Counselor's Corner: Are you in a Place of Unrest?

So many people are in a continually state of unrest. It is important that you take time to rest your mind, body, and spirit. Otherwise, your entire system will be out of balance. When your system gets out of balance you can be susceptible to illness, negative thinking, depression, anxiety and fatigue.

How does one get in a state of unrest? Being constantly geared-up, worried, anxious, and fearful, thinking the worst, and not allowing your mind to just rest. As well as not eating properly, not getting enough exercise and not spending time with God.

To take a rest in your mind would mean to stop all thoughts that would pose a threat to your state of peace. If you’re constantly thinking about worrisome thoughts your body will react to the stress. If you think negative thoughts and stressful thoughts your body will begin to react.

Reflect and ponder: Do you see God as your Papa or daddy? Chances are if you don’t see God this way you have trouble resting because you have difficulty trusting God. How you view God (a loving Papa or a punitive, judgmental God), will determine how well you rest.

It is important to balance your system back with prayer, spending alone time with God, eating right, exercising, letting go and letting God, and giving your mind a rest from anxious, worrisome and fearful thoughts.

►If your mind is in a continually state of unrest you will eventually feel tired and worn-out and generally not feel well (malaise).  Your body will feel tense, you may have sore muscles, headaches, and possible TMJ.

Get to the “roots” of why you are in a chronic state of unrest. In other words, what are the underlying causes of your stress? What keeps you up at night? It is not God’s will for you to be under stress and unbalance. You might have to slip away from the hectic lifestyle you live or the busyness you are under and come into the presence of Jesus who can unmask why you in a state of unrest. Step away from the cares of this world long enough to hear God and how He wants you to handle your situations. Go to a quiet place and sit before the Lord. Get quiet and balance your emotions. There is a word God will breathe upon you and enlighten you with.

Take care of your body as well, begin to eat balanced nutritious meals as well as light exercising. Walking is a great way to relieve stress and unrest. Take a multi-vitamin as well as a good B-vitamin. This is a holistic approach to your unrest but you have to take care of not only your body but your mind and spirit as well. Balance every area of your life-but feed your spirit first!  All of your parts are interconnected, your mind, your body and your spirit. If one area is out of balance you will feel it in the other areas as well. Have you ever noticed when you are physically sick you’re not as spiritually strong? But have you noticed when you are physically, mentally and spiritually strong how good you feel? Always be guarded and aware when one or two areas are out of balance. Realign the ones that need to be rebalanced.

MEDITATE ON THESE SCRIPTURES:

Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, He said to them, “Come with Me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest. Mark 6:31

Where is your quiet place where you meet with God? Your backyard (in nature) or your prayer closet. Wherever you can hear God the most make that the place to sit with Abba.

The Lord gives strength to His people and blesses them with peace.

Psalm 29:11

Counselor's Corner: Most of What We Worry About Never Happens

I read somewhere years ago that 85% of what we worry about never happens! And 15% of what does happen you will be able to handle better than expected.

When I look back on all these worries, I remember the story of the old man who said on his deathbed that he had a lot of trouble in his life, most of which had never happened. Winston Churchill

Worry is feeling uneasy or being overly concerned about a situation.

Excessive worry puts your mind in overdrive and you constantly focus on what may happen. Excessive worriers react intensely to stressful triggers, and even thinking about the situation can lead to great anxiety. When we are worrying, we are in the midst of repetitive thinking that is non-productive. People who are analytical tend to worry more because they are trying to figure out a solution to their problem.

Everyone has normal stress and demands, but when worries and anxieties become chronic; the stress response can be triggered. The stress response is known as “flight or fight,” and causes the body’s sympathetic nervous system to release stress hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol. These stress hormones can trigger health problems such as dizziness, fatigue, dry mouth, irritability, headaches, shortness of breath, and muscle tension. The outpouring of stress hormones can lead to a suppressed immune system, short-term memory loss, and heart attack. When we worry our bodies respond the same way it would react to physical danger. Your body will tense up as you prepare for danger and this can turn into aches and pains such as headaches and back pain.

Worry is a waste of time, and it drains us of energy. Why do we worry then? We believe that all our worrying will help somehow. We believe that if we worry enough we might prevent bad things from happening.

Worry leads to anxiety and anxiety leads to fear. Worry can also make you more prone to depression. Worry disturbs your peace and it becomes more difficult to concentrate when worried.

You can rewire your brain to stop worrying by focusing on the following:

1.      When a worrisome thought enters your mind, immediately take that thought captive to Christ. Ask God to help you to stop repeatedly thinking about the problem and ask for His wisdom. Trust God and take your concerns to Him instead of worrying. It is okay to have concerns about things, but take them to God instead of mulling over them in your mind.

Be anxious for nothing; but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be known to God, and the peace of God, which passes all understanding, shall guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7

2.      Become thankful. Be thankful for the things that you do have, and do not dwell on circumstances out of your control. Think on the good things in your life.

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and anything praiseworthy, meditate on these things. Philippians 4:8

3.      Focus on one day at a time. Stop projecting what may happen tomorrow. God’s grace is sufficient for the day, He does not give us grace for days and weeks ahead. Remember most of what we worry about never happens.

Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious or itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. Matthew 6:34

4.      Trust God with your life and with your loved ones, even when you do not understand all what has taken place in your life.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight before you. Proverbs 3:5-6

Worry in not productive and it can trigger many health ailments, including depression. There is always something to worry about, but worry does not change anything for the good. The energy that is expended on worrying could be used for more productive things. It is okay to be concerned over things in our lives, but when we begin to obsessively think about the issues; we are worrying-talk to God instead about your concerns and leave the worries with the One who can do something about them.

For an additional resource on how to discipline your mind to overcome worry, depression and anxiousness check out my latest book, “Disciplining Your Mind, 30 Days to a New You.”

Counselor's Corner: Freedom From Co-Dependency

With Christmas less than a week away, many will be around family that may trigger old patterns of co-dependent behavior. Know your triggers and how you can gain freedom from co-dependency.

►What is Co-Dependency?

Co-Dependency is a bondage to please other people. Co-Dependents allow another person’s behavior to affect them, and other people’s problems to become their problems. They look for ways to try and fix and solve other people’s problems. Co-dependents are by nature a helper and a “fixer.” They pick up the pieces in other people’s lives, and don’t allow them to suffer natural consequences of their decisions. Co-Dependents are plagued by false guilt and a false sense of responsibility for people. They get so enmeshed in other people’s problems that it exhausts them, and they often feel their “cup is empty.” They often feel used by others, and that their needs really don’t matter. Often the Co-Dependent feels alone and overwhelmed. Co-Dependents feel the “weight of the world” on their shoulders.

►Who is Likely to be Co-Dependent?

·        Family of origin (the family that you were born into) that placed you in the role as the “fixer” in the family. A fixer is responsible for solving family problems and issues. The fixer has the answers and the solution.

·        Being in a relationship or have a family member that has an addiction issue.

·        Having a rebellious child, a prodigal child, or mentally-ill child or family member.

·        Irresponsible family members who inadvertently make their problems your problems.

·        Inability to say, “No” to others and difficulty setting boundaries with others.

·        Being a people pleaser and having a fear of displeasing man. Fear of letting others down and others being angry at you.

·        History of childhood trauma-abuse, domestic violence in the home, divorce, ill parent (either physical or mental).

·        Being involved in a relationship with an abusive partner as an adult.

Co-dependents try to fix, rescue, and help, but no matter how much they try they always end-up feeling like a failure.

Co-dependents never feel they can do enough. Co-dependents can easily analyze other people’s problems, and give them a solution to their problems. Co-dependents feel responsible for making other people happy.

Saying, “No” to a person’s need is almost impossible for the co-dependent, and especially if the co-dependent is a Christian.

Co-dependent Christians fear they can’t measure up to the Christian responsibilities, and struggle with guilt when they don’t help others.

Co-dependents are often compassionate and tender-hearted people that carry the burdens of others. Instead of empathizing with you, the co-dependent will sympathize with you. They have a difficult time not taking on the hurt and pain of others. They often “feel” the pain of others. If you tell a co-dependent a problem they instinctively begin looking for how to solve your problem. They are by-nature problem-solvers, and many have been solving problems in their family since childhood. Co-dependents can be easily controlled by others and easily manipulated because of their tender nature and desire to help. Some people know this and will attempt to take advantage of the co-dependent’s good-nature.

Codependents do what they do to gain a sense of self-worth and to gain love and acceptance that many have been looking for since childhood. They are trying to fill a void and deep pain in their lives by helping others, than they will feel useful and important. If a co-dependent helps someone they feel elated, and if they fail to help someone, they will feel like a failure.

►Key Factors in Gaining Freedom From Co-Dependency:

Get a journal and begin to pray through each one of these questions. Take your time, and allow the Holy Spirit to reveal the cause of your Codependency and specific steps for your healing.

1.      What is the root/origin of your co-dependency? If you don’t know ask the Holy Spirit to show you. What was your “role” in your family of origin? Fixer, etc. Did you experience role-reversal as a child? In other words did you play the role of parent and your parent (s) played the role of the child?

2.      What are your motives for co-dependency? Fear of rejection, fear of failure, avoidance of pain, gain approval by others, feel a sense of worth.

3.      Who fuels your co-dependency? Why? How do these people make you feel when you don’t do what they want? Do they withdraw from you, manipulate you, and reject you.

4.      Do you have an exaggerated perception of life? Things and people are all good or all bad. You tend to see people and situations in black and white?

5.      Do you feel valuable and worthy when you help or rescue someone? Do you feel guilty when you can’t help someone?

6.      Do you feel guilty when you say, “No” to others or when you take care of yourself?

7.      Are your emotions dependent on the responses of others? Ex., if she is sad, I must have done something to hurt her, it is my fault she is sad.

8.      Do you feel responsible for making other’s happy, not just in your family?

9.      Have you taken the place of God in other people’s lives? If someone has a need, your response is, “I’ll meet it.” Do you prevent others from developing responsibility in their own lives? Co-dependents should let other’s do things for themselves, but often they step in.

10.  Do you put on a façade for other people to cover your pain? Do you have a hard time admitting your problems? Don’t feel like bothering anyone else with your needs?

11.  As a Christian, do you feel you can’t measure up to the high expectations of the Christian life?

12.  Do you feel you can gain worth by serving God? Do you plunge into activities and service to gain approval and to feel worthy?

►How to Start Healing From Co-Dependency:

1.      Recognize you didn’t get here overnight, and it will be a process of recovery. You may have set-backs, especially if you are around others that trigger these behaviors?

2.      Find healthy Christians to be around, just don’t surround yourself with users, drainers, toxic, needy people, or other co-dependent people.  

3.      Detach from relationships as needed. Detach and pray, then when you are strong enough and God has allowed you to enter in the relationship again, than do so. This applies to family relationships, but friendships may be detached longer or permantely through the leading of Holy Spirit. Detachment always has the hope of reconciliation with that person, but if you feel you are relapsing into co-dependency and you reservoirs are on empty, it is okay to detach from a relationship for a time.

4.      When needs and problems come your way, don’t react and come up with a solution immediately. You can say to that person, “I need time to pray about that” or “I need God to direct me first before I make a decision.” Then go and pray before offering solutions, advice, help, or rescuing. Oftentimes, God does not want us to intervene because He is trying to work something out in their lives.

5.      Don’t assume that God wants you to rescue, help, and fix every problem that comes into your path, this can be especially difficult for the Christian. We are taught about servant hood and self-sacrifice and to put other’s needs ahead of our own. But God does not expect us to give on “empty,” and Jesus did not heal every sick person nor help every single person that came into His contact. We have to have discernment to know when God says, “Step in,” and when He is leading us from not intervening.

6.      Don’t anticipate the needs of others. Listen to them and let them ask for help, but don’t offer up help that they are not asking for. A lot of the time people will tell you their woes hoping you will help, but it is better if they ask directly for the needs that they have. Even if they do ask for help, you can still say that you need to pray first and get back to them.

7.      Do not rescue compulsively. You will have to be on guard for this because you will be presented needs and you will want to rescue.

8.      Set limits in your life. Recognize and be aware what people in your life get you entangled in the trap of co-dependency.

9.      Start taking care of yourself. Do things that you enjoy. Keep your eyes focused on Jesus and not on other people’s issues. This can be a challenge for the co-dependent if you have been surrounded by needs, so this is where detachment for a time is important.

10.  Read and research all you can about co-dependency, preferably from a Christian perspective. A good online Christian Co-Dependent recovery program can be found at: www.christiancodependence.com

*For additional information on this subject and more, check out my latest book release, “Disciplining Your Mind, 30 Days to a New You.”

Counselor's Corner: Helpful Tips for Overcoming the Holiday Blues

The holiday blues occur between Thanksgiving and New Year’s, and is accompanied by depression and anxiety symptoms. These symptoms occur because of unrealistic expectations of how families should be, demands of holiday parties and events, financial strain of buying gifts, reminders of past losses, holiday overeating, and the pressure of preparing your home for guests. Two-thirds of women suffer from holiday blues, and is common among singles, widows, and couples who are childless. These populations are affected more because most activities are centered on family. It can be a painful reminder to them as they ponder the people they have lost, or the families they have never had. Holiday blues affects Christians and non-Christians as well.

It is important not to repress how you feel. There is a healthy way to express grief without letting yourself wallow in self-pity. Denying your emotions and stuffing them, can exacerbate depression and anxiety. Some choose to isolate themselves because they do not feel festive.

Helpful tips for overcoming holiday blues:

1.      Own your feelings. Do not deny them but express them through journaling, talking to God about them, and/or allowing yourself times to cry. Crying can be healing and it allows a release from the pain. Do monitor the frequency of crying, if you are crying continually and cannot stop this can be a sign of something more serious.

2.      Do not force yourself to attend every holiday event, party, or social gathering. Pray about the ones that would be uplifting to you, and decline the rest of the invitations. Do what you can do, and do not feel guilty for what you cannot.

3.      Take time for yourself. Take some time to rest, and do something you enjoy.

4.      Take care of yourself. Exercise, preferably walking, this is one of the best exercises to reduce stress and depression. Eat balanced meals with fresh fruits and vegetables. Try as much as possible to stay away from fried foods and sugary sweets. Take a good multi-vitamin and drink plenty of water.

5.      Try not to have unrealistic expectations for your family. Accept them where they are at, and do not compare your family to other families or what you see on those sappy Christmas movies. If you have had a recent loss be extra gentle on yourself. Let others take over the heavy load that can come with holiday entertaining.

6.      Set a realistic budget for buying gifts. Look into baking homemade goods or crafts as gifts.

7.      Keep connected to the life source, Jesus Christ. Have daily time communing with God, and getting quiet before Him. Let God bring you the comfort that you could not receive from anyone else.

As the winter season approaches, it is common for people to have an increase of depressive episodes, most often referred to as Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD); and then the holiday blues on top of SAD can be difficult to handle. If you are feeling suicidal or having suicidal thoughts, take the time to have an evaluation by a medical doctor, there could be an imbalance in your feel-good brain chemicals. Get prayer! Depression can not only be chemical but spiritual. Depression is serious, but also very common during these times of the year. Spending time with God can help reduce depression and anxiety, along with praying and surrendering your thoughts.

If you are feeling blue, depressed, anxious, or suicidal, please don’t give up. You are not alone, Jesus Christ who died for all of us, does love you. He does see you and He will bring help. Say out loud, “Jesus Christ does love me and every spirit of depression that is working against me must flee in the name of Jesus Christ.”

Needing help with your thought life? Feeling depressed, anxious or discouraged and want to start your New Year's off right? Why not treat yourself to a copy of my latest book release, "Disciplining Your Mind, 30 Days to a New You." 

Not sure this book is for you? Try a FREE SAMPLE on Amazon Kindle.

Take it one day at a time and remember to breathe! 

Counselor's Corner: 10 Ways to Becoming a More Disciplined Person

What areas do you need to be more disciplined in? Exercise, eating right, your thoughts, finances, or perhaps reading the Bible and praying.

*See my new book, “Disciplining Your Mind, 30 Days to a New You.”

 

Discipline requires practice and repetition.

It is not wise to believe that you can get disciplined in an area of your life in a few short weeks. New habits can be formed and old patterns of behavior can be broken with discipline. Is it hard, is it work? Yes, but you can do it!

 I started training to be a runner over 2 years ago. I will never forget the first several weeks and even months. I had to train myself to get up early in the morning, as well as prepare myself before each run with stretching. I first started with a goal. I was going to run the 3 mile bridge close to where I live. Now this was a bit of a challenge being that I never ran before, however, I had made my mind up; I was going to learn how to run. The bridge that I wanted to run is also a draw bridge with a steep incline in the middle where the bridge is open to allow boats to pass through safely. I tried for 3 months to run over that draw bridge, but between the aches and pains in my legs and all the huffing and puffing that I was doing; I just could not complete the bridge. I decided to be realistic with my goal and to set a more realistic time frame for being able to finish the bridge. I made my goals smaller and more manageable.

I eventually accomplished the large goal of completely running over the entire bridge. After several months I finally made it over! Then I was set for my next goal to make running a weekly discipline, and to even enjoy it!

When I first started running I hurt my foot and I was not able to run for 2 weeks. I got very discouraged, but I had remembered that I already set my mind that I would exercise. I had to revamp my schedule of doing things because I could no longer run on my painful foot. When things do not work out the way you had planned, do not give up! I brain stormed some other ways I could still exercise without reinjuring my foot. I began to incorporate other forms of training such as biking, swimming, and walking.

When you begin to be more disciplined in whatever areas in your life, you will have some challenges and setbacks along the way. The key is to persevere.

10 Ways to becoming more disciplined in any area:

1.      Set a goal for yourself. What do you want to improve? Ask the Lord for His help.

2.      Set your mind ahead of time that you will follow through even with setbacks and challenges.

3.      Have a support system for encouragement for those times that you may get discouraged.

4.      Set small, realistic goals after setting your large overall goal.

5.      Remove temptations. If you are trying to eat healthier, replace chips and cookies with healthier snacks.

6.      Do not wait until you “feel” like improving in an area. It will feel uncomfortable and awkward, but move past the feelings.

7.      Make sure to reward yourself when you are completing your short goals.

8.      You will have ups and downs, failures and success when changing, but keep going and become determined that you will succeed. You will have “off days,” but do not let that stop you.

9.      Try to have a consistent routine, this is particularly important if you are beginning an exercise program.

10.  Have a free day. You should have one day where you are not focused on your goal. This is the time to sit back and enjoy your progress.

The best quality to have when disciplining yourself to change is to be determined.

Determination is a quality that makes you continue trying to do or achieve something that is difficult.

Do you know that those who run in a race all run, but only one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may win. Everyone who competes in the games exercises self-control in all things. And everyone who competes for the prize is temperate in all things…But I discipline my body and bring it into subjection…1 Corinthians 9: 24-23 & 27

As the Apostle Paul discussed that we have to train like an athlete for our spiritual disciplines such as prayer, and reading the Bible. The most important discipline we can have is spiritual discipline, making the time for Jesus first. Before I run, I “run” to the Father. He comes first.

Counselor's Corner: How to Stress-Free During the Holidays

It’s that time of year again when the hustle and bustle of the holiday season is upon us. This time of year more people suffer from depressive episodes than at any other time of the year, usually brought on by stress, anxiety, and sadness. With Christmas just being a little more than a week away, I will share with you some things that can lessen your stress and improve your mental health.

The holidays can be stressful. Maybe you can relate. Have you suffered the loss of a loved one, recently been divorced, are you taking care of elderly parents, or maybe even a sick child?

Tips on how to stress-less this holiday season:

1.      Don’t try and keep up with everyone else’s spending and busyness. Do what you can do, and ask God what you should be involved in.

2.      Learn to say, “No.” Strike a balance with meeting needs of others and your needs. Set boundaries with difficult people. You don’t have to meet the demands of others. Do what is best for you family.

3.      Take care of yourself physically by exercising and getting rest when needed. Spiritually by spending daily time with God, and mentally by not complaining and speaking negative things over yourself and others.

4.      Be a blessing to someone else, or to several people.

5.      Pray for others who may be going through a difficult time, it can take your mind off your situation.

6.      Step away from all the craziness of the season and do something for yourself like, take a warm bubble bath or watch an old Christmas movie. Do something enjoyable.

7.      Start a gratitude list, and every day write out (5) things that you are thankful for. CHOOSE to focus on what you do have.

8.      Take it one day at a time. Do not project outcomes to situations before they happen.

9.      Let go of ALL guilt. Don’t place unrealistic expectations on yourself. Let go of expectations that you might have for others. Having unrealistic expectations for yourself and others can lead to disappointment and depression.

10.  Start a new tradition for your family, such as taking communion and reading the Christmas story from the Bible.

11.  Focus on the reason for the season. Keeps things in perspective.

12.  Try and not reminisce of how things were before, this can lead to discontentment; instead focus on what is good in your life now.

13.  If you have suffered a loss or have gone through something tragic, be gentle on yourself. Don’t compare yourself to others and what they are doing or what they have. This may mean getting off of Facebook and looking at everyone’s seemingly perfect life. This also may mean that you are not up to going to every Christmas program, party, or family event. Once again, DO WHAT YOU CAN DO and LET GO OF ALL GUILT.

What can you add to this list? Will you join me and share your ideas, it could help someone else, and please pass this on to others who need encouragement.

Need help with overcoming a negative mindset? Want to have a better attitude and start the New Year's off right?

MY NEW BOOK RELEASE TODAY. PLEASE CHECK IT OUT on AMAZON. THANK YOU IN ADVANCE. IF YOU WOULD WRITE A REVIEW FOR ME ON AMAZON I WOULD DONATE ONE FREE EMAIL COUNSELING SESSION TO BE REDEEMED AFTER 1/3/18.

COUNSELOR'S CORNER: Dealing with Loss and Pain During Christmas

I do not know how you cope during the holidays if you have had any losses or pain in your life, but I would recommend doing what you can do and don’t try to keep up with other’s. You will need extra rest and time alone with God to process your grief.

 Do not feel pressure to attend Christmas parties or programs. I recently had a Christmas program at my church, and I really wanted to go; but I was having a bad day and I did not feel that I could handle going. Why, you may ask? I knew I was already feeling a bit emotional and hearing certain Christmas songs would most likely make me sad and being around others who have family might also make me feel sad. I do what I can, and I no longer feel guilty when I cannot be and do what EVERYBODY else is doing. I have finally come to the realization that I am not able to do everything (even if other people will not understand).

The holidays can be a mix of emotions for people, it can bring out some of our fondest memories as well as our deepest pain. More people commit suicide this time of year more than any other year, and depression and anxiety are high around the holidays.

Acknowledge that you have pain, do not try and stuff it or hide it away. Bring your hurt to Jesus, and ask Him to bring you comfort and peace. Do not isolate yourself, BUT DO WHAT YOU CAN DO! If you can only handle having coffee with a friend verses going to the Christmas play at church, then do what will be best for you. Keep in the presence of the Lord by praying, praising Him, and reading the Word-this is the most important detail to keep you in perfect peace. Create new memories and traditions.

Keep in mind that you are not alone, there are others who lonely, sad, maybe depressed or anxious this time of year. Christ is our focus this time of year, it is our time to reflect on His birth. It is okay if you are not able to celebrate like others, ask the Lord what He should have you to do or not to do.

Do something you enjoy doing this Christmas! Take care of yourself if you are dealing with loss this Christmas season.

Jesus heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:13

My prayer for the hurting this time of year:

Father,

We come before you and ask that you touch each hurting heart and place your healing hands upon their hearts. Be with them through this joyous and sometimes painful time, bring them a comfort and a peace that can come only from you. Let their sleep be peaceful and restful, and fill them with your presence and angels at night. Father, touch each home that is affected my loneliness or grief, and embrace them tenderly. God you know every hurting person out there and you know their needs, please be real to them today and pour out your love in real and authentic ways. Jesus we love you, we need you, please bring your strength. Jesus may we celebrate your day with awe and wonder, and may our focus be upon you.

In your name Jesus, amen

Counselor's Corner: Having Realistic Expectations for Christmas

Christmas is about celebrating the birth of Jesus, but somehow we have tangled in there other expectations. If we kept the true meaning of Christmas at the center of our minds, we would not have any unrealistic expectations. But, we all do it, create in our minds the “perfect little Christmas.” Perhaps, we watch too many sappy Lifetime or Hallmark channel movies and begin fantasizing about having that awesome family or that spouse we have dreamed of. Every year at Christmas, I fall into the same trap of wanting everything to finally be right with my family, my child, and the list goes on and on. I want my home to be decorated with the most amazing lights and have homemade baked goods for all my neighbors. I want my family to be together and to get along. I want a normal family, you know the ones that are portrayed in those Norman Rockwell paintings. I want to be able to entertain and hosts all of my family without getting tired or frustrated with them. You get the picture, right?

But, you see I have my expectations for Christmas all wrong. I will always be disappointed at Christmas time if my hope is in the “perfect little Christmas” I see in the movies. Jesus was born in a stable, a messy stable with wild animals. Joseph and Mary could not even find somewhere to stay a night over. They had to travel long and far just to find a stable for Mary to give birth! I cannot imagine there being a huge Christmas dinner prepared for them when they got there, or even a hot shower to take. I am sure if I can imagine the stable they stayed in was probably dirty, smelly, and uncomfortable. I do not think Mary was the least bit concerned about having a perfect little Christmas, she was most concerned about bringing the Savior into the world. There were no Christmas lights, Christmas trees, or wrapped gifts under the tree, but somehow we believe this makes Christmas! What makes Christmas, is not any of these things or even our expectations for our families; but rejoicing in the birth of our Savior.

I believe many have forgotten what Christmas is really about. It is not about Santa, decorating with lights, or even gift buying. These things can be fun and can be included in Christmas, but when they become the main focus we are missing the purpose and meaning of Christmas. Christmas is not even about eating a big Christmas spread with your family. Anything other than celebrating the true meaning of Christmas will leave you disappointed and feeling unfulfilled.

Get rid of all your expectations for Christmas, the perfect family meal or gathering, making sure you give the best gifts, or having a spouse or children to celebrate with. Let us not buy into the false belief that people and things make Christmas. Jesus Christ’s birth makes Christmas, and if we are believers in Christ, then Christmas should be the most wonderful time for us. It is a celebration that God came into the world in human form so that we may know God’s love and plan for us. Do not be misled into believing that Christmas is about anything else.

For to us a child is born, to us a son is given; and the government shall be upon His shoulder, and His name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. Isaiah 9:6

Do you have any unrealistic expectations for Christmas? If so, what are they? How can you get back to keeping the true meaning of Christmas?