Counselor's Corner: Are You Waiting for God to Vindicate You?

As a believer in Christ one of the most hurtful experiences you can have is when you are misjudged, slandered, falsely accused, or rejected. The pain of these experiences is deeper if they happen with a loved one. When you take a stand for truth or start living for God instead of pleasing man, don’t be surprised who attacks you. Your flesh may want to vindicate itself, and prove that you are wrongly being misinterpreted.

Jesus did say to, “Turn the other cheek and forgive 70x7,” but what about when you keep getting mistreated by the same person? Stepping aside and allowing God to vindicate you would be your best outcome for this situation. Jesus in no way wants you continually wounded, inflicted by another’s wrath, manipulated, controlled or abused (verbal or physical).

Reflect and ponder: You could be at a crossroads in your life-you have tried to build bridges of reconciliation and offer open and honest communication with others who have mistreated you, but the person or people who you are dealing with are still behaving spiteful, cruel, malicious, manipulative, or offensive in some way. Should you continue to reach out hoping the next time they will not do something damaging to you? Releasing the people who have injured you and allowing God to vindicate you would be a better choice than continuing in a relationship.

When you are waiting for God to vindicate you:

1.      Ask God to cleanse you and forgive you of your part (if there is one). Repent of any wrong doing that you are aware of.

2.      Forgive your offender. Your heart will need to be cleansed of any bitterness, unforgiveness, and offense before you can proceed to forgiving someone who has repeatedly wounded your heart or who has not offered forgiveness. Talk to the Lord or a trusted, Godly person about your struggles with the individual or group that has inflicted pain to you, not as a way to gossip or to pass judgment but to cleanse what is in your heart. Make sure to pray after releasing your experiences. Bringing what is hidden in the dark into the light brings healing, but it is important that you don’t keep rehashing what happened again and again.

3.      Do not retaliate in anyway against your offenders or take revenge upon them. Turning the other cheek does not mean keep standing there and allowing someone to hurt you, it means walk away.

4.      Begin to pray and speak blessings over the ones who have used you, misjudged you, rejected you, and falsely accused you. This is an example of “doing good to your enemies.”

5.      Let go and release the people that have hurt you into God’s hands. Stop focusing on what happened and move on.

6.      God makes all things right in His time. Wait patiently for God to vindicate you. Wait humbly. Wait meekly. Persist in prayer that God will clear your name.

MEDIATE ON THESE SCPITURES:

All those who were incensed against you shall be ashamed and disgraced; they shall be as nothing and those who strive against you shall perish. You shall seek them-those who contend with you. Those who war against you shall be as nothing, as a nonexistent thing. For I, the Lord your God, will hold your right hand, saying, “Fear not, I will help you.”

Isaiah 41:9-13

Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me.

Matthew 5:11

Vindicate me, O Lord, For I have walked in integrity. I have also trusted in the Lord; I shall not slip. Examine me, O Lord, and prove me; try my mind and my heart.

Psalm 26:1-2

Vindicate me, O God, and plead my cause against an ungodly nation; and deliver me from the deceitful and unjust man!

Psalm 43:1

Vindicate me, O Lord, according to your righteousness; and let not them rejoice over me.

Psalm 35:24

Word of Encouragement: Counselor’s Corner Communication is Key to All Healthy Relationships

Assuming someone understands how you feel, is not the same as communicating how you feel. Most of the time what we assume about someone else is perceived through our own lenses, thus making our assumptions faulty.

All relationships that you are involved with whether it is your spouse, children, siblings, or friends must have open and honest communication in order for those relationships to thrive and grow.

A relationship that does not have open, sincere and honest communication will not survive long or will become unhealthy in some manner.

If you are married, it is especially important to have weekly times of heartfelt communication where both carve out time at least once a week for no less than 20 minutes of meaningful conversation. Meaningful conversation with your spouse means talking about what is on your heart. During this open time of dialogue the couple should put away all distractions such as phones, IPad, and turn the T.V. off. Undivided attention is imperative during any time of directed communication. Facing each other or at a slight angle towards each other and give direct eye contact. If you are looking all around the room you will give the impression you are disinterested in what the person is saying. Watch your body language as well. Body language represents a large portion of how we communicate with each other. Sit in a relaxed manner with arms not crossed, and especially watch your facial expressions. If you are frowning or showing your anger in your face the other person will not feel free to open up in honesty. If you get defensive or angry at what the person is telling you, then it is not honest and open communication. You must listen first and hear the person’s heart before responding. If you don’t schedule regular times of communicating with your spouse, it most likely will not happen. Why? Life gets busy.

Effective communication involves allowing each other to speak freely and openly to work towards unity and problem solving. Most problems that you have with someone can be resolved with honest and open communication. Applying grace and forgiveness will allow for a quicker resolution to any problems you may have with someone.

In any relationship you are in if you don’t allow for regular, honest and open communication those relationships will be surface level only. Sometimes having surface only relationships can serve a purpose but they should not be in marriages, with your children, or with family (unless they are unhealthy).

Women especially thrive when they can communicate with the significant others in their lives. Women by nature are communicators and if they are not allowed to express their hearts they will invariably begin to shut down. Women connect mainly by communicating. Women need to be heard and validated regularly.

Communication is key to all healthy and successful relationships.

If you have trouble in one of your relationships, it is best to go and talk to that person one on one as soon as possible not allowing for the enemy to build walls and erect lies. If someone does not allow you to talk to them about a situation that is bothering you, you can’t make them talk. Try writing them a letter, and if that still does not work it would be best to let that person go until they are willing to face together the difficulty in your relationship. You cannot have a true relationship with someone by covering up the problems. Problems should be exposed so that no bitter root of resentment grows within you.