Counselor’s Corner: Listen When Your Body is saying to Rest

In our fast paced culture, being busy is a mark of success. But is it really? Being busy and on the go all the time can create havoc on your physical bodies. Not getting the proper amounts of down time can cause stress and a decrease in your immune system. If you are under any additional stress in your life, then taking time to rest your body will be essential; otherwise your body will cause you to rest.

If you have any chronic stress in your life, taking sufficient times of rest can help rebuild your energy levels and aid in strengthening your immune system. In our society we are not taught that rest is good, in fact, we are encouraged to “burn the candle at both ends.” Life is short no matter how many years that you live. You can work constantly and never take vacation time and you can stay so busy with outside activities that the day is just a blur. What’s the point in working so hard you can’t enjoy the simple things in life? For more money, a better title/position, or to get the applaud of others? There usually is a time in everyone’s life that you have to work hard such as when you are in college and have to work full-time, and sometimes people have to work two jobs because they are a single parent. I am not referring to people who are in the “you gotta do what you gotta do,” phase in their life, but for people who never, ever rest. Even when you are in a stage in your life that is hectic, you can still carve sometime for rest. We all get time off, but many use their time off unwisely by running and doing when they may need to rest. Yes, there are times that you can “play hard,” just not when your body is saying, “I feel tired.” Many push themselves and their limits and end up getting sick.

Your life should be balanced. Equal amounts of time for work, play and rest. Some days you may need a little more rest because of persistent stressors that can exhaust your energy levels and diminish your immune system’s ability to fight colds and viruses.

Reflect and ponder: Do you push yourself to keep going and doing when your body is telling you it needs rest? Why do you believe you feel the need to keep going?

Counselor’s Corner:

Your body will let you know when it needs rest. If you have experienced several of the following, your body may be saying, “Slow down.”

·        Fatigue. Difficulty getting up in the morning

·        Difficulty staying or falling asleep

·        Difficulty concentrating

·        Distracted and lose of focus

·        Irritable, short-fused, or agitated

·        Upset stomach

·        Headaches

·        General malaise

·        Easily frustrated

·        Appetite changes-decrease or increase in eating habits

·        Sighing frequently

·        Shortness of breath

·        Anxiousness

·        Depression

·        Loss of motivation

·        Lack of creativity

What can you do during your times of rest?

1.      Turn off your cell phone and check at the end of the day.

2.      Do not engage in social media. Checking your Facebook status will not cause you to rest.

3.      Lay down and take a nap.

4.      Watch a movie that is enjoyable and eat your favorite snack.

5.      Take a warm bubble bath.

6.      Take a leisurely walk in your neighborhood.

7.      Get your chores out of the way so you don’t do any chores during your time of rest.

8.      Read a good book.

9.      Spend quiet time with God. Be still and listen for the Holy Spirit to speak.

10.  Spend time just “soaking” with worship music.

11.  Sit outside on observe God’s beautiful creations.

What not to do when your body needs rest:

1.      Running to and fro when your body is depleted.

2.      Hanging out with people who drain you.

3.      Checking your phone, texts, emails, and social media.

4.      Doing heavy chores or chores that take a while to complete.

5.      Worrying and analyzing your problems over and over.

6.      Doing anything that would cause stress.

MEDITATE ON THESE SCRIPTURES:

He makes me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside quiet waters.

Psalm 23:2-3

By the seventh day God had finished the work he had been doing; so on the seventh day He rested from all His work.

Genesis 2:2-3

Then because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, He said to them,” Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.”

Mark 6:31

Counselor’s Corner: Accepting the Broken Dreams in Your Life

Years ago I believed that if I prayed enough and said the right scriptures for what I was believing for, my dreams would come to pass. I did everything I knew to do with the hope if I just did the right thing, maybe God would hear me and cause my heart’s desire to come to pass. I tried fasting, having other people intercede for my situation, following what other people did to get their “blessing,” I have begged and pleaded with God too many times to count, stood on the Word of God and truly believed that I could have what I ask for if I did not doubt, and I have broken generational “curses” off my family line. I have been standing and believing for certain situations for over a decade.

When your dreams get shattered in half, you are left with tiny pieces of your life that you try to pick back up. You don’t know where to begin. You may feel lost as what direction to take now. What do you do when everything you wanted is far out of your reach, and people who are not even serving God get the very thing you have desired? It seems all is lost and everything is lifeless. You have been left with a pile of “dead, dry bones.” You think, “Can these dry bones ever live again?” Picking up the broken pieces of your now dead dream can feel impossible. You might think, “What now, how can I move on?” Holding onto a broken dream that has been crushed, is not something you can repair. God alone can pick up your broken pieces that now have been scattered and He can begin the rebuilding phase. If you try and rebuild your broken dreams, it will most likely lead to disappointment. The story of Ruth in the Bible is a great example of God’s redeeming broken dreams. I’m sure Naomi’s dream did not consist of losing her husband and son and have no one to provide or take care of her. BUT GOD, took her shattered dreams and caused great blessings to come from her tragedy.

Perhaps you have endured many broken dreams, a failed marriage, infertility, miscarriage, a prodigal child, being single when you want to be married, or death of a loved one. We all have our dreams for our lives. Some of our dreams we have had since we were children. Most little girls dream about becoming a mommy and wife. When our dreams go unfulfilled, a deep longing can persist and a void for that dream. A longing that goes unfulfilled can bring great anguish to the soul. Our faith during this time will be tested. You can experience various degrees of grief and sadness over what did not take place, or perhaps what did take place. Searching for meaning and purpose after dreams are broken can become overwhelming, especially when you did not have a back-up plan!

Reflect and ponder: Where is your hope found? People, your job, money, or in Christ. Have you felt disappointed that your dreams for your life have not come to pass or have your dreams have been broken?

Counselor’s Corner:

Accepting your life does not mean you never hope. Acceptance means what does happen in your life is out of your control.

How to begin accepting the broken dreams in your life:

1.      Give all your dreams (the broken ones and the ones you are still hoping for) to God. Ask God to “Give you only what He wants you to have.” If you beg God enough for something, He may give you what you want but you may soon realize what you thought you wanted is not good for you.

2.      Begin to enjoy the life that you currently have, not when you get married, have children, or your prodigal comes to their senses. What in your life is good, is a blessing? Enjoy those things and not be so consumed with what you don’t have. Don’t say, “I’ll be happy when__________.” Be content with your life as it is.

3.      Grief is important for releasing broken dreams and the way that you thought it would have turned out.

4.      Use your pain for gain. After you have healed from the broken dreams, ask God to show you how He can use what you went through for your good.

5.      Believe that God is a redeemer and He does restore. You may not get exactly what you thought you would, but He can still bring great blessings to you despite your heartache. Read the book of Ruth to gain greater insight into God redeeming lost and broken dreams.

God grant me the serenity (peace)

To accept the things I cannot change

Courage to change the things that I can

And the wisdom to know the difference.

What is in your control to change? Are the broken dreams in your life out of your control to resurrect? Only God can breathe life back into dead dreams.

Broken dreams are opportunities for new beginnings.

MEDITATE ON THESE SCRIPTURES:

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

Psalm 147:3

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Many are the affiliations of the righteous but the Lord delivers him out of them all. He keeps all his bones; not one of them is broken.

Psalm 34:18-20

Counselor’s Corner: Enjoying Life in the Middle of Difficult Circumstances

Chances are if you have been going through a difficult circumstance that is unrelenting, you have had difficulty enjoying life. Depression can loom over you as you trudge through the muck and the mire of your adversity. Some mornings you just feel like pulling the covers over your head and would rather stay in bed until the calamities have passed. It is one thing to have a difficulty come through your life and leave, but it is entirely different when a difficulty parks and stays a while. Grief hits you smack in the face, and you begin to sink further and further like you were in quicksand. You don’t share with a lot of people what you are experiencing, because you are afraid the weights of what you carry will sink them as well.

It is possible to enjoy your life in the middle of your deepest and darkest pain, or what I like to refer to as, “the dark night of the soul, however, it won’t come easily. You will have to become a resilient fighter. You will have to decide one day when you have had enough of the enemy stealing your life, to choose to get up and live again. If the enemy cannot take you out physically, he will use your pain to turn you against God and rob you of the joy that is your inheritance.

Your pain is real and there is a time to grieve what you have endured or lost, but deep mourning should not be a continually theme in your life. Yes, it is hard to let go of people you love or accept the reality of a situation. When you place those seemingly impossible heartaches into God’s care, peace can rule in your heart. An exchange takes place when you say to God, “I can’t do this anymore, take it from me.” This exchange can open up the channels to begin enjoying your life again. Surrender is key to enjoying life again.

Reflect and ponder: How can you enjoy life when just getting out of bed is a chore? What do you do when your pain overshadows every blessing in your life? Are you willing to fight to get your life back and enjoy what is good in your life? Remember, this won’t come easy if you have been enduring the same difficulties for years. The enemy has enjoyed you being in the pit with no way out, and don’t be surprised as you are climbing out of the pit, he tries to kick you back in. This is where a “don’t give up, no matter what” stance must come over you. If you get kicked back in the pit, quickly get up and out, don’t look around that familiar pit that you are used to. Have a set mind that you will enjoy life again, no matter what!

Counselor’s Corner:

Practical tips for enjoying life in the middle of difficulties:

1.      Let go of everything that you cannot change. Accept what you cannot change. If you have tried over and over to change a situation or person and it has not worked yet-let go!

2.      Limit your “talk” time about your difficult situation. It is okay to share with trusted people, but not 3-4x a week. Run to the throne more than the phone. Opening your mouth and spewing out to other people your woe’s continually or without just cause, can open you up for more problems. Be careful who you share your personal information with. It can bring you true joy to find like-minded people who can walk beside you, and you know they got your back. It is another thing to deal with people who bring you more pain than gain. To enjoy your life again, you will need to stop allowing drainers, whiners, complainers, and manipulators into your life.  

3.      Simplify your life, cut out all non-essentials. Going through difficult times can deplete you of energy. Learn to say, “No,” and say it as often as needed. If someone complains or makes you feel bad about saying, “No,” just ask them if they would like to “walk a mile in your shoes.” Get plenty of rest and take as many stay-cations as you can. Enjoy the simple things in life, a stroll around your block or breakfast in bed.

4.      Learn when you need to pull away from the “crowds.” There are times being with other believers is good and fellowshipping with them, but there is also times where solitude can render inner peace and times of reflection. Being still with God can only happen when you are quiet. There are many times that God will call you to the “still waters.” I am called to these still waters often and I no longer fight these times, but accept that God wants to speak to me and bring me comfort.

5.      Protect your “sanctuary.” My sanctuary is my home, it is the place I have peace the most. This is why I guard my sanctuary carefully. I am very careful who comes in and out of my place of peace and rest.

6.      No more living bound in guilt. Guilt and condemnation are straight from the enemy. If God wants you to do something, He will give His grace, strength and peace. Guilt steals all joy.

7.      Make it a daily habit to bring all your worries and concerns to God. Take a few minutes and pray over your worries and then consciously leave them with God.

8.      Take good care of yourself. Eat balanced meals, exercise, sleep at least 7-8 hours every night, take a multivitamin, and spend time with God as often as you can (daily if possible). The presence of God can bring you much joy. When you feel good physically by taking care of yourself, you can enjoy your life more.

9.      Do something that brings you pleasure or happiness at least 2-3x per week. Maybe a movie and popcorn, planting flowers, painting, or taking a bike ride bring you pleasure. Enjoy the simple pleasures in life as well such as bird watching or swinging on a swing.

10.  Encourage someone or cheer someone up. Be a blessing to someone.

11.  CHOOSE to focus on what is good in your life, and say out loud daily or write down at least 5 things that you are thankful for.

12.  Stop asking, “Why me.” No more being a victim and feeling sorry for yourself. Being negative drains you, instead speak life, blessings and the Word of God over yourself.

13.  Learn to laugh again. You did as a child when you had no worries. Watch a funny movie or comedian (clean though).

Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s learning to dance in the rain.

Vivian Greene

Is it time for you to dance?

MEDITATE ON THESE SCRIPTURES:

A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.

Proverbs 17:22

The thief comes only to steal, kill and destroy. I came that they might have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance (to the fullest, overflowing).

John 10:10

Counselor’s Corner: God Convicts But Never Condemns!

You may have failed at a relationship, a ministry opportunity, or in another area of your life. God makes messes out of our mistakes, but the enemy whispers in our ears,” You shouldn’t have done that, now you’ve really messed up.” If we listen to the voice of the accuser for any length of time, we begin to get discouraged and not want to take any more risks or chances in life.

As important as it is to forgive others, we must forgive ourselves! Even if you sinned against God and others, all that you need to do is sincerely repent and turn from that sin. God may convict us in an area of our lives to bring us back into a right relationship with Him, but never to condemn us. When God convicts it is done lovingly, gently, and with a way out. When the enemy condemns there is discouragement, feelings of inadequacy and failure, and no way to rectify the situation.

Condemnation leads us believe that we will never change and we are not worthy of God’s love. The reality, Christians mess-up, fail, and are prone to weaknesses at times, but God picks us back up and gently shows us our error and He points us back on the right road.

Condemnation causes us to wallow in self-pity. You may hear a faint whisper, “Poor you, you just can’t get it together.” God however says, “Learn, grow and get up again my child.” When the enemy condemns he is harsh, unloving, and unrelenting of reminding us of our mistakes. The enemy likes to rip open old wounds and pour his bitter salt over them, but don’t be deceived he will not give you the exact package of old wounds every time; he repackages them. The enemy is a master deceiver, he likes to use what is in our past to inflict us. Why would the enemy use new tactics when the old tactics still work? The enemy knows your blueprint and has studied what schemes have worked before to trip you up. If you have battled with rejection, unworthiness or inadequacy, best believe the enemy will expose those weak areas. The exposure comes only to condemn you, to make you feel like quitting and giving up, and for you to come into agreement with the lies of the enemy, “what’s the use, I will always mess up. I am a failure.”

The enemy uses your past hurts, wounds and other weak areas to remind you that you have not really changed when current similar incidents transpire. The enemy loves to use our past against us. There may be times we do fall back, but if we get back up and continue on the race set before us, the enemy can’t use our sin against us any longer.

Why does the enemy condemn? To cause us to shriek back, turn inwards, and give up. If you ever hear yourself saying “What’s the point…I will fail anyways,” the enemy is behind it. Most likely if you are moving forward, beating some sin habit in your life, or choosing to serve Christ over man, and then a “hiccup” occurs to throw you off balance. The enemy gets you cornered by bringing relentless distractions and then you blow-up. You did not mean to get angry or lose your peace or even say something negatively about the person who has now rubbed you wronged for the tenth time, but you did and the enemy comes in to capitalize on your weakness and sends condemnation like, “Who do you think you are? You call yourself a Christian? You really blew it this time” We all have weaknesses and areas that bend and try us, we will at times fail. During those times where we fail, it is important that we get back up quickly in the fight, don’t stay down. You may have been knocked down, but don’t stay there-get up! It can be more difficult to climb out of a pit, then just tripping over the pit and then moving past the pit.

Reflect and ponder: Are you feeling bad about yourself over a situation that you have already asked God to forgive you for but it continues to fester and cause those wounds to be exposed again and again? Are you listening to the lies of the enemy (the accuser of the brethren) over the voice of truth? What are you listening to in your ear that then penetrates your very soul? Do you believe that you really are a bad_____________ (you fill in the blank) and deserve to be alone or it is your fault the way things have turned out?

Counselor’s Corner: If you have let the voice of the accuser condemn you, it is time to get washed in the truth of what God says. You may not initially believe what God is saying, but speak the Word of God over your life, and the lies of the enemy will have to bow down to the truth. If you have already asked God to forgive you, there is no need to keep revisiting the should have, could have or ought to have-these keep you tied to your past and bring condemnation.   

To condemn means to pronounce guilty and convict means convince of error or sinfulness. If we have been made in right standing through the shed blood of Jesus Christ then our sins are under the blood of Christ. Does that mean we can continue in sin after receiving Christ? No, it means that when we do sin, we can go straight to our Father and ask for His forgiveness and He no longer remembers that sin. It is the accuser who torments us with past sins that we have already been forgiven for. The enemy reminds us we are not worthy to receive such grace for our sins and weaknesses. His love, grace, and forgiveness are limitless. We are not perfect, in fact, really far from perfection. We will stumble, we will sin, and we will expose our own weaknesses, and because of that we are in desperate need of a Savior who can forgive and cleanse us when we do falter.

MEDIATE ON THESE SCRIPTURES:

• You were not a mistake, for all your days are written in my book. Psalm 139:15-16
• You are fearfully and wonderfully made. Psalm 139:14
• You are not condemned by God. Romans 8:1
• You can never be separated from God’s love. Romans 8:39
• You are a child of God. John 1:12
• You have been justified-completely forgiven and made righteous. Romans 5:1

Counselor’s Corner: When it’s Time to Let Go of a Relationship and Let God

Some relationships are harmful to us, and holding onto them may hinder us spiritually, physically, and mentally.

When do you know it is time to let go of a relationship, especially if their family? When you have done all that you can do and nothing has worked to mend that person or the relationship. You have held on so long to this relationship believing if you just did one more thing, perhaps then they would come around or treat you better.

There are times we are in codependent or enabling relationships that need to be let go of so God can rebuild that relationship in a healthy manner. Some relationships can recover quickly from betrayal, rejection, or trust issues, and other relationships need to be surrendered to God immediately. If you are experiencing worry, anxiety, fear, doubt, sickness, depression or low energy as a result of hanging-on to a relationship, it is time to let go and allow God to mend what you obviously have tried and cannot. It is not up to you to fix every broken relationship. We can do our part by offering to reconcile by honest and open communication, but if that person does not want to reconcile through honest and open communication, you can’t force them.

If you are being harmed emotionally, physically or spiritually by someone more than being loved, appreciated, validated and respected-cut your losses and move onto relationships that foster health. It is more of a challenge to let go if you are dealing with a family member, especially if it is an adult child; but chasing, fixing, rescuing, and being mistreated, manipulated or controlled is toxic to your overall health. There are some people who are just not good for you. A healthy, vibrant relationship is one where there is mutual respect, honesty and open communication.

Reflect and ponder: Are you continuing to hold onto a relationship that is damaging to you either spiritually, emotionally or physically? Do you feel an obligation to hold onto this relationship because it is family or you have known this person for a long time?

Counselor’s Corner:

Some examples of different types of relationships that may need to be let go for a season:

1)      Any relationship that you or giving more. The relationship is a one-sided relationship, and you find yourself being that person’s emotional or financial support.

2)      A family member that is abusive in any manner, whether emotionally or physically. If you are being called derogatory names, that’s abuse.

3)      A relationship that is manipulative and controlling. If you don’t do what they want, it’s the “cold shoulder.” Guilt is multiplied in manipulative and controlling relationships.

4)      A family member or friend who is abusing drugs, alcohol or any other addiction and they are not interested in quitting.

5)      Any relationship where you are used for that person’s gain, whether monetary or emotionally.

6)      Relationships that are not honest and open communication is not welcomed.

7)      Prodigal children who insists on staying in the “pigpen.”

8)      Unfaithful spouse who continues to be unfaithful.

9)      Any relationship that causes you to sin.

Letting go does not mean:

·        Being unforgiving

·        Being unloving

·        Speaking negatively about that person

·        Becoming bitter over the way you were treated

·        Holding onto to grudges and resentment

·        Holding onto anger

 Letting go means:

·        Forgiving

·        Releasing your loved one into God’s capable hands

·        Trusting God with your loved one

·        Praying for them and blessing them with your words

·        Never giving up hope on their restoration

·        Living your life and taking care of you

LETTING GO IS ONE OF THE HARDEST THINGS TO DO, BUT HOLDING ONTO A RELATIONSHIP THAT IS NOT HEALTHY CAN MAKE YOU SICK. Bring your pain to God-you may cry, grieve, but then you enter into acceptance. Accept the things that you CANNOT change. You cannot change someone else, but you can change you!

MEDITATE ON THESE SCRIPTURES:

Casting all of your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you.

1 Peter 5:7

Don’t worry about anything; instead pray about everything. Tell God what you need and thank Him for all He has done. Then you will experience God’s peace which exceeds anything we can understand.

Philippians 4:6-7