Death is not the only experience you can grieve from,
but anything that is perceived as some type of loss in your life. Grief can be
defined as losing something or someone significant in your life, or not
experiencing the hopes and dreams for your life.
I realized this week that
I was experiencing grief over the relationship that I could have had with my
mother. A few months ago, my mother moved close to where I lived to escape an
abusive relationship and we quickly developed a close relationship that we had
not had before. However, very abruptly she decided to go back to the relationship
that was abusive to her. I had no warning, I was not prepared for her sudden
departure. Since her leaving I have experienced anger, irritability,
frustration, fatigue, hormonal imbalance, emotional numbness, anxiety, cynicism,
loss of hope, and overall sadness. I did not realize until this week that I had
been going through the grief process. Afterall, I did not lose anyone to death
so I was not making the connection I was experiencing grief.
Any type of loss can have your emotions on a “roller-coaster”
ride. What defines loss to one may not be perceived as loss to another. However,
whatever has caused a vacancy in your life is loss.
Some
examples of loss can include:
loss of significant relationships
loss of a job
divorce
loss of health
miscarriage
unfulfilled dreams
There are usually (5) stages of the grieving process,
and one must work through the stages to properly heal and not get stuck in
grief. It is possible not to heal properly and allow the grief that you are experiencing
to define you in every area of your life.
The (5) stages of grief are:
1. Denial-
is a common defense mechanism that buffers any immediate shock of loss, and
numbs your emotions. During this time, you hide from the facts. During this
stage you may believe that life is meaningless, and nothing is of value any
longer.
2.
Anger-
As
the masking effects of denial begin to wear off, the reality and pain
re-emerge. The anger experienced during this stage can be directed at complete strangers,
friends, or family. You may resent the person who caused you pain or left your
life.
3.
Bargaining-
This
is a normal reaction to feelings of helplessness and is often a need to regain
control through thoughts such as, “if only I had…” Guilt often accompanies
bargaining.
4.
Depression-
During
this phase you may experience a lose of pleasure, hopelessness, and sadness.
5.
Acceptance-
Reaching
this stage is important for your healing. Working through the above stages can
help to eventually get you to the stage of process.
People who are grieving do not necessarily go through
the stages in the same order or experience all of them. There is no timetable
for working through grief, for some it can be weeks and others several months
before you begin to feel better.
The pain of grief can disrupt not only your physical health
but your mental and spiritual health. The pain will not go away faster if you
ignore it or keep it from resurfacing.
For
real healing, it is necessary to face your grief and deal with it.
1) Give
yourself a time period to give full attention to the memory of the loss,
however, you should draw a line on prolonged grieving. Give yourself a time
period, maybe a few days to a week to work through the sadness. Wallowing week
after week will keep you stuck in your grief.
2) Let
your pain out, let the tears flow, and find an outlet for your pain. Share your
feelings with your spouse, a trusted friend or family member. Talking through
your emotions helps you to sort out your feelings. Write or journal your pain. Express
your emotions to God.
3) Distance
yourself from those who are not compassionate or understanding to your grief.
Hearing words from people like, “Your too sensitive,” or “It’s not that big of
a deal,” can hinder your healing process.
Reflect:
“Blessed
are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.” Matthew 5:4
When
the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their
troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in
spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him
out of them all. He keeps all his bones; not one of them is broken. Psalm 34: 17-20
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