Counselor's Corner: Healing from Betrayal of a Loved One

Betrayal by someone you love and trust can cause deep emotional pain. Emotional pain is just as real to the brain as physical pain. Betrayal is a violation of your trust or confidence.  Betrayal is the sense of being harmed by the intentional actions or omissions of a trusted person. Betrayal means the same as to deceive.

Betrayal is a type of loss and can invoke feelings of grief. When you are betrayed by someone, you lose your trust in that person, and losing trust in a significant relationship is a form of grief.

►Betrayal by others can include: lying, deceiving you, cheating, breaking a confidence, failing to come to your defense, gossiping about you, and choosing other people over you.

►The effects of betrayal can include shock, loss and grief, damaged self-esteem, self-doubting, anger, insomnia, exhaustion, nightmares, and tense muscles.

When you do not properly heal from being betrayed you can lose the ability to trust, and become emotionally numb to avoid the pain.

Ways to heal from betrayal of loved ones:

1)    Acknowledge what happened, don’t stuff your emotions. Write it out, talk to God, and/or talk with a trusted friend.

2)    Don’t make excuses for the other person.

3)    Understand betrayal is not a reflection of your worth, but the other person’s morals and ethics.

4)    Allow yourself to be angry without sinning. It is okay to have righteous anger over the sinful actions of others.

5)    Keep your heart guarded from those that have betrayed you, and surround yourself with those that have proven themselves worthy of your trust.

6)    Forgive (everyday if needed), and pray for them. Forgiveness does not mean reconciliation or that you condone their actions. Forgiveness means you detach from the pain and bitterness. Forgiveness can mean reconciliation if there is true repentance, a turning away from hurtful behaviors and you see their actions more than merely what they are saying.

7)    Refocus your thoughts to what is good, lovely and praiseworthy.

8)    Allow what happened to you to grow and strengthen you spiritually. Get rid of all victim mentality. Don’t allow yourself to wallow in self-pity.

9)    If your thinking about reentering a relationship with the person who betrayed you, remember: Actions speak louder than words. Someone can say their sorry but what are their actions saying? Do they have a history of harmful behavior or is this an isolated incident?

Reflect:

“Your worst enemies will be members of your own family.” Matthew 10:36

“Even those closest to you-your parents, brothers, relatives and friends-will betray you. Luke 21:36

“And you intended evil against me, but God meant it for good.” Genesis 50:20. Joseph said this to his brothers who betrayed him and sold him into slavery.

Even Jesus was betrayed by Judas Iscariot into the hands of the Jewish religious leaders. Judas was one of Jesus’ disciples and a close friend. Jesus understands betrayal.