Friday, August 25, 2017

Counselor's Corner: When Is It Time to Confront Lovingly?




As a Christian, it can be difficult to know when to keep giving mercy to someone or when it is time to confront lovingly. Our first response should be to give mercy and extend grace because we don’t know what someone may be going through. There are times when you will need to speak to others about their continued bad behavior.




→These are some tips to use when you are wondering if you should keep silent or speak up:



1.      Is it an isolated incident? In other words, occurring once or very infrequently.

2.      Are your boundaries being violated? We all the right to privacy, respect and boundaries. Are the people you are dealing with crossing lines repeatedly? Crossing boundaries once or twice should be overlooked, but numerous boundary violations should be addressed.

3.      What is the frequency and the duration of what you are dealing with? Is it the same people doing the same thing over and over again? We should overlook minor infractions by others but when disrespectful behavior becomes chronic with the same people in your life it is time to confront lovingly.

4.      Have you addressed the person’s discourteous behavior before but it did not work, the person continued to be rude and disrespectful?

5.      Are you feeling violated?

6.      Are you being harmed in any way? Physically, emotionally, or mentally?



If you answered mostly yes to the above questions, it will be important to address issues with others lovingly. Sometimes God does step in and rescue us from situations that are unbearable, and other times He is teaching us to rise up and do not fear man.



→When you have to get to the point of confronting others lovingly there are some things to consider:



1.      Be firm and assertive, not aggressive.

2.      Speak calmly and rationally. Do not name call or belittle. Focus on the facts only.

3.      As difficult as it may be, do not concern yourself with what the other person thinks of you. Remember, that you have the right to tell someone they are violating your boundaries or causing harm to you.

4.      Speak truthfully. If you have been harmed by another person’s actions repeatedly, it is okay to tell the other person.



There are times confronting lovingly goes better than expected, and there are times that the person you have confronted continues in their behavior. How many times should you have to confront someone? Just once, but there are times that the other person is oblivious to your pain. If this occurs, continue to stand on the promises in the Word of God for His protection against your enemies, and if anything is being done that is against the law you may need to get the authorities involved. I do believe God will intervene before authorities would needed to be called. Keep standing and believing what God says about His protection. If you can get away or stay away from the source of your contentions, do so. There are times though when we must stay and fight, seek God’s wisdom on what you should do.

Thursday, August 24, 2017

Counselor's Corner: What Does It Mean to Quiet Your Soul?





Our minds can get cluttered and contaminated with worries, frustrations, and stressors. When our minds become disturbed with the negative and what all is wrong or could go wrong, we become anxious and fearful. An anxious and fearful mind leads to unrest or a feeling of uneasiness.




With all the negative clatter that comes to us through people, circumstances, and even the news; we need time to quiet our souls. Our minds were not created to deal with the constant stress and negativity that is all around, we were meant to live in peace and harmony. Sometimes in life our peace can be affected if we don’t take the time to align ourselves with stillness. Stillness can be a foreign concept to our busy and fast-paced way of living, but stillness before the Lord is not only soothing to our souls but it quiets our alarming thoughts.



→Quieting your soul is especially important if you have been feeling the stress and strains of life and feel that you are more irritable, aggravated, or tense.



→Quieting your soul allows you to breathe and be at rest properly. Being tense or easily upset over matters causes your breathing to be labored, but being quiet and still will cause you to breathe normally.



How do you quiet your soul?

1.      Listen to your body. Are you feeling tense, aggravated, or irritable?

2.      Disconnect from the negative and disturbing clatter such as the news, certain people, your phone or email, and situations that evoke tension (you know what causes you to feel tense). Take a breather from electronic devices. You cannot quiet your soul will attached to these devices, because surely your phone will beep to let you know you have a text or an email, and you will not be able to help yourself to check it.

3.      Get up early in the morning and find your quiet place to connect to the Lord, this may be outside or perhaps you have a prayer closet. Before you even begin your day sit quietly with the Lord. Quietly means not giving the Lord your agenda or prayer requests for the day, but allow time for God to minister to you first. Quieting your soul allows you to hear God.

4.      Practice at least 10 minutes daily of being quiet and still. Quiet not only your words but your thoughts.



→Your soul and spirit are connected but they are not the same. Oftentimes, our souls are so anxious and disturbed that we have difficulty hearing God in our spirit. What is in your soul can be released and turned over to the care of the Lord during your quiet times.



There are benefits to having quietness before the Lord:

1.      Peace washes over you as you focus your attention on God alone rather than your problems. Quietness is a gateway for calmness and tranquility.

2.      Quieting your soul can allow God to give you direction and clarity.

3.      Quietness relaxes your body, lowers blood pressure and heart rate, and promotes creativity.



How will you quiet your soul?




Wednesday, August 23, 2017

Counselor's Corner: How to Take Things as They Come




Do you tend to project what may happen in your future or fret about things that have already occurred?




→85% of what you worry about never happens and 15% of what does happen, you can handle better than you thought you could.



When you live in the future predicting the outcomes or live in your past regretting decisions that you made, peace leaves. If you have been through some difficult seasons, learning how to stay in the present moment can be challenging. When you have been through a series of misfortunes your brain becomes rewired to a negative default setting gearing your body up for any future calamities. Our bodies undergo chemical changes that prepares us for any further dangers. A lot has to do with how you perceive the dangers in your life. If you have perceived the stressors in life as dangerous, you will begin to react to future occurrences that are similar in the same manner.



Don’t be hard on yourself if your reaction to a threatening situation in your life was trying to figure on when it may happen again, or what you may have done to prevent the outcome. This is a normal human reaction to threatening or dangerous events. It is possible if you have had numerous trauma’s that you are in default thinking to expect the worst case. Taking life as it comes will not be the normal occurrence if you have been exposed to traumatic life events.



How to take life as it comes:



1.      Retraining your thought processes will be most important in learning how to take life as it comes. Daily renew your mind with the truth in God’s Word and let the truth of His Word soothe your aching soul.

2.      Speak daily positive affirmations over yourself will help to rewire your faulty thinking.

3.      Pray that God would help you to take life as it comes, and will bring healing to damaged emotions.

4.      Breathe deeply and exhale slowly when disturbing thoughts come to your mind about what if…Disturbing thoughts that play in your mind rev up your nervous system causing anxiety and tension. After your cleansing breathes (do at least 3 sets), pull that thought down by replacing with a scripture that speaks life to you. Keep notecards around that have these scriptures on them. There is healing in the Word of God.

5.      Set your mind that when future negative circumstances come you will maintain a faith-filled and positive mind. This can only happen if you learn to fully trust God in ALL matters.

6.      Adjust your mindset that understands that there will be “sunshine” days and there will be “stormy” days, and you cannot control when those days will occur. Learn to be thankful when you have a sunshine day.

7.      Take it one day at a time. Yes, you can plan and planning is important but also be mindful that life happens.



“Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react.”
-Charles Swindoll


→How are reacting to life's struggles, trials, and disappointments?

Tuesday, August 22, 2017

Counselor's Corner: Get Back on Track and Gain Your Momentum Again!




Have you had a difficult time staying on track? Maybe you have desired to accomplish your goals and have even tried multiple times to move forward with them. What happened? You lost focus and allowed distractions, annoyances, and stresses to sidetrack you.




Distractions can come from everyday living and some are sent from the enemy in hopes you will focus on them and get little or nothing accomplished. Whatever you focus on will become bigger. Before long, you lose your momentum. What is momentum? The strength of something that is moving or increasing in forward motion.



→Distractions, annoyances and stresses can cause you to stop and pay attention to them thus    decreasing your forward motion of pursuing your goals.



→Steps to GETTING BACK ON TRACK AND Gaining your momentum again:

1.      Get up earlier than everyone around you and connect to your power source-Jesus Christ. Spend time early being still and quiet in the presence of the Lord. Let God speak to your spirit about any strategies that He may show you to defeat and overcome any plan of the enemy to derail and sidetrack you.

2.      Make a daily schedule and stick to it as much as you can. Schedules can help keep you focused when the distractions come. If you are so distracted you cannot focus, get up, breathe deeply and pray that God will help you to focus.

3.      Keep a routine, that means have certain activities that you do the same every day. An example would be having a routine of going to bed and getting up at the same time.

4.      Refocus your attention from whatever bothers you or keeps you from moving forward. You can refocus by taking a walk in nature, talking to God about it, or IGNORING THE STIMULI.

5.      Make your bed every day! That’s right, make your bed! Completing tasks, even small ones makes you feel successful and productive. Doing this very small task first thing every morning registers to your brain that you are capable of being productive.

6.      Eliminate energy drains and recharge. Reward yourself for getting back on track and getting tasks accomplished and do something that is enjoyable.

7.      Get motivated again. Set your mind you will go all the way through this time. Motivation starts in your mind-believe that you can and you can!

8.      Connect with people who inspire you and especially those who inspire your dreams.




Monday, August 21, 2017

Counselor’s Corner: Why is Maintaining Peace So Difficult at Times







Have you had one of those days or weeks where you had difficulty maintaining your peace? Did you truly desire to walk in peace but turmoil, chaos or stressful situations got the better of you? If you answered yes to the above questions, you are not alone!




The enemy can set up situations that push your buttons and work your last nerve! I had one of those weeks last week. As much as I desperately wanted to maintain peace, I blew it, not at first but after the about the 50th annoyance in one week I began to come unraveled. I had already had a long summer and was finally looking forward to having a quiet and relaxing week, but it seemed what could go wrong, did go wrong! As women, we especially have to be more guarded to maintain our peace during our monthly cycles. It can be challenging to have your hormones take you on brief roller coaster ride while concurrently dealing with people and circumstances that make you want to come unglued.



If you are having trouble maintaining the peace that Christ has reassured us we have (not the peace that the world gives), then it is time to check where the enemy has caused a breach in your life and robbed you of your peace.



The enemy will use the same tactics that worked before to get you upset. The way the enemy may “wrap” your package may be different, but rest assured it is the same package. The enemy studies and observes your reactions to what comes your way. If before you lost your peace over a certain situation, then that “package” will be used against you again but it will be wrapped differently so you don’t suspect it could possibly be the same trick.



Know your triggers!



If you feel your peace is leaving you, step away, walk away, run, turn away and get under the covering of the Almighty Father.



How do you stay under the covering of the Lord and maintain peace during times when you would rather tell someone off or have a temper tantrum?

1.      Observe your body-are your hands clinched, shoulders and neck tense, stomach ailments, or headaches? Your body will begin to tell you that you are losing peace, and stress and tension will replace balance or homeostasis in your body. You will begin to feel when peace leaves you.

2.      If you are reacting to your circumstances- stress and high amounts of adrenal are pumping through your body and you may begin speaking out your frustrations or having thoughts that are ungodly.

3.      Complaining and murmuring replaces thankfulness. Our focus becomes distorted and now we can see through the filter of what the enemy may be doing.

4.      Control is lost-When we lose control it can become an open invitation for the enemy to inflict us with our past sins.

→If you observe any of the above in your life at any time STOP because you cannot win the battle on your own.

·         Get under the covering quickly of God as many times as you have to. If you are at work and cannot leave the office, find a quiet spot like the bathroom stall!

·         Ask God to strengthen you and help you rise above the annoyances, distractions and any stress. Don’t react! The enemy would love to set you up so you can lose peace.

·         Take deep cleansing breaths. Inhale deeply and exhale your breathe slowly at least 3 times and as often as you need to. Breathing deeply relaxes tension in your body and reduces your blood pressure.

·         Write down at least 5 things you are thankful for, this helps get your focus on what is going right in your life.

·         Sit at the feet of Jesus and soak your mind and spirit in worship music.

·         Ask God if He wants to teach you something through your circumstances.

·         Begin declaring victory over your circumstances before you see the breakthrough.

·         Take a warm bath with Epson salt to relax tense muscles and play worship music as you bathe. Sing and praise while you are relaxing in your bath.
Wait with expectation that God will come through and restore your peace!

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