Freedom from Insecurity and People-Pleasing

Be a God pleaser, not a man pleaser. Are you more concerned with pleasing man than God? Do you seek the approval of others? At the core of people pleasing is insecurity. We can be insecure for a number of reasons. Insecurity can have roots stemming back from our childhood.

Yet at the same time many even among the leaders believed in Him. But because of the Pharisees they would not confess their faith for fear they would be put out of the synagogue; for they loved the praise from men more than praise from God.

John, 12: 42-43, NIV

How do you know you are dealing with insecurity?

Here are some key signs insecurity may be a part of your life:

1.      You question everything you do. You are uncomfortable with decisions you make.

You look to others to decide what’s best for you.

2.      You lack confidence in speaking and having conversations with others, and social settings make you feel uneasy.

3.      You look to others to approve you and to validate you.

4.      You always believe you’re at fault and take the blame when things go wrong.

5.      You don’t know who you are in Christ. Your identity is based not on what God says about you, but on what others say about you.

6.      You believe what others say about you, whether good or bad.

7.      You are overly sensitive to needing others to approve of you and sensitive to criticism, even constructive criticism.

8.      You live in constant fear and you lack trust for others and even God.

All these insecurities can lead to people pleasing and eventually lead to approval addiction. It is important that you know who you are in Christ, and that you allow the Holy Spirit to uncover your roots of insecurity so that you can be healed and function the way God intended. If you do not believe what God says about you, you will believe what others say about you. This is especially true of people that have been verbally/emotionally abused and verbally bullied by peers. Young people today are being “cyber bullied” and many young people succumb to these taunts and torments. These bullies are acting as agents and mouthpieces of the kingdom of darkness. God would never ridicule, torment or verbally abuse us.

People approval will lead you to do things that are not led by the Holy Spirit. So many people succumb to peer pressure, and not just young people. I have seen grown people succumb to the pressure of people in the church. If you are not lead by the Holy Spirit you will end up exhausted, frustrated, stressed and burnt-out. People will always want you to fulfill their agenda, but what is most important is what does God want you to do. You may have to say “No” to people and set boundaries. It is okay to say “No.” You have choices and you don’t have to lead by the feelings and desires of man, but instead God gives us wisdom and discernment to know what we should be involved in. You are not called to be everywhere, do everything, and fulfill the wants of others. Ask yourself if you have peace. If peace is not involved, chances are God is not a part of it.

It is hard not to desire to be liked and approved of others, especially the ones we love and are closet to. We don’t want them to think bad of us or be angry at us. It does not matter what others say or think of you. Others are going to have their opinion about you, and a lot of times there is not a whole lot you can do about it, but you can pray that God softens their hearts towards you. If you continue to be judged, misunderstood, or just treated unfair because you’re setting boundaries and learning to say “No”, than it is a matter between them and God.

Key Characteristics of a People-Pleaser:

1.      More concerned about pleasing others than God or yourself.

2.      Not lead by peace but by emotions/feelings.

3.      Let others control and manipulate you.

4.      Easily influenced by what others want.

5.      Can’t say “No” to others demands or desires.

6.      Lack boundaries with others. Hard time separating self from others.

7.      Feel guilty if you ever do say “No.”

8.      Have issues with rejection, insecurity and fear.

9.      Don’t want anyone to be mad at you or disappointed in you, and you will go to great lengths to insure others are pleased with you.

10.  You are not free, and you are bound by others expectations of you.

11.  You are devastated if someone disapproves of something you have done or not done.

12.  The needs and well-being of others takes precedence over your needs and well-being.

Freedom from insecurity and people-pleasing comes from knowing and believing what Christ says about you, and allowing God to heal the roots of your insecurity. People do what they do for a reason. It is not enough to have head knowledge about what Christ says about you. You must believe what Christ says about you.

There is a great resource from Joyce Meyer’s ministry on knowing who you are in Christ @ www.joycemeyer.org/articles/ea.aspx?article=knowing_who_i_am_in_christ. 

Print out the downloadable sheet on knowing who you are in Christ and say out loud every day until you believe who you are in Christ. It will take some time to start believing what Christ says about you, but continue until you are completely free from this bondage.

Additional resources from author:

Wilderness Mentality, Stop Your Stinkin’ Thinkin @ www.createspace.com/4036785

·        Online Christian Counseling @ www.gospelguidance.com/advisors/5311-sreck

·        You Tube URL @www.youtube.com/watch?v=fOEcx8uKfKE

Temptation Will Come

As I have counseled with numerous Christians I have come to realize temptation will come. I have seen temptation come in various forms such as addiction, pornography, homosexuality, and marital affairs. The enemy knows where you are the weakest and he will target those areas. If you have any areas in your life that has not be healed or exposed to the light of Jesus, satan can and often does attack in these “hidden” areas.

Here is my go to place, the beach when I feel tempted
 and need to get alone with God. Where is your go to place
when you need to flee, run from temptation?

No matter how strong of a Christian you think you are, temptation will eventually come, and you must know your weaknesses and stand your ground. You might say,” I don’t have to worry about this because I attend church weekly, serve at church, and I have a close walk with the Lord.” That is wonderful and that means you will recognize when temptation comes and what to do when it comes. I have seen and known countless “strong” Christians fall into temptation that lead into deep sin. No Christian is immune from the temptations of satan and his cohorts. We must know what to do when temptation comes and be guarded always. This is nothing new, satan tempted Eve first in the garden and she fell for it! Temptation never comes in its purest, evilest form; instead it comes packaged with a beautiful red bow on top, ready for you to open. The only problem with this beautiful gift is that it is deceiving, once you unwrap (or fall into sin), the box or sin is empty. There is nothing in the box, satan deceived you. The enemy set you up to take the beautiful gift and once you open the box it is hard to return the gift to the sender. However, you can always send the empty box (sin) back by repenting and turning away from that sin.

Not all temptation will led to sin, however, a lot of times if you keep “looking at the beautiful box with its shiny red bow” you will eventually open the box. Turn immediately from temptation. It is not a sin to be tempted, all will be tempted, but temptation is where satan tries to get his hook into you. If satan can get you to look and gaze long enough, he will set you up and hook you into his trap and web of deceit. Now, let’s take the analogy of a fisherman who “hooks” bait on his lure to “catch fish.” Satan “hooks, lures” (tempting things/people) into your life so that you will take the “bait.” We know that when a fish is caught on a hook that hook is lodged into the fish’s throat, it is very difficult for the fish to escape now. When the fish was in the water the fish saw this “shiny, beautiful lure” and the fish was deceived into thinking it was food and the fish took the first bite and was hooked. That is what satan does to us, if he can present that “shiny, lure” (temptation), he hopes we will take the “first bite,” because when we do that we become “hooked.” How many people I have spoken with tell me, “I am hooked on pornography and I can’t stop, I just looked once.” Or I have heard, “I can’t stop this adulterous relationship, I am hooked to this person. It did not start out this way, it was innocent at first, just office flirtation, but now I can’t let them go.” Once you enter into satan’s dark world of sin, you become trapped and ensnared. Think about those words, reflect for a moment, does it appear it would be easy to disengage satan’s throws of sin once he gets you “hooked?”

Don’t think for a moment that once the “hook” goes in, satan will just release you. Let’s go back to the analogy of a fisherman who just caught a fish. The fish is hooked and when the fisherman reels the fish in, the fish fights, but the fish is hooked and is not going anywhere. If you have ever fished, you know once a fish is reeled in the fish only can be released when the fisherman unhooks the fish from the lure. If you want to be released from the “hook” first know satan will put up a fight, there may be a battle to release you and you may want to give up because the battle is difficult, but if you allow Jesus to “unhook” the sin, He can truly release you from the grips of this sin.

There are some key steps to take to OVERCOME temptation and stay away from sin:

1.     FLEE. Flee, run, and get away from all situations that are tempting.

2.     Choose to change your thinking.  When thoughts come (and they will), replace that thought IMMEDIATELY with a faith-filled, positive thought and/or Scripture. DO NOT DWELL, PONDER on the tempting thought. The battlefield starts in your mind first! An example would be when a tempting thought comes replace immediately ( using Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy) with something like, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”

3.    Stay away from ALL tempting places and people. Examples: bar, casino, nightclub, seducing people, people you are attracted to, and any others that are tempting to you.

4.   Be careful to guard your mind from T.V., movies, books, computer, phone (if your phone has internet), and all electronic devices. Replace these if they are a problem, place filters on electronic devices if you have to keep them, and NEVER use these devices ALONE if they are an issue for you. If you are alone in your bedroom and this is a problem for you, shut off ALL electronic devices including phone. Use these devices only when around others. I know this is difficult since we are the “age of technology.” But there is no other way. DO you TRULY want to be free?

5.     Tell someone you trust, a pastor, Christian counselor, or friend. Confess your sins to one another so that you will be healed. James 5:16.

6.     Confess, Repent. Cleanse yourself of all known sins so that you can be healed and receive the forgiveness that is yours in Christ. No condemnation, just God’s forgiveness of sins. That’s why He died for us!

7.    Get an accountability partner if the sin is uncontrollable.

8.   Read the Bible daily, pray daily and as often as needed, and worship Jesus through thanksgiving, praise, and music. This step cannot be underestimated! You cannot get rid of the temptation or sin without replacing God’s truth. The lies of the enemy have to be exposed to the truth of God’s word! You cannot skip this step!

Here are some Scriptures to reflect and meditate on. They are truth and are not from the author but from the Word of God. Do not take what I say or anyone else but what the Word of God says.

For in Christ all the fullness of the Deity lives in bodily form, and you have been given fullness in Christ, who is the head over every power and authority. In Him you were also circumcised, in the putting off of the sinful nature, not with a circumcision done by hands of men but with the circumcision done by Christ, having been buried with Him in baptism and raised with Him through your faith in power of God, who raised Him from the dead. When you were dead in your sins and in the uncircumcision of your sinful nature, God made you alive with Christ. He forgive all your sins, having canceled the written code, with its regulations, that was against us and that stood opposed to us; He took it away, nailing it to the cross. And having disarmed the powers and authorities, he made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them by the cross.    Colossians 2:9-15, NIV.

Praise Jesus! We are not prisoners of sin any longer, He nailed our sins to the cross, know the truth, the enemy cannot hold you captive if you are a born-again Christian! You can tell the enemy he has to flee from you in Jesus name!

Everyone who sins breaks the law; in fact, sin is lawlessness. But you know that He appeared so that He might take away our sins. And in Him is no sin. No one who lives in Him keeps on sinning. No one who continues to sin has either seen Him or known Him.   1 John 4:4-6, NIV.

Once again, we see that if and when we sin we have Jesus, our High Priest to take away our sins. We do not need to live bound in sin any longer.

You adulterous people, don’t you know that friendship with the world is hatred towards God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God. Or do you think Scripture says without reason that the spirit he caused live in us envies intensely? But He gives us more grace. That is why the Scripture says:

“God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.”

Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and He will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will lift you up.    James: 4-10, NIV.

Submit to God, Flee from the devil and repent with sorrow and God will cleanse you and lift you up.

Read carefully and meditate on this Scripture from Galatians 5:16-26

Additional resources from author can be located @ these websites:

Online Christian Counseling:www.gospelguidance.com/advisors/5311-sreck

Latest book publication, Wilderness Mentality, Stop your Stinkin’ 

Thinkin’:www.createspace.com/4036785

Newsletter: http://eepurl.com/Djeuz

Don't Give Up! Hope for the Wounded and the Downcast

                 

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.”

Psalm 13:12

How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me?

Psalm 13:2

Have you ever asked God, “How much longer? I can’t possibly endure this any longer.”

May the Peace of the Messiah fill you today, breathe! 

What are you struggling with? What has you up at night, and causes you deep distress? If I could hear your answers I can only imagine what your responses may sound like, “I desperately am wanting a Godly marriage, I am waiting for my prodigal child to return home, I long for a child, I suffer in secret with depression, I have an addiction that controls me, my family is toxic and dysfunctional, I suffering from physical illness, I feel rejected and alone, and the list can go on and on. It can be multiple issues you are dealing with, not just one or two. Multiple issues can cause heart-sickness and grief, you can begin to feel hopeless and without cause. You may wonder if others experience the depth of your pain and suffering. You are honestly tired and want to give up. You have tried to “put the mask” on for everybody but you cannot pretend any longer that everything is okay. You may even feel misunderstood and you may have isolated yourself from others for fear of what they would think of you.

You have had enough and your looking to just get by or not by at all. Don’t give up now! Hold and wait once again for the Lord. I know that may sound cliché, especially if you have been hurting a long time with no relief, believe me I understand. I have felt pain and experienced depths of depression that was debilitating. I will encourage you to seek Godly counsel and support, find someone who you trust that will hear your story and show you compassion and encourage you to “get up” again. There are plenty of resources on the internet if you are unable to find someone in your area or even feel more comfortable in your home. Get back into the Word of God and take time to pray, and even cry. You must let out the pain through tears and even through writing (journaling). God knows your pain, but you have to release it. Keeping things “bottled-up” inside can cause depression, anxiety, anger, and a host of physical ailments.

Know who your real enemy is, it’s not God, but the thief who comes only to steal, kill, and destroy (John 10:10). You are in a real battle and the enemy would love to destroy you and whatever purpose God has for you. Get up! Stop letting the enemy walk all over you. Rest, be healed and then fight! Fight for your life, fight for your God-given rights. You are not alone in your suffering, many Christians have endured and walked through severe trials. God does love you and He does have a plan for your life. A plan of hope, victory, peace, and joy over-flowing. You will make it, you will get out of this pit. Let go of your expectations for your life and others and surrender your hopes and dreams to the One who created you. He is not done with you, the story is not over.

Even David in the book of Psalms understood depression.

“Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God.

Psalm 42:5-6, 11; 43:5)

To contact author and to find additional resources: 

www.christianhopecounseling.com

Online Christian Counselors: www.gospelguidance.com/advisors/5311-sreck

You tube videos on HOPE & ENCOURAGEMNT: www.youtube.com/watch?v=fOEx8uKfKE

Hope & Encouragement BLOG: www.onlinechristiancounselingforwomen.blogspot.com

Latest publication, Wilderness Mentality, Stop your Stinkin’ Thinkin: www.createspace.com/4036785

Are you free in Christ?

Have you truly experienced Christ’s freedom? You might say, “what does God’s freedom look like?’ If you are free in Christ you are not bound by people’s opinion or approval of you; you follow Christ not man’s desires for you; you are not bound by guilt and condemnation; and you are not bound by religion.

You have been free to have a personal, intimate walk with Christ. You are able to say, “No” to others easily if you feel God is leading you elsewhere or you don’t have peace in a situation. God may be calling you to rest and be renewed with Him instead of going to that church function or get-together with friends or family. You have appropriate boundaries with others, including your family. You don’t feel you should be, ought to be, or could be doing anything. Instead, you are led by the Spirit of God to direct you to do something. You are less concerned about people pleasing and more concerned about pleasing God. You no longer try and fulfill the needs and expectations of others, but instead focus on fulfilling God’s plans for your life.

Not everyone will be happy or pleased when you begin walking in freedom. Some people will try and hold on to controlling, manipulating and guiling you in to their plans. When you begin to flow in the Holy Spirit’s will for  life, don’t be surprised if people in your life get upset that you are not doing what they want. People, situations, and circumstances will try and keep you bound, but who can contain the work and flow of the Holy Spirit? The Spirit goes and does what it wants. If you are a follower of Christ and not people, you will have to let some people down. That may difficult for you if you are accustomed to people pleasing and needing the approval of man. Whose approval are you really needing anyways? Hopefully, your answer is God.

You will have an abundance of peace and joy when you begin to live in freedom. You are no longer bound to religious duties and dead-religion, but you are transformed by the living God. You walk in God’s flow and in His ways. You are no longer looking to pleasing man or fulfilling religious duties, but you look to Jesus who leads and guides you.

Break out of your old ways and be completely transformed to live a life of true freedom. If you are free in Christ, you are free to love, to worship and to serve Him. Freedom means you are no longer bound by people approval and addiction; religion not relationship with Christ; guilt and condemnation; fear of disapproval; and fear of man. You are free to be who Christ made you to be, free to follow Christ and His desires and plans for your life. Freedom does not mean we can do anything we so desire, but it means we can follow Christ and what He wants from us. If we follow man, we surely will be misled. Don’t follow man, and don’t follow religion. There is no freedom in being bound by religion. Religion follows after a set of rules, duties and regulations but following after Christ brings life. In our Western culture, we have many religions and many different sects of Christianity, all can be confusing. We don’t have to be confused, let’s keep it simple, follow Christ not religion or man. Even if your family is from a certain religion or sect of Christianity that follows rules and duties, you can be free and follow just Christ. What freedom that brings.

Christ has set us free to live a free life. So take your stand! Never again let anyone put a harness of slavery on you.

I am empathetic about this. The moment any one of you submits to a circumcision or any other rule-keeping system, at that same moment Christ’s hard-won gift of freedom is squandered. I repeat my warning: The person who accepts the ways of circumcision trades all the advantages of the free life in Christ for the obligation of the slave life of the law.

Galatians 5:1-3, the Message Bible

You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love.

Galatians, 5:13, NIV

To purchase author’s book, Wilderness Mentality, Stop your Stinkin’ Thinkin’ go to link @ www.createspace.com/4036785

Hope in the Waiting

HOPE AND WAIT FOR HIM

What have you been waiting for God to answer, or what promises are you waiting for Him to fulfill? Waiting is most difficult, and if we are not careful we can grow weary and despondent as we wait. Sometimes we may even lose hope, as hope deferred can make our hearts sick. What lies have you believed about God and His love for you because you are tired in the waiting?

Here are some practical steps that you can take as you wait:

1.      Enjoy your time as you wait. So many of us do not enjoy our lives as we are waiting for things in our lives to be fulfilled.

2.      Stop being all wrought up, anxious, and worried all the time. Have peace as you wait, peace that God does hear and know your prayers and desires.

3.      Stop fretting. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and stop your self-pity. It will only make matters worse. CHOOSE to be thankful for the things that are good in your life, and don’t CHOOSE to reflect on what you don’t have. Actively look, seek the good in your life.

4.      Revive your hope and stir up your dreams and desires again. Take time to ask and seek God for a new vision for your life, and to rekindle the promises that he has already given you.

5.      Seek God first above everything else you desire, you want, or you are waiting for. Simple, but so many of us just don’t put God first. Time in His presence will fill you up and bring answers to your thirsty soul.

6.      Stay away from desiring to have someone else’s life. You are unique and God has a unique plan for your life, so don’t compare your life to others or want what they have.

7.      Be content with the lot you have been given and the lot you are currently in. Contentment breeds peace and joy.

Here are some scriptures that have helped me personally get through the waiting times:

Wait for the Lord,

Be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord. 

Psalm 27:13-14, NIV

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,

For His compassion never fails.

They are new every morning;

Great is your faithfulness.

I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion, therefore, I will wait for Him.”

The Lord is good to those whose hope is in Him, to the one who seeks Him.

Lamentations 3:22-25, NIV

Though He brings grief, He will show compassion, so great is His unfailing love.

For He does not willingly bring affliction or grief to the children of God.

Lamentations 3:31-33, NIV

Here are some things to meditate on from the above scriptures and to replace any lies that you have been believing about God and His love for you as you are waiting:

1.      God encourages us to wait for Him.

2.      The Lord has great love for us and His compassion for us never fails.

3.      The Lord is faithful.

4.      The Lord is good to those who hope in Him, and to the ones who seek Him.

5.      Though God does bring grief, He shows us compassion and great is His unfailing love.

6.      God does not willing bring affliction or grief to His children.

To order a copy of author’s book, Wilderness Mentality, Stop Your Stinkin’ Thinkin’ go to www.createspace.com/4036785

Word of Encouragement-Hope as you Wait

Pain of a Prodigal, A Mother's Perspective

Every soon to be mother begins dreaming for her child that is to be born. Mothers dream that their children will be productive, love their parents and honor them, be who God destined them to be, and fulfill the call and purpose in their life. Mothers dream early on that they will have a close, loving relationship with their child. Mothers see themselves shopping with their daughters and having lunch dates and mothers see themselves at every ball game of their son’s life. Mothers dream of harmony and peace for their child. They desire their child to have to go through minimal pain and heartache in their lives. Mothers dream of the day they child will find and marry their God-given mate and produce Godly grandchildren.

What happens when all those dreams become shattered, crushed, and torn? A mother is thrown a lot of the times into deep despair and discouragement and sometimes even depression. A mother will often go through a series of grief encounters. Sometimes a mother accepts this tragedy and finds some comfort that her child is far away from the things of God, and other times the mother grieves in her spirit. She has a pain that no one can see. A type of “hole” in her heart, a slow leak. You may see this mother at the grocery store or even at your church. Most likely every mother’s day and every holiday she feels pain. She gets that reminder, as she sees the other children with their parents that her child is once again not there.  She tries not to show too much emotion but she is overcome in private with a whirlwind of emotions. She wonders what went wrong and how much longer. Every phone call she holds her breath, for she does not know if this time it will be the dreaded phone call. Every unexpected knock on the door startles her. Fear takes over her mind more times than she would like to admit. She realizes that fear does not come from God, but sometimes fear gets the best of her. Sometimes, this mother is up at night, can’t sleep; disturbed. Other times she is up warfare praying for her child. Regardless, her sleeping is not as peaceful and restful as it once was.

This mother waits year after year for the return of her prodigal child. Each year she grows more wearied and despaired. The waiting is excruciating. There are good moments and even peaceful times, but a mother forgets their child and never forgets what or where they might be. Sometimes to survive she has to put this out of her mind and “pretend” all is okay with her. She has tried to discuss this with other mothers, but they can only understand so much about the plight of a mother waiting for the return of her child. They can only understand the unresolved grief that plagues her, and how sometimes she is strong and other days she is weak and wearied from the crying and waiting.

What is a mother to do in this type of pain? How does she continue to hold on when her world seems to be flooding her with overwhelming circumstances? She sees and knows her child is in a desperate situation. Some prodigal children lose everything and a mother has to sit there and watch her child suffer. She knows if she intervenes as she has done in the past so many times, that it only makes matters worse. How difficult it is to not intervene. A mother’s love will always want to intervene when they see their child in trouble; it’s natural and normal. It is not normal for a mother to do nothing when she sees her child yet again suffer a consequence. As mothers we understand that if we continue to bail out our children from their difficulty they may never learn and turn from their destructive ways.

So what is a mother to do as she waits?

1.      Take time for yourself. You have to take regularly time for yourself because of the enormous stress having a prodigal can have, it is vital that you take regular time for yourself. I like to call them retreat days. Pamper yourself during those times.

2.      Have daily time under the cover of the Lord and Savior. Also, incorporate at least 1x monthly retreat days with God. Journal during those times, listen for God, pray, worship, sit outside and rest and wait for God to refresh your soul and spirit.

3.      Exercise. Walking is a great stress reliever.

4.      Find at least one friend who you can trust and pray together, laugh together and have a “girl day.”

5.      If you are married, have your spouse pray over you regularly and pray together in intercession weekly for your child. Praying in agreement is powerful.

6.      Worship and sing praises to our Lord. Praise will defeat the enemy and send him running!

7.      Play relaxation music at every chance you can. Soft melodies, jazz, nature music, and even classical.

8.      Take bubble baths and light candles, bring your relaxation music in your bathroom as well.

9.      Do something fun at least 1x per week.

10.  Find a creative outlet, painting, drawing, and writing.

11.  Go to the movie or rent a movie on something funny or inspirational.

12.  Date your husband. Go on at least 2 planned dates a month with your spouse.

13.  Do not talk non-stop about your prodigal child. Assign 20 minutes a day to discuss your child and then move on to something else.

14.  Incorporate nature into your life, walk on the beach, watch and/or feed birds, ride bikes or walk on nature trail.

15.  Be gentle with yourself and forgive yourself. Love yourself, take care of yourself. Let go of all false guilt and false responsibility.

16.  Live one day at a time and do not live in fear and terror.

17.  Do not take on other heavy loads and burdens. Having a prodigal child is a heavy enough load and burden to carry. If you have other family members that are difficult and needy, you will need to let go of them and let God intervene. God will not put more on you than you can handle.

18.  Stay away from getting entangled in other people’s problems and lives. You can pray and encourage someone but do not get entangled. The enemy would love to burden you with not just your prodigal but everyone else’s problems.

19.  If you are not able to attend church on holidays or mother days because of the intensity of the grief, don’t.

20.  Find other things in your life to focus on instead of your prodigal all the time.

21.  Live in HOPE! Never, lose hope and wait expectedly upon the Lord.

If you are in need of additional help or prayer, contact author @ www.christianhopecounseling.com for online counseling, support and prayer. She understands your pain and what you are going through. You ar

Be Still

Trials, heartaches and debilitating circumstances may be weighing you down. Perhaps you have endured more than you think you can handle. You may be voicing to God that you are at your limit. You may be wondering if others go through such distress and trauma. You may have even thought you have done something wrong to bring on such calamity in your life. If you have ever read the book of Job in the Bible you feel like you can understand his situation because you feel like Job. You feel like there is little or no direction for your life. You are just filled with heartache and grief. You have begun to wonder what the purpose is for so much pain and turmoil. Your grief runs deep and your trials seem endless. You are desperate for peace and rest. Your zest for life has fizzled out and you drag through the days.

Consider and reflect on this scripture: The thief comes only to steal, and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life and have it to the full. John 10:10, NIV.

What do you need to take back that the enemy has stolen from you, destroyed or killed? Has the enemy stolen your peace and joy? Destroyed your family? Or killed your passion? Are you living the abundant life that Christ came to give you? If not, maybe it is time to reclaim your life.

If you are at a place where you just cannot make sense of anything anymore; be still. Be still and listen and wait for God to show you and led you up out of the pit of despair. Being still means not trying to figure out everything or analyzing your problems. Being still means resting in God. To rest means to seize from work. You may be at “work” trying to solve your problems and trying to understand what went wrong and how to make things better. Rest your weary soul and mind. Take shelter upon the Most High God and seize (refrain) from trying to figure out outcomes and your life. Let go and let God. Embrace His comfort as you wait upon His deliverance.

Rest knowing that God will fulfill all His promises and will work all things out for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purposes (Romans 8:28). And if you’re feeling like Job, remember that God blessed Job’s later life more than his earlier life (Job 42:12-15).

Contact this author at:  www.christianhopecounseling.com

Meeting Registration: Christian Codependence Webinar, hosted by Stephanie Reck, LMSW, LBT, BCCC | AnyMeeting - The Completely Free Web Conferencing and Meeting Service

Meeting Registration: Christian Codependence Webinar, hosted by Stephanie Reck, LMSW, LBT, BCCC | AnyMeeting - The Completely Free Web Conferencing and Meeting Service

A Time for Everything

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven.

Ecclesiastes 3:1, NIV

We go through “seasons” or changes in our lives on a continual basis. Nothing is permanent on this side of heaven. As the seasons change in weather, so does the “seasons” change in our lives. Sometimes the seasons we are in are like the winter season, barren, no life, cold, dark, and harsh. Sometimes it seems like the winter will never end, but it does and a new season emerges. I realize that depending where you live you may not have different seasons, but let’s imagine we all live in climates that have four seasons, winter, summer, spring, and fall. Our lives change like these seasons in weather.

The fall season is time for planting and working to remove the dead leaves and other winter debris. The climate is not as harsh and coldness begins to let up. Just like in our lives when the fall season emerges we are getting a little break from the harsh winter. It is time to prepare and time to clean-up the dead things that winter has left behind. In a Spiritual sense we are getting time from God to clean-up our dead “fruit” and God begins to prune away at those dead things in our lives. It is a time of rebuilding and replenishing what the “winter” brought us. We must stay the course and allow God to do His work in this season because soon we will be going into another seasons.

The summer season is hot and it can be dangerous because of the heat and storms like hurricanes caused by the heat. Plants that were planted may begin to die if they are not watered daily. By the end of summer most people are ready for the fall. Sometimes the heat makes people tired and weary. In the Spiritual sense the summer season is a time of God sheltering us from the “storms” and the “heat.” He lets us know that He is protecting us and that if we make it through this time, He will bring us to the next season. It can be a difficult season, there can be much tiredness and weariness from the “storms” or attacks of the enemy. We may get restless in this season, and want it to end quickly. God may say to us during this season to stay under His protection. The enemy may be relentless during this season, and it may be one assault after another. Rest assured, this season will end. But like all other seasons you must stay the course and trust that Jesus will bring you out.

The spring season is the most favorite of seasons for a lot of people. The seeds have been planted and the trees pruned back in the fall and the spring blossoms them forth. The birds and butterflies abound plentiful in the air. The aromas of springtime are delightful. The weather is cool, not cold like the winter or hot like the summer; it’s just right. People stay out longer because the cold does not bother them as much nor the heat. In the Spiritual sense, the spring season is a time of rest and peace. Assaults from the enemy are low and we are in a good place spiritually. We are stronger because of our time in the winter and summer months. We have endured, preserved and we have overcome. It is a glorious time and a time of great harvest.

Whatever season you are in it will end and you move onto another seasons. Without spiritual seasons in our lives we would never grow. We must flow though the seasons in our lives with grace and trust that God will see us through. 

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Adjustments and Transitions

Adjustments and major transitions can be difficult, especially if you have problems with control. If something changes and you have an issue with control you can be easily side-swiped. It is important to take it one day at a time. You can’t say you will go here or do this tomorrow for certain because you do not know what will happen. We have to make adjustments and transitions and they will go a lot smoother if we realize that we have to hold our plans loosely and be ready for change.

A definition from Wikipedia.com for adjustment is regulating, adapting or settling in a variety of contexts. If you are not able to adjust easily to transitions and changes it will create disequilibrium and unbalance in your mind, body, and spirit. You will begin to feel stress in all of these areas. When an adjustment needs to be made, in the beginning you may feel some stress, but then you need to enter into the flow of the Spirit of God. That means seizing all control and outcomes of the situation and trusting that God has a plan and He will work it out for you good. It means stop trying to figure out why and instead remaining calm and peaceful. Sometimes adjustment periods can take a while to work out. For instance if you have a step family, or your teenage daughter is pregnant and needs help, or even divorce; the adjustment period may take longer. All are considered a crisis and all can pose a threat to our well-being. Under stress our bodies will either fight or flight, that means stay and fight or run away. Fight or flight is usually seen in stressful or threatening circumstances. There may be a time to run, but from what I know of God He does not want us to stay running He wants us to rest and get up and fight.

Taking it one day at a time is the only way to stay and fight in your situation. If you decide to stay and fight you cannot project tomorrows fears and concerns. God gives you grace for each day, not stored up grace. If you are living out on tomorrow’s grace, you will not survive the adjustment and transition period.

With any adjustment or major transition eventually you will adapt and begin to learn new coping skills. It is amazing how God created us to cope and adapt in the most stressful of situations. So no matter what you are adjusting to, know that it is not permanent. Get up today, stop wallowing and having pity parties and say, “This too shall pass.” Nothing in life is ever permanent. As the seasons change, so does our lives. There is a season for everything. Though it may be painful and dark today, tomorrow is new and full of possibilities.

Rest in your adjustments and transitions. Hasah, is Hebrew for trust. It means taking refuge in God. Batah, means to have confidence in.

Hasah Batah, Trust, take refuge and have confidence in God.

And now I have a word for you who brashly announce, “Today, at the latest, tomorrow, we’re off to such and such a city for the year. We’re going to start a business and make a lot of money.” You don’t know the first thing about tomorrow. You’re nothing but a wisp of fog, catching a brief bit of sun before disappearing. Instead, make it a habit to say, “If the Master wills and we’re still alive, we’ll do this or that.”

James 4:13-15, Message

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