Counselor's Corner: Is It Selfish to Take Some Time for Yourself?

People who are overworked, overwhelmed, or over-burdened need times where they can have a stress-free zone and enjoy the simple pleasures in life. God never intended for anyone to live under constant strain from the pressures of life. Living in a constant strain will break the strongest of people.

You may know you need some time to pull away from the pressures of life by the following signs:

·         Restlessness/mind-racing

·         Fatigue

·         Negative thinking

·         Anxiety

·         Discouragement

·         Headaches

·         Gastrointestinal problems

·         Forgetfulness

·         Lack of joy

·         Inability to laugh

·         Not able to enjoy the simple pleasures in life

·         Low or no libido

·         Little or no motivation

·         Productivity at work suffers

·         Difficulty getting up in the morning

·         Difficulty staying or falling asleep

·         Take life too seriously

·         Difficulty concentrating or staying focused

·         Aggravation/irritability

·         Anger

·         Desire to escape or go back to old habits/addictions

If you have (5) or more of the above signs, TAKE ACTION NOW! You may do irreversible damage to your physical and/or mental health if you do not begin to clear out the stress.

→There are many ways to de-stress from the tensions in life. The first thing to do is make your physical and mental health #1 priority. If you are exhausted, do not take on anymore heavy or burdensome projects. Create a simple life and cut out the excess. While getting your body, mind and spirit back in balance, do not add more to your schedule, but instead keep your schedule very light and as calm as possible. Running around from one event or activity is not calming, and in fact will create more stress in your body. You will need to establish at least one place that you make into your calm place where stress is minimal. If your work environment is hectic, having a peaceful and quiet home will be upmost important. Everyone needs a safe and stress-free zone. Going on a vacation is a wonderful idea if you don’t have a place near you or rest, but if you are not able to go on vacation you can have a staycation. Staycations can be the best, this is where you can watch movies all day if you want and not pick up your phone because your on “vacation” right? Being around others who have loads of problems that they dump on you, will only increase your stress. You will need to back off from relationships that are emotionally draining until your body and mind are back in balance and harmony. You must say, “No,” to anyone who violates your space, energy and resources. Those that violate your times of rest lack in boundaries and are perfectly okay with invading your need of relaxation. Many people end-up giving into the demands of others even at their own expense because they do not want to disappoint anyone. The reality is disappointment is a part of life, and you will not always get everything you want in life.

Take the time to replenish your mind, body and spirit as often as needed without the guilt! Scan your body and listen to your thoughts, is there anything that seems out of balance (review the signs in this article)? These signs are indicators you are out of balance, and if you continue at the rate that you are going you can have serious complications now and in the future. Our bodies and minds are not built to endure high levels of stress. You must become vigilant in removing what is destroying your health, whether physical or mental. Getting back to the simplicity of life will restore your soul. We were created for times of rest, joy, play and work-not stress, work, and more stress.

So, is it selfish to take time for yourself and replenish when needed? Absolutely not! In fact, if you do not, you may suffer from depression, anxiety, an addiction, divorce, cardiovascular diseases and heart problems, hormonal imbalances (for women), gastrointestinal problems, headaches and/or fatigue.

Word of Encouragement: Counselor’s Corner:

In God’s Presence There is Peace, Safety, Guidance, Joy, and Love.

  

Are you feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, lacking in peace and joy, frustrated or even worried? Are you involved in various church activities, functions and attendance but don’t feel refreshed? Maybe it’s time to step away from the busyness of life and step into His presence. People may not understand, and they may try and sway you to do things. There is refreshment and restoration in His presence. Sometimes we need to say “No” to things and people, even if they are good things. Life will keep you busy.

You should get into a quiet place and get rid of all distractions like electronic devices.

If we stay so busy we can have trouble hearing from God and what He wants for us. We can become easily distracted and lose focus. Our strength comes from the Lord. If we feel weak and worn-out, we may need to step away and go to the throne.

When you come into His presence He will lighten your load, and will speak truth about your situations. There is no other place to “fill up” like this. We try and bring comfort to ourselves with food, TV, staying busy with activities, electronics, and for some it can be sex, alcohol, and drugs. But there is no replacement for God’s Holy presence.

What can you do in His presence?

You can sing and worship with praise music.

You can read the Bible and selected scriptures to meditate on.

Be sill and listen for His voice.

Cry, rejoice, and talk to God as if He is your best friend.

Journal what God speaks or impresses to you.

There is no formula to being in His presence. You can do a mixture of things or just one thing, and each time you spend with God can be different. Don’t be set on spending time with God in a certain way. Let the Holy Spirit guide you to what He wants you to do.

Anyone need refreshment, restoration, and guidance? If yes, plug into the source, the presence of the Holy Spirit. After being in His presence you will feel refreshed and renewed and in His presence there is no fear, worry, anxiety, stress, and frustration. Step away, carve out time, and say, “No” to things/activities that would pull you away from this time. Everyone needs this, not just pastors and leaders but every Christian who is fighting in this spiritual battle needs to be in His presence. Every Christian also needs this for God to direct and guide their steps, plans, and pour out His anointing on what He has called you to do. In His presence you can receive an outpouring of grace, mercy, joy and peace, and every believer needs this.

You will show me the path of life. In your PRESENCE is fullness of joy;

As your right hand are pleasures fovermore.

Psalm 16:11

Word of Encouragement: Counselor’s Corner: Is Your Life Out of Balance?

What are you chasing after more? Time with God, money, people, or possessions? When you begin to experience stress, fatigue, and a feeling of being burdened, it’s time to pull back and reevaluate why.

Oftentimes, we take on too much that God has not called us to, and we take on the responsibilities of others; this is called a false sense of responsibility. When we are living in God’s Divine plan, there is peace and order. When we don’t place God first, our lives become unmanageable. We have a sense that we cannot handle all of life’s problems. Let’s face it, life is tough and without spending time with God to hear His voice and direction; we will get burdened.

The enemy has a plan to create as much havoc and chaos is our lives, and keep us distracted.

Just because something seems good, does not mean it is good for us. We are not to copy what others are doing either. So many times, people get frustrated and overwhelmed because they are trying to mimic what someone else is doing.

You are not meant to do everything and be everything to everybody, this can lead to people-pleasing. If you please man more and not God, you are going to be weighed down.

God has specific tasks for each one of us, but you will not know what those are unless you spend time with God. Our busyness, is not Godly or Holy, but a tactic of the enemy to wear us out. Don’t try and follow what the crowd does, but know what your unique plan is from God.

Other people will not like it when you tell them, “No,” be prepared for this. You must know what YOU are supposed to do. Stop looking around at everyone else for direction. God has not called you to be a copycat. You will find that others will want you to do what they are doing, but you must step away from the desire to please man.

To get your life back in order and free from the pressures and demands of people and life, pull away and be with God alone, especially when you are exhausted. Being tired and overworked is not God’s plan for you. It does not matter what other’s expect from you, but what God desires for you.

Come to me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. Matthew 11:28-30

Some questions to reflect on:

1.      What do you need to cut back on or cut out of your life to be free from over-responsibility?

2.      What do you crave and desire most from your life? Are you pursuing God first?

3.      Are you a people-pleaser? How do you know? What can you do differently?

4.       Do you feel overwhelmed, burdened? If yes, why? Do you believe this is God’s plan for you?

Feeling Overwhelmed?

Is Your Life Out of Balance?

What are you chasing after more? Time with God, money, people, or possessions? When you begin to experience stress, fatigue, and a feeling of being burdened, it’s time to pull back and reevaluate why.

Oftentimes, we take on too much that God has not called us to, and we take on the responsibilities of others; this is called a false sense of responsibility. When we are living in God’s Divine plan, there is peace and order. When we don’t place God first, our lives become unmanageable. We have a sense that we cannot handle all of life’s problems. Let’s face it, life is tough and without spending time with God to hear His voice and direction; we will get burdened.

The enemy has a plan to create as much havoc and chaos is our lives, and keep us distracted.

Just because something seems good, does not mean it is good for us. We are not to copy what others are doing either. So many times, people get frustrated and overwhelmed because they are trying to mimic what someone else is doing.

You are not meant to do everything and be everything to everybody, this can lead to people-pleasing. If you please man more and not God, you are going to be weighed down.

God has specific tasks for each one of us, but you will not know what those are unless you spend time with God. Our busyness, is not Godly or Holy, but a tactic of the enemy to wear us out. Don’t try and follow what the crowd does, but know what your unique plan is from God.

Other people will not like it when you tell them, “No,” be prepared for this. You must know what YOU are supposed to do. Stop looking around at everyone else for direction. God has not called you to be a copycat. You will find that others will want you to do what they are doing, but you must step away from the desire to please man.

To get your life back in order and free from the pressures and demands of people and life, pull away and be with God alone, especially when you are exhausted. Being tired and overworked is not God’s plan for you. It does not matter what other’s expect from you, but what God desires for you.

Come to me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. Matthew 11:28-30

Some questions to reflect on:

1.      What do you need to cut back on or cut out of your life to be free from over-responsibility?

2.      What do you crave and desire most from your life? Are you pursuing God first?

3.      Are you a people-pleaser? How do you know? What can you do differently?

4.       Do you feel overwhelmed, burdened? If yes, why? Do you believe this is God’s plan for you?

Got Peace?

In His presence there is peace, safety, guidance, joy, and love.

  

Are you feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, lacking in peace and joy, frustrated or even worried? Are you involved in various church activities, functions and attendance but don’t feel refreshed? Maybe it’s time to step away from the busyness of life and step into His presence. People may not understand, and they may try and sway you to do things. There is refreshment and restoration in His presence. Sometimes we need to say “No” to things and people, even if they are good things. Life will keep you busy. You should get into a quiet place and get rid of all distractions like electronic devices.

If we stay so busy we can have trouble hearing from God and what He wants for us. We can become easily distracted and lose focus. Our strength comes from the Lord. If we feel weak and worn-out, we may need to step away and go to the throne.

When you come into His presence He will lighten your load, and will speak truth about your situations. There is no other place to “fill up” like this. We try and bring comfort to ourselves with food, TV, staying busy with activities, electronics, and for some it can be sex, alcohol, and drugs. But there is no replacement for God’s Holy presence.

What can you do in His presence?

You can sing and worship with praise music.

You can read the Bible and selected scriptures to meditate on.

Be sill and listen for His voice.

Cry, rejoice, and talk to God as if He is your best friend.

Journal what God speaks or impresses to you.

There is no formula to being in His presence. You can do a mixture of things or just one thing, and each time you spend with God can be different. Don’t be set on spending time with God in a certain way. Let the Holy Spirit guide you to what He wants you to do.

Anyone need refreshment, restoration, and guidance? If yes, plug into the source, the presence of the Holy Spirit. After being in His presence you will feel refreshed and renewed and in His presence there is no fear, worry, anxiety, stress, and frustration. Step away, carve out time, and say, “No” to things/activities that would pull you away from this time. Everyone needs this, not just pastors and leaders but every Christian who is fighting in this spiritual battle needs to be in His presence. Every Christian also needs this for God to direct and guide their steps, plans, and pour out His anointing on what He has called you to do. In His presence you can receive an outpouring of grace, mercy, joy and peace, and every believer needs this.

You will show me the path of life. In your PRESENCE is fullness of joy;

As your right hand are pleasures fovermore.

Psalm 16:11

Stress and Exhaustion

Life can be tough, and at times overwhelming. One of the main things that I hear Christians say is, “I am so stressed and exhausted.” There is no doubt the enemy has launched his attacks against Christians.

Some Christians are falling away from their faith because of the stresses of life that have crushed them. Then, there are Christians who are growing closer and deeper to God as the world around them ensues in chaos and turmoil.

There is a war, a spiritual war being waged against Christians in these last days. I believe the enemy is assaulting Christians with circumstances that are gut-wrenching. How many Christians do you know are battling with depression, suicidal thoughts, anxiety, troubled family and marriages, and financial difficulties?

Stress is caused by a perceived unmanageable set of circumstances that are out of our control.

Stress makes you physically tired, irritable, frustrated, can lead to depression, anger, anxiety, and a host of other mental health issues. Stress can lower your immune system, cause ulcers, gastrointestinal problems, high blood pressure, and insomnia. People who are under stress usually isolate themselves. If you are tired and sick the enemy is “setting you up,” as the enemy being the predator and you being the prey. As in the wild, a predator stalks its prey and watches until it gets alone, possibly injured or sick, and when the prey is tired; then the predator devours the prey. This is what the enemy does to us, he sets up difficult circumstances to weaken us, and at the right time he tries to destroy us.

To keep from succumbing to the stresses in life, we have to stay close to the Lord Jesus. We must spend regular time in the Word of God. We must quiet our minds to hear His voice, and listen to His instructions concerning our lives. Write and journal what the Lord speaks to you, and your inner pain. Talk it over with a mature-Christian friend. Let it out, don’t keep it bottled-up inside. You’re not alone, countless others have gone through and experienced stressful situations.

We cannot have our stability and security with people, possessions, or positions. The only sure stability in this world is Jesus Christ. I would encourage you to keep your faith and trust in God, even if you have lost much in this life, for it is nothing to the place God is preparing in eternity. Allow the Lord to comfort you in all your distress. Work out your pain with God, cry out to Him, and tell Him how you feel. Don’t hold anything back, tell God exactly how you feel.

“When anxiety was great within me, Your consolation brought joy to my soul.” Psalm 94:19

He is like a man building a house, who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock, when a flood came, the torrent struck that house but could not shake it because it was well built. Luke 6:48

Cast your cares on the Lord, and He will sustain you. He will never let the righteous fall. Psalm 55:22

Stress Less by Don Colbert, M.D., a book on stress written by a Christian doctor.

15 Healthy Ways to Reduce Stress

Stress can be defined as a state of mental or emotional strain or tension resulting from adverse or very demanding circumstances.

Stress is not always bad, but when it becomes overwhelming it can affect your health, your mood, your productivity, and your relationships. Since our bodies do not distinguish between daily stressors and traumatic life events, your body will still react to daily stressors as if you are facing a life and death situation. When you face repeatedly stressful events, it can increase your blood pressure, put you at risk for heart attack or stroke, lowers your immune system, and can lead to irregular menstrual cycles in women.

Everyone experiences stress differently. What may cause stress in one person’s life, may not cause any stress in another person’s life. Your ability to tolerate stress depends on many factors such as a supportive network (family and friends), your attitude and outlook, and knowledge about the stressful situation (such as how long it may last and what to expect).

Causes of stress:

1.      Work related-heavy workload, poor management, and working long hours.

2.      Family related-the death of a loved one, divorce, wayward child, infertility, adoption, getting married, taking care of a family member, lack of family support, and any type of relational difficulty.

3.      Our attitudes and perceptions about life circumstances-how you view what happens in your life can impact how much stress affects you.

4.      Fear and uncertainty (the unknown). Not knowing what may happen, especially if you have been through a previous trauma or crisis.

5.      Being too busy, taking on other people’s responsibilities, and not taking any time for yourself.

6.      Internal causes-negativity, chronic worry, unrealistic expectations/perfectionism, and rigid thinking (lack of flexibility).

Now that we know some of the causes and consequences of stress, how can one reduce tension?

15 healthy ways to reduce stress:

1.      Physical exercise. Walking, running, swimming, and dancing are particularly great stress reducers. Exercise releases endorphins that boost your mood.

2.      Get plenty of sleep. Sleep is restorative to our immune system.

3.      Eat a healthy diet. Skip on alcohol, nicotine, and take a multi-vitamin.

4.      Spend time in nature. Talking a relaxing walk in nature or just observing nature can be very soothing to our minds.

5.      Spend time with God, praying, singing, and journaling. Meditate on scriptures that apply to your situation.

6.      Drink a cup of tea, try green tea, Kava Kava or Chamomile tea.

7.      Read a good book.

8.      Watch a comedy, laughter truly is good medicine.

9.      Do something you enjoy every day.

10.  Reframe the stressful situation by focusing on the positives or the good in the situation.

11.  Breathe deeply. Taking a deep breathe can lower the stress hormone cortisol.

12.  Take a warm bath and light some scented candles.

13.  Maintain a grateful attitude by focusing on your blessings not the stress. Write out daily at least 5 things that you are thankful for.

14.  Accept the things that are out of your control or that you cannot change.

15.  Do an art project-painting, building, or redesigning.

While it can be healthy to have some stress in your life, too much can be detrimental to your health. Finding healthy ways to manage stress is key to improving your ability to cope when difficulties arise.

Run to the feet of Jesus when you are overwhelmed and stressed, and He will show you what you need to do specifically to rid yourself of your stress.

Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light. Matthew 11:28-30.

What can you do today to eliminate the stress in your life? Be proactive and find at least 1 thing from the above list and start today reducing your stress.

Are You Overwhelmed?

Is your life out of balance? What are you chasing after more? Time with God, money, people, or possessions? When you begin to experience stress, fatigue, and a feeling of being burdened, it’s time to pull back and reevaluate why.

Oftentimes, we take on too much that God has not called us to, and we take on the responsibilities of others; this is called a false sense of responsibility. When we are living in God’s Divine plan, there is peace and order. When we don’t place God first, our lives become unmanageable. We have a sense that we cannot handle all of life’s problems. Let’s face it, life is tough and without spending time with God to hear His voice and direction; we will get burdened. The enemy has a plan to create as much havoc and chaos is our lives, and keep us distracted. Just because something seems good, does not mean it is good for us. We are not to copy what others are doing either. So many times, people get frustrated and overwhelmed because they are trying to mimic what someone else is doing.

You are not meant to do everything and be everything to everybody, this can lead to people-pleasing. If you please man more and not God, you are going to be weighed down. God has specific tasks for each one of us, but you will not know what those are unless you spend time with God. Our busyness, is not Godly or Holy, but a tactic of the enemy to wear us out. Don’t try and follow what the crowd does, but know what your unique plan is from God.

Other people will not like it when you tell them, “No,” be prepared for this. You must know what YOU are supposed to do. Stop looking around at everyone else for direction. God has not called you to be a copycat. You will find that others will want you to do what they are doing, but you must step away from the desire to please man.

To get your life back in order and free from the pressures and demands of people and life, pull away and be with God alone, especially when you are exhausted. Being tired and overworked is not God’s plan for you. It does not matter what other’s expect from you, but what God desires for you.

Come to me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. Matthew 11:28-30

Some questions to reflect on?

1.      What do you need to cut back on or cut out of your life to be free from over-responsibility?

2.      What do you crave and desire most from your life? Are you pursuing God first?

3.      Are you a people-pleaser? How do you know? What can you do differently?

4.       Do you feel overwhelmed, burdened? If yes, why? Do you believe this is God’s plan for you?

Feeling Frazzled?

What a hectic week I had. I was running from this event, to this activity, and still squeezing in time to minister to others. However, at the end of the week I was tired, stressed, and a bit irritable. Can anyone relate to this madness of keeping up with the demands and fast pace life we can have? Did I mention trying to keep up my social media accounts for work, balancing family obligations, and making time for my husband? By the weekend, I realized I made everything and everyone a priority over placing my time with God first. We will suffer either mentally, physically, or spiritually when we put things ahead of God.

Do you ever feel this way?

Why do we get frazzled?

1.      We take on too much responsibility.

2.      We do things out of obligation rather than God directing us.

3.      We fear saying, “No,” to others and letting people down.

4.      As women, we seriously think we can do it all.

5.      The enemy sends distractions (even things that seem like a good thing).

If you have felt this way, run to the feet of Jesus immediately. Tell someone, “No, I can’t today,” or shut off your phone, stop obsessively checking your emails and social media, and shut the TV off. If you can carve out a day or half a day to replenish with God. Things can wait, and God will send someone else to help whoever you believe needs your help.

When you feel your “cup is empty” you will exhibit these signs:

1.      Fatigue/exhaustion

2.      Irritability/anger

3.      Stress/overwhelmed

4.      Feeling burned-out

5.      Anxious/restless

6.      Forgetful/easily distracted

7.      Depression/discouragement

8.      A lack of peace, joy, and contentment

9.      Weakened immune system

It is not God’s will for you to feel burned-out and exhausted. Stop comparing yourself to others. Some people can do more and go more, and some have not learned how to place boundaries on their lives. Copying what others do is a sure recipe for disaster. God did not create you to be like others, and to follow what someone else does. Be your own person, and be comfortable that you are not built like anyone else.

Reprioritize your schedule, and leave only the things you must do. You will feel different for doing this. Few people, including Christians and sometimes especially Christians, have difficulty balancing and prioritizing their lives; that is why you cannot follow after others. Even if you are the only one who has balance in their lives, then be a leader. As things come your way, ask God, “Is this what you have planned for me?” So many people never do this, and wind-up doing just whatever falls into their path. Do what God is leading you to do. This will require you to not be a people-pleaser, and to be obedient to God. 

Refocus

What has caught your attention lately? Have you been more concerned with the cares of this world, other people’s problems, or on difficult circumstances? Maybe you have been in a long spiritual battle and it has kept most of your time and attention. Whatever the reasons, you have lost your focus on Jesus. When we do this we can endure restlessness, anxiety, fear, stress, and feeling overwhelmed.

Just like with a camera lens, sometimes we need to adjust the camera lens so we can see the picture clearer. In our lives, sometimes we need to step back and find out why we are not focused on the things of God.

They enemy will use anything or anybody to derail and distract us from our purpose and walk with Christ. If you are focusing on the problems around you more than the promises of God, you have lost your focus. You may sense a lack of joy and peace in your life as a result of keeping your eyes fixated on the things that you cannot fix. Perhaps, you may have tried to fix other people’s dilemmas, which led you to focus on their cares and concerns more. The focus has been on everything but Christ. This was not intentional, but a subtle scheme of the enemy to turn you away from your only source of peace and hope, Jesus Christ. If you have been too busy for Christ, than you have been too busy.

Start today by evaluating what your focus has been on lately, and begin to lay aside every weight that has encroached upon you. Spend daily time with the Lord, and get into His presence where He can bring you back to His promises. Ask the Lord to give you His perspective on each thing that has caused you to lose focus on Christ. Maybe God wants you to cut back something, or even back off from relationships that keep you continually focused on the cares of this world. You may need to pull back for a while from relationships that have drained your energy and depleted you spiritually. These types of relationships have the potential to keep your focus in the wrong direction. If you have been helping others and have got lost in their problems, and you are sensing your helping is not helping but keeping you from the things of God; step back and get back into alignment with Christ.

How do you know you need to refocus with Christ?

1.      You are feeling anxious and uptight. You have lost your peace and joy.

2.      You are focused more on the problems than God’s promises.

3.      Your time with God is little or non-existent.

4.      You feel worried and fearful.

5.      You are irritable and perhaps even angry.

6.      You become cynical.

7.      Are worn-out physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

8.      You are putting your trust in everything but Christ.

9.      You are disappointed, discouraged, and maybe depressed.

10.  You are overwhelmed and stressed.

11.  You are not sleeping restfully.

Colossians 3:2 ESV

Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth.

Psalm 1:1-6 ESV

Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers; but his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither. In all that he does, he prospers. The wicked are not so, but are like chaff that the wind drives away. Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment, nor sinners in the congregation of the righteous;

Matthew 6:33 ESV

But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

Romans 8:5 ESV

For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit.

Philippians 4:8 ESV

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.