It Is Okay to Say, “No”!
I had decided this week that I need to buckle down and
focus on my writing again after taking time off during the holidays, going
through a lengthy illness and a death in the family. I was determined to keep
on track, no matter what! I had already made my schedule out for the week, and
on Thursday afternoon my mother called and wanted to go to lunch on Friday. I
considered strongly forgoing my schedule and going to lunch with her. Yes, I
know it is just lunch but my mother lives an hour away from me, so I could not
have her come all the way over my way and only meet for an hour. I wrestled
back and forth with should I go or not. I know I already committed to staying
on task this week, but my mother asked me to lunch. Before I called her, I
looked at my schedule and I prayed. I asked God to give me wisdom in what I should
do, and I felt very strong that I was to keep my already commitments for the
week and tell her, “I would not be able to meet her for lunch.” I began to feel
guilty about telling her no. Where was this guilt coming from? It is just lunch
for heaven’s sake!
Reflect
and ponder: Are you a people-pleaser? Do you have trouble
saying no to others? Are you able to let down others gently without the guilt?
Counselor’s
Corner:
Get to the “roots” of why you have
difficulty saying no.
1. No
one likes to disappoint others. Fact: If you are pleasing God, rather than
man-you will inevitably disappoint people. It is important to seek God in what
you should or should not do. Here is a clue if you are supposed to do something
or not: Do you have peace?
2. We
care what others think of us. We don’t want anyone to think bad thoughts of us.
We would all to like and approve of us.
3. We
feel guilty that we did not do what someone wanted us to do, especially if we
have the time and the money to do it. Sometimes something can seem right for us to do, but God has put
the “brakes” on it. God operates in peace, flow, and an order. If you feel
stressed, confused, or anxious about a situation; chances are God is not
wanting you a part of whatever it is.
4. We
are people-pleasers. We do whatever anyone wants or asks of us. Even if we don’t
have the time or the energy, we still do what is asked of us. We don’t want
others to reject us, so believe if we please them, then we won’t get rejected.
5. We
don’t like asking others if we could reschedule for another time because we believe
they will think they are not important enough to meet when they can.
Saying no is not always comfortable, but to set limits
on your time and to obey what God is telling you to do-you will need to get
comfortable saying no. It is okay to say NO! Know your limits, and value your
time. If a relationship is hindered after you declined their request, it was
not a true relationship (true relationships are supportive and respectful).
If you are involved in ministry on any level, you can’t
say no, right? Wrong, you can and should seek the wisdom of the Holy Spirit to determine
what we should be involved in. I have personally seen too many situations where
well-meaning church folk get involved in every serving opportunity, and
eventually those people burned-out or stumbled in their walk with God. If you
are too busy to spend time with God-you’re too busy! The first ministry we are
to serve if we are married is to our spouses, that’s right if you are married
and spending more time serving others; it is out of order.
MEDITATE
ON THESE SCRIPTURES:
Does
this sound as if I am trying to win human approval? No indeed! What I want is
God’s approval! Am I trying to be popular with people? If I were still trying
to do so, I would not be a servant of Christ. Galatians 1:10
Fearing
people is a dangerous trap, but trusting the Lord means safety. Proverbs 29:25.
As a recovering people-pleaser and now a God pleaser, I found this very helpful indeed.
ReplyDeleteIt takes a lot of practice to give myself permission to say: NO!
But as I do, life is becoming less stressful and more peace-filled.
Grateful for your writing.