Breaking Free From Addiction

Addictions come in many forms, such as, alcohol, drugs, food, sex, gambling, and pornography. Addiction happens when we have a compulsive, repetitive desire for a certain thing and we act on the impulse.

Nothing else will do until the craving we are after is fulfilled. Have you ever noticed how people go to great lengths to obtain their addiction? Why, you might ask? Every time we fulfill that desire for our addiction it changes pathways in our brain for pleasure. In other words, the pleasure chemical dopamine is released every time we go after our addiction. In essence we become addicted to the release of feel-good dopamine, but the problem is we need more of whatever we are addicted to each time to have the same initial “high” we got the first time. That is the craziness of addiction, you will never get the same feeling you got the first time you watched pornography, had a high from a joint, or became intoxicated when you won money gambling.

I come from a family of addicts, mainly drugs and alcohol. I as well have endured these same addictions, but have found the way out of the trap. I use the word trap to describe what addiction is like. You never mean for it to last as long as it does, and when you try and get free from it, you are pulled back. Some addictions are a result of genetic predisposition that is why you see alcoholism run in families. No matter how the addiction formed, the enemy is always pushing you to stay in it. Why? Because addiction destroys families, careers, and ultimately the enemy wants the addiction to kill you. The enemy will initially show you fun times and pleasure with your addiction, but it fades as you realize you can’t get out. Addiction will turn you into a liar, cheat, and thief. This all makes the enemy very happy, while it grieves the Lord. We cannot be all that God wants us to be chasing after our “idols” of addiction (an idol is anything you place higher than Christ).

The cycle of addicting can be broken, but only through the help of Jesus Christ. Self-help groups or your own strength is not sufficient enough to beating addiction.

Tips on breaking free from addiction:

1.      Ask Jesus for His help. This cannot be underestimated. Nothing can break the chain of addiction long-term like Jesus can. He can set the captives free from addiction.

2.      Get rid immediately of ALL that represents your addiction, such as if you are addicted to alcohol get rid of all alcohol in your home, wine glasses and if you are addicted to food, get rid of the food that cause you to emotionally eat.

3.      Change your friendships, or at least the ones who encourage your appetite for addiction. For example, I was in a Christian ministry group where many of the members drank alcohol and spoke of drinking often. Even though, I enjoyed them and they are Christians, I had to part ways with them to stay sober. I don’t judge what THEY do, but as for me, it “wets” my appetite to want to drink when I hear about their drinking. I begin to “lust” after what they were doing.

4.      Change where you go and what you do. If you are addicted to gambling, don’t go to the casino just to eat or play one round of blackjack. Since I had a strong addiction to alcohol, I no longer eat in restaurants that serve alcohol.

5.      Prayer is a powerful weapon against the strategies of the enemy that could cause us to stumble. Take the time to listen to God as well, He will let you know insights such as, don’t go there, or it is not good to hang around that person for it might cause you to be hindered.

6.      Read the Word daily and meditate on the Word. Let the Word renew your mind that has been darkened by addiction.

7.      Find a healthy activity to replace your addiction. Exercise is a great way to reduce stress, but it also increase the pleasure chemical dopamine in our brains.

8.      Tell someone about your struggles. Find someone you trust and become accountable to them.

9.      If you need additional help such as a detox program for drugs/alcohol or a Christ-centered recovery program like Celebrate Recovery, get the help necessary.

10.  Journal and begin asking the Lord to uncover the “roots” of why your addicted. Most people become addicted to something as they are trying to fill a void in their lives and numb themselves from pain. Get to the root!

11.  Be mindful of stressful times that can heighten your desire for the addiction. Stress is a precursor or warning flag that you need to heed to, lest you fall into your addiction again.

You can break free from whatever addiction masters you, but only with the aid of Jesus Christ. Don’t try and go it alone. It usually takes 21-30 days to form a habit or break a habit, the first 30 days will be the hardest, and thereafter you will still need to be guarded by knowing your triggers. The first year of recovery will be a time of readjusting and rebuilding. The first year of sobriety may seem strange and unfamiliar to you, and your brain will need time to adjust chemically back to normal. Never think or believe, “I got this and I can do whatever I want.” For instance, if I begin to believe that because I have not had alcohol in a long time and now I can go to a nightclub or bar, I could set myself up to fail. The enemy knows your weakest points, and trust me he will exploit them at any chance he gets. If you are tired, stressed, sick, or even feel you “got this,” beware! The enemy looks for opportune times to get us to sin.

No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and He will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with temptation He will also provide a way of escape, that you may be able to endure it. 1 Corinthians 10:13

What has been helpful to you in breaking free from addiction? Please share to help others

Why We Don’t Like Disappointing Others

Since I was a little girl I always wanted to please the adults in my life, as I grew older that really did not change much. I do not like letting people down or having to tell anyone, “No.” I fear that that person will get mad at me and think less than positive things about me. I have gotten better over the years of telling others, “No,” but sometimes it still bothers me to tell someone,” I am not able to do that at this time.”

Where does this root of people-pleasing stem from? Insecurity, having a lack of personal boundaries, and the fear of man (caring too much what others think).

But I’m learning IT IS OKAY to disappoint others. When we fail to recognize that we will disappoint others and that is okay, it can lead to stress, fear and worry. We must get comfortable with letting others down. We must be tuned-in to the Holy Spirit so that He can let us know if we are to go here or there. Oftentimes, the Holy Spirit does not speak anything direct to our spirits  but we have a deep inner “knowing,” a settled peace, and there is a natural flow (in other words, you don’t have guilt or try and figure out how you can fit one more thing into your already packed schedule). When we tell others no, they most likely will not like that answer and possibly pout or sulk, but that is not your problem. If someone manipulates you through guilt by their words or even facial and body language you know that is not coming from the Lord.

How can we respond to others disappointing us? If you ask a request of someone and they politely say, “No thank you, I am not going to go this time;” we should respect their response and simply say,” No problem at all.” This can take the guilt of saying no off the person that is declining your invitation. If we get upset either by our words or non-verbal body language, we are sending a guilt message to that person.

We cannot please everyone all the time. We cannot agree to everyone’s request that comes our way and keep our sanity. When someone is disappointed with you, it is out of your control-and it is their problem!

Fear of letting people down will cause you to do things you were not intended to do. We don’t want others to reject us, so we agree to do what is best for them and not necessarily for us. The root of rejection can stem all the way back to our childhood, and if we still carry around that root of rejection we will have a more difficult time disappointing others.

Sometimes we have trouble disappointing others because we don’t want them to feel rejected or hurt, but most people are resilient and will “get over” you saying no to them quickly. We cannot be responsible for how others will take our, “No, thank you.” If there is a mutual respect between two people it will be very easy to say how you really feel and what you can or can’t do. Saying “No” is often most difficult with family, spouses, friends, and your boss. The people we are the closet to are the hardest to disappoint, and that is because we want them to continue to love us, accept us, and think good things about us. However, we should be more concerned about pleasing our Heavenly Father.

Learn to practice saying, “No,” and being okay with disappointing others. If you want everyone to be happy with you ALL the time, you will need to get over that! Not everyone will be happy or pleased with us 100% of the time. If you are putting other’s needs ahead of your own needs, you are setting yourself up for feelings of resentment. Get to the root of why you can’t say, “No” to others. Perhaps you enjoy being liked and validated or just need to feel needed. Getting the approval of others may make you feel like you are a good person. Maybe your main issue is how people will view you. You certainly don’t want to be viewed as lazy, uncaring, or selfish.

You have a choice! You DO NOT have to say, “Yes,” when someone asks something of you. If someone asks you for something it is perfectly OKAY to say,” I need to get back with you on that at a later time.” Don’t give into the demands of pushy people wanting an answer right away. If you do agree to someone’s request, SET A TIME LIMIT. For example, “We can meet Saturday from 12pm-2pm.” If you don’t set limits and boundaries with certain people, your time will be taken advantage of. Some people clearly will manipulate and try and take every advantage of you. You can spot the manipulator by their flattery. You do not have to defend your decision with excessive reasoning. The manipulator will use your reasoning to gain wiggle room to get you to say yes, such as, “Oh, you can do that later. “Don’t apologize for telling someone, “No.” It makes you appear like you are at fault.

You are entitled to your time, your need to rest, and your boundaries. We all have emotional and physical limits, and not everyone knows what they are in our lives. Setting boundaries can include the times we answer our phone, have company, and letting others know they will need to call and ask if they can come over. Yes, others may be disappointed that you have personal boundaries, but they will get over it if they truly respect and love you.

Fearing people is a dangerous trap, but trusting the Lord means safety. Proverbs 29:25, NLT

For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ. Galatians 1:10, ESV

How about you? What do you struggle with the most in disappointing others?

Words of Encouragement for 2016: Rebuild, Restore and Refined

Begin speaking life over yourself. It is okay to hope and dream again. You are seeing that this year is starting off differently than last year. Last year you conquered many “giants”, fears and worked on being victorious over your thought life and circumstances. This year you will occupy the land! You will REBUILD from the ruins. Last year was about learning to “let go”, learning to trust God, and being set free from generational bondages. Last year was about preparing the ground for the good soil of this year.

The Lord is delivering you in the quiet times, but you will publically declare what God has done. You have been made to see and experience many hardships but God is coming this year to RESTORE all the years the enemy has stolen from you. If who you have been praying for does not change, you will! Stop being consumed with what others are doing. Get your eyes off others and onto Jesus.

You had to distance yourself from some relationships, but you knew on the inside they were distracting and hindering you. You needed to get rid of the dead weights that had been weighing you down. If these relationships come back, you will know when and how to be back in relationship with them.

Stop trying to figure out your life purpose and what you should be doing. It will come to you! You will not have to go search for it. Relax and enjoy the days ahead because all will be preparation for what will come.

You have been REFINED for God’s purposes. Stop beating yourself up for who you are and what you are not able to do. If God has called you to do something, then you will know. Love yourself and even like yourself. Accept your shortcomings and your weaknesses. Quit seeing yourself as a failure.

No more worrying. You see now that worry accomplishes nothing! Let go of all that weighs you down, so that you can finish running your race.

Do what you can and God will supply the increase. Keep doing what God has told you before, He will build on that.

Where it seems God is keeping something from you, He is actually protecting you.

REBUILD…RESTORE…REFINED

Choose your Thoughts!

I am not even up good in the morning and before my feet hit the floor, the battlefield starts in my mind. I think to myself, “Let me get a hot cup of coffee before the onslaught of negative thoughts starts.” I have to CHOOSE to begin saying to myself first thing in the morning, “This is the day the Lord has made and I will be glad and rejoice in it, or joy comes in the morning.” I have to speak life over myself and I do not always feel like doing it. Get past your feelings; otherwise, you could end up lying in bed all day or you could CHOOSE to set your day negatively by the words you speak over yourself first thing in the morning.

For additional reading on thinking, check out my book:
Wilderness Mentality Stop your Stinkin' Thinkin'

Many of our thoughts are random, some are from the enemy, some are from past experiences, and some are from God. You must differentiate which thoughts are coming to your mind and from what source. Our mind can also be passive, and that is not necessarily a good thing because a passive mind can open the door to the enemy planting his thoughts into our minds. The only sure way to win the battle in our minds, is taking every thought captive and asking yourself, “Is this thought from God?” If it is not from God, immediately replace that thought with God’s Word and faith-filled statements. DO NOT ponder, dwell, or analyze your thoughts too much. In other words, if you get a thought in your mind like,” Your such a failure,” you can know immediately that did not come from God. So many times when we get a thought like that we come into agreement with the thought and when we do that we have now believed the lie the enemy was trying to get planted in our minds to become a stronghold. A stronghold forms after not taking captive thoughts that come into our minds and CHOOSING to accept the lie as a truth. We must discipline our minds to take EVERY thought captive immediately, because if wait to do so that thought will be implanted into our minds. Once a thought gets implanted in our minds, it takes a lot of work to remove that thought. Think of it like a seed that gets planted, if you go and dig up the seed right after it is planted it can be easily removed, but if you wait until that seed has grown and developed deep roots it will take a lot more to uproot that plant. Our thoughts are similar, once a thought gets “roots” it will take a lot more effort to dig up the roots.

We have to constantly monitor what is coming into our minds. The enemy is clever and will disguise his voice to sound like yours, so you believe the thought is coming from you and not the enemy. If we are not thinking on thoughts that are lovely, excellent and praiseworthy (Philippians 4:8), we need to stop the thought immediately! Yes, there are times when something will cause you pain or upset you, and your thoughts may really have difficulty thinking about anything good or praiseworthy, but we can cast our care on God (Psalm 55:22), and believe He will work out ALL things for our good (Romans 8:28).

We have between 12,000 and 60,000 thoughts per day, or 35-48 thoughts per minute. That is a lot of thoughts to have in one day, and research supports that many of our thoughts were exactly the same as the day before! 80% of our thoughts are negative, but we have the ability to change that. Negative thoughts are life draining. Thoughts such as, “should,” “ought to”, “never, “or “can’t” are particular draining to us mentally.

It is important that we are so filled with God’s Word that we will immediately know when a thought comes to us that is not from God.

For years, neuroscientists believed the brain was fixed and immutable but new research suggests that we can rewire our brains! It is possible to reset our happiness and joy meters! I have always believed this, but when I was in college studying Psychology I was taught that our brains were hard-wired from birth and could not be changed. Research now shows our minds can be set free from depression and even addictions by CHOOSING the right thoughts! Science simply confirms what scripture has been saying all along, “Fix your thoughts on what is true and good.” Philippians 4:8. The words think, thought, and mind are used hundreds of times in the Bible. Proverbs 23:7 says, “As he thinks, so is he.”

When someone has experienced significant trauma or setbacks in their lives, it can cause patterns of thinking that are toxic. These toxic thoughts can become automatic as one engages in life. These toxic thoughts must be exposed to the healing and truth in God’s Word. It may take a while for toxic thoughts to be completely removed in someone’s mind, but by renewing the mind often in God’s Word and saying scriptures out loud that speak the opposite of the toxic thought will cause a shift in toxic thinking.

But we can retrain our brain no matter what experiences we have had! If you truly desire to be that joy-filled, optimistic, sunny person, you can be no matter what your genetics are or your circumstances! If you CHOOSE to take every thought captive and renew your mind with God’s word for the next 21 days, you will have formed a new habit of right thinking.

What are some negative thoughts that you need to “fast” from for the next 21 days:

·        Anxious and worry

·        Fearful

·        Guilt

·        Condemnation

·        Discouragement

·        Self-defeat

·        Failure

·        Unworthiness

·        Self-belittling

·        Criticism of self or others

·        Judging self or others

·        Complaining

·        Fault-finding

·        Ruminating the past

·        Dwelling on painful memories

·        Thinking about your problems/difficult circumstances

·        Thinking thoughts like, should, ought to, need to, or can’t

·        Focusing on what is wrong in your life (lack)

·        Thinking negative thoughts that God does not love you or bless you

·        Thinking hopeless thoughts or believing that everything will always be this way

·        Believing you are rejected

·        Believing you are not good-enough or smart enough

·        Worst-case scenarios

·        Other people have it better than I do, or they are more blessed than me

·        Self-pit or being the victim

·        Comparing yourself to others

·        Caring what others think of you

·        Discontentment

Any other negative thoughts that you need to fast from for 21 days?

Coping with the Pain of Having a Prodigal Child

This Christmas was the toughest one I have had so far. I had these great expectations that I would see my son for Christmas, I mean I have celebrated every Christmas with him since he was born. Last Christmas was difficult, being it was the first year he brought his partner to our house for Christmas; but at least he came! However, this Christmas, he did not show at all. I just received one tiny little text, no phone call, no gifts, and no spending any holiday fun together like most families do. I waited expectedly all day on Christmas for him to show up, but when nightfall came I realized he was not coming, I wailed like someone had just died. You see having a prodigal you feel all the emotions of grief, like anger and depression, but this grief cannot be resolved.

I went through the motions on Christmas day, my heart was far from feeling like it had any joy. I would have random thoughts throughout the day that invaded me like a plague, thoughts that said the most awful and fearful things to me. I just wanted to crawl back in the bed and hide. To be honest, I want to hide most of the time. I can feel intense shame and disgrace for my only child to be in such shape that he is in. Many times, I feel an overwhelming sense of guilt and that I utterly failed my child. I battle dark thoughts more often than I would want to say concerning my prodigal. It is s battle, and a daily one. It is a journey that can make you feel as an outcast or even that you do not belong anywhere.  Finding where I “fit in,” is a challenge for me. Even at church, I am not sure what group to belong to. Having a prodigal can make you feel alone and at times even isolated. Sure, I have tried small groups at church and Bible studies but I oftentimes feel worse after going, after hearing about all the joys of having wonderful children and grandchildren. I have found that very few people discuss openly having a wayward child. So often prodigal parents feel that they are the only ones dealing with such children.

Every knock at the door and every unexpected phone call can cause my heart to race with anxiety and fear. I have developed great fears over the years in dealing with my prodigal, some of the fears are a direct result of terrifying things actually occurring, and some are a result of the unknown. Not knowing where my son is or when I will talk to him next, can cause such great anguish in my heart. It feels so abnormal to have a child that you cannot have a relationship with. I want so desperately to chase him, but I know it is time to let go. Letting go of your child and letting God have your child takes a tremendous amount of trust in God.

I miss my child terribly. I feel a loss in my heart for him. I feel I am wasting all this precious time with him. My child has been wayward for over a decade now, and I have waited and hoped all this time for his deliverance. I still believe and hope for him, but I must now find a way to live my life again. You see over the years I have been so burdened and heavy concerning my child’s lifestyle that I stopped living. Yes, I am alive but not living. I don’t enjoy what I used to and I have carried shame and guilt for his choices. I never meant to end up here, but the years of heartache and disappointment has consumed what I used to be like.

I am certain that this is not the way God would have me deal with this situation, but I believe for me it has been about survival. I have just been trying to survive under weight of pain. The truth is I have felt depths of pain that have been crushing. I have fasted many, many times, prayed daily, and begged the Lord to intervene. I have had others prayer for my son, but after a decade of praying, many of my prayer warriors have stopped calling and praying for my son. I can understand though, it can be discouraging when you pray for someone and those prayers don’t seem to be answered. It is rare that you will find someone who will stick by you through the many years and tears of having a wayward child. I have found that many family and friends either ignore the situation by not asking anything about my child or not offer words of encouragement or prayer. As a mother having a prodigal child can be lonely. I often have little to say around other parents and feel a bit awkward as they interact with their children. I have to be careful because I can fight jealousy being around other parents with their children. I can also struggle with feeling like a failure when I am around other parents that have seemingly good children.

BUT this NEW YEAR, I am resolving with the Lord’s help to live again and to have joy despite my deepest trouble. I know I can’t do it, but I am believing with God’s help I will be able to find a way to not only to survive but to thrive. I have to! I have spent enough years in grief. If you would like to join me in prayer for this upcoming year for our prodigals and to encourage one another please contact me @ HopeandEncouragement4Women@gmail.com or find me on Facebook @ www.facebook.com/HopeandEncouragement4Women

I would love to hear from other prodigal parents. Please share your story, your hopes, and your struggles. 

7 Practical Tips for Gaining Contentment

I always had in mind what I believed would bring me contentment, house with a white-picket fence and 2.5 children. God however had other plans for me than my picture-perfect idea of what I thought satisfaction was. I struggled for years accepting that my life had turned out differently than I had hoped. I lost my contentment by focusing on all my desires that were unfulfilled.

Not that I speak in regard to need, for I learned in whatever state I am, to be content. I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. Philippians 4:11-12

I have learned that contentment is accepting God’s control over all my circumstances. Most of us are content when our circumstances are going well, but God wants us to have contentment in all things and in all seasons in our lives.

Be joy-filled today, not when your circumstances will be perfect or you have everything that you want. Enjoy your life right now. Surrender all to God and release all control to Him. Do not dwell, ponder, wish or wonder when, why, or how come things have happened or nor happened.

Contentment is satisfaction with God’s sufficient provision. Satisfied. Not needing anything else. Contentment means not wanting more than what God has given you. Stop and ask yourself how content you are really? Do you wish you had a different family, a spouse, a child, more money, or a different home? I am not saying never desire or want anything, but when that thing you desire becomes an idol (putting anything above God) than you are risking not living content. Not being content will make you a miserable person.

Instead of talking about how big your problems are, start thanking and praising God instead, it will confuse the enemy! Try not to complain about your life’s circumstances and instead have a thankful and appreciative heart. It will do wonders for you to keep an attitude of gratitude.

Change your perspective! How do you handle life’s problems? Talk non-stop about them, complain, worry, become stressed or anxious or do you thank God that He will cause good to come from your troubles (Romans 8:28).

One of the biggest lies of the enemy is that God is a cosmic vending machine, and He is supposed to be my self-help genie.

7 practical steps to gaining contentment:

1.      Ask God to forgive you for wanting anything more than Him.

2.      Surrender ALL your desires and wants to God.

3.      Take it one day at a time. Try not saying, “Things will ALWAYS be this way.”

4.      Be thankful for what you do have.

5.      Believe God is in control and He knows what is best for your life.

6.      Do not compare your life with anyone else’s.

7.      Don’t complain about anything, the weather, your job, or what your lacking.

The enemy will keep you focused on what you do not have, but that is a tactic of the enemy to keep you discontent. Contentment comes when we want God more than anything else.

We can complain that rose bushes have thorns, or we can rejoice that thorn bushes have roses. Abraham Lincoln.

What has you discontent with life, and what practical steps can you take today to gain contentment?

*Portions of this article was taken from Chapter 3 of my book, “Wilderness Mentality Stop Your Stinkin’ Thinkin.”

Why I Crave Stability

I grew up in a home that was unstable and I never knew what the atmosphere in our home would be like. I did not know from minute to minute who would be upset or who would explode in a rage. I do not ever remember experiencing peace in my home, I believe that is why I am so adamant in there being peace in my home now. I also like to know what is going to happen before it does, or at least have a plan. I realize we cannot plan everything, but my world goes into complete chaos if I don’t have some sort of plan, even if it is an outline. I don’t like unexpected company or unplanned events. I am a planner at heart and I do really try to “go with the flow,” but when you come from chaos you crave stability. In my mind plans=stability.

I grew up with family members who had various mental health issues and substance and alcohol addictions, so there was little stability in my world. Even now as I am all grown up, many of my family members still have mental health issues and addictions, including my son. I never know what I will get from some of my family, some days they are consistent and others days they “drop off the face of the earth.” Some days they are great to talk with and others days they are draining emotionally, but the difficult part is that I do not know when they will have a good or bad day. I don’t know if I say, “No,” to their requests if I will hear from them again. I have no idea from day to day what will come out of their mouths, or if today they will decide to follow Jesus. Even their relationship with Jesus is a roller coaster ride, some days they pursue Him and others days they are pursuing the things of the world. Sometimes they will pray with me and others times they want nothing to do with prayer.

I never know where they will end up living, several in my family change where they live frequently and most of the time I don’t even know where they live. Their phone numbers change just as frequent. Sometimes I don’t hear anything from them at all, leaving me to wonder yet again, “Are they okay?”

I wish I could say I had more stability in my family but I don’t. I am the most stable person in my family, and I am the “baby.” I am very big on people keeping their word and doing what they say they are going to do, and I know that is a result of so many in my life who do just the opposite of that. Oh, how I crave stability!

It is amazing how we can ride the roller coaster of emotions with others, but I don’t want that! If my family CHOOSES to live in turmoil and instability then that is their choice! I cannot control others, but I can control myself and I can maintain peace and stability in my home. I can CHOOSE how often I interact with the unstable people in my life. I don’t have to ride the “crazy train,” I am CHOOSING to get off!

I desire the later part of my life to have peace and stability from Christ. If others CHOOSE to continue to live in turmoil, then they can, but I can’t and will not any longer. Yes, my heart goes out to others who are emotionally unstable but I can’t let it drown me any longer. I have to CHOOSE every day to fight against the generational sins and strongholds in my family, but I fight. I CHOOSE to get in the Word and believe what it says despite my feelings. And yes, some day are more challenging to have stability like around the time of my cycle, but I try not to spew and spill my emotions over any and every one. I have problems just like everyone else, but I don’t expect others to clean up my mess or bail me out of my troubles. I ask for prayer if I am in deep trouble, but I don’t expect others to carry my load and burden themselves. Unstable people will get you to carry their load and yours too! Unstable people have no boundaries, so they don’t know when enough is enough-you have to set the boundaries with them!

I long for the day that I can count on my family, but if that day never comes; I can ALWAYS count on Jesus. I long for the day that I won’t feel like I have to pick up the pieces in their lives, and be the “rock” for them because their lives are so chaotic, BUT if that does not happen-God will be my rock! I will have stability in my life and home regardless of who in my life does not. I will no longer carry the guilt of them not being able to get their lives together, and feeling sorry for them. I will no longer feel sorry for them, and feel it is my duty to fix their problems and be the “rock” for them. I am not a rock, I am a person with human weaknesses, but Jesus can become their rock. I can feel bad for them and believe they just have not had the opportunities that I have had, or their lives have been harder than mine; but the reality is my life has been no calk walk! The difference is I make CHOICES daily that I will pursue God and His ways.

You therefore, beloved, knowing beforehand, take care that you are not carried away with the error of lawless people and lose your own stability. 2 Peter 3:17

Prodigal parents at Christmas

Prodigal parents, PRAYER is your best defense!

Christmas time is supposed to be the most wonder time of year, right? Sure, it is but as prodigal parents we often feel the sting of exposed and raw emotions at Christmas. We are surrounded by happy families at church singing Christmas carols that remind of us that are loved one is not with us. If I can admit something, going to church this time of year is hard for me. I love Jesus and I do enjoy going to church, but certain times of the year are hard for me to attend such as Christmas and Mother’s Day. It is a reminder to me of what is missing in my life. I know we are not supposed to attend church for those reasons, but I cannot help that my heart is somewhere else during these times. I have a momma’s heart, and when I do not know where my child is or when or if I will speak to him, it makes it a little difficult to put on a smiling face and walk through the church doors. I go masking my pain, but secretly I want someone to ask me, “Are you okay?” Sometimes I wish others knew what I needed, but that would make them mind readers, but seriously I want someone to reach out to me during this time and just ask me, “Can I pray with you or how are you coping with the holidays?” I think having a prodigal scares people off for some reason, or at least that is what happens to me. Maybe they think they will “catch it” too, like it is a disease or something.

I have learned to not have expectations in others, but to place ALL my hope in Jesus; not people. People will disappoint you! If you are reading this and you know someone who has a prodigal child do not be afraid to reach out to them, call them and offer prayer. Prayer is what a prodigal parent needs most, and you can even just send a text or an email to say that you are praying for them. But the reality is most of the time prodigal parents feel alone, ashamed, embarrassed, and fearful others are in judgement of them. Many prodigal parents isolate themselves because they do not feel they have anyone that can relate to them, or simply others do not make the effort to reach out to them. Yes, I believe we should help the homeless, the orphans, the widows but I always believe God cares about ALL the hurting people and that includes prodigal parents. I know this time of year can be especially difficult on prodigal parents. We simply may not feel festive, but we can still have joy that comes from Christ.

As I write this, I am not sure if I will see my prodigal for Christmas. All the unknowns of having a prodigal. I want so badly to start Christmas shopping for him, but what do you buy a prodigal who is in the “pigpen?” Oh, but a momma’s heart so wants to buy him all the gifts I believe will make things all better. You see I did that before, last Christmas I bought him so many wonderful gifts and now I cannot even tell you where they are at. He recently moved and I do not even have an address for him to send a Christmas card. In my mind, I believed this Christmas would be different, but I say that every year. I just want to be normal and have a normal family, but what is normal? I know I sound like a spoiled child, but I want grandbabies to rock and to pass my faith to. I want, I want, but what does God want? He wants me to surrender ALL to Him, and trust Him through it all. He wants me to cleave to Him when I feel let down and abandoned by others. He wants me not to try and figure out when my son will come home or how. These are some pretty dark days, and all nuggets of hope for my son are no longer there; but I will CHOOSE to live by faith not by my sight. It looks not so good for my son right now, and this momma hurts for the consequences of his choices. But now this season for me is about letting go. I can no longer bail him out, give him unsolicited advice or counsel, or anything like. Why? Because it has fallen on hard soil. I need a miracle! I need a Christmas miracle just like the birth of Jesus Christ was. All of my efforts are useless and my strength in this battle has ended. I understand that I have to fully let God deal with my son. Painful? Yes. Necessary? Yes.

No matter if you have been waiting for your prodigal child a year or twenty, it is still one of the most difficult encounters you can experience. It will test your faith and bring you to your knees more than anything else. You will fight against bitterness, anger, unforgiveness, jealously, doubt, depression, despair, and weariness. You will feel misunderstood and will be rejected by many (even Christians!). What a journey you might say, but what can God do through our pain? Can He use it for good? He tells us in His word that He will, “God works out ALL things for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purposes.” Romans 8:28

Just yesterday, I had a friend call me to tell me she is,” SO hopeful for my son.” I REALLY needed to hear that. Please, reach out to prodigal parents especially during this time of year. If you are a prodigal parent and you feel alone or need prayer and encouragement, send me an email: HopeandEncouragement4Women@gmail.com

I would love to connect with you and encourage one another. You can also find me on Facebook: www.facebook.com/HopeandEncouragement4Women or through my blog: www.onlinechristiancounselingforwomen.blogspot.com

Scriptures to believe and trust even when it looks dark:

I have seen his ways but I will heal him. I will guide him and restore comfort to him. Isaiah 57:18

Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and you shall be saved, you and your household. Acts 16:31

The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them. He delivers them from all their troubles. Psalm 34:17

Jesus heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:13

I have set the Lord always before me. Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Psalm 16:8

When I am afraid, I will trust in you. Psalm 56:3

Even though I walk through the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff; they comfort me. Psalm 23:4

Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous be shaken. Psalm 55:22

10 Ways to Keep Christ in Christmas

So many of us can get lost in the hustle and bustle of buying gifts, attending parties, and preparing our homes for family that we forget to keep Christ at the center. We can easily lose sight of the true meaning of Christmas, and before long end up stressed and overwhelmed from the barrage of things to get done before December 25^th. It is important to slow down, balance your schedule, and reflect on why this day even exists.

Through my own experience with trying to manage visiting all my relatives, buying a gift for everyone, and preparing my home for family visits; I simply got lost in the busyness of it all. I will share with you 10 tips on how to manage your time and keep the focus of Christmas.

1.      Set aside a special time to read with your family the Christmas story in Luke 1:5-56 through 2:1-20.

2.      On Christmas Eve, start a tradition of taking family communion together as a way to remember Christ’s death and resurrection.

3.      Set up a nativity scene in your home or front yard as a reminder of the true meaning of Christmas. Put up Christ centered decorations and ornaments through your home, and place lights on your Christmas tree to symbolize the “light of the world.”

4.      Play Christ-centered Christmas music as a way to focus on Christ and the miracle of His birth. Secular Christmas music is fun, but too much of it can take the true meaning away from Christmas.

5.      Attend a Christmas service at your church, and worship the Lord for sending His son into the world for us.

6.      Send Christmas cards with a spiritual message. This can be a great way to share the birth of Jesus Christ with others.

7.      Make a birthday cake for Jesus. You can even sing happy birthday to Jesus.

8.      Find ways to give back to others by your time and/or resources. You can even show the love of Christ to your neighbors by baking them homemade treats.

9.      Keep focused on what Christ has done in your life by writing or saying (5) things that you are grateful for daily.

10.  Watch the Nativity Story and choose other Christmas movies that you can watch that incorporates Christian values.

As we enter into this season of celebrating the birth of our Lord and Savior, may you be reminded to include Christ into your family’s festivities. Teach your children and talk to them about why Christmas is celebrated. When I was growing up all I really knew about Christmas was Santa and getting gifts. Santa was the main focus and what I would get for Christmas. I went to Christmas Eve mass with my family, but we never discussed why we did that and the importance of going. It was not until I received Christ as my Savior in my twenties, that I came to realize the meaning of Christmas.

What about you? What Christmas traditions do you have that keep Christ at the center? Share yours with us.