Counselor's Corner: Is It Selfish to Take Some Time for Yourself?

People who are overworked, overwhelmed, or over-burdened need times where they can have a stress-free zone and enjoy the simple pleasures in life. God never intended for anyone to live under constant strain from the pressures of life. Living in a constant strain will break the strongest of people.

You may know you need some time to pull away from the pressures of life by the following signs:

·         Restlessness/mind-racing

·         Fatigue

·         Negative thinking

·         Anxiety

·         Discouragement

·         Headaches

·         Gastrointestinal problems

·         Forgetfulness

·         Lack of joy

·         Inability to laugh

·         Not able to enjoy the simple pleasures in life

·         Low or no libido

·         Little or no motivation

·         Productivity at work suffers

·         Difficulty getting up in the morning

·         Difficulty staying or falling asleep

·         Take life too seriously

·         Difficulty concentrating or staying focused

·         Aggravation/irritability

·         Anger

·         Desire to escape or go back to old habits/addictions

If you have (5) or more of the above signs, TAKE ACTION NOW! You may do irreversible damage to your physical and/or mental health if you do not begin to clear out the stress.

→There are many ways to de-stress from the tensions in life. The first thing to do is make your physical and mental health #1 priority. If you are exhausted, do not take on anymore heavy or burdensome projects. Create a simple life and cut out the excess. While getting your body, mind and spirit back in balance, do not add more to your schedule, but instead keep your schedule very light and as calm as possible. Running around from one event or activity is not calming, and in fact will create more stress in your body. You will need to establish at least one place that you make into your calm place where stress is minimal. If your work environment is hectic, having a peaceful and quiet home will be upmost important. Everyone needs a safe and stress-free zone. Going on a vacation is a wonderful idea if you don’t have a place near you or rest, but if you are not able to go on vacation you can have a staycation. Staycations can be the best, this is where you can watch movies all day if you want and not pick up your phone because your on “vacation” right? Being around others who have loads of problems that they dump on you, will only increase your stress. You will need to back off from relationships that are emotionally draining until your body and mind are back in balance and harmony. You must say, “No,” to anyone who violates your space, energy and resources. Those that violate your times of rest lack in boundaries and are perfectly okay with invading your need of relaxation. Many people end-up giving into the demands of others even at their own expense because they do not want to disappoint anyone. The reality is disappointment is a part of life, and you will not always get everything you want in life.

Take the time to replenish your mind, body and spirit as often as needed without the guilt! Scan your body and listen to your thoughts, is there anything that seems out of balance (review the signs in this article)? These signs are indicators you are out of balance, and if you continue at the rate that you are going you can have serious complications now and in the future. Our bodies and minds are not built to endure high levels of stress. You must become vigilant in removing what is destroying your health, whether physical or mental. Getting back to the simplicity of life will restore your soul. We were created for times of rest, joy, play and work-not stress, work, and more stress.

So, is it selfish to take time for yourself and replenish when needed? Absolutely not! In fact, if you do not, you may suffer from depression, anxiety, an addiction, divorce, cardiovascular diseases and heart problems, hormonal imbalances (for women), gastrointestinal problems, headaches and/or fatigue.

Counselor's Corner: 23 Strategies to De-Stress God's Way

Would you say that your life is relatively stress-free, and that you know how to de-stress? Many people are living stressed-out lives, and don’t know why they are getting sick frequently, feel tired and have hormonal imbalances. Stress is one of the biggest contributors to many of the ailments our bodies can endure.

►Stress is mainly caused by how you perceive things. Your perception about people, circumstances and yourself largely impacts the level of stress that you have.

Listed below are 23 strategies to de-stress God’s way:

1.      Be at peace with ALL men. I know it is not always easy to be at peace with that difficult or annoying person in your life, but every time you lose your cool with them your stress level goes up. Peace with ALL men DOES NOT mean be a doormat or allow others to abuse or harm you, but not to allow anger and resentment to fester inside you for people who are the most difficult to love. Peace says, “I will choose to pray for them instead of lashing out at them.”

2.      Recognize that everyone has struggles and many people are trying to find their way to God, or what they think is God. Have Mercy on the ones who are totally lost in finding the true way to Jesus, there is much confusion in the world. Pray instead for the lost that they would find their way to the only path to God.

3.      Enjoy ALL things and ALL people. Focus on the good in people not what their doing wrong or even their lack of relationship with God. Enjoy everything that you do, including work, going to the grocery store, and chores. Enjoyment in these things and people is all about perception. CHANGE YOUR PERCEPTION and you will enjoy the not-so fun aspects of your life.

4.      Stop allowing people and circumstances to control you and your emotions. Take charge of your own emotions and life.

5.      Forgive others from your heart. Let go and release all resentment, bitterness, unforgiveness, offense, anger and revenge. Most people do not even realize how they have hurt you. For the ones who intentionally hurt you, release them to God and forgive them, not for them but for you.

6.      Let go of all stubbornness, pride and haughtiness. You don’t know everything and you don’t know always know why people do what they do.

7.      Let go of all unrealistic expectations for yourself and for others.

8.      Live in the moment, the present. Don’t live in the regrets of the past or fear of the future. Be present-focused.

9.      Laugh, play and be silly and do things you enjoyed as a child. If you enjoyed swinging or coloring as a child, incorporate those activities into your life.

10.  Have an unshakeable trust in God and believe that He will protect you and will work out ALL things for your good.

11.  Cultivate a heart of gratitude daily. Focus on your blessings not your lack. As you focus on your blessings, your lack will shrink. What you focus on most will grow. CHANGE YOUR PERSPECTIVE.

12.  Focus on what you can do, and not on what you can’t do. FOCUS on your strengths, not your weaknesses.

13.  Don’t allow others stress, heavy burdens, and unrelenting problems become yours. Let others take ownership for their lives as you are doing with yours. Emotionally and mentally detach from others problems, and instead cast their cares upon Jesus and allow Him to carry their heavy loads-NOT YOU!

14.  Let go of ALL that you cannot control. Basically, you have control over your life and your emotions, and that’s about it.

15.  Don’t take what others do to you personally. Most of the time people are not aware of what they are doing to you. CHOOSE to believe others are not intentionally trying to hurt you.

16.  Think the best, not the worst about others. This one goes along with #15.

17.  Do not judge others who are not walking with God, those that are “supposedly” walking with God, and those that are living a destructive lifestyle.

18.  Don’t be in a hurry or a rush. Walk slower, listen more than you talk, breathe slower, and drive slower. If you have 20 items on your to-do-list, that’s way too many. Having too many things to do each day will make you feel rushed and stressed! Cut back all the non-essentials.

19.  Take time everyday to enjoy God’s beauty whether through nature such as sunsets, sun rises, beautiful flowers in bloom or the many different arrays of stunning birds.

20.  Don’t blame others for how you feel. Take ownership for how you feel.

21.  Stop dreading whatever you do. Dread creates stress. Even if you have to do something that is less than pleasant, look for the good or the positive in the situation before allowing yourself to dread.

22.  Forgive yourself! As important as it is to forgive others, it is most important that you forgive yourself. Let go that you are not perfect and that you have and will make mistakes.

23.  Love yourself and be good to yourself. Self-hate and self-loathing are major contributors to stress. Stop comparing yourself to others. Accept that you are unique and you were created that way. Stop trying to fit into the world’s standards and be who you were created to be.

Your overall health, energy, relationships, peace, and level of contentment will significantly improve if you begin implementing the above strategies to de-stress God’s way.