Word of Encouragement Devotional: Why Don't I Fit In?

Do you sometimes feel there is not a certain group that you fit in to? Groups can make you very aware of how different that you are. Perhaps you have always felt a little different from the rest, and have wondered why you just can’t conform and fit in.

I had my one and only child when I was sixteen, so I am a woman in her early forties with a grown son; an empty nester. I don’t know any women my age who are already empty nesters, the families on my street are in their late thirties and early forties with young children. Even in my church I have a few women that I know who have undergone some of the same struggles as I have with my adult child, but these women are several years older than I am. I don’t fit into a one particular race, and people often wonder or even ask me what my ethnicity is. I am married, so you can say I can fit into the married couple group, but I still have a difficult time with fitting into couples our age because their children are so much younger than ours.

Can you relate to my above experiences? Perhaps your experiences are a little different than mine, but you can relate to wanting to fit in somewhere fully.

A sense of belonging and acceptance is imperative to everyone’s basic emotional needs. You can still attend church and feel that you don’t belong. Yes, we are the Body of Christ and should feel accepted among fellow believers, but that does not always happen. Our true belonging and acceptance comes from Jesus. Maybe no one has ever told you that you may not fit into a particular group because God designed it that way! I did not like the idea of not being able to say I don’t belong fully to one group, but God has showed me that my ability to blend in most settings and communities is a gift! That’s right a gift, when you can be fluid and have the ability to go into communities, ethnicities and into people’s lives that are broken because you understand what it is like to be differnt-that’s a gift! Not everyone can do this!

Embrace your uniqueness, because God designed you that way. Stop trying to fit in, and be honored that God has chosen you to be His hands and feet among the lest of these, among varying ethnicities, and among the broken and down-trodden.

Counselor's Corner: The Need to Belong

Psychologists, Abraham Maslow developed the hierarchy of needs that humans have. The first hierarchy of need on Maslow’s list is physiological such as clothing, shelter and food. The second hierarchy of need listed is safety, including being free from violence, abuse, and job security. The third hierarchy of need is belonging. Maslow believed that after psychological and safety needs are meet the third need humans have is the need to belong and to be accepted. Maslow concluded that humans need to love and to be loved. Many people become susceptible to depression, anxiety and loneliness in the absence of belonging. The fourth hierarchy of need is esteem or the need to be respected. Maslow’s last hierarchy of need is self-actualization which Maslow believed that to understand this level of need, the person must not only achieve all the previous needs, but master them.

In this article, I will focus on the third hierarchy, the need to belong.

We all want to belong somewhere!

Ask yourself the following questions if you feel like you are struggling to belong?

1)      Do you fit into a particular ethnic group or do you have more than one ethnicity that you can check off?

2)      Did you leave your old life behind including friendships when you accepted Christ as your Savior?

3)      Were you raised in church, or have you had to learn along the way about the Bible and church?

4)      Do you have a past that if brought up can cause you to feel that you may not belong to the “good girl” Bible study group?

5)      Do you tend to wear “masks” with people because you really don’t want anyone to know what you have been through because you have been judged repeatedly already for your past?

6)      Are you a parent with a prodigal child or have you struggled with infertility?

7)      Were you emotionally/mentally abused as a child or were you abandoned by a parent as a child? Were you adopted or an orphan?

8)      Is your family dysfunctional or do they lack emotional stability?

9)      Are you the only one or one of the few in your family who is a believer in Christ or who is trying to walk righteously before God?

10)  Did someone significant in your life reject you?

→If you answered several of the above questions you could have difficulty with a sense of belonging.

You may have always felt different as if you just never truly fit in with anyone. You could be great at pretending to fit in, but deep inside you question if you truly belong. You are not alone! There are countless people who feel this way, including myself.

·         Don’t try and fit in somewhere where you just don’t! Not fitting into a group or with a particular person does not mean anything is wrong with you. Cultivate the relationships that do make you feel like you belong, and don’t beat yourself up for the relationships that you just don’t fit into. Reach and encourage others you know may struggle with belonging.

·         Accept and love who you are. It is okay to be different! You are unique and created by God. You belong to God and to the family of God.

·         Uproot any lies that you have believed about yourself such as,” I’m not good enough,” or “What will people think of me?” These lies could be hindering you from belonging to at least one group or person.

Jesus did not fit in with the world. Perhaps God has a purpose in your life that He will use your sense of not belonging. You are not ordinary but extraordinary.

Reflect on the following scriptures:

If you were of the world, the world would love you as its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you.

John 15:19

Don’t try and belong to the world and the things of the world.

Know that the Lord, He is God! It is He who made us, and we are His; we are His people, and the sheep of His pasture.

Psalm 100:3

We belong to God!