Developing
resilience is key for maintaining and keeping good mental, physical and spiritual
health. Without
resilience, one breaks under pressure instead of just gently bending.
→What
is resilience? The capacity to recover quickly from
difficulties. You can bounce back swiftly after stress or difficulty in your
life.
Research shows that the amount of resilience a person
possesses is a greater factor for determining success in life rather than your
IQ.
Some
people have a natural tendency towards resilience, while others are bent more
towards emotional reactions including being overwhelmed by difficulties in
life. I believe some resilience is part of our DNA, but I
also believe some resilience is learned by your environment or by the people who
raised you. Take for instance, if you were raised with an overly emotional mother
whose first reaction to problems was to show negative emotions and you never
saw how she overcame her difficulties; chances are a part of what you perceived
became ingrained in you. The good news is
you can learn how to become resilient. Learning to become resilient starts
with your thoughts, and renewing your mind to believe what God says in His word
about you. If your thoughts are
negative, it is probable you are not a resilient person.
Reflect: Would you consider yourself a resilient
person? Why or why not? What traits did your caretakers show you that helped or
hindered your resiliency?
Resilient
people…
→Resilient
people are able to cope with problems and setbacks. Those that lack resilience
become overwhelmed when distressing situations occur, tend to focus on the
problem, use unhealthy coping mechanisms to deal with life’s challenges, and are
slower to recover from setbacks.
→Resilient people don’t live life in denial, but they
understand that setbacks occur and that life can be painful sometimes.
→Resilient people do not remain focused on the
negative, and disengage rapidly from
problems that appear unsolvable. A
key to resilience is to know when to “cut your losses,” and move on to problems
that are solvable.
→Resilient people still mourn losses and experience
grief, but they can find redeeming potential in most situations. When non-resilient
people face difficulties all of their emotions turn negative. If things are
good, the non-resilient person is good, but if things are bad, they feel bad.
→Resilient people can find the silver lining in almost
any adverse circumstance. Resilient
people will find, seek, and search for the good in their challenges.
→Resilient people are grateful people and are always
counting their blessings. They might say, “I am sad that this happened but I am
blessed about this.”
→Resilient
people are not victims and don’t wallow in self-pity.
→Resilient people are overcomers, whether it is their
childhood wounds or current painful situations.
→Resilient people are hopeful. They are hopeful
brighter days are ahead and they trust God will use their pain for His
purposes.
→Resilient people take good care of themselves such as
with exercise, eating healthy, and maintaining a healthy support system.
→Resilient people do not focus on their problems, but
focus on what is right in their lives.
→Resilient
people are not whiners and complainers. They don’t tell their problems
repeatedly to others to gain pity.
→Resilient people are fighters, they don’t back down
and they never give up! When they get
temporarily knocked down, they come back up stronger.
→Resilient people move forward, they don’t keep
looking back in the past in regret and they don’t project what may happen in
the future.
How to become a more resilient person:
1. Wait to respond to an upsetting
situation. Develop impulse control by stopping first to
consider whether reacting negatively will benefit you in the long-run.
2. Learn to tolerate discomfort.
Think each time something occurs negatively or troubling if your response would
have been different if you would have waited an hour to respond. This response
is about sitting with an emotion without taking any actions.
3. You can feel your emotions but don’t let
your emotions spiral out of control. Your emotions will
bounce back quicker when you don’t allow yourself to stew for days over a situation.
Deal with those raw emotions and feel them fully but don’t allow yourself to
stay in a negative state.
4. Be okay with not having everything
figured out. Move on to things that are solvable.
5. Focus on what’s right, not what’s
wrong. Where your attention goes, your energy flows.
6. Believe that you are in control not
people or circumstances. You have the choice to respond or
react.
7. See the positives in your situations
that are difficult. Choose to look for the silver lining in
troubling circumstances.
8. Laugh at your difficulties.
This can shift your perspective from seeing things as a threat to seeing them
as a challenge, this can alter the way your body reacts to stress.
9. Learn from your mistakes.
See your obstacles as challenges, and allow the adversity to make you stronger.
10. Realize that pain and grief are
temporary states of affairs and that bad times are also temporary. Don’t
get stuck believing pain, grief and hardships will go on continually.
11. Prepare yourself ahead of time for
emotional difficulties. Adept quickly to what comes your
way, with acceptance and the ability to feel the raw emotions but not allowing
yourself to remain stuck.
12. Surround yourself with other resilient
people. If your associates play the victim or wallows in
self-pity, seek out strong, resilient people supportive people.
13. Don’t waste time in a negative state. If
your stuck in traffic, take advantage of the longer commute instead of engaging
in a tyrant of negative reactions. You recognize your temper, anger or bad
mood, won’t change the situation; instead it may increase your blood pressure, increase
your heartrate or give you a headache.
14. Don’t dwell.
You don’t dwell about past decisions or worry about your future.
15. Tragedies and traumas don’t mark you
for life. You are able to overcome the sadness and become
stronger because of the hard times.
16. Setbacks are seen as minor interruptions.
You never give up when setbacks occur and lose your determination.
17. Reduce hurt by not taking things
personally. The way people choose to respond to you is about
them. Don’t let other people control you.
Let’s
Discuss:
What
tip(s) can you use to start becoming more resilient?
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