Why We Suffer?

Use suffering to build your character. Don’t resent it or let it tear you down. When we suffer, if we faithfully represent Christ, our message and example affect others for good. Our inner attitudes do not have to reflect our outward circumstances. It is easy to get discouraged about unpleasant circumstances or to take unimportant events to seriously. Some people think that troubles are always caused by sin or lack in faith, trails may be a part of God’s plan for believers. Experiencing problems and persecutions can build character and perseverance and sensitivity toward others who also face trouble. Problems are unavoidable for God’s people. Your troubles may be a sign of effective Christian living.

Some people turn to God with the hope of escaping suffering on earth, but God does not promise that. Instead He gives us power to grow through our suffering. James does not say if you face trials, but when you face them. He assumes we will have trials and that it is possible to profit from them. James tells us to turn our hardships into times of learning. We can’t really know the depth of our character until we see how we react under pressure. We should see our struggles as opportunities for growth.

The key to surviving trials are patience and faith. When we are faced with crushing troubles, we can have faith that God is using our trials for good and for His glory. Knowing God is fair and just will give us patience in our suffering because we know that He has not forgotten us. In God’s perfect timing, He will relieve our suffering. Can you trust God’s timing?

As we live for Christ we will experience troubles because we are trying to be God’s people in a perverse world. Our problems can help us look upward and forward instead of inward. They can build strong character and they can provide us with opportunities to comfort others who are also struggling.

Read Philippians chapter 1 and 1 Thessalonians chapter 3

When Hope is Lost

Do you ever feel like you have been beaten down by life and the cares of this life? God knows and cares. He sees and knows every tear you have cried. Please don’t give up, even if it is painful and unrelenting now. Keep going, God promises to work ALL things out for good who love Him and are called according to His purposes (Romans 8:28). You may have been going through intense times of suffering and lose, and you feel you cannot manage one more day. Surrender today your hurt and pain, to the One who can take your pain and redeem you. What you’re going through is just for a season, it won’t last forever. Though it may feel like forever, it will not be forever.

Get up today and declare you will be victorious over this pain or trial. Don’t react to your circumstances but act on the truth of God’s Word. Stand and be still and know that God is there. It does not always feel like God is there when we have lost hope or endured tragedy after tragedy, but God knows your situation and does not plan to leave you in this state. Would you step out today, and say to God, “Restore my hope and cause good to come out of my pain.” Just step out in faith and ask and He will hear you.

You are more than a conqueror through Jesus Christ. No matter what you have done, there is still hope. You might say, “Oh, I have messed up so many times…” Get up today and start over with Christ’s help. No matter what your circumstance looks like, you can have hope. So don’t give up or give into the lies of the enemy that would just want you to give up and lose all hope. When we lose hope, we sink into depression. Without hope there is no light but darkness.

There is hope for your situation no matter how bleak it looks. No matter how long it has been going on, or how long you have been praying. Stir up hope today in your spirit. The enemy would tell you it’s hopeless and would want you to stop believing in the goodness of God. God is good and He does have a good plan for your life.

Meditate and confess these scriptures daily:

No one whose hope is in you will be put to shame. Psalm 25:3

You are my God and Savior, and my hope is in you all day long. Psalm 25:5

May your unfailing love rest upon us, O Lord, even as we put our hope in you. Psalm 33:22

In your name I will hope, for your name is good. Psalm 52:9

Find rest, o my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from Him. Psalm 62:5

I have put my hope in your word. Psalm 119:74

Sustain me according to your promise, and I will live; do not let my hopes be dashed. Psalm 119:116

May the God of hope fill you with joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

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Learning to Love Like Jesus

How I wanted to love like Jesus, I just had been through so many hurts throughout my life that it made it difficult. I had studied on spiritual warfare, healing, and my identity in Christ, but I had not studied anything about love. I began to realize that I would never have peace until I learned how to love. I knew I did not have the ability to love, but I did believe that God could love through me.

How do we learn to love like Jesus? By spending time with Him. We have to know God’s love for us before we can give it out to others. If we don’t love ourselves or don’t understand God’s love for us, we will not be able to love anyone else. The better you understand Jesus and Hid love for you, the more you will be able to love others.

But God showed His love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8.

For God loved the world, that He gave His only son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16

I wonder what would happen if we as Christians would love the lost and dying world like Christ.

Love does not discriminate. Jesus gravitated to people that were not considered holy or the best in the society. Jesus did not have a standard on the types of people who He would love. Love takes the time for people. No matter how busy Jesus was He always made time for others. Is your schedule too busy to care for the needs of others? Love is honest and transparent. Jesus was clear in the way He dealt with people. His love was never rooted in hate or anger, but truth. And He said to him, “You should love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the greatest and first commandment. And a second is like it: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” Matthew 22:37-39

We are to have compassion on sinners for whom Christ died. We can love sinners by showing them respect, praying for them, and witnessing to them. We are not to take part in another’s sin. We can love the sinner by speaking truth in LOVE (Ephesians 4:15).

How to Accept Your Life Just the Way It Is

The Serenity Prayer

Have you ever told yourself, “Life is not fair?” Have you struggled with the reality of the way your life has turned out? Did you have different dreams and hopes for your life?

One of the best ways to deal with the unfairness of life is acceptance-accepting that this is how things are and how you can find ways around it to thrive better. You have to learn how to navigate your life differently. If what you are doing is not working, such as, hoping and wishing things were different in your life; you need to change the direction in your thinking and responses to these adverse events in your life. Acceptance may seem harsh, but living in the cycle of continual dashed hopes is exhausting. 

Your life plan will not look like everyone else’s life plan. Stop comparing what other people have and you don’t.

Living in a continually state of surrender, and letting go of control can be a challenge; especially if life has not quite worked out the way you thought it would. You can try and control your environment, other people, but you will end-up frustrated. Letting go of things that are out of your control is a key step to acceptance.

We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope.

Marin Luther King, Jr.

Focus on you. It is not your job to fix everyone else’s drama. Accept the fact that some people may not want to change, and you have to accept this reality. You may need to accept that some people are not good for you, and learn to release them fully into God’s care.

Learning to let go of things that are not in your best interest can ease stress and lift your mood. Trying to change people or continually trying to fix them, will cause you to live in a state on continually unrest.

When you begin to ACCEPT your life as it is there will be benefits. Does this mean you should stop praying, believing, and hoping? Absolutely not! However, you may need to step into the reality of how things are right now, but always keep the door of hope open. If you are living in a state of looking at others’ lives wanting what they have, or wanting a different life; then you are in jeopardy of discontentment. Acceptance of your lot in life can bring less stress, you will be able to let go of past trauma, your mood will improve, your sleep will be better, you will be more content, depression will decrease or maybe even completely lift, and you will feel more control over your life.

When you have things in your life that linger or that bother you daily, it is time for a change. Many people linger on about things that are out of their control, this can bring stress, depression, and anxiety. Learning to count your blessings every day is a start to accepting your life. In other words, what is right in your life? REFOCUS. Instead of reflecting on what you do not have, start choosing to see what you do have. Keep your mind off the situations in your life that cause you the most depression and anxiety. Instead cast your cares on God (1 Peter 5:7). Cast your cares, and then go do something else, don’t stew over them over and over.

Not that I am speaking in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. Philippians 4:11

And He said to them, “Take care, and be on your guard against all covetousness, for one’s life does not consist in the abundance of possessions.” Luke 12:15

What are some things that you may need to let go of?

There Are Heath Benefits to Counting Your Blessings

Feeling down? Want a technique to immediately lift your mood? Think about something that you are thankful for! Repeating this daily can permanently change and lift your mood. This will also have the potential to effect those closest to you. You have the potential to rewire your brain by continual grateful thoughts.

Focusing on your blessings instead of what you do not have can bring real health benefits. Thinking about all what you do not have or lack can have the opposite effect, and it can produce negative health issues. There is always something that you can be thankful for. This can be a bit of a challenge if you have gone through many trials and heartaches. If you had formed a habit of thinking about all that is wrong in your life, it will take some time to form a new habit of choosing thankfulness.

Benefits to becoming more thankful:

An increase of good feelings. Grateful people tend to be optimistic, thus creating more feel good emotions.

Overall you will have a greater sense of well-being, contentment, relaxation, and calmness.

Happier memories. You can choose to be thankful for the good that was in your past and not reflect and dwell on all the negative components.

Less envious of others. Gratitude reduces a multitude of toxic emotions, such as envy, regret, frustration, and resentment. Gratitude has been linked to increased happiness and reduction of depression.

Healthier marriage. Being thankful for the little things your spouse does can make your relationship stronger, instead of pointing out the wrong that they do.

More friendships. Gratitude deepens friendships.

Improved sleep. Spending as little as 10-15 minutes daily reflecting on your blessings can help you sleep better, especially before bedtime.

Get sick less often, and grateful people experience fewer aches and pains and feel overall healthier. 

Grateful people take better care of themselves.

Increased energy, empathy, and optimism.

Increase in self-esteem and value and appreciate the accomplishments of others.

More productive at work, as well as better time management and goal achievement.

Reduces stress and new research is showing that gratitude reduces trauma. Recognizing all that you have to be thankful for, especially during tough times can make you more resilient. Being grateful can help you cope with daily problems better.

Able to let go of controlling outcomes. You do the best that you can do and work towards the best possible outcome, but you are able to let-go and let the “chips” fall where they may. Being thankful for allowing your life to happen on God’s terms allows for greater peace.

Allow others to be a work in progress as well as yourself. If you’re in a continual state of being grateful for all progress that you and others make, in turn it will make you happier with yourself and others. Being able to accept yourself and others, creates harmony and peace.

Feeling sorry for yourself, having self-pity, or complaining will decrease your mental, spiritual, and physical health. Try exchanging self-pity with gratitude and see if you feel a difference. Change your focus from reflecting on what is lacking in your life, to what is good in your life. Being grateful redirects your focus from what is troubling or worrying you, to what is good. Gratitude separates our attitude from our circumstances so that our current reality does not drag us down.

Being grateful is not just a one day occurrence, it must be cultivated daily to reap the benefits. You can choose to say your blessings out loud or even write them out. Start your day off right, FIRST THING in the morning CHOOSE to say something you are grateful for. It will get your day started on a positive note.

This is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118:24

Giving thanks always for all things to God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. Ephesians 5:20

What about you, what are you thankful for today? Share with our readers. 

Pruning Must Happen for New Growth

If you are a gardener you understand that most flowers have to be pruned regularly for new growth to happen. Pruning allows dead flowers to be cut away so that the new growths can erupt. Just as with flowers that need to be trimmed for more beautiful and bigger growths to happen, we need to be regularly “pruned” in our spiritual lives.

No one likes to be pruned while it’s happening, but some things in our lives need to be removed that are hindering our growth.

How to you know you are being pruned for new growth?

1. What you are doing is longer working. You keep trying to force things to work, but you are not able to make things work. (This does apply to marriage, unless it for improvement not for divorce).
2. You no longer have peace. You may have had peace before in this situation, but now the peace has been removed. This is God getting you ready for change.
3. The grace for the situation you are in has left. That means now it feels like work, and you no longer enjoy what you’re doing. You begin to dread whatever is being pruned. There is resistance here, because it is hard to let go of things that once maybe brought peace and God’s grace; however, if after a period of time (not being led by emotions and feelings), you have been in prayer and God is opening the door to release you; that may mean God is removing what may be getting in the way of what He has for you next.
4. Your flesh initially will not like the changes, and possibly you will resist them. It never feels good to surrender and let go of things that have been a part of our lives. Difficulty arises also in not wanting to let others down. Maybe God is calling you to let go of a friendship that is not good for you, or maybe God is asking you to not be involved with certain people or organizations that could hinder your walk with Him. This will not feel good to your flesh, BUT if you sense God’s supernatural peace-walk in faith and trust God!

Why is being pruned important for our spiritual growth?

1. It allows whatever maybe hindering you or holding you back from reaching your potential and purpose.
2. It will allow more peace and joy into your life. If God is pruning or removing something from your life, it is for your good.
3. Whatever was “dead” in your life that is not producing any life; must be removed so that new life can come into your life. The old has to be removed to make way for the new. If you resist this and question why God is doing this, you could very likely not move into what God has for you and may even miss a blessing.
4. It also allows us to see that God is enough, He is sufficient. If a relationship is removed, then we have the opportunity to rely completely on God.
5. A temporary decrease in your life, will eventually bring an increase in your life. Just because something is removed from your life, does not mean that space will be empty forever. Just like when you prune a plant, at first the plant looks bear, empty; but after several weeks’ tiny little buds of new growth happens.
6. God’s pruning redirects our spiritual growth. Sometimes a door is shut in an area we have been serving in, or we do not get the opportunity to serve where we would have liked to, but this can serve as purpose to redirect and refocus our energy and time in an area God knows we will be more effective.

“Every branch in me that bears not fruit he takes away; and every branch that bears fruit, he purges it…” John 15:2

“I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in Me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from Me you can do nothing.” John 15:5

Can you see how God may be pruning your life now? If so, in what ways? It never feels good to have things removed from our lives, but know it is for your good and for your growth. 

5 Reasons We Compare Ourselves to Others

You are unique, one of a kind, really you are! What happens when you look to others to find out how to act or even what to do? Disappointment and frustrated. We were not made to copy other people’s lives. God created each one of us different, with different talents, abilities, and gifts. You may admire someone else’s gifts, but if you try and copy what they are doing you will end up very frustrated. We can never do exactly what someone else does. If we look to another person and what they are doing, we can lose who we are. We will never truly be happy with someone else’s life!

5 reasons we compare ourselves and even try to replicate what others do:

1.      Insecurity. We do not know who we are in Christ or what God has called us to do individually, so we look to others to figure it out.

2.      Fear. We want to be well-liked and approved of. We try and fit-in and do what everybody else is doing.

3.      Listening to others. Many people can give you ideas about your life’s calling, but you must hear and confirm it with God. What does God say He wants you to do?

4.      Failure. If you have failed in the past for any reason, it can make it harder to follow on that same path again or a similar path, so it is easier to follow the path of another.

5.      Lack of confidence. This confidence has to come from Christ alone, not self; however, some have no confidence in what Christ can do through them and find it easier to do what everyone else is doing.

What if you stepped-out today, and believed that you are unique, distinctive, and special? Meaning you will not think, act, or behave like anyone else? You will not have the same calling from God as everyone else. You will even have a distinct path in finding your life’s purpose. If you want to know your life’s direction, stop comparing your life to others, and ask God what He desires for you to do. God may have something very specific for you and it does conform to what the “group” is doing. If you feel different and that you have tried to mold yourself after others and it never works, then maybe it is time to stop copying and be who God created you to be.

Keep your eyes focused on Jesus and His blueprint for your life. It is okay to have role models and people that inspire you, but trying to do exactly what they are doing will cause you to be defeated. Comparing ourselves to others will always make us feel inferior about ourselves. We were not meant to be like anyone else. If someone reacts a certain way or does something differently than you would, that is okay! You will not always respond like everyone. God has given you a brain and DNA that no one else has. Embrace your uniqueness, see it as a gift from God. Love yourself and stop beating yourself up for not being able to be like everyone else, not even the people in the church! Love who God created you to be, God does.

Thoughts to ponder: What is it that you need to accept and love about yourself? How do you need to stop comparing yourself to others? Can you begin to believe that you have been uniquely created?

Dealing with the Spirit of Suicide

This is a difficult and sensitive subject to talk about. Many have dealt with thoughts of suicide, and have been too fearful to tell someone. Having generational curses and familiar spirits in this area can cause you to have a bent towards these spirits. A bent meaning, a weakness towards feeling or having thoughts of suicide. Usually this spirit is very patient and can wait as long as it needs to gain advantage during times of weakness. A spirit of death has one intention and that is to destroy.

This is very real, though we do not wage war against flesh and blood, but unseen forces. These demons are unseen, but can be discerned spiritually as very real to us. We may hear a voice or voices in our minds that say,” You can have relief from all your pain.” You can even hear demonic voices that can taunt you with thoughts that God does not love you, or that you have messed up so badly that there is one solution-death. Be mindful that if you have a family history of mental illness, suicide, or depression; these familiar spirits will try and destroy your life.

Remember Elijah in the Bible (1 Kings 19:4), he asked God to kill him and so did Abimelech (Judges 9:54). There are ones in the Bible that contemplated and even succeeded in suicide. I believe the voice that is heard to harm oneself comes straight from the pit of hell. The mind is the battlefield. The enemy will trespass our minds and plant thoughts that are contrary to the thoughts of God. Every thought that comes into your mind, is not coming from Christ.

One of the reasons that a lot of people attempt suicide is because suicide is in their family history. When one or more family members submit to an evil spirit to commit suicide, that same spirit can persuade other family members to do the same thing. This also can include not only suicide but idolatry, divorce, pornography, addiction, lying, witchcraft, rebellion, etc. Evil spirits will live in a family line as long as they can, and will look for ones who will host them. When a person is joined together with someone who is under the influence of evil spirits they too will start to experience the same evil influence.  

The first thing to recognize in dealing with this spirit is to know it is not your thoughts. God does not bring these thoughts to you, but the destroyer, satan does. Secondly, you must enter into prayer whether you feel like it or not. Prayer is a powerful weapon against the forces of darkness. The enemy must flee at the name of Jesus Christ. Plead the blood of Jesus over yourself, your home, and family. Thirdly, if this is generational, you must be aware of the enemy’s plan to use this against you and break familiar spirits and generational curses off your bloodline. Lastly, get in the Word of God and let the truth speak to you over the lies of the enemy.

Resources and Prayers:

www.praise-andworship.com/spiritual-warfare-prayer.html

www.savvyinternetladies.com/blog/biblestudy/swhandbk.pdf

www.battleinchrist.com/deliverance/.../prayer-for-deliverance-from-evil-spirits/

Causes of Offense

Breaking the chains of offense can set you free!

A definition of offense is an annoyance or resentment brought about by a perceived insult or disregard for one’s standards or principals.

Synonyms for offense: annoyance, anger, resentment, indignation, irritation, wrath and displeasure.

Those who are easily offended are usually described as “wounded, hurt, insulted, angry, or disappointed.”  When someone gets offended, they take everything personally. Scripture teaches however, if we keep our focus upon God and His Word, He will maintain peace in our hearts that can withstand offense, “Great peace have those who love your law, and nothing can make them stumble.” Psalm 119:165; “You will keep him in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you.” Isaiah 26:3

Causes of Offense:

Unhealed past wounds/hurts:

There are Christians who are “touchy” or extremely sensitive. They spend much of their time hurt or upset at people and at circumstances. For these types of Christians, we should be patient and gentle with them, encouraging them. There are reasons they are so sensitive, it could be a past hurt or wound that has not been healed. Any wound or hurt that has not been healed can cause a person to misinterpret others and their responses to them. Sensitive feelings can be a way that Satan uses to oppress people. This can be seen by people not experiencing joy or peace because of being easily offended by others.

Focusing too much on self:

Hurt feelings and being easily offended usually has something to do with self, such as, “I did not get my way or what I wanted.” We must die to self, and become totally immersed in the identity of Jesus Christ. When we die to self, we will become immune to offenses. Die to self-will that demands justice for my rights that have been violated. Our heart attitudes must be right when seeking a solution to our offense. We must approach the person who offended us in meekness and humility.

False expectations:

People will fail us and they will disappoint us. Expectations should not be placed upon humans, but Christ alone. Although Christians are forgiven and have Christ living in them, they will sometimes fail and make mistakes.

Feeling entitled:

Many root causes of offense is the feeling of entitlement. When someone disrespects you, you feel offended and feel the need to “get back,” at them. Maybe someone hurt you from your past, and you feel that you will never allow anyone to hurt you again or disrespect you.

Feeling ignored or overlooked:

If someone passed by you and did not say, “Hello,” or they did not invite you to lunch. Or maybe you have been going though a trial and no one seems to have noticed your plight or reached out to you.

Offenses left unrestrained can lead to bitterness, anger, resentment, complaining, and murmuring. Offenses that are held onto to can cause a Christian to be hindered in their spiritual growth, it can build walls in relationships, can lead to potential sickness, and cause bondages in a person’s life that can open the door to demonic strongholds such as discouragement, fear, negative attitudes, critical spirit, and feelings of rejection. When a Christian applies forgiveness, grace, and mercy it can remove all offense and one can experience greater peace, joy, love, more openness in relationships, and spiritual growth and maturity.

If we see or hear something in another Christian that offends us, we should examine ourselves first. Since the faults we see in others are usually the same ones we have ourselves, we should be careful when correcting others. We need to be certain we have dealt with that problem in our lives first.

Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense. Proverbs 19:11

With all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. Ephesians 4:2-3

Share with our readers how you have overcome offense.

7 things to do When You are disappointed

A relationship does not work out, a job does not go through, or your prodigal child that you have been praying for does not seem to leave their rebellious life. We all have experienced times of disappointment, and it is a normal part of life. What is important to know is that if disappointment is not dealt with, it can eventually lead to depression. This is a scheme from the enemy. Something you really wanted does not work out, you dwell on why it did not work out, and eventually you begin to feel depressed. Your thoughts will always follow your behavior.

7 Things to do when you feel disappointed:

1.     Consider that what may have not worked out could be God’s doing. Perhaps, He was protecting you from something you did not even know about.

2.     Go before God and ask Him to help you deal with your disappointment, and to show you the truth.

3.    Take every thought captive. Do not let your mind wander and think whatever it wants. When something disappointing has happened in your life it is natural to want to feel sorry for yourself or even think about it endlessly, but do not go there! IT IS A TRAP THAT WILL LEAD TO DEPRESSION.

4.    Do not feel sorry for yourself and “lick your wounds.” Go to God and tell Him how you feel and then release the need to feel sorry for what has happened to you.

5.   Realize that everyone, not just you, will have times that things disappoint them. It is what you do with the disappointment that will make the difference.

6.     Get up again. Shake it off. Cry if you need to, but then move on! That may sound harsh, but it is not. The enemy would love for you to “camp out” in your disappointment. He hopes you will stay a while so that it will develop into total despair.

7.    Sit at Jesus’ feet as long as you need to for Him to speak to you and lift off whatever is causing you to feel disappointed.

All kinds of discouraging encounters can happen to us. When they seem to pile-up on us, that is when we need to be most aware. One disappointment in our lives can be tough, but when a series of disappointments come at us, that can paralyzing if we are not careful. Recognize those times in your life when it seems that one thing after another is occurring in your life to bring you discouragement. Discouragement is always rooted from the pits of hell, and is never originated from God. Check the source, is it God bringing discouragement or the enemy? Think about where you are at in your life that so much discouragement is coming your way. It is always a set-up to defeat you.

Ask yourself the following questions:

1.      Are you getting free from some sin area in your life, or have completely been set-free from some  long-term sin in your life?

2.      Are you standing for the truth in God’s Word?

3.      Are you using your life to better the Kingdom of God?

4.      Have you recently given your testimony somewhere?

Answering yes to any of the above questions could be a very good indicator why so much discouragement has come your way. Ask God to show you. Keep moving forward, do not stop and look at all what has gone wrong, and resist the enemy and he will flee from you. Worshiping and praising God will lift off feelings of discouragement. Keeping things in perspective as well as counting all that is a blessing in your life will help.

What about you? How do you deal with disappointment in your life? Share your story, leave a comment. Others will be blessed by your words.  Thank you and may God bless you!

The Journey of the Prodigal Parent

This article is written primarily for prodigal parents who are in the journey of having a prodigal child. The definition of journey is the act of traveling from one place to the next. Sometimes when you are traveling there are places that you have never been before, roads that are rough, and there are times your destination takes a little bit longer than you hoped.

 As a prodigal parent, I would like to share with you some things that may bring you comfort.

No one ever hopes their child will be rebellious and turn from the things of the Lord. Most Christian parents have this dream that their children will follow the Lord and serve Him. It is devastating and heart-wrenching to watch your child make poor choices that will hurt him or her. Many prodigal parents feel all alone and ashamed of their child’s behavior. It is also common for prodigal parents to experience guilt, depression, sadness, and grief. There are times that you may feel like you are on a roller coaster ride, as your child hurts or has another consequence come upon them for their behavior; you can feel the sadness of all this.

There will be moments when you feel hopeless and full of despair. Friends and family who have not gone through this journey may not always understand what you are going through. They mean well, but sometimes their comments can hurt you more. It can be a very lonely journey. Most parents bask in their child’s achievements, but a prodigal parent oftentimes remains silent when other parents are glowing about their children.

Holidays, and particularly Mother’s day and Father’s day can be quite difficult. It can be a reminder as to what you are missing in your life, and the rawness that you have in your heart. You do try and smile and pretend you are okay, hoping that no one can see through your pain. You wonder if anyone really knows the suffering you feel.

Then there are those days where you are at peace with your prodigal. You feel strong and hopeful. However, without warning; you can be thrown right back into the despair. You can feel like there maybe something seriously wrong with you. How could anyone experience these range of emotions?

You wonder some days, will this journey ever end? Will I ever see my son or daughter turn from their rebellious ways? Will I be able to push through another day again?

I believe we can talk to God like a friend, and that is just what I do. I tell Him exactly how I feel. I no longer shove my hurt and pain away, but I bring it to the One that can do something about it. After I talk with God as my friend, I pray to Him like my Father. Sometimes during this I cry, I weep, and sometimes I sit still before Him.

It is okay to tell God how you really feel. Here is my poem expressing to God how I feel about my prodigal son:

Lord, you see my pain and my tears,

You know my fears.

I am tired and weak,

But your face I will seek.

Where else can I run but to you?

This journey has been quite the ride,

And I often feel afflicted on every side.

My hope is in you!

I feel angry and sad, and

Sometimes I feel mad.

Is it over yet, Lord?

My heart is overwhelmed with grief,

But I know you will bring me relief.

My hope is in you!

Our hope is in Jesus Christ, not our child! Hold on tightly to Jesus, cling to Him. He has heard every prayer concerning your child. He has seen every tear you have cried. IF YOU NEED TO CRY, THEN CRY. IF YOU NEED TIME TO YOURSELF, THEN TAKE TIME TO GET REFRESHED. ENJOY YOUR LIFE AS YOU ARE ON THIS JOURNEY, AND LET GOD TAKE OVER WHERE YOU ARE NOT ABLE TO!

Share your story with me as a prodigal parent. I would love to hear from you, and share support and prayers. Blessings to you as you go through this journey.

Keep Your Thoughts on Jesus Not Your Circumstances

What have you been thinking about lately? Are your thoughts centered on the goodness of God, or the cares and concerns of this world? It is easy to think about all that is wrong with us, the world, or those around us. If we are not careful, we can get consumed in our negative thinking. This type of thinking will almost certainly make us feel discouraged and possibly even depressed. So, why do we tend to think of our problems more than focusing on the greatness of God? One theory is that it makes us feel better, or so we think that it does. In reality, those thoughts that we have that reflect our difficult circumstances can actually make us feel worse. Keeping our eyes focused on what is wrong instead of what is right in our lives, is surely a scheme and trap from the enemy. If the enemy can get you to focus on what he is showing you, you will live in defeat and not the victory that is yours in Jesus Christ. You may be saying, “Yeah, but you don’t know my problems.” True, I don’t, but nothing is too big for Jesus to solve or to handle. Instead of worrying, fretting, analyzing, or fearing the worst case scenario, how about instead praising God that He will work all things out for the good of those that love Him Romans 8:28).

Changing our thinking and perspective to focus on the power of Jesus instead of our problems, can seem strange at first, especially if you have had a habit of negativity. Start by acknowledging that your way is not working, and confess to Jesus that your mind has been a mess and you need His help to overcome this area in your life. God desires that you live in peace, this will not come by keeping your eyes on all that is wrong. Even if everything seems wrong in your life, and there is much difficulty surrounding you; there is always something to be thankful for. Challenge yourself this week to reflect on things that you can be thankful for. Don’t let the enemy bog you down with his lies that there is nothing good in your life. Even if some of your prayers have gone unanswered, keep believing that God’s ways are better and His timing is perfect. Settle in your mind that you do not have to have everything figured out or even perfect to enjoy life. God wants you to start enjoying life, but that cannot happen until you begin to focus your thoughts on things above.

If a thought enters your mind that is unwholesome or not praise worthy, cast it down! Don’t dwell or ponder on negative reports or thoughts that are not aligned with the Word of God. God is good, the enemy and his plans are not. God is the author of all that is good, the enemy is the creator of all that is evil.

Do your thoughts need an overhaul? Do you need to repent for your thoughts? If a situation arises that is most difficult to you, STOP first=Stop and pray, Trust that God will intercede for you, Oppose the enemy at his onset, and Praise the Lord for the victory that shall come. Remember when a stressful and difficult situation arises, don’t resort back to taking your eyes off Jesus, but STOP! This little acronym can keep your eyes focused on Jesus and cause you to live in peace, joy, and constant victory. Keeping your eyes on the problem will keep you defeated every time.

Share with me ways that you keep your eyes focused on Jesus instead of your problems. I would love to hear from you! Blessings of the Lord be upon you.

The Effects on Adult Children of Divorce

The divorce of one’s parent’s is generally one of the most painful events in life. The adult child can reasonably expect to go through a grieving process, even if they are aware of a history of marital discord. Research indicates that divorce is life’s second highest stressor, second only to death of a loved one. Healing and recovery for adult children of divorce (ACOD) does not happen overnight, it can take years; and their recovery process has been compared to that of a recovering alcoholic.

Oftentimes, ACOD, lack the emotional support to get them through this time. There is a misconception that divorce is harder on younger children, but some research studies have shown that divorce is harder on adult children. In addition to feelings of great loss, the ACOD, can find themselves in all sorts of uncomfortable situations that younger children are spared; such as your parents confiding in you and leaning on you for support. Divorce has long-term consequences for grown children. It primarily affects relationships, your ability to trust, and the loss of availability that can happen when parents remarry and start relationships with their new families. Children, oftentimes do not have the emotional intelligence yet to process this, but ACOD do. ACOD and younger children of divorce will experience loss that comes from losing their childhood home, time as a family, holidays spent together, but the ACOD will experience greater levels of stress and responsibility.

Common effects divorce has on adult children:

1.      Anger- this can be directed at either parents or one parent. Anger is part of the grieving process, so there will be times you will feel anger; and perhaps not just anger at your parents but the new family that has appeared to take your place.

2.     Stress and feelings of additional responsibility- you may feel like you have to take sides, or that you are being disloyal if you spend more time with one parent than the other. You may feel responsible for helping them with their loss, and that just adds to your already stress that you are feeling. You may be constantly worried about their well-being, and take on more of their emotions.

3.      Security and self-worth issues- some ACOD absorb the guilt of their parents’ divorce, and in turn security and self-worth are affected. Everything the ACOD knew to be true about their parent’s marriage, makes them wonder if they can trust and find security with anyone.

4.      Feelings of abandonment, loneliness, rejection, and inferiority- Where do I fit in, becomes a common theme for the aCOD, in particularly if the parent has remarried and has a new family.

5.      Perfectionism can develop- The ACOD will strive to make sure that no more crisis in their lives or the lives of others will happen. The strive to prove their worth and value, and oftentimes become overachievers; in particular if they feel they are having to compete for the attention of their parents new spouse or children.

6.      Depression and anxiety- There has been a loss, and there will be times of profound sadness. Anxiety usually stems from the constant worry and stress that accompanies divorce.

If you are an ACOD, know that you are not alone in your feelings. My parents were married for over 35 years when they divorced, though they had marital problems; I never truly believe they would ever divorce. It was traumatic for me to lose the family that I had known all those years. It came at a most difficult time as well, after losing both of my grandparents; who I was very close to, my parents divorced. It was multiple losses for me. So be on guard if you are an ACOD, there may be other losses in your life that can increase your grieving process.

I am learning to adjust to my parent’s divorce, both are remarried with new families. I still don’t know where I fit in sometimes. I am trying to find a new normal. My parent’s divorce was one of the hardest things that I have gone through, and them getting remarried was just as hard. It has been 11 years since my parent’s divorced, and I am just at a place in my life that I can process it all. I always desired that my parents would get back together, but now they are both remarried; I have had to face those terms. But today, I choose to surrender my grief to Jesus Christ and allow Him to make all things right in my life. It is not what I wanted nor planned, but God does promise to work all things out for good for those that love Him and are called according to His purposes (Romans 8:28).