Are we as Christians supposed to do everything that someone wants us to? I used to be the one to help out and intervene in any and every situation because I thought it was my Christian duty and obligation. I also had few if any boundaries and was severely Co-dependent. You may ask can a Christian be Co-dependent. Absolutely, they can! I felt overly responsible for everyone’s problems, and took responsibility for other’s actions. When we take responsibility for other people’s actions we do not allow them to suffer any consequences. When we do that a vicious cycle occurs and it goes like this, you “bail” someone out of their situation and they have no consequence imposed and so they ask you to “bail” them out again and you do. Here goes the insanity wheel. There is no end to the cycle. Does anyone relate? Do you have people in your life that you continually bail out of troubling situations, only to find they need you to bail them out again and again and again. It never stops. You feel taken advantage of and you feel used. You have no peace about helping but you feel that is what good Christians do or you feel responsible.
Do you feel worn-out over the same situations? Do you feel you’re helping or enabling? Enabling is doing something for someone else they are incapable of doing for themselves. Helping is doing something for someone else that they cannot do for themselves. If you are involved in situations with people that have repeated patterns of not helping themselves but allowing anyone to help them through manipulating and guilt, then this is clearly not coming from God. Your flesh may want to intervene once again but you know it will just put a band aid on the situation.
The best thing that you can do for someone who has repeatedly taken advantage of you or manipulated you is to intercede for them in pray. Getting entangled in other’s affairs that they do not want to get out of will only cause you to get trapped. If your peace is lost or you have no peace in helping, whether it is family or someone needy then know God does not want you to step into that situation. You may say, “Yeah, but if I don’t step in something awful might happen.” That may be true, but God does not lay fear on us the enemy does.
Ask yourself, “Do I have peace from God in intervening in a situation or do I feel guilty, shame and fear?” Do you feel trapped, like you are the only hope or answer to a troubling situation? If you feel that then God is not in it. Stop trying to be the Holy Spirit. God does impose consequences, so why should we step in and remove those consequences from others’ lives? Yes, God is loving but He does not condone our sinful acts and we should not condone the sinful acts of others. We should have grace and love for them but we should not get in the way of what God maybe trying to do. What if you step in to what God is trying to do and the situation is prolonged as a result? Get out of the way!
We as Christians are not meant to be doormats. Sure we hear as Christians, “Serve in love.” We should as God calls us to, but we must follow after Christ’s leading and example. Christ did not continually and repeatedly bail people out of their situations. He led and showed them usually once and then moved on to the next person. You may even say, “But their family, I have to.” You are adopted into a new family now and your brothers and sisters in Christ are your family. We do not have to be enmeshed and triangulated with our families of origin. You need to know your boundaries and your family needs to know their boundaries. It is okay to help a family member in need, but when it becomes habitual watch out, God no longer is in it.
Check out this website for help for Christian Co-dependency: www.christiancodependence.com
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