Skip to main content

About Me

My photo
Hope & Encouragement for Women

False Guilt and People Pleasing


False Guilt and People Pleasing


Definition of false guilt: false guilt has nothing to do with what’s true and accurate, nor is it related to true repentance. Rather, it is usually the fear of disapproval. False guilt comes from a guilt-ridden conscience, which means that a person is incapable of self-acceptance and does not believe they are acceptable to others or God. People with false guilt feel their efforts are never really good enough.

Are you more concerned with what people want from you or what God wants from you? Do you have burdens and are overcome with guilt if you say, “No” to others request? If you answered yes to these questions, then you might be a people pleaser and not a God pleaser.

So why are we more concerned with pleasing people then God? We are afraid we might let them down, we are afraid they will be angry at us, we are afraid of disappointing people, we are concerned that we may look bad, and we are afraid if we don’t say “Yes” to others request then they might not get the help they need. Do we ever stop and ask God what He might want us to do? Usually we don’t, we go by our feelings and the feelings that others impose on us like guilt, manipulation and shame. If we do everything everybody wants us to do then we might lose out on the opportunities that God has for us. We are not called to “do” everything for everybody. Get to the “roots” of why you have to say “Yes” to everyone and everything.

There was a time in my life that if someone asked something of me even though I did not have the time, energy or peace about it, I would do it anyway. Why? Because I was afraid of letting others down; disappointing them. I was afraid if I said, “No,” they would get angry and stop talking to me. In reality, this has actually happened to me, I said “No” to some request of others only to be met with anger and shutting me out of their lives. I ask you today, does that sound like love or manipulation? If someone asks something of you and you say “No,” they in love should understand. It is really about boundaries. If you or other people lack boundaries then you are enmeshed with that other person, and their wants become your wants.

It is okay to set boundaries. You know what you can handle and what you cannot handle. You know your limits. Do not let others impose their limits and lack of boundaries upon you. It is okay to say “No.” I can say it will not always be easy but you cannot go around just doing what everybody else wants you to do.

When you say “No” do not be burdened by guilt. God gently corrects us but He does not pour guilt over us. How do you know you are under guilt? Do you hear thoughts like, “I should be doing this, I ought to be doing this, and I could do this?” If God’s peace is in something then you will be guided by a “flow” and you will not be bombarded by guilty thoughts. If God is in something, you will know; He will not make you feel bad about your decision. If you are supposed to do something, then God will let you know gently but He will not pour out guilt and condemnation.


www.christianhopecounseling.com

Copyright@2013, Hope Christian Ministry. All rights reserved.








Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Counselor's Corner: Investing in Your Marriage

If you have been married for any length of time you know that marriage is hard work. As with anything successful in your life putting time and effort are keys to how fruitful those things will be.


Perhaps you did not have the proper role models growing up to show you how to have a successful marriage, but you desire to have a healthy marriage. If God has brought you together with your spouse the greatest investment that you can make besides your relationship with God is your marriage.


Anyone can have a dull, lifeless marriage, but a marriage that is thriving takes certain elements to help it succeed. If you planted some flowers but forgot to fertilize and water those plants they would eventually become lifeless and die. Healthy marriages take the time to nurture and weed out anything hindering their relationship.



Couples striving for a healthy marriage should first ask God to cleanse their hearts of any unforgiveness, anger, resentment or offenses of their spouse. Staying angry or rese…

Counsselor's Corner: Where has Your Focus Been Lately?

What you focus on the most will grow. The enemy will try to get you to focus on what is wrong, what is not working, and what is worrisome to you. When you lose your focus on what is true, what is right, what is lovely and what is a good report (Philippians 4:6), you will begin to focus on the opposite of these.


CHOOSING to focus on the good will be a daily decision. When the enemy shows you something that is causing fear, worry or frustration, turn away and CHOOSE to focus on the good.


→If your focus has been more on the negative lately check to see who you have been hanging out with, what you have been reading or watching on TV, and giving your attention to the most.


→An unthankful heart can cause you to focus on your wants, but a heart of gratitude will cause you to focus on your blessings.


Distractions come to sidetrack you and get you to focus on what the enemy has brought in front of you. Keeping focus on Jesus means deliberately fading out everything that pulls you away from the…

Counselor's Corner: Healing from Trauma

→What is trauma?
A deeply distressing experience, or a very difficult or unpleasant experience that causes someone to have mental or emotional problems usually for a long time.


Trauma can occur one time like death, natural disasters or accidents, or trauma can be prolonged and repetitive like abusive relationships, family with addictions, or combat.


Trauma that causes the most mental health issues are prolonged and repeated traumas and trauma that occurs from people especially parent-child relationships.



→What is a traumatic event?
Extreme stress that overwhelms a person’s ability to cope and overwhelms a person emotionally, cognitively and physically.


→Symptoms of trauma:
·Hypervigilant/guarded
·Easily startled
·Sensitive to certain noises
·Feeling on edge
·Depression/anxiety
·Overwhelming feelings of guilt
·Intrusive thoughts of trauma
·Disconnected from others and difficulty trusting others
·Difficulty handling stress
·Emotional numbness


→Long-term effects of trauma can include:
·Substance and alc…