Living Again After Pain and Loss

In 2017, I had several losses within an 11-month period, my grandmother, grandfather and uncle all passed away. I was not close to any of them, but I did reconnect to my grandmother and grandfather towards the end of their lives. I walked through these difficult times with my mother who endured the losses of both her parents and brother, and subsequently the death of one of her best friends (a family friend also). Before my grandparents and my mom’s friend passed away, there was the visits to the nursing home and hospitals and the “wait” for the dreaded phone calls. My uncle was found living in his car before an aneurism took his life. My uncle had been a drug user for the last several decades, so we were not sure exactly what the main cause of death was for him. During this time, I was also estranged from my prodigal child and had not spoken or seen him in months. This just added to the already devastations my family was facing. As a way to cope with all the pain, I begin to go “numb.” I lost the ability to enjoy the simple pleasures in life and found it most challenging to enjoy anything.

This season of pain and loss left me feeling distant from God and at times lacking the faith that I needed to overcome. I felt alone during this time and that one really understood what I had gone through. Some people seemed to not care at all, not even calling to check on me or send me a sympathy card.

If you have endured pain or some type of loss you may feel more than tired than usual, not be as active socially as you once were, find yourself wanting to sleep more, feel misunderstood by others and alone at times, feel numb emotionally, not motivated or passionate about much, and feeling like you are surviving more than truly living. There is a time to mourn and grieve and then there is a time to live again. Everything has a season, and mourning should not last years.

If you have been just surviving not thriving because of pain or loss, cut yourself some slack-pain is hard and many people do not recover well from it. Some people get stuck in the pain and do not allow themselves to truly heal and move forward. If you had a recent tragedy or loss, no one can say exactly how long it will take to feel like yourself again, however you should begin to feel at least slightly better after several months to a year. This of course will depend on the type of loss endured, your support system, and any previous losses that may still not be fully healed. Emotional healing takes time, so don’t feel the need to go and do everything. Take it slow and be gentle on yourself.

How to start living again after pain and loss:

1)      Start your morning off with God. Read the Word of God and be still to listen to what God may be speaking to you. Tell God how you feel.

2)      Tell yourself it is okay to enjoy life once again and begin to enjoy just the simple pleasures in life first.

3)      Keep your focus on your blessings and write down at least 5 things that you are thankful for every day, this will help you to focus on the good in your life.

4)      Take it one day at a time. Don’t try and figure out what’s next.

5)      Engage with those that are supportive and encouraging of what you have gone through.

6)      Write or journal what you have been through. Writing is therapeutic and can unlock deep emotional pains to the surface for healing.

7)      Take baby steps in doing things you might enjoy or things that you used to enjoy.

8)      Keep it simple and don’t overcomplicate or overschedule yourself, your learning to live again so you will need time for self-care.

Take one step everyday to living again and enjoying life, and you will eventually look back in a year and noticeably see how far you have come. One step at a time, not focusing or comparing what other people are doing or how others “get over” their losses so quickly.