental illness, or some sort of dysfunction to be healed. I have tried to reach them over the years, by sharing the Gospel in word and deed, bringing them to church, trying to help financially, and just listening to them, but several have chosen to go a different path. With all the family turmoil, I did not think it was fair at this point to bring a child into our family through adoption. I just thought, “It would not be fair to subject an innocent child to the family chaos.” I felt all my dreams came crashing down and I begin to shut down. Something closed up inside of me at that time, and I stopped hoping and the heartache became unbearable. I thought, “I can’t being a child into our home when I don’t even want to get out of bed.” Them the depression hits, debilitating, and horrific. I stopped living, caring, stopped desiring, and just stopped everything.

So what happens when you wait, wait, and wait some more, and then your hope gets deferred once again? You have two options, you can redefine your life and move past the waiting or you can stop and remain stuck. So here I am, I am turning 40 in 2 weeks, and I am still in the waiting. I have been in the waiting for 12 years, but I am tired of feeling stuck. I want to move past the waiting. I want to know that if these desires never get fulfilled that I can live and be joyful. I want to also have an incredible faith that says,” Nothing is impossible with God.” I want God to resurrect old dreams if he chooses and give me new desires and dreams.

The reality is desires of the heart that go unfilled for a time can be painful. We need to acknowledge that pain to God. We may need to at times step away from the crowds and be with Jesus, He is the only one who can shed light and bring you the comfort you need. There are times you may need to say,” No “to an activity or function that would be painful or a reminder if you are already feeling weak and vulnerable. Do not push yourself to do anything that God is not leading you to do. Take time for yourself, and be good to yourself. Do things that you enjoy. Repurpose your life. Take a day or however long it takes and slip away with the Lord, and ask Him to show you what He desires for you.

Ask God these questions?

1.       What are your desires for me?

2.       How do I heal my heart and my desires?

3.       How do I repurpose my life?

4.       How do I get unstuck and move past the waiting?

5.       Do you have new dreams for me or do old dreams need to be resurrected again?

Lord Jesus,

We pursue you today and ask that you open our hearts to your will and desires for us. Show us what you desire for us, and how to let go of our fleshy desires. God help us to have an unbelievable faith and help us to build new dreams and show us what old dreams should come back to life. God show us what you have for us, and help us not want anything that is not from you or in your will for us.

In Jesus name, amen

You can reach the author by:

Email @ Stephanie@christianhopecounseling.com

Face book: www.facebook.com/HopeandEncouragement4Women

Blog: www.onlinechristiancounselingforwomen.blogspot.com

Temptation Will Come

As I have counseled with numerous Christians I have come to realize temptation will come. I have seen temptation come in various forms such as addiction, pornography, homosexuality, and marital affairs. The enemy knows where you are the weakest and he will target those areas. If you have any areas in your life that has not be healed or exposed to the light of Jesus, satan can and often does attack in these “hidden” areas.

Here is my go to place, the beach when I feel tempted
 and need to get alone with God. Where is your go to place
when you need to flee, run from temptation?

No matter how strong of a Christian you think you are, temptation will eventually come, and you must know your weaknesses and stand your ground. You might say,” I don’t have to worry about this because I attend church weekly, serve at church, and I have a close walk with the Lord.” That is wonderful and that means you will recognize when temptation comes and what to do when it comes. I have seen and known countless “strong” Christians fall into temptation that lead into deep sin. No Christian is immune from the temptations of satan and his cohorts. We must know what to do when temptation comes and be guarded always. This is nothing new, satan tempted Eve first in the garden and she fell for it! Temptation never comes in its purest, evilest form; instead it comes packaged with a beautiful red bow on top, ready for you to open. The only problem with this beautiful gift is that it is deceiving, once you unwrap (or fall into sin), the box or sin is empty. There is nothing in the box, satan deceived you. The enemy set you up to take the beautiful gift and once you open the box it is hard to return the gift to the sender. However, you can always send the empty box (sin) back by repenting and turning away from that sin.

Not all temptation will led to sin, however, a lot of times if you keep “looking at the beautiful box with its shiny red bow” you will eventually open the box. Turn immediately from temptation. It is not a sin to be tempted, all will be tempted, but temptation is where satan tries to get his hook into you. If satan can get you to look and gaze long enough, he will set you up and hook you into his trap and web of deceit. Now, let’s take the analogy of a fisherman who “hooks” bait on his lure to “catch fish.” Satan “hooks, lures” (tempting things/people) into your life so that you will take the “bait.” We know that when a fish is caught on a hook that hook is lodged into the fish’s throat, it is very difficult for the fish to escape now. When the fish was in the water the fish saw this “shiny, beautiful lure” and the fish was deceived into thinking it was food and the fish took the first bite and was hooked. That is what satan does to us, if he can present that “shiny, lure” (temptation), he hopes we will take the “first bite,” because when we do that we become “hooked.” How many people I have spoken with tell me, “I am hooked on pornography and I can’t stop, I just looked once.” Or I have heard, “I can’t stop this adulterous relationship, I am hooked to this person. It did not start out this way, it was innocent at first, just office flirtation, but now I can’t let them go.” Once you enter into satan’s dark world of sin, you become trapped and ensnared. Think about those words, reflect for a moment, does it appear it would be easy to disengage satan’s throws of sin once he gets you “hooked?”

Don’t think for a moment that once the “hook” goes in, satan will just release you. Let’s go back to the analogy of a fisherman who just caught a fish. The fish is hooked and when the fisherman reels the fish in, the fish fights, but the fish is hooked and is not going anywhere. If you have ever fished, you know once a fish is reeled in the fish only can be released when the fisherman unhooks the fish from the lure. If you want to be released from the “hook” first know satan will put up a fight, there may be a battle to release you and you may want to give up because the battle is difficult, but if you allow Jesus to “unhook” the sin, He can truly release you from the grips of this sin.

There are some key steps to take to OVERCOME temptation and stay away from sin:

1.     FLEE. Flee, run, and get away from all situations that are tempting.

2.     Choose to change your thinking.  When thoughts come (and they will), replace that thought IMMEDIATELY with a faith-filled, positive thought and/or Scripture. DO NOT DWELL, PONDER on the tempting thought. The battlefield starts in your mind first! An example would be when a tempting thought comes replace immediately ( using Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy) with something like, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”

3.    Stay away from ALL tempting places and people. Examples: bar, casino, nightclub, seducing people, people you are attracted to, and any others that are tempting to you.

4.   Be careful to guard your mind from T.V., movies, books, computer, phone (if your phone has internet), and all electronic devices. Replace these if they are a problem, place filters on electronic devices if you have to keep them, and NEVER use these devices ALONE if they are an issue for you. If you are alone in your bedroom and this is a problem for you, shut off ALL electronic devices including phone. Use these devices only when around others. I know this is difficult since we are the “age of technology.” But there is no other way. DO you TRULY want to be free?

5.     Tell someone you trust, a pastor, Christian counselor, or friend. Confess your sins to one another so that you will be healed. James 5:16.

6.     Confess, Repent. Cleanse yourself of all known sins so that you can be healed and receive the forgiveness that is yours in Christ. No condemnation, just God’s forgiveness of sins. That’s why He died for us!

7.    Get an accountability partner if the sin is uncontrollable.

8.   Read the Bible daily, pray daily and as often as needed, and worship Jesus through thanksgiving, praise, and music. This step cannot be underestimated! You cannot get rid of the temptation or sin without replacing God’s truth. The lies of the enemy have to be exposed to the truth of God’s word! You cannot skip this step!

Here are some Scriptures to reflect and meditate on. They are truth and are not from the author but from the Word of God. Do not take what I say or anyone else but what the Word of God says.

For in Christ all the fullness of the Deity lives in bodily form, and you have been given fullness in Christ, who is the head over every power and authority. In Him you were also circumcised, in the putting off of the sinful nature, not with a circumcision done by hands of men but with the circumcision done by Christ, having been buried with Him in baptism and raised with Him through your faith in power of God, who raised Him from the dead. When you were dead in your sins and in the uncircumcision of your sinful nature, God made you alive with Christ. He forgive all your sins, having canceled the written code, with its regulations, that was against us and that stood opposed to us; He took it away, nailing it to the cross. And having disarmed the powers and authorities, he made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them by the cross.    Colossians 2:9-15, NIV.

Praise Jesus! We are not prisoners of sin any longer, He nailed our sins to the cross, know the truth, the enemy cannot hold you captive if you are a born-again Christian! You can tell the enemy he has to flee from you in Jesus name!

Everyone who sins breaks the law; in fact, sin is lawlessness. But you know that He appeared so that He might take away our sins. And in Him is no sin. No one who lives in Him keeps on sinning. No one who continues to sin has either seen Him or known Him.   1 John 4:4-6, NIV.

Once again, we see that if and when we sin we have Jesus, our High Priest to take away our sins. We do not need to live bound in sin any longer.

You adulterous people, don’t you know that friendship with the world is hatred towards God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God. Or do you think Scripture says without reason that the spirit he caused live in us envies intensely? But He gives us more grace. That is why the Scripture says:

“God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.”

Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and He will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will lift you up.    James: 4-10, NIV.

Submit to God, Flee from the devil and repent with sorrow and God will cleanse you and lift you up.

Read carefully and meditate on this Scripture from Galatians 5:16-26

Additional resources from author can be located @ these websites:

Online Christian Counseling:www.gospelguidance.com/advisors/5311-sreck

Latest book publication, Wilderness Mentality, Stop your Stinkin’ 

Thinkin’:www.createspace.com/4036785

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Don't Give Up! Hope for the Wounded and the Downcast

                 

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.”

Psalm 13:12

How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me?

Psalm 13:2

Have you ever asked God, “How much longer? I can’t possibly endure this any longer.”

May the Peace of the Messiah fill you today, breathe! 

What are you struggling with? What has you up at night, and causes you deep distress? If I could hear your answers I can only imagine what your responses may sound like, “I desperately am wanting a Godly marriage, I am waiting for my prodigal child to return home, I long for a child, I suffer in secret with depression, I have an addiction that controls me, my family is toxic and dysfunctional, I suffering from physical illness, I feel rejected and alone, and the list can go on and on. It can be multiple issues you are dealing with, not just one or two. Multiple issues can cause heart-sickness and grief, you can begin to feel hopeless and without cause. You may wonder if others experience the depth of your pain and suffering. You are honestly tired and want to give up. You have tried to “put the mask” on for everybody but you cannot pretend any longer that everything is okay. You may even feel misunderstood and you may have isolated yourself from others for fear of what they would think of you.

You have had enough and your looking to just get by or not by at all. Don’t give up now! Hold and wait once again for the Lord. I know that may sound cliché, especially if you have been hurting a long time with no relief, believe me I understand. I have felt pain and experienced depths of depression that was debilitating. I will encourage you to seek Godly counsel and support, find someone who you trust that will hear your story and show you compassion and encourage you to “get up” again. There are plenty of resources on the internet if you are unable to find someone in your area or even feel more comfortable in your home. Get back into the Word of God and take time to pray, and even cry. You must let out the pain through tears and even through writing (journaling). God knows your pain, but you have to release it. Keeping things “bottled-up” inside can cause depression, anxiety, anger, and a host of physical ailments.

Know who your real enemy is, it’s not God, but the thief who comes only to steal, kill, and destroy (John 10:10). You are in a real battle and the enemy would love to destroy you and whatever purpose God has for you. Get up! Stop letting the enemy walk all over you. Rest, be healed and then fight! Fight for your life, fight for your God-given rights. You are not alone in your suffering, many Christians have endured and walked through severe trials. God does love you and He does have a plan for your life. A plan of hope, victory, peace, and joy over-flowing. You will make it, you will get out of this pit. Let go of your expectations for your life and others and surrender your hopes and dreams to the One who created you. He is not done with you, the story is not over.

Even David in the book of Psalms understood depression.

“Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God.

Psalm 42:5-6, 11; 43:5)

To contact author and to find additional resources: 

www.christianhopecounseling.com

Online Christian Counselors: www.gospelguidance.com/advisors/5311-sreck

You tube videos on HOPE & ENCOURAGEMNT: www.youtube.com/watch?v=fOEx8uKfKE

Hope & Encouragement BLOG: www.onlinechristiancounselingforwomen.blogspot.com

Latest publication, Wilderness Mentality, Stop your Stinkin’ Thinkin: www.createspace.com/4036785

Hope in the Waiting

HOPE AND WAIT FOR HIM

What have you been waiting for God to answer, or what promises are you waiting for Him to fulfill? Waiting is most difficult, and if we are not careful we can grow weary and despondent as we wait. Sometimes we may even lose hope, as hope deferred can make our hearts sick. What lies have you believed about God and His love for you because you are tired in the waiting?

Here are some practical steps that you can take as you wait:

1.      Enjoy your time as you wait. So many of us do not enjoy our lives as we are waiting for things in our lives to be fulfilled.

2.      Stop being all wrought up, anxious, and worried all the time. Have peace as you wait, peace that God does hear and know your prayers and desires.

3.      Stop fretting. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and stop your self-pity. It will only make matters worse. CHOOSE to be thankful for the things that are good in your life, and don’t CHOOSE to reflect on what you don’t have. Actively look, seek the good in your life.

4.      Revive your hope and stir up your dreams and desires again. Take time to ask and seek God for a new vision for your life, and to rekindle the promises that he has already given you.

5.      Seek God first above everything else you desire, you want, or you are waiting for. Simple, but so many of us just don’t put God first. Time in His presence will fill you up and bring answers to your thirsty soul.

6.      Stay away from desiring to have someone else’s life. You are unique and God has a unique plan for your life, so don’t compare your life to others or want what they have.

7.      Be content with the lot you have been given and the lot you are currently in. Contentment breeds peace and joy.

Here are some scriptures that have helped me personally get through the waiting times:

Wait for the Lord,

Be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord. 

Psalm 27:13-14, NIV

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,

For His compassion never fails.

They are new every morning;

Great is your faithfulness.

I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion, therefore, I will wait for Him.”

The Lord is good to those whose hope is in Him, to the one who seeks Him.

Lamentations 3:22-25, NIV

Though He brings grief, He will show compassion, so great is His unfailing love.

For He does not willingly bring affliction or grief to the children of God.

Lamentations 3:31-33, NIV

Here are some things to meditate on from the above scriptures and to replace any lies that you have been believing about God and His love for you as you are waiting:

1.      God encourages us to wait for Him.

2.      The Lord has great love for us and His compassion for us never fails.

3.      The Lord is faithful.

4.      The Lord is good to those who hope in Him, and to the ones who seek Him.

5.      Though God does bring grief, He shows us compassion and great is His unfailing love.

6.      God does not willing bring affliction or grief to His children.

To order a copy of author’s book, Wilderness Mentality, Stop Your Stinkin’ Thinkin’ go to www.createspace.com/4036785

Pain of a Prodigal, A Mother's Perspective

Every soon to be mother begins dreaming for her child that is to be born. Mothers dream that their children will be productive, love their parents and honor them, be who God destined them to be, and fulfill the call and purpose in their life. Mothers dream early on that they will have a close, loving relationship with their child. Mothers see themselves shopping with their daughters and having lunch dates and mothers see themselves at every ball game of their son’s life. Mothers dream of harmony and peace for their child. They desire their child to have to go through minimal pain and heartache in their lives. Mothers dream of the day they child will find and marry their God-given mate and produce Godly grandchildren.

What happens when all those dreams become shattered, crushed, and torn? A mother is thrown a lot of the times into deep despair and discouragement and sometimes even depression. A mother will often go through a series of grief encounters. Sometimes a mother accepts this tragedy and finds some comfort that her child is far away from the things of God, and other times the mother grieves in her spirit. She has a pain that no one can see. A type of “hole” in her heart, a slow leak. You may see this mother at the grocery store or even at your church. Most likely every mother’s day and every holiday she feels pain. She gets that reminder, as she sees the other children with their parents that her child is once again not there.  She tries not to show too much emotion but she is overcome in private with a whirlwind of emotions. She wonders what went wrong and how much longer. Every phone call she holds her breath, for she does not know if this time it will be the dreaded phone call. Every unexpected knock on the door startles her. Fear takes over her mind more times than she would like to admit. She realizes that fear does not come from God, but sometimes fear gets the best of her. Sometimes, this mother is up at night, can’t sleep; disturbed. Other times she is up warfare praying for her child. Regardless, her sleeping is not as peaceful and restful as it once was.

This mother waits year after year for the return of her prodigal child. Each year she grows more wearied and despaired. The waiting is excruciating. There are good moments and even peaceful times, but a mother forgets their child and never forgets what or where they might be. Sometimes to survive she has to put this out of her mind and “pretend” all is okay with her. She has tried to discuss this with other mothers, but they can only understand so much about the plight of a mother waiting for the return of her child. They can only understand the unresolved grief that plagues her, and how sometimes she is strong and other days she is weak and wearied from the crying and waiting.

What is a mother to do in this type of pain? How does she continue to hold on when her world seems to be flooding her with overwhelming circumstances? She sees and knows her child is in a desperate situation. Some prodigal children lose everything and a mother has to sit there and watch her child suffer. She knows if she intervenes as she has done in the past so many times, that it only makes matters worse. How difficult it is to not intervene. A mother’s love will always want to intervene when they see their child in trouble; it’s natural and normal. It is not normal for a mother to do nothing when she sees her child yet again suffer a consequence. As mothers we understand that if we continue to bail out our children from their difficulty they may never learn and turn from their destructive ways.

So what is a mother to do as she waits?

1.      Take time for yourself. You have to take regularly time for yourself because of the enormous stress having a prodigal can have, it is vital that you take regular time for yourself. I like to call them retreat days. Pamper yourself during those times.

2.      Have daily time under the cover of the Lord and Savior. Also, incorporate at least 1x monthly retreat days with God. Journal during those times, listen for God, pray, worship, sit outside and rest and wait for God to refresh your soul and spirit.

3.      Exercise. Walking is a great stress reliever.

4.      Find at least one friend who you can trust and pray together, laugh together and have a “girl day.”

5.      If you are married, have your spouse pray over you regularly and pray together in intercession weekly for your child. Praying in agreement is powerful.

6.      Worship and sing praises to our Lord. Praise will defeat the enemy and send him running!

7.      Play relaxation music at every chance you can. Soft melodies, jazz, nature music, and even classical.

8.      Take bubble baths and light candles, bring your relaxation music in your bathroom as well.

9.      Do something fun at least 1x per week.

10.  Find a creative outlet, painting, drawing, and writing.

11.  Go to the movie or rent a movie on something funny or inspirational.

12.  Date your husband. Go on at least 2 planned dates a month with your spouse.

13.  Do not talk non-stop about your prodigal child. Assign 20 minutes a day to discuss your child and then move on to something else.

14.  Incorporate nature into your life, walk on the beach, watch and/or feed birds, ride bikes or walk on nature trail.

15.  Be gentle with yourself and forgive yourself. Love yourself, take care of yourself. Let go of all false guilt and false responsibility.

16.  Live one day at a time and do not live in fear and terror.

17.  Do not take on other heavy loads and burdens. Having a prodigal child is a heavy enough load and burden to carry. If you have other family members that are difficult and needy, you will need to let go of them and let God intervene. God will not put more on you than you can handle.

18.  Stay away from getting entangled in other people’s problems and lives. You can pray and encourage someone but do not get entangled. The enemy would love to burden you with not just your prodigal but everyone else’s problems.

19.  If you are not able to attend church on holidays or mother days because of the intensity of the grief, don’t.

20.  Find other things in your life to focus on instead of your prodigal all the time.

21.  Live in HOPE! Never, lose hope and wait expectedly upon the Lord.

If you are in need of additional help or prayer, contact author @ www.christianhopecounseling.com for online counseling, support and prayer. She understands your pain and what you are going through. You ar