Counselor's Corner: How to Become a More Disciplined Person

What areas do you need to be more disciplined in? Exercise, eating right, your thoughts, finances, or perhaps reading the Bible and praying.

Discipline requires practice and repetition. Basically doing the same thing over and over until you achieve your result.

It is not wise to believe that you can get disciplined in an area of your life in a few short weeks. New habits can be formed and old patterns of behavior can be broken with discipline. Is it hard work? Yes, but you can do it!

I started training to be a runner over 3 years ago. I will never forget the first several weeks and even months. I had to train myself to get up early in the morning, as well as prepare myself before each run with stretching. I first started with a goal. I was going to run the 3 mile bridge close to where I live. Now this was a bit of a challenge being that I never ran before, however, I had made my mind up; I was going to learn how to run. The bridge that I wanted to run is also a draw bridge with a steep incline in the middle where the bridge is open to allow boats to pass through safely. I tried for 3 months to run over that draw bridge, but between the aches and pains in my legs and all the huffing and puffing that I was doing; I just could not complete the bridge. I decided to be realistic with my goal and to set a more realistic time frame for being able to finish the bridge. I made my goals smaller and more manageable.

I eventually accomplished the large goal of completely running over the entire bridge. After several months I finally made it over! Then I was set for my next goal to make running a weekly discipline, and to even enjoy it! Three years later and I am still running and have even completed a 5k run.

When I first started running I hurt my foot and I was not able to run for 2 weeks. I got very discouraged, but I had remembered that I already set my mind that I would exercise. I had to revamp my schedule of doing things because I could no longer run on my painful foot. When things do not work out the way you had planned, do not give up! I brain stormed some other ways I could still exercise without re-injuring my foot. I began to incorporate other forms of training such as biking, swimming, and walking.

When you begin to be more disciplined in whatever areas in your life, you will have some challenges and setbacks along the way. The key is to persevere.

10 ways to becoming more disciplined in any area:

1.      Set a goal for yourself. What do you want to improve? Ask the Lord for His help.

2.      Set your mind ahead of time that you will follow through even with setbacks and challenges.

3.      Have a support system for encouragement for those times that you may get discouraged.

4.      Set small, realistic goals after setting your large overall goal.

5.      Remove temptations. If you are trying to eat healthier, replace chips and cookies with healthier snacks.

6.      Do not wait until you “feel” like improving in an area. It will feel uncomfortable and awkward, but move past the feelings.

7.      Make sure to reward yourself when you are completing your short goals.

8.      You will have ups and downs, failures and success when changing, but keep going and become determined that you will succeed. You will have “off days,” but do not let that stop you.

9.      Try to have a consistent routine, this is particularly important if you are beginning an exercise program.

10.  Have a free day. You should have one day where you are not focused on your goal. This is the time to sit back and enjoy your progress.

The best quality to have when disciplining yourself to change is to be determined.

Determination is a quality that makes you continue trying to do or achieve something that is difficult.

Do you know that those who run in a race all run, but only one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may win. Everyone who competes in the games exercises self-control in all things. And everyone who competes for the prize is temperate in all things…But I discipline my body and bring it into subjection…1 Corinthians 9: 24-23 & 27

As the Apostle Paul discussed that we have to train like an athlete for our spiritual disciplines such as prayer, and reading the Bible. The most important discipline we can have is spiritual discipline, making the time for Jesus first. Before I run, I “run” to the Father. He comes first.

*Check out my book for an additional resource on discipline, “Disciplining Your Mind, 30Days to a Better You.” 

Counselor's Corner: Overcoming the Fear of Failure

Fear of failure occurs when you have tried to accomplish a goal or a task and either had setbacks, delays or no progress at all. Usually the fear of failure does not happen the first attempt at a desired outcome but after repeated attempts to achieve your dream or destiny.

Failure is mostly based on your perception, in other words, if you keep trying after not succeeding do you give up or keep trying? If you perceive that you are a failure and whatever you do will fail, you will not keep trying. If you believe that failure only occurs if you stop trying than you likely will continue to pursue your dreams.

I had great ambitions to become a published author. I set out on my mission to publish my first book, and I did several years ago. The problem is that even though I did have my book published, the sales of that book only covered the expenses of what I paid the publisher. I did not make a large profit and became terrified to write another book. I knew I was supposed to write another book, even though my first book did not have the outcome that I would have liked. Now my second book has currently been released with a different publisher. I truly don’t know what will happen with this book, but I will continue to write. If you know God has given you something to do, our part is to be faithful and do it and not to worry about the outcomes.

Perhaps you did not write a book and it flopped but you had a business fail or a job that you did not flourish at. As a result, you may be stagnant or comfortable not pursuing any further goals that would lead you towards your dream. You have stopped dreaming, believing and hoping that your destiny would be fulfilled.

Failure is a part of life. Each time you miss the mark use it as an opportunity to learn and grow. Sometimes you don’t make it the first, second or even third time around. Sometimes it can take multiple times to finally see your dreams come to pass. DON’T GIVE UP! When you are not getting the desired outcomes or one door closes after another, regroup and try again!

→PERSISTANCE AND PERSERVERANCE are keys to overcoming fear of failure.

Some naysayers may say to you, “If you did not make it work the first or second time around you probably should give up.” You may even tell yourself that.

But what if these people stopped after their first attempt…

Abraham Lincoln did give up after he failed numerous times with different offices in the government he was trying to run for, he never would have become our 16^th president. He is known as the most famous failure ever to hold office in the United States.

Albert Einstein known for having one of the most brilliant minds ever lived was once considered a major failure! Einstein did not speak until he was four years old. He eventually went to a university but he struggled and nearly dropped out. Einstein’s father considered his son to be a major failure. After his graduation, he was unsure about what to do with his life and become an insurance salesman. Einstein eventually brought us the theory of relativity and developed several fundamental core laws for physics.

Bill Gates first business, Traf-O-Data failed. Gates enrolled in Harvard University but the following year he dropped out of Harvard to start Microsoft.

Colonel Harland Sanders better known for his Kentucky Fried Chicken. He is also known for his numerous failures in life and in business. At 5 years old, his father died leaving his mother to take care of three children. Harland’s mother would leave for days at a time and he would have to take care of his siblings. During this time, he learned to be a proficient cook. At the age of 12, his mother remarried but this marriage was not good and it caused him to leave home the following year. At 14 years old, he began working as a farmhand. Sanders worked many jobs for years, but nothing really stuck. He owned a ferry boat, sold tires, and eventually opened a restaurant in a gas station selling fried chicken. He was already 40 years when he started serving the fried chicken dishes, but was 50 years old before securing the secret chicken recipe known as the colonel’s secret recipe of 11 herbs and spices. However, just 2 years later he sold his business and got divorced. In 1955, another one of his restaurants failed.

 The age of 65 years he set out to franchise his chicken across the nation. He was rejected by 1,009 restaurants before ONE agreed to his idea.

Dr. Seuss was famously known for the children’s book,” Green eggs and ham.” His initial manuscript that he wrote was rejected 28 times before finally being accepted. Dr. Seuss went on to write many more children’s books and has sold over 600 million copies of his books.

Emily Dickinson one of the most famous authors of modern times. She considered herself a failure much of her life. She was an extreme introvert and was reluctant to meet people face-to-face. She was called a reclusive and eccentric by the locals in her community. She never married nor had children. While Dickinson is considered to be one of the most renowned poets in history, less than a dozen of her poems were published during her lifetime. When her poems were published they were altered significantly because her style did not fit the norm of the day.

Henry Ford known for the Ford Motor Company, one of the most profitable automotive companies in the world. Although success came to Ford years later he failed often in his early years. In 1901, his first business failed and in 1903 at the age of 40 he tried again.

Jack Canfield known for the national best seller, “Chicken soup for the soul,” was turned down by 144 publishers before one small town publishing company in Florida took a chance with his book. Fast forward years later and 500 million books have been sold and it has been translated into over 20 languages.

Lastly let’s not forget Thomas Edison who failed over 10,000 times trying to invent a commercially-viable electric bulb. He was asked at one point by a reporter if he felt like a failure after so many failed attempts. His reply to the reporter was, “I have not failed 10,000 times. I have not failed once. I have succeeded in proving that those 10,000 ways will not work. I will find the way that will work.”

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal; it is the courage to continue that counts, and success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.”

-Winston Churchill

Fear of failure starts in your mind first. To learn how to discipline your mind and overcome your fear of failure check out my new book, “Disciplining your mind 30 days to a better you!”