9 Reasons to Change your Attitude

Did you know that attitudes are important to God?

Attitudes are usually formed through our interactions with others and our reactions to our circumstances. An attitude is a pattern of thinking formed over a long period of time. God holds each one of us responsible for our attitudes, not what others did to us. You always have a choice in how you react to what happens in your life. If your family or friends or negative, you do not have to react to their negativity. If someone does something upsetting, you can chose to remain calm and in control. A bad attitude about life and others can lead to complaining, murmuring, fault-finding, thanklessness, criticism, joylessness, lack of peace, and discontentment.

To change your attitude you have to change your beliefs. The main cause of a bad attitude is wrong beliefs about life.

Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the lest of human freedoms to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.

~Victor Frankl, Holocaust survivor

Why do I need to change my attitude?

1.      People with a positive attitude tend to enjoy life more and are generally happier.

2.      Negative attitudes affects others. No one wants to be around a negative person. Negative attitudes can ruin relationships.

3.      Negative attitudes produces negative circumstances. If we think negatively about a situation or person, eventually we will give power to those thoughts.

4.      Maintaining a negative attitude will drain you of physical energy. Becoming angry, upset, or frustrated can release negative emotions that can cause tiredness and a weak immune system. Chronic stress from negative attitudes disrupts the body’s hormone balance and depletes the brain chemicals responsible for feel-good emotions.

5.      A positive attitude helps you to be an overcomer when the adversities of life come.

6.      Having a poor attitude will cause you to look at life from the perspective of “the glass half empty.” This can cause you to point out the negatives in situations instead of trying to find the positives.

7.      A person with a negative attitude blames others for their difficulties, and they wallow in self-pity. A victim mentality will develop in people if they do not take responsibility for their own lives.

8.      A positive attitude is infectious, but a negative attitude can be contagious. Be careful who you are spending your time with. Too much time with a pessimistic person can affect your outlook on life. Being around encouraging and uplifting people with good attitudes brings a boost to your outlook in life.

9.      A positive attitude will reduce negative emotions, and help you recover from negative experiences quicker like trauma and loss.

Changing your attitude takes time!

Don’t give up the first day or weeks if you are trying to change your attitude. A new habit can take anywhere from 30-60 days to form, and sometimes even longer.

To get you started on having a better attitude:

1.      Focus on your strengths more than your weaknesses.

2.      Daily list or say verbally at least five things that you are thankful for-cultivate a heart of gratitude.

3.      Find the positives in negative or difficult circumstances-reframe your thoughts such as, “winter is not my favorite season, but I can look forward to cozy nights at home with the fireplace going.”

4.      Create a morning ritual that is infuses a positive outlook such as reciting your favorite scripture or exercising to release feel-good endorphins.

5.      Monitor what you watch on TV, computer, or what you read-garbage in garbage out.

6.      Stop negative thought immediately. Negative thoughts will come and in the beginning of change you may even have an increase in negative thoughts. Replace those negative thought immediately with the truth in God’s Word.

7.      To maintain a positive attitude take time to recharge your batteries and do things that you enjoy.

You can CHOOSE your attitude! When something happens in your life that is unpleasant, you can choose whether it’s a positive or negative experience.

It is not what happens to us in life, but how we react to what happens to us that will determine our attitude.

Keeping a good attitude starts first with our thoughts.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. Philippians 4:8

What areas from your life can you identify with having a good attitude or a negative attitude?

Tips for Improving Your Mental Health

When we think of New Year’s resolutions, usually it is to improve our physical health, however, maintaining good mental and emotional habits are just as important. If you have had a challenging year in 2015, it is time to reevaluate why and what you can do differently for 2016. Being mentally healthy means that you have a sense of wellbeing, you are able to function with everyday life and meet challenges in confidence.

Risk factors that can compromise your emotional health:

1.                  Poor connection/attachment to your primary caregiver early in life.

2.                  Childhood trauma and/or early losses through death, divorce, etc.

3.                  Learned helplessness. Believing that you are helpless and can do little to change your situations.

4.                  Physical illness that is long-term or debilitating.

5.                  Substance abuse. This can lead to initially having a release of “feel good” chemicals, but the long-term effects of chronic use can deplete these chemicals.

All of these risk factors can be counteracted with protective factors. There are steps that you can take to improve your emotional wellbeing. Your brain can actually manufacture its own “feel good” chemicals, called endorphins.

In addition to exercise, endorphins can be released naturally by:

1.      Eating chocolate, but choose dark chocolate. Chocolate contains the endorphin anandamide, which helps you relax. Eat (1) 4oz. piece daily.

2.      Find ways to laugh. The act of laughing helps you feel good instantly.

3.      Smiling, but only a true smile will do.

4.      Eating spicy foods.

5.      Thinking positive, and limiting unhealthy mental habits like worrying. Negative thoughts drain your energy and trigger feelings of anxiety, fear, and depression.

6.      Exposure to 10-15 minutes of daily sunlight.

7.      Use all of your senses. View beautiful artwork, listen to your favorite music, smell your favorite scents, or walk barefoot.

8.      Interacting with others that are healthy and positive for you.

9.      Engage in creative work, such as painting, building, gardening, or writing.

10.  Take time to enjoy life and do things that simulate you such as a walk in the park, going to the movies, or reading a book.

11.  Volunteer or be active in your community/church.

12.  Rest and refresh. Sleep restores your mind as well as your body. However, feelings of fatigue will set in if you are constantly rushed and overwhelmed. Allow yourself to have unfocused time each day to refresh.

People who are emotionally healthy are in control of their emotions.

Ask yourself these following questions to see if you need a boost in your emotional health?

1.      Do you have a sense of contentment?

2.      Are you able to enjoy life, have times of fun and relaxation, and not take life so seriously?

3.      Can you bounce back from setbacks/difficulties fairly quickly?

4.      Do you have meaning and purpose in your life?

5.      Are your relationships healthy? And do you have times of social interaction with them?

6.      Are you flexible with change?

7.      Do you have a balance of work, play, rest, and time with God?

8.      Do you think positive about yourself?

If you answered yes to most of the questions above, you can more readily cope when faced with life’s challenges and stresses. Being emotionally and mentally healthy does not mean that you will never go through tough times or experience emotional problems. We can still at times feel sadness, anxiety and stress. The difference is your ability to bounce back after adversity, and not remain stuck in the hardships. This ability is called resilience. People who have resilience have “tools” for coping in difficult times. They are able to stay focused, flexible, and maintain a good outlook.

Are you ready for a healthier mental/emotional you for 2016? Let me know about it.

John 14:27 “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts by troubled, and do not let them be afraid.”

How to Discern the Voice of God

We are bombarded daily with thoughts that come into our minds, but how can we know when it is God speaking to us?

Comparisons of God’s voice and the enemy’s voice:

·        God speaks in a still, small voice.

The enemy speaks loudly, intrusively, and obsessively.

·        God’s voice is heard through our spirit or deep within us.

The enemy’s voice is heard through our soul or our mind, will, emotions, and intellect.

·        God leads gently.

The enemy leads with urgency and impulsiveness.

·        God’s voice brings peace.

The enemy’s voice brings confusion, anxiousness, and worry.

           

·        God directs us to repentance that brings restoration and hope.

The enemy speaks condemnation and hopelessness over our sin and weakness.

·        God gives clear direction.

The enemy speaks a problem to us but does not show how to solve or rectify the problem.

·        God speaks life to us and things that bring life.

The enemy speaks destruction, discouragement, despair, defeat, and death.

·        What God speaks to us can be verified in scripture.

The enemy speaks half-truths and lies that cannot be supported by God’s Word.

·        When God speaks we always see a way out of our problems or circumstances.

When the enemy speaks he brings pressure and we feel backed into a corner.

·        When God speaks to us we will be encouraged, inspired, and motivated.

When the enemy speaks we feel burdened, weighed down, and lack creativity.

God speaks to our spirits, deep within us, but when the enemy speaks we can hear that voice in our minds or our souls. Have you ever had an intrusive thought just pop up in your mind? Next thing you know you are obsessing over that thought. That thought originated in your mind or soul, not in your spirit and most likely if you feed that thought by coming into agreement with it, you will lose your peace and joy.

When thoughts are put into our minds by the enemy and they are not submitted to Christ and we mull over them and entertain those thoughts, we can feel pretty emotionally unbalanced. If the enemy can get us to believe the thoughts that he sends us, we will eventually begin to act on these thoughts.

►Thoughts precede emotions (behavior). If the enemy can get you to think his thoughts, it will not be long before you begin acting them out.

Discipline your mind to take every thought captive and submit them to Christ immediately. Not every thought that comes into your mind is good or from God. The battlefield is in the mind. You can CHOOSE the thoughts that come into your mind, but you must know where those thoughts have originated from. It is almost like you need a filing system in your mind. Here is how it goes:

►Filing system for your thoughts.

When a thought comes into your mind, immediately check it. Does it sound like it is coming from God? If you are unsure, go back and review the above checklist for knowing God’s voice. If the thought is from God, keep it in your mind and then store it in your “filing system,” to bring back later to encourage you and remind you of what God spoke to you. Keep in mind that God does discipline us when we need it, BUT you will never feel condemned or that your sin is just too great for God to forgive. God makes our sins aware to us and areas that need to be discarded to restore and heal us.

If you have a thought that is causing you to worry, stress, fear, doubt, bringing temptation, condemnation, discouragement, despair, defeat, or any other negative, death-producing thought; immediately submit it to Christ. Do not “file” that thought in your mind or store it for later to mull over. DELETE.DELETE.DELETE. Then REPLACE and mediate upon what God says. Don’t just have an “empty file system” in your mind, you must not have a passive mind. A passive mind that does not think good thoughts and thoughts of God is an open area for the enemy to place his thoughts into your mind.

Think of your thoughts as a filing system that has to be maintained, with thoughts that you will file and store for later, and thoughts you will not file and store away for later use. Some thoughts are useful to us, and others must be discarded immediately.

Our flesh has thoughts as well. Let’s face it, our flesh is weak and it wants what it wants. We can hear our flesh speaking through our minds. All fleshly thoughts must also be brought under submission to Christ. Why? Because our flesh may not totally sanctified and our flesh can be weak. The devil does not always make us sin, sometimes our flesh wants what it wants. There can be an open door to the enemy’s thoughts and suggestions even more if we are not taking our fleshly thoughts captive. Fleshy thoughts can be those areas of addiction, sexual immorality, greed, lust, and perversion.

God speaks life and you will feel hopeful, peaceful, forgiven, more than a conqueror, loved, valuable, motivated, creative, inspired, encouraged, uplifted, strong, confident, equipped, empowered, and worthy.

My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me. John 10:27

How to Effectively Handle Adjustments and Major Transitions

Adjustments and major transitions can be difficult, especially if you have problems with control. If something changes and you have an issue with control you can be easily side-swiped. It is important to take it one day at a time. You can’t say you will go here or do this tomorrow for certain because you do not know what will happen. We have to make adjustments and transitions they will go a lot smoother if we realize that we have to hold our plans loosely and be ready for change.

A definition from Wikipedia.com for adjustment is regulating, adapting or settling in a variety of contexts. If you are not able to adjust easily to transitions and changes it will create disequilibrium and unbalance in your mind, body, and spirit. You will begin to feel stress in all of these areas. When an adjustment needs to be made, in the beginning you may feel some stress, but then you need to enter into the flow of the Spirit of God. That means seizing all control and outcomes of the situation and trusting that God has a plan and He will work it out for you good. It means stop trying to figure out why and instead remaining calm and peaceful. Sometimes adjustment periods can take a while to work out. For instance if you have a step family, or your teenage daughter is pregnant and needs help, or even divorce. All are considered a crisis and all can pose a threat to our well-being. Under stress our bodies will either fight or flight, that means stay and fight or run away. Fight or flight usually seen in stressful or threatening circumstances. There may be a time to run, but from what I know of God He does not want us to stay running He wants us to rest and get up and fight.

Taking it one day at a time is the only way to stay and fight in your situation. If you decide to stay and fight you cannot project tomorrows fears and concerns. God gives you grace for each day, not stored up grace. So if you are living out on tomorrow’s grace, you will not survive the adjustment and transition period.

With any adjustment or major transition, eventually you will adapt and begin to learn new coping skills. It is amazing how God created us to cope and adapt in the most stressful of situations. So no matter what you are adjusting to, know that it is not permanent. Get up today, stop wallowing and having pity parties and say, “This too shall pass.” Nothing in life is ever permanent. As the seasons change, so does our lives. There is a season for everything. Though it may be painful and dark today, tomorrow is new and full of possibilities.

Rest in your adjustments and transitions. Hasah, is Hebrew for trust. It means taking refuge in God. Batah, means to have confidence in.

Hasah Batah, Trust, take refuge and have confidence in God.

And now I have a word for you who brashly announce, “Today, at the latest, tomorrow, we’re off to such and such a city for the year. We’re going to start a business and make a lot of money.” You don’t know the first thing about tomorrow. You’re nothing but a wisp of fog, catching a brief bit of sun before disappearing. Instead, make it a habit to say, “If the Master wills and we’re still alive, we’ll do this or that.”

James 4:13-15, Message

To order a copy of the author’s book, Wilderness Mentality Stop Your Stinkin’ Thinkin’ click on the link: 

Managing Stress in Healthy Ways

Between 75-90% of all doctor’s visits are stress-related. Stress comes in a variety of symptoms, ailments, and conditions. Stress can affect you spiritually, physically, and emotionally. There are many things in life to cause us to feel stress and anxious. Chronic stress can complicate matters and can lead to burn-out and Adrenal Fatigue.

The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines stress as a state of mental tension and worry caused by problems in your life, work, etc.; something that causes strong feelings of worry and anxiety; a physical, chemical factor that causes bodily or mental tension and may be a factor in disease causation.

What happens to our bodies under stress:

1.     Cortisol mediates various metabolic processes. Cortisol levels can be elevated if we are under physical or psychological stress.

2.    Immune system can weaken and you can become more susceptible to colds and flus.

3.      Have difficulty falling or staying asleep.

4.      Bouts of irritability, anger, and easily frustrated/annoyed.

5.      Fatigue and don’t feel like you got a restful night’s sleep.

6.      Anxiousness, fear, and low moods (mild depression).

7.      Mood swings (hormones out of balance).

8.      Feelings of being overwhelmed.

9.      Eating too much or too little.

10.  General sense of not feeling well (malaise).

What are we stressed about? Some common stressors in people’s lives:

1.      Family

2.      Marriage (getting married if you are not married)

3.      Children

4.      Finances

5.      Work, career

6.      School

7.      Budgeting, paying bills

8.      Paying for children’s education, college

9.      Health

10.  Health of family members

11.  Friendships (lack of or not spending enough time with)

12.  Death of a loved one

13.  Death of a pet

14.  Divorce, remarriage

15.  Stepfamilies

16.  Salvation of loved ones

17.  Not sleeping

18.  Unresolved childhood issues or unresolved grief issues

19.  Single parenting

20.  Fear of the unknown, not being in control

21.  Addictions with self or family members

22.  Infidelity

23.  Infertility, miscarriage, abortion

24.  Moving, adjustments/transitions

25.  New job or retirement

26.  Having a baby

27.  Debt

28.  Family member moving in

29.  Family member having emotional/ mental difficulties

30.  A goal/dream was not accomplished

Add up the above stresses for the past year and if you listed 5 or more that occurred this last year, you could have a high level of stress that needs to be dealt with.

Steps to Coping with Stress and ways to Manage Stress Levels:

1.      Spend daily time in the Word, praying and giving thanksgiving for the things that are good in your life.

2.      Attend church regularly and fellowship with the Body of Christ.

3.      Write down (5) things to be thankful for EVERYDAY. Keep a Gratitude Journal.

4.      Journal, write often. Write the date on each journal entry and how you are feeling, what God is speaking to you, and anything else that would be helpful.

5.      Walk or do light exercising. Walking is the best exercise for stress reduction.

6.      Take it One Day at a Time. Focus your energy and thoughts on the present day.

7.      Do something fun daily! Enjoy your life!

8.      Find a hobby such as gardening, bird watching, or painting.

9.      Watch comedies often! Laugh! Smile!

10.  Take every thought captive into the Obedience of Jesus Christ and renew your mind continually. Watch what you are thinking and talking about.

11.  Eat balanced meals consisting of fresh fruits, vegetables, and protein. Stay away as much as possible from fried foods, processed foods, sugary snacks, and high-energy drinks.

12.  Drink 3 cups of green tea. You can choose to drink (1) 8oz. cup of coffee.

13.  Switch to Stevia instead of sugar.

14.  Limit your time with negative, draining, and toxic people. Watch who your spending your time with.

15.  Avoid overreacting to problems as much as possible. Practice praying first, and being still.

16.  Listen to relaxation music such as jazz, classical, and soothing sounds.

17.  Take bubble baths and light scented candles.

18.  Light scented candles and other fragrant scents throughout your home.

19.  Don’t take on the burdens and problems of others. You can pray for others always and intercede ONLY when God calls you to.

20.  Set limits and boundaries with others. Learn to say, “No.” Do not try and meet the expectations of everyone.

21.  Be a God pleaser not a man pleaser.

22.  Do not seek the approval of others but what God would have you to do.

23.  If you are able to afford a massage or you can have your spouse do for you.

24.  Take time off when you can. Rest when you can. You don’t have to be going and doing all the time!

25.  Take small vacations or staycations if you cannot afford to leave.

26.  Nap when you can and when you need to, its okay!

27.  Eat sitting down and eat slowly and enjoy your meals.

28.  Do not live in a hurry or rushing around. Let your pace be relaxing.

29.  Help when you can help but don’t take on the responsibility of others.

30.  Forgive yourself, forgive others.

31.  Be gentle with yourself. Stop being so hard on yourself. Let go of perfectionism.

32.  Take a multi-vitamin, B-vitamin and look into natural herbal remedies. I do not make any medical disclaimers here.

Why I Feel the Need to Figure Things Out

I am notorious for trying to figure out an outcome of a situation before it happens. I will come up with all the possible scenarios, and then analyze each one. I had absolutely no idea why I did this. I have come to realize that I am trying to control what may happen in my life. As if, right?

Where did the need to control stem from? As I look back over the years I had a series of unforeseen occurrences take place in my life. You know those life events that leave you breathless, like sudden death or divorce in the family. After several incidents that I was not expecting, I started to project worst-case scenarios over my circumstances. I did this to “prepare” myself for the so-called tragedies that may happen. Soon, I just began to live expecting the worst so that I would not be thrown-off by unexpected events. This seemed to be the safer approach for me, however, this only intensified my need for control.

Trying to figure out life before it happens will cause you to be super-heightened, guarded, and anxious. It does not prevent fear, but escalates fear. After years of thinking and believing this way, the enemy’s lies were built in my mind; strongholds were formed.

What you believe becomes your reality.

I believed the lie that I had to prepare, figure-out, and control what I could in life so that I would never be caught off guard again. This way of living is exhausting, and it shows that we are having trouble trusting God. Through the hurt and pain that I experienced I began having difficulty trusting God, and believing that He was good all the time. Please do not judge me in this. As my family would say, “Walk a mile in my shoes first.” This is not to justify my behavior, but I was struck many times by events that caused me some trauma. War veterans are oftentimes diagnosed with PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) in part because of the trauma they experienced during war. Veterans are not the only ones who can experience PTSD, people who undergo traumatic, life-altering incidents can as well.

Healing from damaged emotions can take time. What I have learned is that we are not meant to figure life out, nor control what comes into our lives. Figuring out life is based on fear-fear of the unknown. Take life as it comes, and live one day at a time.

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things-sufficient for the day is its own trouble. Matthew 6:34

Thinking about what could happen in a situation produces unwanted fear, anxiousness, and releases stress hormones into our bodies.

True peace comes from believing God is in control of all your circumstances. Trusting God with every aspect of your life (even the things that you do not understand), this will cause you to stay in peace and have rest in Him.

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God, and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7

Do you find yourself trying to figure out things in your life, or trying to control? What do you believe is the real reason for this?

Word of Encouragement for the Hurting:

May you know that you are valuable not because of what you do, but whose you are! You may feel alone, rejected, and may be experiencing deep pain; but God desires to bring the healing balm of Gilead to your heart. God loves you right where you are at, not when everyone finds acceptance in your performance or behavior. God sees your caring heart and your compassion towards others, and knows your desires to help others. God knows your longings and unmet needs and He has seen every tear that you have shed. God says, “You are good enough, stop trying to impress everyone.”

God sees your hurting and aching heart and the loneliness that you feel. God says that “He is Emmanuel, the God that is with you.” God knows that you have tried to connect to others, only to be burned over and over again. He knows that you do not have the strength to try again and to feel rejected all over again. God has a few followers who will come alongside of you, but it won’t come in large groups. Remember, Jesus did not have a large intimate group of people around Him. He had His 12 disciples in His inner circle, and even in His inner circle there were ones who betrayed Him. Jesus understands your difficulty in connecting to others after betrayal and rejection. Don’t try and be anything that you are not, or force yourself to fit into a certain group. You are unique and tailored-made, and you have always known that about yourself. You never really fit into a certain group of people AND you still don’t.

You walk closely with the Father, but not everyone understands this. Some think that you are weird, a recluse, or that something is wrong with you. God has a perfect relationship with you and nothing can take His place. You have put the Father first in your life, over family, friends and ministry. YOU HAVE KNOWN THAT NO ONE OR NOTHING CAN HEAL YOUR BROKEN HEART, SO JESUS WANTS YOU TO CONTINUE TO RUN TO HIM, OVER AND OVER AGAIN. Others will not understand your solitude with God, but you are truly not alone for you are with your Father and at His feet. You are no longer running to people or to groups to get answers and help, but you are running to the feet of Jesus who has all the answers. God will be the One who turns your mourning into laughter, not a person. For you and the Father are one. You don’t move until the FATHER SAYS MOVE AND YOU DON’T GO UNTIL TH FATHER SAYS GO.