Healing From Co-Dependency

What is Co-Dependency?

Co-Dependency is a bondage to please other people. Co-Dependents allow another person’s behavior to affect them, and other people’s problems to become their problems. They look for ways to try and fix and solve other people’s problems. Co-dependents are by nature a helper and a “fixer.” They pick up the pieces in other people’s lives, and don’t allow them to suffer natural consequences of their decisions. Co-Dependents are plagued by false guilt and a false sense of responsibility for people. They get so enmeshed in other people’s problems that it exhausts them, and they often feel their “cup is empty.” They often feel used by others, and that their needs really don’t matter. Often the Co-Dependent feels alone and overwhelmed. Co-Dependents feel the “weight of the world” on their shoulders.

Who is Likely to be Co-Dependent?

·        Family of origin (the family that you were born into) that placed you in the role as the “fixer” in the family. A fixer is responsible for solving family problems and issues. The fixer has the answers and the solution.

·        Being in a relationship or have a family member that has an addiction issue.

·        Having a rebellious child, a prodigal child, or mentally-ill child.

·        Inability to say, “No” to others and difficulty setting boundaries with others.

·        Being a people pleaser and having a fear of displeasing man. Fear of letting others down and others being angry at you.

·        History of childhood trauma-abuse, domestic violence in the home, divorce, ill parent (either physical or mental).

·        Being involved in a relationship with an abusive partner as an adult.

Co-dependents try to fix, rescue, and help, but no matter how much they try they always end-up feeling like a failure. Co-dependents never feel they can do enough. Co-dependents can easily analyze other people’s problems, and give them a solution to their problems. Co-dependents feel responsible for making other people happy. Saying, “No” to a person’s need is almost impossible for the co-dependent, and especially if the co-dependent is a Christian. Co-dependent Christians fear they can’t measure up to the Christian responsibilities, and struggle with guilt when they don’t help others.

Co-dependents are often compassionate and tender-hearted people that carry the burdens of others. Instead of empathizing with you, the co-dependent will sympathize with you. They have a difficult time not taking on the hurt and pain of others. They often “feel” the pain of others. If you tell a co-dependent a problem they instinctively begin looking for how to solve your problem. They are by-nature problem-solvers, and many have been solving problems in their family since childhood. Co-dependents can be easily controlled by others and easily manipulated because of their tender nature and desire to help. Some people know this and will attempt to take advantage of the co-dependent’s good-nature.

Codependents do what they do to gain a sense of self-worth and to gain love and acceptance that many have been looking for since childhood. They are trying to fill a void and deep pain in their lives by helping others, than they will feel useful and important. If a co-dependent helps someone they feel elated, and if they fail to help someone, they will feel like a failure.

Key Factors to Consider When Healing From Co-Dependency:

Get a journal and begin to pray through each one of these questions. Take your time, and allow the Holy Spirit to reveal the cause of your Codependency and specific steps for your healing.

1.      What is the root/origin of your co-dependency? If you don’t know ask the Holy Spirit to show you. What was your “role” in your family of origin? Fixer, etc. Did you experience role-reversal as a child? In other words did you play the role of parent and your parent (s) played the role of the child?

2.      What are your motives for co-dependency? Fear of rejection, fear of failure, avoidance of pain, gain approval by others, feel a sense of worth.

3.      Who fuels your co-dependency? Why? How do these people make you feel when you don’t do what they want? Do they withdraw from you, manipulate you, and reject you.

4.      Do you have an exaggerated perception of life? Things and people are all good or all bad. You tend to see people and situations in black and white?

5.      Do you feel valuable and worthy when you help or rescue someone? Do you feel guilty when you can’t help someone?

6.      Do you feel guilty when you say, “No” to others or when you take care of yourself?

7.      Are your emotions dependent on the responses of others? Ex., if she is sad, I must have done something to hurt her, it is my fault she is sad.

8.      Do you feel responsible for making other’s happy, not just in your family?

9.      Have you taken the place of God in other people’s lives? If someone has a need, your response is, “I’ll meet it.” Do you prevent others from developing responsibility in their own lives? Co-dependents should let other’s do things for themselves, but often they step in.

10.  Do you put on a façade for other people to cover your pain? Do you have a hard time admitting your problems? Don’t feel like bothering anyone else with your needs?

11.  As a Christian, do you feel you can’t measure up to the high expectations of the Christian life?

12.  Do you feel you can gain worth by serving God? Do you plunge into activities and service for the hope of being recognized by others?

How to Start Healing From Co-Dependency:

1.      Recognize you didn’t get here overnight, and it will be a process of recovery.

2.      Find healthy Christians to be around, just don’t surround yourself with users, drainers, toxic, needy people, or other co-dependent people.  

3.      Detach from relationships as needed. Detach and pray, then when you are strong enough and God has allowed you to enter in the relationship again, than do so. This applies to family relationships, but friendships may be detached longer or permantely through the leading of Holy Spirit. Detachment always has the hope of reconciliation with that person, but if you feel you are relapsing into co-dependency and you reservoirs are on empty, it is okay to detach from a relationship for a time.

4.      When needs and problems come your way, don’t react and come up with a solution immediately. You can say to that person, “I need time to pray about that” or “I need God to direct me first before I make a decision.” Then go and pray before offering solutions, advice, help, or rescuing. Oftentimes, God does not want us to intervene because He is trying to work something out in their lives.

5.      Don’t assume that God wants you to rescue, help, and fix every problem that comes into your path, this can be especially difficult for the Christian. We are taught about servant hood and self-sacrifice and to put other’s needs ahead of our own. But God does not expect us to give on “empty,” and Jesus did not heal every sick person nor help every single person that came into His contact. We have to have discernment to know when God says “Step in,” and when He is leading us from not intervening.

6.      Don’t anticipate the needs of others. Listen to them and let them ask for help, but don’t offer up help that they are not asking for. A lot of the time people will tell you their woes hoping you will help, but it is better if they ask directly for the needs that they have. Even if they do ask for help, you can still say that you need to pray first and get back to them.

7.      Do not rescue compulsively. You will have to be on guard for this because you will be presented needs and you will want to rescue.

8.      Set limits in your life. Recognize and be aware what people in your life get you entangled in the trap of co-dependency.

9.      Start taking care of yourself. Do things that you enjoy. Keep your eyes focused on Jesus and not on other people’s issues. This can be a challenge for the co-dependent if you have been surrounded by needs, so this is where detachment for a time is important.

10.  Read and research all you can about co-dependency, preferably from a Christian perspective. A good online Christian Co-Dependent recovery program can be found at: www.christiancodependence.com

I’m No Longer a People-Pleaser!

Most people have an insecurity about saying, “No” to people and their requests. We do not want to let people down, or we do not want people think badly of us; which is another way to say we are people pleasers. Sometimes, we can, “Yes” to things that are not spirit-led.

As Christians, we often think a good request or act of service should be performed by us. 85% of what we do can be done by somebody else that means we often take more of a load than we should. That does not mean we do nothing, but often we “follow the crowd,” and are swayed by what others want from us. We look to other people to see what we should be doing. How about instead of following the crowd and being swayed by other people that you follow the guidance of the Holy Spirit and do and go where He wants. You will be surprised what God will take off your plate to lighten your load. But too often, we never ask God what He wants us to do, we instead listen to what others want from us or follow what others are doing.

When you follow Christ, your activities and schedules may not look like everyone else’s.

 You have to get comfortable that you may be different because you are not following what people want. So many times, people are involved in numerous activities, committees, and services because they have a need to be validated, get recognition, and prove their worth. In a lot of cases, these people end-up too busy to spend needed time being refreshed and renewed in the Father’s presence, and their cups run empty and they are doing from an “empty cup.” It is wise that we do not let our cups run empty going and doing “good works” that we forget our relationship with Jesus, our families, and taking care of ourselves. Yes, it may seem selfish to prioritize this way when others are in need and we have the answers and the time to help, but everything should be in balance. If your priorities are out of balance, you will be out of balance.

It is never wise to serve and extend yourself if you are empty and depleted.

Learning to tell others “No” is a step to finding your worth in Christ alone, and not based on what others think of you. Be aware that other people may not like you saying “No,” some may get offended, but your true friends and family will understand without pressure, guilt, coercion, or manipulation. We should all give each other the freedom to make choices that are best for us.

Everyone has boundaries but not everyone implements them. Some people have a need to always be doing and going, and expect everyone else to do the same. However, we are not built like one another, and some cannot go at the pace and speed of others. In our Western culture we have more heart disease and stress as a country as a whole compared to others, because we are always striving to keep up, get more, and we do not know how to rest and be still.

Resting brings peace and with rest and stillness it opens you more to hearing the voice of God.

So many people say they cannot hear God, and it is because they cannot get still enough. Most of the time their cell phones, iPads, or other electronic device keeps them distracted. Let’s not follow everyone else and what they are doing, but let us take time to step away from the crowds and distractions to hear the voice of the Lord.

Reflection Questions:

1.      Do you say, “Yes” to other’s request for fear of letting them down? Fear of losing their approval? Or fear they will be upset with you?

2.      Are you a God-pleaser or a people-pleaser? Do you pray before giving someone an answer to their request? (It is okay to say, “I need to pray about that; let me get back to you.”)

3.      Do you follow what everybody else is doing or do you follow the leading of the Holy Spirit? (An example would be, everyone at your church just signed up for a class, you don’t pray about whether God wants you there, you sign up because you feel like you should do what everyone else is doing).

4.      Do you lack boundaries? Do you have insecurity/lack of confidence? (These questions will give you insight why you may have difficulty saying “No.”). Ask the Holy Spirit to show you why you may have difficulty saying “No.”

Let’s look at some truths:

1.      You cannot do and be what everybody else wants. Your confidence comes from Christ, not what you do or who you can please. Always pray and seek God before committing yourself to something, even if it seems good. You do not have to give somebody an answer immediately, they can wait!

2.      It is okay to say “No, “and not feel bad. We are all created differently and have different needs. Some good responses are: “ Now is not a good time, I need to pray about that and get back with you, I need to pray first, No, thank you, or maybe another time.” In doing this, you are setting boundaries with others. If you do not set boundaries with others, you could end up exhausted, overwhelmed, and taken advantage of.

3.      It is okay to not sign-up, join, or attend every activity at church, with friends, or with family. The key is not copy what others are doing, and be God-led.

4.      It is also okay to say “No” to company and surprise visits by others. It is okay to say “No” to company that wants to drop in unexpectedly or without much notice. Do not feel bad if you need to say “No.” You may need rest, time alone with God and your family, or you may need extra time to prepare, and all is okay. Do not compare yourself to someone who could at the “drop of a hat” be ready for unexpected company. If God gives you the grace, strength and peace for company then you know and you will have it, if not it is not going to be fun for you or them.

If you feel pressure, guilt, condemnation, or manipulation from others to conform to what they want from you, then it is time to set some clear boundaries, and possibly some consequences if that type of behavior continues. A consequence could be separating yourself for a time or not engaging frequently with ones who would invade your boundaries.

People who lack boundaries do not care if they take your time and energy, so you must protect your boundaries and be able to tell others “No,” and be okay with that.

Encouragement as you Wait on the Lord

So many of God’s people have grown weary and are tired of waiting for answered prayers and promises to be fulfilled. You may have experienced trial after trial in your life and you are exhausted; maybe even lost your faith. Perhaps you have begun to doubt God and His promises and plans for your life. Let’s get honest, we all go through those times. We may wonder where God is in all of this and if He has heard my prayers.

There is a battle raging like never before, and the enemy would love you to believe all his lies and deceptions. The war is on and a sifting is occurring among God’s people. Remain steadfast and remain faithful even if you can’t see what is ahead. God is coming; He has not forgotten His people.

Renew your commitment to Christ today. Though you may be wondering what is going on, don’t despair; help is coming! Remove any and all distractions that are keeping you from your relationship with Christ. Seek Him once again and expect that He will act on your behalf. If you have been waiting months or even years for something; keep waiting! But wait in expectation of God’s promises. Your only other choice to is step subtlety in the enemy’s camp. Once the enemy pulls you in he will destroy everything you know and believe about Christ. Do not be deceived there is a battle going on, and it is to take the people of God out of the Kingdom of light.

The enemy will use your circumstances, trials, and times of waiting to destroy what you believe about Christ.

God has not forgotten you. He knows you intimately and He is passionate about you. He sees your desires and even knows your deepest longings. God does love you and wants nothing more than for you to trust Him. When you trust Him the wait gets easier. Waiting on the Lord is expecting that the promises of strength will help you rise above life’s circumstances. Be patient people of the Most High God; Jesus is coming. God is not here to fulfill every desire and longing we have but to reconcile us to Him and to bring others into His glorious reign. Our lives are not our own; but His.

Have you not known?

Have you not heard?

The everlasting God, the Lord,

The creator of the ends of the earth,

Neither faints or grows weary.

His understanding is unsearchable.

He gives power to the weak,

And to those who have no might He increases strength.

Even the youths shall faint and grow weary,

And the young men shall utterly fall,

But those who wait on the Lord

Shall renew their strength;

They shall mount up with the wings of eagles,

They shall run and not grow weary,

They shall walk and not faint.

Isaiah 40:28-31

Reflection: What do you need to lay down today (unmet expectations, desires) and then ask God to renew your strength. Ask God to prepare you to align your desires with His desires and to want what He wants for your life. It is His desire to bring you good gifts, but not to fulfill all our desires of the flesh.

Word of Encouragement

Some days are just easier than others. There are days when I seem to "fly" out of bed,and other days I don't want to get up at all. I began to ponder this morning of why that is. Perhaps we have not connected to our source of strength (Jesus Christ), like we should. I know for me personally when I have not truly plugged into time with God, I tend to not function as well. I have had a busy couple of weeks and have not truly just sat at  Jesus' feet and listened to His still small voice. Why you may ask? I have been distracted with my "to-do list." I do spend a little time praying and reading the Word, but I have not stopped in a long time to just sit before Jesus and wait for Him to speak. 

My thought is, "How can I stop and wait to hear the Lord when there is so much to be done and so little time." BUT, how can I not!

I encourage you to make the time to sit at Jesus' feet today and drown out all the distractions that come. You will have to actively tune-out the distractions, because they will come. Stop today and go and be with the Father. He is calling you today to be beside Him so that He can give you direction, guidance and to pour out His love upon you. 

What Does it Mean to Truly Surrender

Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines surrender as: to give oneself up into the power of another; to yield. Yield can be defined as: to give up possession of on claim or demand.

So many people truly never fully surrender their lives to Christ. They hold on to their desires, their expectations, and their control. Control is a lot harder to give up if you live in fear and circumstances are too be controlled and heavily monitored. We may even try and control the outcomes of certain events because allowing God to have His way maybe too vulnerable or even scary for us. We want certainty at all costs, since we live in an unpredictable world and our lives may have been a series of things we could not mange or control.

Fully surrender to Christ also means that Christ is trusted even if we can’t figure out the outcomes or even see the solution to our problems.

You may have control issues if you have been hurt or have endured series of trials that have damaged your soul. Life may seem so unpredictable to you and downright scary at times. You fear the worst case scenarios because in your eyes you have seen and experienced devastating circumstances in your life and the life’s of those you loved.

Are you going God’s way and letting go of control and surrendering or you going your own way?

Control freaks have a hard time fully surrendering and letting go. Fear is usually the culprit and the unknowns and uncertainties of life are too unbearable. We believe, as control freaks, that we can at least somewhat, manage and control our lives and everyone else’s. We believe that total surrender may involve vulnerability and trust at all costs and those are too risky for us.

There are many reasons people have trouble with fully surrendering their lives to Christ. Sometimes it is difficult to trust what you can’t see, or you feel like if you don’t take over every aspect of your life and everyone else’s that the consequences of not controlling and intervening will be severe. Control freaks play the “what if” game all too often. An example would be, “What if I don’t step in to help my sister again, what will happen, will God step in?” Most of the time, control freaks would say to that question, “I am not sure what God will do if He steps in or chooses not to step in, and I might not can handle His ways so I will step in and take control.” In a way we play God and we believe our outcomes and ways are better and are more sufficient to meeting our own needs and the needs of others.

We may not like the way our life is turning out or has turned out, so we try and get certain things to line-up the way we would want them too. We are not truly satisfied with what God is doing, so we take over. We take over our families, and sometimes friendships and complete strangers at times. All because we want our certain outcome to happen.

What would happen if we truly let go and surrendered? What if we could completely trust God that if He chooses not to give us what we believe we want or if He chooses to handle our families the way He sees fit. Is it possible we are getting in the way of our own freedom and getting in the way of our families deliverance? We don’t want our family and friends to go through consequences and pain so we step in and rescue them, but what if God wants them surrendered to Him so that He can work in their lives. Perhaps you should get to the roots of why you keep stepping in to help others, or even the reasons you cannot fully surrender your life. Maybe you had a blueprint for your life and it is not turning out like your blueprint that you had in your mind. Perhaps you are even fighting against God’s plans for you because you will not let go.

Are you ready to surrender your life, your family? Are you ready to trust God’s ways are better than your ways? Are you ready to stop living in fear of the “what if’s?”

Surrender starts when you can truly say,” Not my will be done but your will Lord.”

Why I have had a Hard Time with False Guilt

I have always wanted to please others and do whatever was necessary to avoid conflict. My family has been quit unhealthy since as far back as I can remember. I knew from an early age that I wanted better for my life and the constant barrage of conflicts and confusion that stemmed from addictions in my family and various mental illnesses. I was desperate to be different, but I did not know how to be. I was always searching for the next thing to make me better, but nothing seemed to last. Sure, I tried to manage and cope with life through various addictions as my family had, but I got sick and tired of that lifestyle. I was not taught about having a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, but God sent a minister into my path to show me God’s love. I rejected the “message” at first, but I was desperate because I had been to “hell and back.” I eventually turned my heart to God and ask Jesus to be my Savior. Fast forward, 17 years later and I am out of that deep, dark pit that I was in, but my family has chosen to stay there. I want them out, because I know the life that God given me, and I want them to have what I have.

I had developed false guilt because I tried and tried to step-in and help my family, only to come away feeling like I never do enough. It seemed no matter what I would do for them, they needed more and more. I felt a false duty to do whatever I needed to “get them to Christ,” but as a result I began having an overactive conscience and never could rest. I was always trying to figure out how I could help them. I began doing things for my family out of guilt and family obligation, because that’s “what family’s do.”

If you have endured false guilt, then you know that it causes you to be worn-out. Always trying to please others and get their approval, because you want to make others happy. The mission for someone who suffers from false guilt is proving their worthiness to others-you will love me if I do __________. You never know if you measure to the standards of others, so you live with a lot of uncertainty. Thus, you try harder to win their approval, but you don’t and the cycle continues.

The bottom line is that I feared losing those relationships that caused me to act out of guilt, because then I would know that I was unworthy, unacceptable and rejected. Not only do I not want someone to be mad at me, but I am a natural-born “rescuer.” This combination can be a breeding ground for developing a false sense of guilt. If I hear or see a need, then I automatically assume that it is there for me to pick up, and if I don’t I can hear very negative messages about myself. What I am learning through all of this, is that when God wants you to intervene you will not struggle with heavy guilt, and you won’t have to figure-out how to solve the problem. There will be an inner “knowing” or nudging inside when you are supposed to help. When the enemy is involved he sends waves of pressure like, “You should be helping.” You will also hear condemning messages such as,” What kind of daughter are you not to intervene, its family and that is what you do.”

Condemnation always comes from the enemy. If the Lord is not in something and you pick it up anyways, there will be no active solution. For instance, you were asked to help in a situation with a family member but you did not have God’s peace but because it is family you tried to step-in only to be met with frustration after frustration concerning their problem. Yes, we are supposed to help and encourage others, but when we REPEATEDLY offer our energy and resources to ones who are not getting it in hopes that “this time will help,” we can carry heavy loads of false guilt on our shoulders. It is amazing how certain people know what to say to get you to do what they want, but if you rely on the leading of the Holy Spirit instead of emotions you will know what you are supposed to do. Take time and step away and pray first, the enemy is in the business of making you rush and feel hurried to give an answer immediately, others can make you feel it is an emergency when in fact it is not. Feeling hurried, pressured and confused are great indicators that God does not want you involved. If you have to conjure up the solution yourself to someone else’s problem after racking your brain for days, chances are God is not in it. God gives the solution, He does not leave you empty-handed grasping for solutions-He is the solution! 

God always makes a way, and if we are trying to solve problems for our families or other relationships we can end up anxious, fearful, depressed, sick, and exhausted. Why? Because God maybe trying to get that person to turn to Him, instead of you to fix their problems. When God has something for you to do, there is no guilt, heaviness, or burdens attached to it. You just know deep down inside what you need to do, but when the enemy sets you up to get entangled in others problems that God did not call you to-be careful because you can easily be deceived and enmeshed.

There is freedom from false guilt, and it starts with acknowledging the “roots” of why we do what we do? Lack of trust towards God, people approval, fear of rejection. Then acknowledging what is sin and confessing it to the Lord and asking Jesus to deliver us from false guilt.

What Does it Mean to be Emotionally Bankrupt?

Bankrupt means that you lack something. To be emotionally bankrupt means that you have given out to others and need to be refilled back up, or it can refer to going through multiple stressful events and you feel emotionally exhausted. Either situation, you are emotionally bankrupt. Is it wise to continue the pace you are going if you are depleted? No, it is not. It is time to pull back from what is causing this deficit in your life, or if you are surrounded by continual stressors in your life; you still need to find some time to get alone with yourself and God.

If you are empty inside you cannot truly help others, and you could possible hurt yourself or the one you are trying to help. Sometimes, we have to let God pour into our “empty cups,” again. If you are in ministry, have dysfunctional, unhealthy family, or are in a helping profession, there will be times you will need refreshing and time alone with God. It is not only okay to do so, but healthy emotionally, physically, and spiritually. There must be balance in your life to maintain health. If you are pouring out to others all the time, and never take time to get filled back up; all of your energy will be consumed. If you are not hearing from the Lord, you could possibly be operating in your flesh and not the Spirit of God.

What are some signs of being emotionally bankrupt?

1.      Exhaustion, tired more than you feel rested.

2.      Irritable, easily frustrated or provoked.

3.      Easily offended.

4.      Discouraged and possibly depressed.

5.      Anxious and worried.

6.      Forgetful.

7.      Feel physically worn-down, and weakened immune system.

8.      Cannot settle down, mind is racing constantly.

9.      Difficulty sleeping at night or wanting to sleep more.

10.  Lack of peace and joy.

11.  Not interested in activities with others. May even isolate.

What can you do if you are emotionally bankrupt?

1.      Rest when needed.

2.      Refresh with time alone with God.

3.      Read from the book of Psalms in the Bible when you need to recharge.

4.      Refocus on the things of God, not the circumstances.

5.      Reexamine the things in your life that are causing constant stress.

6.      Reach out to someone you can trust and allow them to pray for you.

7.      Reconsider cutting down or back the things that are unhealthy in your life.

8.      Renew your mind. Take every thought captive. Don’t allow your mind to be used as a garbage dump by the enemy during stressful times.

9.      Rejuvenate by taking warm baths to relax tired muscles.

10.  Relax and do something just for you; have fun.

11.  Recharge your body by eating healthy when we you can, staying away from foods that will deplete your energy, drinking green tea (has lots of antioxidants), walking, and taking a multi-vitamin.

There remains therefore a rest for the people of God. For he who has entered His rest has himself also ceased from his works as God did from His. Hebrews 4:9-10

Fear Not!

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified of them, for the Lord your God goes with you, He will never leave or forsake you. Deuteronomy 31:6

God tells us in the Bible more than 100 times, “Do not be afraid.” Yet, there are times we are plagued by fear. Fear can be paralyzing, and is often a by-product of worry and anxiety. There is an acronym many have used for fear: False Evidence Appearing Real. The enemy magnifies the circumstances in our lives, and whispers to us, “What if…?” We then start to play-out in our minds all the scenarios that “could” happen. Before long, we are anxious, worried and fearful. This can cause us to step out of trusting God and begin living in fear instead of faith. As humans, we fear what we do not know and what we cannot control.

Merriam-Webster dictionary defines fear as: to be afraid of something or someone. To expect or worry about something bad or unpleasant. Synonymous for fear: worry, fret, trouble, stress, and bother. We can fear what will happen to us, our future, change, failure, rejection, the unknown, and people. No matter how fear presents itself, it is a tool of the enemy. Fear can cause you to stop serving God, forming relationships, moving forward, and living in freedom.

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10

We need not to fear because God is with us, God has established a relationship with us, and God gives us assurance of His salvation, strength, help, and victory over sin and death. Fear will come, but we do not have to give in to it. We can either worry or resist the fear, putting our trust in Him. God says He leaves His peace with us-“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” John 14:27

God desires us to be strong and very courageous, not weak and overcome by life. We have the victory and the power in Christ to defeat the spirit of fear. God does not give us a spirit of fear-For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, and love and a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7

Cast your care on the Lord and He will sustain you. Psalm 55:22

Mediate and read aloud daily these scriptures in this article and Psalm 91 for overcoming fear.

Prayer for overcoming fear:

Lord, I ask you would strengthen your people and give them courage. We ask that you would bind the spirit of fear in the name of Jesus Christ over our lives. Help us not to fear, but to trust you, God always. In Jesus name, amen.

How to Know the Voice of God and When Satan Speaks

God’s voice is not the only voice that speaks to us. There are times we will hear God’s voice, the voice of demons, and even our own flesh speaking to us.

How can we know who is speaking to us?

We can know when God is speaking to us. 

His voice is that still, small voice that you hear in your inner man. The voice of God bears witness in our spirits, and we usually have an immediate peace. His voice is encouraging and it draws us closer to Him. God does not speak condemning thoughts to us, but leads us gently to repentance. When He shows us a problem area or sin in our lives it is always for our good, and it never brings hopelessness or despair.

My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they will follow Me. John 10:27

God gives clear-cut directions, but satan speaks through confusion, urgency and uncertainty. 

God usually speaks to us when we are actively seeking Him. Satan speaks to us intrusively and obsessively. We can feel backed into a corner when we hear satan’s voice, and a sense of urgency over a situation. His voice pushes you into being impulsive.

 If God is speaking to us we can verify it through His scriptures. 

When the enemy speaks to us, it comes in half-truths and lies and cannot be backed-up in the Word of God. God speaks to our spirit which is the center of our worship and communication with Jesus. When God speaks we can discern it deep within our spirit. Satan speaks to our soul, the seat of our emotions, will, and intellect. His voice is loud, demanding and it does not bring a sense of calmness nor peace, but fear, anxiety, and worry. Demons can manipulate our emotions by influencing our thoughts. Thoughts precede behavior or emotions. People act out their actions only after a thought about it first. The voice of the enemy makes you feel guilty and you can be perplexed by thoughts like, “I should have done this or that.”

The enemy will even speak through other people to influence you. 

Learn to discern when someone is speaking to you, where their thoughts are originating from. The enemy can disguise, manipulate, and deceive. Even if someone is flattering you, though it sounds nice to your flesh, go deeper, and ask God, “Is this flattery speaking to me to manipulate me in any way?” The enemy can be clever how he speaks to us. Being in God’s presence and reading His Word will help you be able to discern the different voices that speak to you.

Thoughts of failure are always demonic in nature.

Satan usually magnifies a problem and tell us we are responsible for figuring out how to solve that problem, hence, this brings incredible restlessness in our minds. Satan will place thoughts in our minds that we are responsible for solving whatever problems come our way. This brings tremendous guilt, heaviness, and stress. If we entertain these vain imaginations, we lose our peace and joy.

God leads gently, but satan pushes. God’s thoughts are calming to us and we feel equipped and empowered to do what He is saying to us. The enemy shows us problems to overwhelm us and gives us no way out of them.

We must TEST every single thought that comes into our minds.

One of the greatest footholds demons have is being able to plant thoughts into your mind. It is common for demons to speak to you in the first person. They frequently use “I” instead of “You.” You may hear a thought in your mind like, “I am such a failure,” because the voice is in the first person, you assume it is your thoughts and believe you suffer from low self-esteem. At this point, the original thought you heard was from the enemy, but because you did not take that thought captive to Christ your mind or flesh agrees with the demonic thought. The voice of your flesh usually responds to your circumstances or agrees with satan’s thoughts, especially if given in the first person. Fleshly thoughts do not bring the peace that comes from God’s voice, and often can lead us into sin. For example, my flesh is feeling tired and while I am at the supermarket someone accidently pushes me. I have a thought in my flesh, “That made me so angry.” If I do not see that thought as a fleshy thought and submit it to Christ, my mind is open to being attacked by demonic thoughts. A possible scenario that could happen after not taking this fleshly thought captive is the enemy pounces on this opportunity to plant his thoughts, such as, “You have every right to be angry, give her a dirty look and make her wish she never ran into you.”

Recognize that ungodly thoughts will come into your mind, but CHOOSE to give the thoughts over to God immediately. If you mull over or entertain these ungodly thoughts it will eventually stir-up self-centered feelings which could lead you into sin, and eventually you will begin to act out of our unbalanced emotions created by ungodly thoughts. This is exactly what the enemy wants for us.

There are thoughts that are continually running through your mind, but not all are coming from God. When God speaks problems have a resolution, sin is forgiven, peace calms the storms around us, and our focus is on how big God is not how big our issues are. When the enemy speaks problems are magnified, fear grips us, we act impulsively, situations around us seem urgent, we are burdened, overwhelmed, guilt-ridden, and feel responsible for solving our own problems.