Some relationships are harmful to us, and holding onto
them may hinder us spiritually, physically, and mentally.
When
do you know it is time to let go of a relationship, especially if their family?
When you have done all that you can do and nothing has worked to
mend that person or the relationship. You have held on so long to this
relationship believing if you just did one more thing, perhaps then they would
come around or treat you better.
There are times we are in codependent or enabling
relationships that need to be let go of so God can rebuild that relationship in
a healthy manner. Some relationships can recover quickly from betrayal, rejection,
or trust issues, and other relationships need to be surrendered to God
immediately. If you are experiencing worry, anxiety, fear, doubt, sickness,
depression or low energy as a result of hanging-on to a relationship, it is
time to let go and allow God to mend what you obviously have tried and cannot.
It is not up to you to fix every broken relationship. We can do our part by
offering to reconcile by honest and open communication, but if that person does
not want to reconcile through honest and open communication, you can’t force
them.
If you are being harmed emotionally, physically or
spiritually by someone more than being loved, appreciated, validated and
respected-cut your losses and move onto relationships that foster health. It is
more of a challenge to let go if you are dealing with a family member,
especially if it is an adult child; but chasing, fixing, rescuing, and being mistreated,
manipulated or controlled is toxic to your overall health. There are some people
who are just not good for you. A healthy, vibrant relationship is one where
there is mutual respect, honesty and open communication.
Reflect
and ponder: Are you continuing to hold onto a relationship
that is damaging to you either spiritually, emotionally or physically? Do you
feel an obligation to hold onto this relationship because it is family or you
have known this person for a long time?
Counselor’s
Corner:
Some examples of different types of
relationships that may need to be let go for a season:
1) Any
relationship that you or giving more. The relationship is a one-sided
relationship, and you find yourself being that person’s emotional or financial
support.
2) A
family member that is abusive in any manner, whether emotionally or physically.
If you are being called derogatory names, that’s abuse.
3) A
relationship that is manipulative and controlling. If you don’t do what they
want, it’s the “cold shoulder.” Guilt is multiplied in manipulative and
controlling relationships.
4) A
family member or friend who is abusing drugs, alcohol or any other addiction
and they are not interested in quitting.
5) Any
relationship where you are used for that person’s gain, whether monetary or
emotionally.
6) Relationships
that are not honest and open communication is not welcomed.
7) Prodigal
children who insists on staying in the “pigpen.”
8) Unfaithful
spouse who continues to be unfaithful.
9) Any
relationship that causes you to sin.
Letting
go does not mean:
·
Being unforgiving
·
Being unloving
·
Speaking negatively about that person
·
Becoming bitter over the way you were
treated
·
Holding onto to grudges and resentment
·
Holding onto anger
Letting go means:
·
Forgiving
·
Releasing your loved one into God’s
capable hands
·
Trusting God with your loved one
·
Praying for them and blessing them with
your words
·
Never giving up hope on their restoration
·
Living your life and taking care of you
LETTING GO IS ONE OF THE HARDEST THINGS TO DO, BUT
HOLDING ONTO A RELATIONSHIP THAT IS NOT HEALTHY CAN MAKE YOU SICK. Bring your
pain to God-you may cry, grieve, but then you enter into acceptance. Accept the
things that you CANNOT change. You cannot change someone else, but you can change
you!
MEDITATE
ON THESE SCRIPTURES:
Casting
all of your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you.
1
Peter 5:7
Don’t
worry about anything; instead pray about everything. Tell God what you need and
thank Him for all He has done. Then you will experience God’s peace which
exceeds anything we can understand.
Philippians
4:6-7
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