Counselor's Corner: Practical Tips to Begin Healing from Trauma Associated with Emotional Pain

Emotional pain and trauma can make it almost impossible to enjoy life and can manifest as physical pain.

Rejection activates the same pathways in your brain as physical pain. Feelings of rejection disrupts the need we all have to belong and to be accepted. Rejection can interfere with your ability to think, make decisions, and to recall memories. Letting go of rejection can be good for your mental health, but holding onto and internalizing the rejection can cause mental health issues as well as physical diseases.

When your nervous system is overloaded with too much stress and trauma, you shut down. You may feel numb, detached, and disconnected as a result. You may feel like you are existing but not truly living.

→Emotional pain actually takes a greater toll on your quality of life than physical pain.

The stress and negative emotions linked to a traumatic event can cause physical pain and diseases including chronic inflammation, headaches, high blood pressure, lowered immune system, and altered brain chemicals.

Emotional trauma and pain can interfere with your ability to enjoy life and in severe cases one may have trouble with deciding if life is worth living.

Practical tips to begin healing from trauma associated with emotional pain:

1.      Avoid ruminating about the hurt and the traumatic memories. When you think about what someone has done to hurt you over and over again, it can be distressing, cause depressive emotions and intense anger. There must be closure with whomever caused you to feel betrayed or rejected. You may never get the opportunity to speak with the person who has hurt you, and they may never truly apologize to you. You can write a letter to them and not mail the letter, but instead bury or burn the letter. You can place an empty chair in front of you and “pretend” you are telling the person who has hurt you how it made you feel. You can also place an empty chair in front of you and talk to God about the person or people who have wounded you. Trauma should not be repressed but in a healthy manner dealt with by dealing with the pain associated with the trauma. If trauma is not dealt with properly these memories will be played over and over again in your mind that can result in Post-Traumatic Stress. Whatever you decided, make sure you forgive that person, offer them undeserved mercy, and pray a blessing over them (you may have to do this daily until you feel recovered from your heart wounds).

2.      Let go of the rejection you may have internalized as someone you love walking out of your life, abandoning you or betraying your trust. Internalizing the rejection implies you believe deep down inside that you did something to deserve their rejection and that you are not valuable or worthy enough to receive their love. Dispel and reject all the “seeds” that have taken root to cause you to believe that you are not worthy, not important, not special, or that you are a failure. ALL LIES. No matter what you have or have not done in a particular relationship that does not mean that you are not worthy to be honored, valued or treated with dignity. You are worthy and more importantly God does not reject you! Pull out all the “roots” or the lies that you have believed because someone rejected or betrayed you, and replace all lies with truth in God’s Word.

3.      Begin to accept the situation that caused you the emotional trauma. There is a common saying,” It is what it is.” Acceptance brings healing. Reliving the past, trying to figure out why something happened, or replaying the trauma in your mind brings more pain and increases your chances of being further traumatized. Let go of what you do not understand. In no way, do I imply to let someone “off the hook” for a hurt or wound that that caused your trauma, but accepting that the trauma did happen, and releasing your pain is for your benefit; nit theirs. For your healing, you can say, “I don’t like what they did or I don’t like this circumstance in my life, but I will choose to accept that is what happened and find a way to heal in a healthy manner from it.” If you choose to be angry, bitter or unforgiving you will harm yourself. It is okay to deal with the anger that you may have towards a situation or person but don’t replay or ruminate over the hurt again and again.

4.      Begin exercising. Exercising builds essential brain chemical neurotransmitters like serotonin and dopamine for mood regulation, and decreasing anxiety. Try and exercise every day.

5.      Connect with safe people. You don’t have to talk to others about your trauma, in fact for some talking to others can make their trauma worse. You can have just one or two people that you share the trauma you have been through. Attend normal activities that feel safe to you such as church, a bible study, or a lunch date with a trusted friend. (if you are not able to cope with daily living, are severely depressed or anxious or unable to connect with anyone you may benefit from professional help).

6.      Healing through the Word of God.

·         In your name Jesus I speak healing and restoration upon each and every wound that was inflicted upon my life. Thank you for healing and binding up my wounds. (Psalm 147:3).

·         Holy Spirit, expose the lies of the enemy that have entered my life because of my trauma. Jesus, bring me to an encounter with your Word. Reveal Your truth to me and let every lie be broken and let every mindset come into alignment with Your Word. God, wash me in Your Word. (Romans 12:2).

·         I declare that I will stand in agreement with Your Word that says only goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life. (Psalm 23, Jeremiah 29:11).

·         Cast out fear from my heart (1 John 4:18a). Let your love rain down upon me, bringing healing to my mind, emotions, will and spirit, and even my body. Overwhelm me with Your healing power and overwhelm me with Your loving presence.

·         I declare freedom from every burden of fear, anxiety, depression, guilt, shame and anger by the power of the blood of Jesus Christ. And I speak love, peace, freedom, wholeness, joy and thanksgiving over myself.

There is something known as continuous traumatic stress, this occurs when trauma is repeated such as women and children who are sold into sex slavery or those that experience long-term stress.

Some symptoms may be:

Difficulty regulating emotions, sense of helplessness and powerlessness, feeling like you are someone you love is always in danger, and not able to trust others. The anticipatory anxiety that comes from worrying if a threatening situation will occur, whether the fear is realistic or not can transform how you respond to threats. If there is a remote possibility the trauma can occur again, you may begin to live an automatic “flight or fight” mode or on high alert. This can cause an inability to relax and enjoy life. When you are trapped in a situation that you have little or no control over a sense of dread can occur.

You have two primary options if you have endured continued traumatic stress: 1) Medication and therapy and/or 2) Work through the above tips on healing from trauma, work through the trauma with someone you trust and with God, naturally alternative treatments such as Kava and chamomile, speak scriptures out loud over yourself daily that pertain to your situation, and ask Jesus into every situation that you are in and for Him to bring the healing to your memories, body and to your emotions.

Though you may have walked through the fire, God can not only bring you through the fire but you can come out without a burn or scar upon you. Jesus Christ is a healer and He does care about all of your trauma. Seek God for the wisdom for the right direction you should go for your healing. Healing often occurs in stages in multiple layers. Jesus can and often heals through many sources, and yes, He can also heal miraculously!

Counselor's Corner: God Why Did You Allow This to Happen?

Dealing with Anger from Emotional Pain and Trauma

When you endure times of emotional pain and trauma and you specifically prayed for that event or situation not to occur and it did, or if you prayed that God would further shield you from any more pain and that did not happen the way you thought-it is possible that you have unresolved and repressed anger towards God.

Any type of trauma or emotional pain often shakes the very foundation of your faith.

Before the trauma you may have believed that God was your protector and that He was good ALL the time. After much suffering, it can be challenging to believe that God always protects you and is good to you ALL the time. Unfortunately, this is a topic that is rarely discussed in our Christian communities because we put on “masks” to cover up how we really feel. Unresolved anger towards God not only hinders our relationship with Him but with others.

A client I had years ago had many emotional problems and an addiction to prescription pain medicines. I asked her if she was “Angry at all at God for the things that happened to her”, and her response was, “We can’t get angry at God. I would never tell Him that I was angry with Him.” I then asked her, “Don’t you think God already knows?”

Countless Christians, many who you attend church with every week are angry with God but would never admit that. God already knows what is in the deepest part of our heart. God desires that you sit with Him, and tell Him how you feel. If you can’t tell God, write it in a letter addressed, Dear God. After you speak or write your letter to God, sit quietly and allow the Holy Spirit to minister to you. You will find that God is super gentle, gracious and merciful to our human weaknesses and understanding of our suffering.

In my own time of trauma, I eventually sat with the Father and asked, “God, why did you allow this to happen?” and I asked, “Why, God, why!” Of course, I did not get an immediate response to my questions, instead God started revealing to me all the good times that I had with the person that caused so much trauma in my life. God showed me that He already knew I was angry for believing that He did not stop what happened.

What God desires is to restore our relationship with Him. I did not realize that unconsciously I had placed God out of my heart because I had repressed anger towards Him. How you view your earthly father is a lot how you view your Heavenly Father. If your earthly father abused you, did not protect you, or neglected you, then when something happens in your life that you desperately want God to rescue you from and He does not immediately; anger and pushing God away is common.

Don’t condemn yourself if you have pushed God away or if you are angry at God. Don’t let another day go by staying this way. God may not reveal every detail why suffering happened to you, but He will comfort and strengthen you. Get real with God, He can handle it! Unresolved anger towards God can lead to bitterness and apathy and eventually a complete turning away from God. Why do you think so many people turn away from God when tragedy occurs?

Why God permits suffering is the age-old question. Some Biblical theologians and even scholars have concluded we just don’t know why suffering happens but perhaps like with Job in the Bible, God allowed satan to bring suffering for a reason or with the Apostle Peter how God allowed satan to “sift him as wheat,” to refine Peter, and sometimes it is to test our faith and other times we live in a fallen world and bad things happen. Whatever reason has caused your suffering, know that no weapon formed against you will prosper, this means if you took a hit from the enemy’s arsenal that weapon cannot succeed in your life. If you are highly analytical like I am, saying, “Just trust God,” is not helpful. People who are analytical have to work through and process with God our feelings, and that is okay because God created the analytical mind! Allow people who may be different from you the space and time to work through their questions about suffering.

Just because someone wonders and questions about suffering does not mean they don’t want a relationship with God, in fact the opposite is most likely true- the analytical are looking to prove God cares and not that He is a distant or non-existent God. Let God show you His great and marvelous mercy-ask Him!

Counselor's Corner: Understanding Mental and Emotional Stability

Spiritual maturity and emotional maturity go hand-in-hand; you cannot have one without the other. Emotional health involves knowing your limits, and not reacting act of emotions to circumstances. Everyone has limits, and it is wise to know yours.

Have you ever began your morning and said something like this, “Today, I will not let the enemy kill the joy and peace I desire to have.” Then something happens in your day and you feel emotionally drained. What happened? Reaction to circumstances. The enemy set you up by “baiting” you with people and circumstances that are difficult, stressful, and overwhelming. The enemy hopes we will react in our emotions, because this will usually lead us into sin. We are not to be led by our emotions and feelings; they are deceitful and constantly changing. We will encounter trials, stress and difficult people, but we must take a step back, go and pray, and be still and quiet as we wait for God’s intervention.

Some key factors that you are at your limit emotionally:

Emotions are running high.

Stress and/or fatigue.

Short temper.

Lack of grace and patience.

It is important to know if you have experienced emotional trauma and stress, so that you can heal and know how to deal properly in certain situations. Emotional trauma and stress can happen once or it can be a series of stressful events. If that is something you have endured, it is likely you will have a high stress/emotional response to current stressful situations. Is it hopeless? No, with acknowledging your hurt, facing the truth of your limits, and totally relying on God’s help and healing; there is hope.

People are more likely to be traumatized by stressful events if they are already under a heavy load. Childhood trauma can increase the risk of future trauma, and the way we deal and process stressful events. Emotional stress can be detrimental to your health and well-being. Find out what is causing your mental and emotional instability, and begin being proactive and make needed changes to your life. Your body is not able to defend itself against emotional stress, which in turn triggers mental and emotional instability.

Causes of emotional trauma and stress:

It happened unexpectedly.

You were unprepared for it.

You were powerless to prevent it.

It happened repeatedly (exposure to continued stressful situations).

It happened in childhood.

As Christians, we should make it a priority to have mental and emotional stability, but we may need to first understand what is causing it and what actions need to be taken to deal effectively with current and past stressors. What has occurred in the past as a stressful event can still cause us to react emotionally if we are continually exposed to that stressor. Know your triggers and past hurts, and how they could still be triggering an emotional response currently. If you experience frequent ups and downs emotionally, it is time to examine why and seek God for intervention; it is not His will for you to live unstable emotionally.

Having a better balance on your emotions will cause you to feel better physically and to have an increase in energy. It is time to ask yourself,” What am I expending my emotional energy on?” Remember, the enemy knows what will cause you to react and to get upset. Having emotional stability will enable you to peacefully and calmly go through difficult situations. Emotional stability does not mean suppressing your emotions, but controlling them.

A hallmark of a mentally and emotionally stable person is the ability to control one’s emotions.

Keys to mental and emotional stability:

First, admit your limits. What you can and cannot handle. Be okay with that, and don’t compare what other people can endure.

Recognize the people that deplete your energy, are unhealthy, and cause you stress. You may want to reevaluate your time and exposure to them.

Don’t take on more than you can handle; whether at work, ministry, church, or family.

Learn to say, “No,” when you are feeling stressed, tired, sick, or just need some alone time with yourself or God.

Don’t take on other’s issues, problems, or stress. We can pray for people, but we cannot do for others if we ourselves are depleted.

Do not react to your feelings or emotions. Pray first.

Exercise, eat healthy, and maintain a trustworthy/healthy support system.

Journal by processing your pent-up feelings, and talk to God about your deepest concerns.

Understanding that if you are mentally and emotionally unstable, it is likely you have endured some emotional/psychological trauma and stress, and that you need God’s help to overcome these damaged emotions. Don’t be hard on yourself, if you have emotional instability, but recognize that there is hope and a way to cope effectively.

1 Peter 5:8-9, Teaches us to be well-balanced and temperate (self-controlled) to keep satan from devouring us.

Psalm 94:13, God wants to give us power to stay calm in adversity.

Counselor's Corner: God, Why Did You Allow This to Happen? Dealing with Anger from Emotional Pain and Trauma

*See articles, Healing from Trauma and Healing from Emotional Painful Emotions and Trauma

When you endure times of emotional pain and trauma and you specifically prayed for that event or situation not to occur and it did, or if you prayed that God would further shield you from any more pain and that did not happen the way you thought-it is possible that you have unresolved and repressed anger towards God.

Any type of trauma or emotional pain often shakes the very foundation of your faith. Before the trauma you may have believed that God was your protector and that He was good ALL the time. After much suffering, it can be challenging to believe that God always protects you and is good to you ALL the time. Unfortunately, this is a topic that is rarely discussed in our Christian communities because we put on “masks” to cover up how we really feel. Unresolved anger towards God not only hinders our relationship with Him but with others.

A client I had years ago had many emotional problems and an addiction to prescription pain medicines. I asked her if she was “angry at all at God for the things that happened to her”, and her response was, “We can’t get angry at God. I would never tell Him that I was angry with Him.” I then asked her, “Don’t you think God already knows?”

Countless Christians, many who you attend church with every week are angry with God but would never admit that. God already knows what is in the deepest part of our heart. God desires that you sit with Him, and tell Him how you feel. If you can’t tell God, write it in a letter addressed Dear God. After you speak or write your letter to God, sit quietly and allow the Holy Spirit to minister to you. You will find that God is super gentle, gracious and merciful to our human weaknesses and understanding of our suffering.

In my own time of trauma, I eventually sat with the Father and asked, “God, why did you allow this to happen?” and I asked, “Why, God, why!” Of course, I did not get an immediate response to my questions, instead God started revealing to me all the good times that I had with the person that caused so much trauma in my life. God showed me that He already knew I was angry for believing that He did not stop what happened.

What God desires is to restore our relationship with Him. I did not realize that unconsciously I had placed God out of my heart because I had repressed anger towards Him. How you view your earthly father is a lot how you view your Heavenly Father. If your earthly father abused you, did not protect you, or neglected you, then when something happens in your life that you desperately want God to rescue you from and He does not immediately; anger and pushing God away is common.

Don’t condemn yourself if you have pushed God away or if you are angry at God. Don’t let another day go by staying this way. God may not reveal every detail why suffering happened to you, but He will comfort and strengthen you. Get real with God, He can handle it! Unresolved anger towards God can lead to bitterness and apathy and eventually a complete turning away from God. Why do you think so many people turn away from God when tragedy occurs?

Why God permits suffering is the age-old question. Some Biblical theologians and even scholars have concluded we just don’t know why suffering happens but perhaps like with Job in the Bible, God allowed satan to bring suffering for a reason or with the Apostle Peter how God allowed satan to “sift him as wheat,” to refine Peter, and sometimes it is to test our faith and other times we live in a fallen world and bad things happen. Whatever reason has caused your suffering, know that no weapon formed against you will prosper, this means if you took a hit from the enemy’s arsenal that weapon cannot succeed in your life. If you are highly analytical like I am, saying, “Just trust God,” is not helpful. People who are analytical have to work through and process with God our feelings, and that is okay because God created the analytical mind! Allow people who may be different from you the space and time to work through their questions about suffering. Just because someone wonders and questions about suffering does not mean they don’t want a relationship with God, in fact the opposite is most likely true- the analytical are looking to prove God cares and not that He is a distant or non-existent God.