As a parent of a prodigal child, I can assure you that
I have done everything possible to bring my child back to the ways of Christ. I
have fasted many, many times in hopes that,” some things are broken by prayer
and fasting alone.” Last December, I was fasting 1-2x per week, believing that
my fasting was helping bring my child closer to Christ and breaking the “strongholds”
in his life. Fasting alone did not seem to be working, so I then added a book
about praying scriptures over your prodigal children. I prayed through the
entire book in the 90 days it suggested, believing that was the answer-praying
scripture daily. I was already praying morning and night for my child, but when
my prayers were seemingly going unheard, I started to add fasting, speaking
scriptures, and then I restored to begging and pleading with the Lord. Through the
years of my child going his own way, I have had countless intercessors pray for
him, believing perhaps God would hear their prayers-for I was certain I was
doing something wrong because my prayers were appearing to go unanswered.
When my child first started going his own way over 10
years ago, I prayed daily but never restored to begging God for him to turn
back from the things of the world. You see, if you have never had a child “wandering”
in the world year after year involved in all sorts of heart-wrenching
activities such as any type of addictions, homosexuality or different levels of
mental/emotional instability-please don’t judge, when I say after a decade of
praying, I started to beg God. I was tired and mentally and emotionally exhausted.
I needed God to come through quickly, I mean didn’t He know valuable time was
being wasted? I spent last Christmas without my child for the first time and
that led me to do whatever I needed to get God’s attention-fasting weekly,
praying scriptures, and devoting a lot of my prayer time to what I call “spiritual
warfare intercession,” or taking back what the enemy stole prayers. I went into
overdrive time with my prayers, fasting and scripture reading. I became much
focused on my child’s deliverance that my prayer needs were virtually
non-existent. I mean, I did not have time to focus on other prayer needs, my child
was in trouble and he needed me to help rescue him!
After months of believing somehow if I did this or
that right in praying for my child, than that would get God’s attention and He
would finally answer my prayers. I just needed to know the formula for God to
hear my prayers, because I needed Him to act quickly. I tried everything I knew
to do! I even took advice from well-meaning people, believing maybe they had
the answer, but still my child is not delivered. Oh, what is the momma to do? I
want him to be all better, but the Lord says, “Let him go.” You got to be
kidding Lord? Let go? The Lord showed me that letting go does not mean that you
don’t love them or that you are giving up on them, it means that you are taking
the backseat and the Lord is now driving-His ways and His time table! Ouch! Can’t
say that thrills me to take the backseat to my child’s life, but I am not God
and He knows better than I do. I have to let go of how I THINK the outcome
SHOULD turn out. I have been given so many prophecies concerning my child, and
in my mind they should be unfolding right about now. I am impatient and I want to see the promises come to pass in
my lifetime.
I
am learning to walk by faith and not by sight.
If I look to long at the circumstances around my child’s life, I get depressed,
anxious and fearful. I never wanted things to turn out like this, I would have
hoped that by now breakthrough and deliverance would have occurred. God gives
me what I call “little nuggets” of hope that he is still working. The answer to
God answering our prayers, is not dong more in hopes that will move God, but trusting
and resting that He hears even the tiniest of our prayers. God is moved not by
us doing, going to more Bible studies, having more people pray for our
situation, or fasting more, but by our faith. It takes great faith to let go of
your loved one and let God take the reins. It takes great faith not to live in
torment, fear, anxiety, or depression concerning your loved one. It takes great
faith to have joy despite the deepest trouble in your life. It takes faith to
say, “Not my will be done, but your will be done Lord.” It takes faith to believe
God knows our heartache and will use it for good. It takes faith to rest and
not strive to make God move on our behalf. In rest comes peace, with peace
comes joy.
When your dreams and expectations have been dashed for
your loved one, take hold that you are not alone and God does repair shattered
dreams. I don’t know what the outcome will be in child’s life, but I know God
is routing for him way more than I am-and that I have done all that I can
do. Now it’s time to rest…trust…and let go and let God.
