I am a passionate person; I love deeply and I hurt
deeply. My first response when someone hurts or offends me is to react in an
angry way, usually through the words I speak. There have been times that when
someone has hurt or offended me, I did nothing just to “keep the peace.” What
God has been teaching me through many instances of being hurt and offended by
others is there is a way to have true peace with the person(s) who have done
things to hurt me.
True
peace is not denial and it is not pretending nothing has happened, this only
leads to resentment and bitterness. This kind of peace can only come from the
Holy Spirit, our flesh is not capable of producing peace between “enemies.”
How can you have true peace between others
who have hurt or offended you?
1. The
most difficult and probably one of the most important things you can do is to
watch what you speak. When you are hurt, frustrated or angry, a natural impulse
is to lash out with your tongue. I have been guilty of doing this, and I have
found there is always negative consequences when I have spoken harmfully into a
situation or about a person. As difficult as it is, we should guard the words
we speak. We will give an account for every idle word spoken one day. We should
confess this as sin and turn from using our mouths as destructive forces. We
have the ability to speak life or death, blessings or curses, choose to speak
what will edify and build-up not tear-down.
2. Don’t
take revenge or retaliate with words or your actions. When you retaliate it
gives the enemy “fuel for the fire.” The enemy will “egg you on” to take
revenge, but after you do, he will accuse you of being no different, that you
can’t be a true witness for Christ, or that you or not a true Christian. Never fight “fire with fire.”
3. It’s
okay to get angry at the hurtful actions done to you by others, but not to stay
angry. Take up your anger with God and daily ask the Holy Spirit to help you to
forgive that person. There will be times that you will remember what that
person has done to you, at this point you will have two choices: Take revenge
or retaliate in some way or choose to
not be offended again and choose to
“let them off the hook.” Forgiveness does not mean automatic reconciliation,
but it does mean you are not going hold the offense against them, whether that
person deserves it or if they even asked to be forgiven. This is the tough
part, and can only be done with the Holy Spirit’s strength.
4. Sometimes
you can overlook an offense or hurtful behavior, but when these actions are
done repeatedly to you it is time to confront your offender with a humble and
peaceful attitude. Do not confront someone when you are angry or feel you may
lose your cool, wait until you have guidance of the Holy Spirit as well as
self-control. The goal with confrontation is to inform the offender of their
hurtful actions towards you with the hope it will give the offender a chance to
explain their position and to repent when needed. There are times you have to
wait to confront an offender if they are hostile, defensive or aggressive
towards you, wait and continue to pray that God would give you an opponent to
speak or write them a letter. Sometimes God steps in and takes care of the
situation for us, but what I am finding to be true for me is He wants me to be
bold, fearless, courageous, and self-conrolled in the midst of those who have
hurt or offended me. He does not want me
to “run and hide” or get so angry that I take matters into my own hands.
5. Pray
for your enemies (Matthew 5:44), those that hurt and offend you, especially the
ones who repeatedly do this. Praying for your enemies will soften your heart
towards them. Everyone has enemies, we either will fight back or flee. Both are
natural responses, however neither works in the long run and Jesus does teach a
different way.
I realize how difficult it can be to maintain true
peace between you and someone who has offended or hurt you. I have failed many
times in this area, and I am still learning how to respond the way Christ wants
me to. You may not do things perfectly every
time, but God knows your heart. Guard your heart from offense, anger,
unforgiveness and bitterness.
When you fail in this area, seek God’s forgiveness,
forgive yourself, and learn from the experience. Ask yourself, “What lessons did I learn from “blowing up”
at someone, speaking negatively when I was offended by someone or by running
away from a situation I should have confronted?” Jesus is the best teacher,
and if you don’t get things right the first time, He will teach you again.
Reflect: When a man’s ways are pleasing to
the Lord, He makes even His enemies to be at peace with him.
Proverbs 16:7
What
would be pleasing to the Lord in the situations with your enemies?
Fight, flee, retaliate, take revenge, speak negatively about them, continue to
allow yourself to be offended by them, withhold forgiveness, or express anger
or hostility towards them. If you want
ways to please the Lord, pretty much do the opposite of what I just listed as
well as pray for your enemies and do good to them, this could be speaking
blessings over them or doing a kind act.
What I am finding in my life with the people who have
hurt or offended me, is that it’s not so much about them but the refining work
that Jesus is doing in me to make me more like Him.
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