Counselor's Corner: How Not to Overreact to Problems

Do problems seem to control your moods, behaviors or actions? Do you react verses respond to problems?

Everyone overreacts from time to time, give yourself grace if you have overreacted to a situation. If you are overreacting more than keeping your composure there may be some underlying issues to be addressed.

No one can control you beyond what you give them.

Reflect: Did someone or something cause you to feel that you had no control or did someone repeatedly violate your boundaries and you feel you have no power? Do you truly trust God in all things?

Some Reasons Why You May Overreact to Problems:

1.      When the same people continue to do the same annoying or bothersome things to you; you feel disrespected and powerless. Get to the root of why you may feel disrespected by certain people. Perhaps you don’t feel validated or that others are selfish and inconsiderate and you are not. You may want others to act the way that you would and it ticks you off when they behave in rude, inconsiderate and selfish ways.

2.      Emotionally stuff your problems. You don’t deal with your issues head on and instead bury your problems. The problem with stuffing is that one day the stuffing will spill out over a minor problem, hence you overreact to the small stuff.

3.      You learned helplessness and mental weaknesses from a parent or caregiver and you have modeled perhaps unconsciously what you observed your parent or caregiver doing when problems arose in their lives.

4.      Lack self-care and don’t take time that you need to balance your life. Everyone else’s needs and wants are placed above yours.

5.      Lack of sleep, hormonal changes/fluctuations, not feeling your best, and/or stressful situations that you are dealing with.

6.      Feel others take advantage of you, use you or try and control you.

7.      Any type of trauma that you may have experienced can cause an overreaction to situations that may not bother most people. Trauma causes a heightened reaction to perceived threats, such as fireworks popping can create tension and a surge of high amounts adrenaline for someone who may have experienced or witnessed an act of violence.

Practical Ways Not to Overreact to Your Problems:

1.      Identify what triggers you to overreact. Is it the same people or situations that cause you to lose your cool? Are you frustrated with dealing with people who believe they are the only ones on the planet? Do selfish people rub you in the wrong way, why? Is it because deep down you are very caring and considerate and expect others to be as well? Maybe rude, disrespectful people get under your skin. Maybe you overreact when you feel mistreated, misunderstood or rejected in some manner. Take some time and write out your known triggers, what causes you to overreact. Ask God to help you maintain self-control during times that you would want to lash out. Pray over your list daily until you believe you can handle the situations calmly and peacefully.

2.      When you feel your body becoming tense (before you start to yell and lash out), stop, breath and take a time-out. Give some space between your first response of lasing out and remaining composed. If you cannot get a handle on your emotions even after stepping away, ask God to give you peace and to help you not to respond in anger.

3.      Recognize there are some people who are ignorant, selfish, inconsiderate and disrespectful. Rise above their immaturity and never give someone else control over your emotions. You may not can control what others do to you, but you can control your response.

4.      Get in-tune with your emotions and don’t bottle-up issues. Deal with problems as they arise. Find a godly, trusted friend or counselor and discuss what has been bothering you. If there is no one like that in your area, journal and talk to God.

5.      Develop mental toughness or resiliency as a way to keep your focus and determination when problems arise. Don’t set yourself up for believing people or circumstances will go the way you would like. Learn to “roll with the punches.” Deal with the issue immediately and let it go and move on quickly. You cannot control what comes your way but you can control your response. Do not give someone or something control over your joy, your peace, and your sanity.

6.      Take care of your spiritual, emotional and physical needs. If you are already overloaded and overwhelmed it is likely that you will lash out when a problem occurs. Take the needed time for balance in your life, honor the Sabbath, and say, “no,” when you need to rest. If you are tired there is a good chance that you will overreact to problems. What you need may not look like what someone else may need. I tend to need a little extra time of rest after being with people because I am an introvert and do not get energized after being with people. I try not to schedule visits with people back-to-back because I know I will not do as well maintaining peace. I thrive on times of reflection, quietness and solitude not running and going. Know what keeps you out-of-balance. Are you an introvert trying to keep pace with an extrovert?

7.      Be aware that the enemy will use people and situations to get you upset, with the hopes you will respond in anger. As a believer in Jesus Christ you have authority to bind the enemy in whatever manner he is bothering you. If you believe the enemy is using certain people to disturb you, take your authority that you have in Jesus and disallow that person from being able to be used by the enemy to cause you problems.

►Meditate: But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, and SELF-CONTROL. Galatians 5:22-23

►Let’s Discuss:

Do you tend to overreact to problems? What is one thing that you can do to help you not to overreact to situations or people?