Counselor's Corner: Enjoying LIfe Again After Trauma

If you have endured any type of trauma, learning to enjoy life again will part of your healing journey. For many people who have lived through traumatic experiences whether one time or recurrent trauma’s, the brain and body goes into a protective mode by shielding itself from any further danger.

This protective mode is only supposed to last until you can cope with the initial shock of the trauma. I am sure you have heard of people who are described as going into “shock” when someone they love passes away. After the initial shock wear’s off, most people begin the healing process, but for some the trauma is too difficult for them to process and they remain stuck in the time that the trauma. Repressing trauma is seen frequently in people who have a history of past trauma’s such as childhood abuse. Other ways one does not deal with the trauma they experienced is through drug addiction (whether street or prescription), high amounts of alcohol, and any other escapism such as pornography.

Uncovering the pain around the trauma, and allowing yourself to truly feel the pain is a stepping stone towards healing, and eventually enjoying your life. (If at any time the pain associated with your trauma becomes unbearable or unmanageable seeking professional help will be necessary or if you are abusing drugs and/or alcohol to not feel pain you will need to seek assistance).

Allowing God into your pain is one of the most important steps to take towards your healing. Sharing with God how you felt at the time of the trauma and how you are coping now as a result. Ask Jesus to begin to heal your painful memories around the trauma. Start praying that God would close any “open doors” in your life that gave the enemy access to your emotions and soul, such as unforgiveness, bitterness, and anger. Replace all the lies that you have believed about God because of the trauma. There is a strong possibility that you are angry with God and your faith has faltered.

If you have not dealt with your trauma but are ready to begin, take it slow and be gentle with yourself. Don’t condemn or judge yourself for allowing yourself too get so far off track, and don’t compare where other people are at in their walk with God. The enemy will condemn you if you begin to look at other’s and how they overcome their obstacles so quickly and you did not. If you have not “walked in someone else’s shoe’s,” you cannot determine why their healing journey is taking longer unless you can peal back their hearts and minds and see everything they have been through.

You will enjoy life again! As long as every day you are making progress towards your healing, and not staying stuck you will enjoy your life again!

→Side note: Trauma can cause chemical changes in your brain responsible for mood regulation. The good news is we do have the ability to increase these feel good neurotransmitters naturally through exercising, eating a well-balanced diet, getting at least 7-9 hours of sleep, renewing the mind daily by rewiring our faulty beliefs through the Word of God and positive affirmations, and seeing a nutritionist who can advise you on natural supplements. The natural way to build feel good neurotransmitters does not happen overnight, you will need to be aware that it will take time and if you are not able to handle life because of depression and/or anxiety talking to your medical doctor would be advised for prescription medication. Many of the prescription medications can make you feel emotionally numb or have unwanted side effects, but they can help if you have major depression or debilitating anxiety.

►Resource to help with negativity, depression, worry and anxiety: “Disciplining your mind 30 days to a better you!”

After recovering from your trauma, you will be more able to experience enjoying life again.

Recovery from trauma takes time.

Take it day by day, and as long as you are not going backwards you are healing. Initially you may not feel like enjoying the things that you use to, start enjoying the small things first.

Learn to enjoy the small things…How?

Sit outside and enjoy a cup of coffee or tea, watch birds, take a stroll outside and observe the beauty of nature, plan a lunch date with a friend, watch a movie and eat popcorn, take a bike ride, plant some flowers, or have a picnic.

What else could you do that is enjoyable?

Do something small every day that you would enjoy and overtime you will begin to explore even more enjoyable things. Don’t push yourself to enjoy what everyone else does. Your enjoyment right now will seem very simple, but sometimes it is the simple things in life that are the most enjoyable. You may not be in a place right now where you can fully enjoy all that life has to offer, but remember to be gentle with yourself as you are working through your healing.

Breaking Free From Addiction

Addictions come in many forms, such as, alcohol, drugs, food, sex, gambling, and pornography. Addiction happens when we have a compulsive, repetitive desire for a certain thing and we act on the impulse.

Nothing else will do until the craving we are after is fulfilled. Have you ever noticed how people go to great lengths to obtain their addiction? Why, you might ask? Every time we fulfill that desire for our addiction it changes pathways in our brain for pleasure. In other words, the pleasure chemical dopamine is released every time we go after our addiction. In essence we become addicted to the release of feel-good dopamine, but the problem is we need more of whatever we are addicted to each time to have the same initial “high” we got the first time. That is the craziness of addiction, you will never get the same feeling you got the first time you watched pornography, had a high from a joint, or became intoxicated when you won money gambling.

I come from a family of addicts, mainly drugs and alcohol. I as well have endured these same addictions, but have found the way out of the trap. I use the word trap to describe what addiction is like. You never mean for it to last as long as it does, and when you try and get free from it, you are pulled back. Some addictions are a result of genetic predisposition that is why you see alcoholism run in families. No matter how the addiction formed, the enemy is always pushing you to stay in it. Why? Because addiction destroys families, careers, and ultimately the enemy wants the addiction to kill you. The enemy will initially show you fun times and pleasure with your addiction, but it fades as you realize you can’t get out. Addiction will turn you into a liar, cheat, and thief. This all makes the enemy very happy, while it grieves the Lord. We cannot be all that God wants us to be chasing after our “idols” of addiction (an idol is anything you place higher than Christ).

The cycle of addicting can be broken, but only through the help of Jesus Christ. Self-help groups or your own strength is not sufficient enough to beating addiction.

Tips on breaking free from addiction:

1.      Ask Jesus for His help. This cannot be underestimated. Nothing can break the chain of addiction long-term like Jesus can. He can set the captives free from addiction.

2.      Get rid immediately of ALL that represents your addiction, such as if you are addicted to alcohol get rid of all alcohol in your home, wine glasses and if you are addicted to food, get rid of the food that cause you to emotionally eat.

3.      Change your friendships, or at least the ones who encourage your appetite for addiction. For example, I was in a Christian ministry group where many of the members drank alcohol and spoke of drinking often. Even though, I enjoyed them and they are Christians, I had to part ways with them to stay sober. I don’t judge what THEY do, but as for me, it “wets” my appetite to want to drink when I hear about their drinking. I begin to “lust” after what they were doing.

4.      Change where you go and what you do. If you are addicted to gambling, don’t go to the casino just to eat or play one round of blackjack. Since I had a strong addiction to alcohol, I no longer eat in restaurants that serve alcohol.

5.      Prayer is a powerful weapon against the strategies of the enemy that could cause us to stumble. Take the time to listen to God as well, He will let you know insights such as, don’t go there, or it is not good to hang around that person for it might cause you to be hindered.

6.      Read the Word daily and meditate on the Word. Let the Word renew your mind that has been darkened by addiction.

7.      Find a healthy activity to replace your addiction. Exercise is a great way to reduce stress, but it also increase the pleasure chemical dopamine in our brains.

8.      Tell someone about your struggles. Find someone you trust and become accountable to them.

9.      If you need additional help such as a detox program for drugs/alcohol or a Christ-centered recovery program like Celebrate Recovery, get the help necessary.

10.  Journal and begin asking the Lord to uncover the “roots” of why your addicted. Most people become addicted to something as they are trying to fill a void in their lives and numb themselves from pain. Get to the root!

11.  Be mindful of stressful times that can heighten your desire for the addiction. Stress is a precursor or warning flag that you need to heed to, lest you fall into your addiction again.

You can break free from whatever addiction masters you, but only with the aid of Jesus Christ. Don’t try and go it alone. It usually takes 21-30 days to form a habit or break a habit, the first 30 days will be the hardest, and thereafter you will still need to be guarded by knowing your triggers. The first year of recovery will be a time of readjusting and rebuilding. The first year of sobriety may seem strange and unfamiliar to you, and your brain will need time to adjust chemically back to normal. Never think or believe, “I got this and I can do whatever I want.” For instance, if I begin to believe that because I have not had alcohol in a long time and now I can go to a nightclub or bar, I could set myself up to fail. The enemy knows your weakest points, and trust me he will exploit them at any chance he gets. If you are tired, stressed, sick, or even feel you “got this,” beware! The enemy looks for opportune times to get us to sin.

No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and He will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with temptation He will also provide a way of escape, that you may be able to endure it. 1 Corinthians 10:13

What has been helpful to you in breaking free from addiction? Please share to help others