Counselor's Corner: Practical Tips to Begin Healing from Trauma Associated with Emotional Pain

Emotional pain and trauma can make it almost impossible to enjoy life and can manifest as physical pain.

Rejection activates the same pathways in your brain as physical pain. Feelings of rejection disrupts the need we all have to belong and to be accepted. Rejection can interfere with your ability to think, make decisions, and to recall memories. Letting go of rejection can be good for your mental health, but holding onto and internalizing the rejection can cause mental health issues as well as physical diseases.

When your nervous system is overloaded with too much stress and trauma, you shut down. You may feel numb, detached, and disconnected as a result. You may feel like you are existing but not truly living.

→Emotional pain actually takes a greater toll on your quality of life than physical pain.

The stress and negative emotions linked to a traumatic event can cause physical pain and diseases including chronic inflammation, headaches, high blood pressure, lowered immune system, and altered brain chemicals.

Emotional trauma and pain can interfere with your ability to enjoy life and in severe cases one may have trouble with deciding if life is worth living.

Practical tips to begin healing from trauma associated with emotional pain:

1.      Avoid ruminating about the hurt and the traumatic memories. When you think about what someone has done to hurt you over and over again, it can be distressing, cause depressive emotions and intense anger. There must be closure with whomever caused you to feel betrayed or rejected. You may never get the opportunity to speak with the person who has hurt you, and they may never truly apologize to you. You can write a letter to them and not mail the letter, but instead bury or burn the letter. You can place an empty chair in front of you and “pretend” you are telling the person who has hurt you how it made you feel. You can also place an empty chair in front of you and talk to God about the person or people who have wounded you. Trauma should not be repressed but in a healthy manner dealt with by dealing with the pain associated with the trauma. If trauma is not dealt with properly these memories will be played over and over again in your mind that can result in Post-Traumatic Stress. Whatever you decided, make sure you forgive that person, offer them undeserved mercy, and pray a blessing over them (you may have to do this daily until you feel recovered from your heart wounds).

2.      Let go of the rejection you may have internalized as someone you love walking out of your life, abandoning you or betraying your trust. Internalizing the rejection implies you believe deep down inside that you did something to deserve their rejection and that you are not valuable or worthy enough to receive their love. Dispel and reject all the “seeds” that have taken root to cause you to believe that you are not worthy, not important, not special, or that you are a failure. ALL LIES. No matter what you have or have not done in a particular relationship that does not mean that you are not worthy to be honored, valued or treated with dignity. You are worthy and more importantly God does not reject you! Pull out all the “roots” or the lies that you have believed because someone rejected or betrayed you, and replace all lies with truth in God’s Word.

3.      Begin to accept the situation that caused you the emotional trauma. There is a common saying,” It is what it is.” Acceptance brings healing. Reliving the past, trying to figure out why something happened, or replaying the trauma in your mind brings more pain and increases your chances of being further traumatized. Let go of what you do not understand. In no way, do I imply to let someone “off the hook” for a hurt or wound that that caused your trauma, but accepting that the trauma did happen, and releasing your pain is for your benefit; nit theirs. For your healing, you can say, “I don’t like what they did or I don’t like this circumstance in my life, but I will choose to accept that is what happened and find a way to heal in a healthy manner from it.” If you choose to be angry, bitter or unforgiving you will harm yourself. It is okay to deal with the anger that you may have towards a situation or person but don’t replay or ruminate over the hurt again and again.

4.      Begin exercising. Exercising builds essential brain chemical neurotransmitters like serotonin and dopamine for mood regulation, and decreasing anxiety. Try and exercise every day.

5.      Connect with safe people. You don’t have to talk to others about your trauma, in fact for some talking to others can make their trauma worse. You can have just one or two people that you share the trauma you have been through. Attend normal activities that feel safe to you such as church, a bible study, or a lunch date with a trusted friend. (if you are not able to cope with daily living, are severely depressed or anxious or unable to connect with anyone you may benefit from professional help).

6.      Healing through the Word of God.

·         In your name Jesus I speak healing and restoration upon each and every wound that was inflicted upon my life. Thank you for healing and binding up my wounds. (Psalm 147:3).

·         Holy Spirit, expose the lies of the enemy that have entered my life because of my trauma. Jesus, bring me to an encounter with your Word. Reveal Your truth to me and let every lie be broken and let every mindset come into alignment with Your Word. God, wash me in Your Word. (Romans 12:2).

·         I declare that I will stand in agreement with Your Word that says only goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life. (Psalm 23, Jeremiah 29:11).

·         Cast out fear from my heart (1 John 4:18a). Let your love rain down upon me, bringing healing to my mind, emotions, will and spirit, and even my body. Overwhelm me with Your healing power and overwhelm me with Your loving presence.

·         I declare freedom from every burden of fear, anxiety, depression, guilt, shame and anger by the power of the blood of Jesus Christ. And I speak love, peace, freedom, wholeness, joy and thanksgiving over myself.

There is something known as continuous traumatic stress, this occurs when trauma is repeated such as women and children who are sold into sex slavery or those that experience long-term stress.

Some symptoms may be:

Difficulty regulating emotions, sense of helplessness and powerlessness, feeling like you are someone you love is always in danger, and not able to trust others. The anticipatory anxiety that comes from worrying if a threatening situation will occur, whether the fear is realistic or not can transform how you respond to threats. If there is a remote possibility the trauma can occur again, you may begin to live an automatic “flight or fight” mode or on high alert. This can cause an inability to relax and enjoy life. When you are trapped in a situation that you have little or no control over a sense of dread can occur.

You have two primary options if you have endured continued traumatic stress: 1) Medication and therapy and/or 2) Work through the above tips on healing from trauma, work through the trauma with someone you trust and with God, naturally alternative treatments such as Kava and chamomile, speak scriptures out loud over yourself daily that pertain to your situation, and ask Jesus into every situation that you are in and for Him to bring the healing to your memories, body and to your emotions.

Though you may have walked through the fire, God can not only bring you through the fire but you can come out without a burn or scar upon you. Jesus Christ is a healer and He does care about all of your trauma. Seek God for the wisdom for the right direction you should go for your healing. Healing often occurs in stages in multiple layers. Jesus can and often heals through many sources, and yes, He can also heal miraculously!

Word of Encouragement: Be Still

Trials, heartaches and debilitating circumstances may be weighing you down. Perhaps you have endured more than you think you can handle. You may be voicing to God that you are at your limit. You may be wondering if others go through such distress and trauma. You may have even thought you have done something wrong to bring on such calamity in your life. If you have ever read the book of Job in the Bible you feel like you can understand his situation because you feel like Job. You feel like there is little or no direction for your life. You are just filled with heartache and grief. You have begun to wonder what the purpose is for so much pain and turmoil. Your grief runs deep and your trials seem endless. You are desperate for peace and rest. Your zest for life has fizzled out and you drag through the days.

Consider and reflect/meditate on this scripture: 

The thief comes only to steal, and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life and have it to the full. John 10:10, NIV.

What do you need to take back that the enemy has stolen from you, destroyed or killed? Has the enemy stolen your peace and joy? Destroyed your family? Or killed your passion? Are you living the abundant life that Christ came to give you? If not, maybe it is time to reclaim your life.

If you are at a place where you just cannot make sense of anything anymore; be still. Be still and listen and wait for God to show you and led you up out of the pit of despair. Being still means not trying to figure out everything or analyzing your problems. Being still means resting in God. To rest means to seize from work. You may be at “work” trying to solve your problems and trying to understand what went wrong and how to make things better. Rest your weary soul and mind. Take shelter upon the Most High God and seize (refrain) from trying to figure out outcomes and your life. Let go and let God. Embrace His comfort as you wait upon His deliverance.

Rest knowing that God will fulfill all His promises and will work all things out for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purposes (Romans 8:28). And if you’re feeling like Job, remember that God blessed Job’s later life more than his earlier life (Job 42:12-15). When the “storms” of life come, run to the feet of Jesus and get stable in His presence as the storms pass. Some “storms” seem like they are going to destroy everything that you have. When you feel “tossed” to and fro from the relentless crashing waves that seem like they will pull you under, make time to sit with the Lord. Get still by quieting the chaos in your mind. You cannot hear the Holy Spirit when your mind and thoughts are racing or at unrest. You must be able to hear Holy Spirit when the enemy attacks. You will not hear Holy Spirit if you keep checking your phone, emails or racing around everywhere, you must get still. 

Is being still hard? Yes, for many, getting still can be most challenging. Be aware, distractions will come from many directions to get you to avoid not getting still and quiet before God. You must discipline yourself by turning away from whatever is competing for your time with God. Quieting your thoughts takes practice. Your mind most likely will wonder for the first 10 minutes and sometimes even longer. Don’t give up, keep quieting your inner thoughts. Grab a journal, a pen, your Bible and find a place that is quiet and free from distractions. I like to play soaking worship music in the background to help me to relax, and clear my thoughts.

If you are tired, worn-out, frustrated, or confused, don’t add anything else to your plate, and instead be still and allow Holy Spirit to minister to you.

Counselor's Corner: Feeling Overwhelmed?

What are you chasing after more? Time with God, money, people, or possessions? When you begin to experience stress, fatigue, and a feeling of being burdened, it’s time to pull back and reevaluate why.

Oftentimes, we take on too much that God has not called us to, and we take on the responsibilities of others; this is called a false sense of responsibility. When we are living in God’s Divine plan, there is peace and order. When we don’t place God first, our lives become unmanageable. We have a sense that we cannot handle all of life’s problems. Let’s face it, life is tough and without spending time with God to hear His voice and direction; we will get burdened.

The enemy has a plan to create as much havoc and chaos is our lives, and keep us distracted.

Just because something seems good, does not mean it is good for us. We are not to copy what others are doing either. So many times, people get frustrated and overwhelmed because they are trying to mimic what someone else is doing.

You are not meant to do everything and be everything to everybody, this can lead to people-pleasing. If you please man more and not God, you are going to be weighed down.

God has specific tasks for each one of us, but you will not know what those are unless you spend time with God. Our busyness, is not Godly or Holy, but a tactic of the enemy to wear us out.

Don’t try and follow what the crowd does, but know what your unique plan is from God.

Other people will not like it when you tell them, “No,” be prepared for this. You must know what YOU are supposed to do. Stop looking around at everyone else for direction. God has not called you to be a copycat. You will find that others will want you to do what they are doing, but you must step away from the desire to please man.

To get your life back in order and free from the pressures and demands of people and life, pull away and be with God alone, especially when you are exhausted. Being tired and overworked is not God’s plan for you. It does not matter what other’s expect from you, but what God desires for you.

Come to me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. Matthew 11:28-30

Some questions to reflect on:

1.      What do you need to cut back on or cut out of your life to be free from over-responsibility?

2.      What do you crave and desire most from your life? Are you pursuing God first?

3.      Are you a people-pleaser? How do you know? What can you do differently?

4.      Do you feel overwhelmed, burdened? If yes, why? Do you believe this is God’s plan for you?

Counselor's Corner: How-to Walk-in Freedom from Concerns That Weigh You Down

Have you had trouble experiencing joy? Perhaps the reason is that your concerns are weighing you down.

I was feeling a little sluggish today and just not able to experience joy. It felt as if something was pressing on me or weighing me down. In my time with God this morning, He revealed to me that I was concerned over many matters and that was causing me to feel the way I was.

→How do you know you are overly concerned about a situation?

You repeatedly think about or talk about the situation that concerns you. God had showed me that I have been daily thinking about the same concerns. It is not all bad to have concerns but when they become repetitious in manner than we can lose our joy and our peace.

When we hold onto the same concerns after we have prayed about them and refuse to surrender the outcomes to God, a heaviness can come upon us. We are not built to carry our concerns. If we carry our concerns daily we cannot experience enjoyment of life.

As women it can be especially challenging not to think about our concerns. A woman’s brain is compared to spaghetti, meaning that experiences and thoughts all run-together. The problem is when you can’t turn the switch off in your brain for the situations you are concerned about.

→How can you walk in freedom from your concerns?

1.      Write out what you are concerned about, be aware of those concerns you repeatedly think about (those are the ones that cause heaviness and robs you of joy and peace).

2.      Look over your list of concerns and ask yourself the following questions over each one: Have you prayed about that concern? Are you trusting God with the outcome of your prayers? Which concerns do you repeatedly think about? Get to the “root” of why you repeatedly think about those concerns. Are your concerns rooted in fear?

3.      Are you trying to figure out the outcomes of your concerns?

4.      Become aware of the concerns you are repeatedly thinking about. Submit the concern immediately to Christ and move on. When the Holy Spirit wants you to act, then He will give you the grace, strength and peace to do so. Remind yourself that you have prayed about those concerns, and God has heard you and He will answer you. If you are repeatedly thinking about the same concerns most likely fear is involved and you are in bondage to whatever is controlling your thoughts. Fear does not come from God, so it must be broken by the name of Jesus. Fear can come in many forms, fear of the unknown, fear of man, fear of disappointing others, fear of being hurt.

5.      Obsessive thoughts about concerns can be broken by discipling your mind, or retraining your thoughts. When a reoccurring obsessive thought comes to your mind, don’t entertain, dwell, or analyze that thought. Stop thinking about that thought by replacing the thought with a scripture and/or a faith-filled response. You may need to do this often before the obsessive thought is broken. Think on those things that are lovely, a good report and things that are praiseworthy.

►Disciplining your thoughts takes time and effort, but it can be done. You can have freedom from what concerns you. For additional practical help, check out my latest book, “Disciplining your mind 30 days to a better you!”. You can find my book on Amazon and on this blog.

►If you are a subscriber to my blog, or a book reviewer and would like to do a book review for Amazon and Good reads for my book, send me a message and I will send you a physical, signed copy of my book for you to review.

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Pushing Through the Dark Forces of Resistance

Resistance-Something trying to hold you back. In spiritual resistance you will not see what is resisting your growth, progress or freedom but you will know something is off or just not right. You probably cannot “put your finger” on what you are experiencing but deep inside you understand a force is resisting you.

Spiritual resistance comes strongly before break through. You will feel like quitting, giving up and going back to what you know is “normal.”

When you are trying to move forward the enemy reminds you of your past as often as he can. You will feel the sting of the enemy’s missiles directed at a time in your history that you could not overcome a certain stronghold, sin, or weakness. You will hear the taunting voice of the condemner, “Do you really think you can overcome this time?” If in your past you have not been able to conqueror fear, but this time in your life you have believed God that it is time to step out, you very likely will be opposed by the enemy from the situations in your past that caused you fear. You may not have overcome whatever in your past that caused you to be fearful, but it is not over! Most people want instant deliverance from their addictions, sins, or whatever other area of bondage they are in, rarely, does this happen. Most often, our deliverance happens over time. If you have failed to overcome a certain sin or bondage in your life before, try again, this time with the awareness that resistance will come but you can experience complete freedom.

Getting free from addictions, long-held sins, generational strongholds, old habits, or even desiring to serve God can sound an alarm to the enemy’s camp-invade, overwhelm, discourage, and resist any attempts that person tries to make to overcome. The stronger and longer you have been battling something, the stronger the resistance will be. Yes, some people do get instant deliverance but if you are not one of those people, you are not alone.

Steps to push through the spiritual resistance:

1.      Recognize, resistance will come. Brace yourself. Take a deep breath and tell yourself this time you will go through all the way with Jesus on your side.

2.      Rise early every morning to seek shelter under the Almighty. I do not say to rise early legalistically, but it will be important to commune with the Lord before your day starts before the distractions begin. If you have trouble being still, play some soaking worship music in the background. Get your Bible, a journal and a pen and sit quietly before the Lord. God speaks most often in quietness, not noise. Turn off or put away all electronic devices. Allow Holy Spirit to give you Divine strategies to defeat and conqueror the enemy.

3.      No matter what it looks like, keep moving forward towards your breakthrough.

Last month as I began to believe God again for a break through in my life, I was meet with strong resistance. I would like to note that what I experienced does not have to be spiritual resistance, some times challenges happen, but for me as I sat with the Lord and asked Him, “What has been going on this last month?” God began to reveal to my spirit that it was resistance from the enemy. A month ago, I decided that I was going to become free from a couple of areas in my life that were harmful to me, I do believe God initially placed in my spirit that it was time to get free. God confirmed this by my church doing a small group on Freedom. I agreed to attend this Freedom group and I decided to finally be done with my fleshly appetites-then the battle began!

4.      Don’t quit when you are experiencing the resistance. No matter how tired you are or how you are not seeing results yet, keep moving forward. If you don’t quit when it’s the hardest you will not only gain strength to overcome any future setbacks but you will know how to persevere.

5.      Set your mind that you will not go back or hold onto things that are harmful. Decide ahead of time that you will be resilient when challenges come. As the enemy throws his “arrows” your way stop them from penetrating you by trusting God will protect you and He will be a safe refuge for you when you come to Him.

6.      As a believer in Jesus Christ, you have the authority over demonic forces. Use your authority and command the spirit of resistance to be bound in Jesus Christ name. Command all hindering spirits, spirits causing delay and spirits of sabotage to be bound in the name of Jesus Christ. Ask Holy Spirit to cover you with His protection and cover you with the blood of Jesus Christ. The enemy hates the blood of Jesus, for it is his defeat but our victory.

Reflect:

The Kingdom of Heaven suffers violence and the violent take it by force. Matthew 11:12

“I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you. Luke 10:19

Question: 

Have you ever experienced spiritual resistance? What did you do about it?

Attributes of a Spiritual Warrior

As a believer in Jesus Christ we are in an unseen spiritual battle.

Satan wants to keep believers ineffective as warriors for the kingdom of God by keeping us living in a cycle of defeat and living in bondage of the past. The enemy operates from a place of defeat, but Christians who know their authority fight from a position of victory.

If you plan on serving in the army of God you will need to know how to effectively battle unseen spiritual forces that oppose all things of the kingdom of God.

You must decide what side you will be on-the Kingdom of light or the kingdom of darkness. You cannot serve both sides.

What are the attributes of a spiritual warrior

            A spiritual warrior:

·         Has been trained intensely for battle, and they know who their enemy is and how to properly disarm the enemies’ weapons wielded against them and others.

·         Never compromises with their enemy. Know their position and stand firmly in the rank of God’s army as a warrior.

·         Know when to retreat from battles they face and allow their Commander-in-Chief (Jesus Christ) to heal their wounds and refresh their spirits.

·         Get orders from their Commander daily how to siege the enemy.

·         May have scars from the many battles they have endured, but their scars remind them of victory as Jesus’ scars are a reminder there is victory over sin and death.

·         Has a heart to protect the innocent, the hurting and the weak.

·         Looks for opportunities to enlist others in the army of God.

·         They are fierce in their mission-to plunder the plots, the plans, and the schemes of the enemy.

·         Know that the battles are won on their knees not by force, control or by arguments.

·         Use love without conditions as their greatest weapon of war.

·         Desires above all else to see God’s redemptive plan for all mankind, and that the heart of the warrior is to see all turn their hearts to God.

·         Are dedicated and committed fully to the Kingdom of God-no crossing over into the enemy’s camp.

·         Are willing to stand alone and fight even if everyone has backed down or compromised in any way their convictions and beliefs.

·         Primary job is to take territory away or back from the enemy’s camp.

·         Never back down in defeat, they may need time to restore from open wounds but they always rise.

·         Know their authority is in Jesus Christ.

·         They decree and declare victory over situations, circumstances and people because they know they are fighting from a place of victory not defeat.

If a warrior has been knocked down because of tremendous warfare, they will always rise back up.

A warrior for the kingdom of God cannot be permanently down, there is no going back or giving up for a warrior.

A warrior will come out stronger in each battle they face.

A warrior for the kingdom of God is the biggest threat to the kingdom of darkness. You will be opposed by the kingdom of darkness. Some days you will feel weak spiritually, physically, and mentally from the opposition but you will gain your strength back each time when get in the presence of God. During these times you will need get into quietness and solitude with the Lord for His direction and refreshment to poured over you. The enemy wants to keep you in a place of weakness, so if you continue to run around in busyness you will not gain your strength that you need to get back in the fight. You will know when you need a day, half day or perhaps longer to regain your strength from the Lord because you will feel physically exhausted and spiritually weak. During this time, shut your phone off or place in another room, get off all electronic devices, and grab your journal, Bible and sit. If you have trouble quieting your thoughts play soaking worship music in the background.

The enemy has already been defeated so a warrior’s position is always fighting from a place of victory. The war is already won! Jesus has won and we as believer’s in Christ have won. The enemy’s goal is to take away our victory through deception, and bring defeat into our lives through various means. BUT WARRIORS REMIND THE ENEMY THAT HE IS ALREADY DEFEATED AND WE WIN!

Counselor's Corner: Breaking Old Habits and Forming New Habits

I tried desperately to get up early each morning. I would set my alarm clack for 6 am and many mornings I would just reach over to my alarm clock on my cell phone and just turn it off, and then I would roll back into my comfy bed. No matter what I did, I could not get up consistently early, but I wanted to! Why was this so hard for me?

What is a habit? Habits are generally considered things that you do automatically when in a particular situation. A habit is something that has been learned through repeatedly performing an action.

Why is breaking an old habit hard?

To break a habit, you have to activate a different part of your brain to override those habitual tendencies. The problem is the part of the brain called prefrontal cortex is easily distracted and does not work as well when you are stressed, this is where those bad habits that are hardwired into your brain take over automatically. The new habit that you are trying to make can with time overwrite the old habit.

Before you try and break an old habit and form a new one, the number one thing that you need is sheer determination. You have to set in your mind and see yourself achieving your desired outcome. Visualize yourself not performing your old habit but instead see yourself performing your new habit.

How long does it really take to break a habit?

Generally, it can take anywhere from 21 to 30 days to break a habit or make a new habit, there are times it can take longer but usually within 4 weeks you should be in the zone of your new habit. Researchers from University College London examined the new habits of 96 people over 12 weeks, and found the average time it takes for a new habit to stick is 66 days. However, the process of breaking an unwanted habit depends on the person and the habit, and can take some individuals up to 245 days. Don’t get discouraged by 245 days, this is to inform you that breaking “pleasurable and rewarding” habits is no easy task, but given enough time can be achieved. I suggest at least 60 days of repeatedly replacing your old habit with your new habit before you will be able perform your new habit automatically.

After getting the vision for what you want to achieve, make a goal and write it down! Get a journal and write out the habit you want to break or make as well as the date that you started. You will want to track your progress as well as any mishaps you may have.

For the next 21 to 30 days realize that you probably will feel uncomfortable, may struggle to going back to your old habit, and want to quit all together, all normal but the difference will be your determination. Understand your habit. Most habits are patterns that have evolved because they have been rewarded in some way. A “habit loop” forms from a cue or trigger that tells your brain to start the habitual behavior. The brain processes a reward from this behavior that reinforces the habit loop. Interrupting the behavior part of this loop is how to break a habit. This is why it can be challenging to break a habit, and why most people give up after a week. Determine ahead of time that you will have a bit of a struggle in breaking this habit loop, but by repeatedly replacing the automatic impulse to act out your habit, eventually you will succeed.

►Ask yourself, do I really want to break this habit or do I just like the idea of it, and am I prepared for the hard work that it will take to break a long-standing habit?

Know what “rewards” your brain is looking for. Many bad habits come about as a means of dealing with situations that cause stress or boredom.

What to expect when breaking a habit:

The first couple of days of forming a new habit will be meet with great expectation and you may even feel exhilarated at the thought of breaking an old, nasty habit. As the first week comes to an end, you very likely will be hit with strong resistance to go back to what you know is comfortable to you. As humans we like comfort, changing a pattern of behavior that you may have had almost an entire lifetime such as with alcohol, drugs or cigarettes can be frightening. At the end of the first week you most likely will be tempted to quit all together.

The “struggle” or the “in-between” phase kicks in about week 2. You have made it 2 whole weeks without your habit, but now what? You possibly will struggle with valid questions such as,” If I stop drinking or smoking then what will I do”? You will feel unsteady as you begin to navigate your “new life.” You very likely will have “withdrawal” symptoms during the first 2 weeks as your nervous system struggles to deal in a change in the chemicals triggering the reward center of your brain.  

If you have the strength to push through week 3 or day 21, it will be very likely your old habit is beginning to break and your new habit is being established as a part of your life. Week 3 can still have its challenges; your habit may be broken but your new habit still seems foreign to you. If this is the case I would advise you to keep moving and get more firmly established in your new habit as you go into week 4, and remember it can longer to break an old habit.

Tips for breaking habits:

If you are trying to break the habit like overeating, drinking alcohol, or smoking, know triggers will come. Be on guard for triggers especially during the first 30 days. In other words, do you enjoy a cigarette after a good meal? That is a trigger for you, so you will need to make a change such as enjoying a cup of tea instead.

Make sure you have a good substitution for your old habit, such as instead of overeating you will exercise 3x per week.

Surround yourself with people who will encourage you in breaking bad habits and decrease your time with those that would cheer you on to remain with your bad habit.

Reward yourself frequently and especially at the 21 day and 30-day markers.

Be extremely kind to yourself the first 30 days of breaking your bad habit. If you need to pull back from additional stresses in your life, do so if possible.

If you make a mistake, do not deem that is total failure. Breaking a bad habit, is extremely difficult, but focus on the fact that it can be done!

 Let's discuss:

What bad habit would you like to break and what new habit would you like to make? Write it down, send me an email or comment on the blog post.

Counslor's Corner: Gaining Confidence for Spirtual Victory

If you are trying to overcome some sort of battle in your life, gain freedom in an area in your life or are moving closer to God in any way-the enemy will try to defeat those attempts. How? By weakening your confidence.

You may have known for a while that you were suppose to take that bible study on getting free but as soon as you signed up for the class the enemy sent assaults to question if it was even possible to get free. You just knew God wanted you in that group on gaining freedom but somehow an unseen war has been waged. There may not be a Bible study that your struggling with attending but perhaps someone has made you feel not good enough, worthy enough or even condemned you in some way so that all you can now hear is the whisper of the enemy that you will not succeed. What is happening in the above scenarios and countless others, is a feeble attempt of the enemy to destroy your confidence so that you do not obey God and go forth with what God has told you to do.

When you lose your confidence and you begin to question if God even said for you to do what He wanted you to do, fear creeps in and before long you are going the opposite direction of what God said to do. You can almost expect opposition and resistance in some form from the enemy when you decide to follow God’s ways, or when you are trying to get set free from bondage. The enemy can only threaten and intimidate, he has no real power over you, it just seems very large and overwhelming when you are hit by the arsenal of arrows in the enemy’s camp.

The enemy is clever and will use old issues and problems in your past in hopes that you will trip and stumble and lose your confidence.

If you place your confidence in yourself you will fall when the enemy sends his weapons aimed at tearing your confidence to shreds. Your confidence comes in Christ.  If you are like me and have struggled with self-worth and self-esteem, it will take some rewiring to understand your confidence in Christ. Your worth and value does not come from what people think or say about you. Yes, we all want approval and to be well-liked, but some people simply will not like you or what you do.

You can become strong, fearless and confident in the midst of your “giants,” your opponents and your adversaries.

You may not feel confident in Christ, but instead of going on feelings, go on the truth. The Bible says to have no confidence in the flesh (Philippians 3:3). Proverbs 14:16 says that a “righteous man departs from evil, but a fool rages in confidence,” meaning the arrogant believe sin has no consequences. Psalm 118:8-9, tells us that it is “better to trust the Lord than to put confidence in man,” meaning those who trust in government, finances or people will be disappointed in the end. Those that put their confidence in God will never be ashamed (Romans 10:11). The Apostle Paul writes in Philippians 1:6, “being confident of this very thing, that he which begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ.”

►Tips to build your confidence:

Believe what God says about you and obey what God has called you to do even when opposition and resistance comes. Begin to act the part until your feelings catch up, walk tall and straight, when you speak do so as if you know Christ dwells in you, be well-groomed and dressed, smile and make direct eye contact, start speaking what God says about you out loud, set manageable goals and work towards them, and begin your day communing with God. Believe that God is bigger and mightier than any “giants” that have come to rob you of confidence.

Recall the story of David and Goliath in 1 Samuel 17 to reflect on how mighty God is. David and Goliath confront each other. Goliath, name meaning giant had his armor and his javelin and David had his staff and sling. The Philistines cursed David by his gods, but David replies: “This day the Lord will deliver you into my hand, and I will strike you down. David hurls a stone from his sling and hits Goliath in the center of his forehead with one shot and Goliath falls on his face to the ground. David then cuts off Goliaths head. The Philistines flee the battlefield (the rest of the enemies). Saul had the first opportunity to fight Goliath but he placed his confidence in himself and cowered down offering David to fight instead. The difference between Saul and David was David’s confidence was in God not in what he could do. Clearly Goliath was stronger, bigger and taller than David but he chooses to believe that God would deliver Goliath into his hands. Wow, now that’s confidence in God! The lesson of this story is no matter who or what is seemingly larger and more powerful than you, they are no match to the Mighty Warrior. Your “giants’ may try and scare and intimidate you because of their perceived power or might, but rise up like David and believe that God will fight your battle as you face them and not run like Saul did.

When you lack in confidence remember these truths:

Yet to all who did receive Him, to those who believed in His name, He gave the right to become children of God. John 1:12. You are a child of God

But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His wonderful light. 1 Peter 2:9. You are a chosen people.

The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in His love he will longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing. Zephaniah 3:17. The Lord takes great delight in you.