Counselor's Corner: Is It Okay Not to Like a Family Member?

Loving a family member is not the same thing as liking their difficult personalities, manipulative or controlling behaviors. You can love someone while not liking their behaviors and actions.

Reflect: If they were not your mother, sister, brother, would you choose to hang out with them?

There can be those in your families who irritate, frustrate, and cause tremendous amounts of stress. If your honest, you really don’t enjoy their company, but feel obligated to be with them because their family.

You must know your limits and what you cannot tolerate. Listed below are guidelines to use when you may need some healthy distance between you and your family.

·         If being around your family causes you to sin, it’s a good chance you need to limit your time with them.

·         If you feel worse-off after being with your family.

·         If they engage in behaviors that would cause you to stumble.

·         They are controlling, manipulative or make you feel guilty.

·         Are abusive, mentally, verbally, or physically.

·         Feel stressed and tense before and/or after being with them.

·         Don’t respect your boundaries, and repeatedly violate your boundaries.

·         Are selfish and are not really concerned about your needs.

·         You feel anxious never knowing what they will do or say.

·         They continually want to borrow or need money from you.

·         Are always questioning yourself, did you do or say something to upset them.

·         Are overly dramatic, use pouting, crying to coercive you.

·         Feel responsible for taking care of them (because they cause you to feel that way).

·         Triangulate other family members against you.

If you have family that you just don’t like, admit it and know you are not alone. Just because someone is family does not mean you will desire to be close to them. God did design the family to be supportive and close, but since the fall of man, families have struggled because of our sin nature.

Dealing with difficult family members can make you feel guilty one minute for not wanting to spend time with them, and the next minute you feel love and anger towards them. You may look forward at times to seeing them, and feel disappointed when with them. There may be times you are snappy or frustrated with them and then feel confused after why you were.

Forgive, release, bless and let go of all expectations and guilt you may be harboring towards those difficult family members. People can change and some of your most difficult family relationships can be repaired in the long run, but in the meantime, you may need to practice self-care for yourself and guard your heart.

Let’s Discuss:

Do you have family members that you love but rather not like? How do you handle those difficult relationships?