Wednesday, April 3, 2019

Counselor's Corner: Developing Self-Control





Self-control is part of the fruit of the Holy Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23), but I must admit I have struggled with maintaining self-control more often than I would like to. I tend to act on impulse instead of waiting to respond to someone or something. I have dealt with having a short-fuse and can easily become angered. I know that God does not want me to continue lacking self-control, so painfully and persistently God has been teaching me the benefits of keeping self-control, and He has also shown me the consequences of not maintaining self-control.



I grew up fighting and learned how to win every fight I was in after being bullied. Now I’m grown but there are still “bullies” that come across my path from time to time, those that intimidate, dominate, control and manipulate me are some of the most difficult “bullies” I encounter. My gut reaction with bullies is to take action quickly so they don’t have any opportunity to hurt me, and this is usually in some form of aggression. I can lash-out verbally and make you wish you hadn’t messed with me quicker than I can snap my fingers.




Often times those who struggle with addictions and a lack of discipline don’t exhibit self-control-their motto is, “If it feels good, just do it.” They think of the consequences of their actions afterwards not before as those with self-control do. I used to have disturbing desires to “get wasted,” and would react to my initial desire immediately. Lacking self-control with alcohol, drugs, gambling, food, or even pornography can cause one to go down a dark road that sometimes can be impossible to overcome. Once the enemy gains a stronghold in an area of your life, he does not let go easily.



Listed below are some techniques that you can use to develop self-control:



1.     Think through the consequences before reacting to a situation or deciding to act impulsively. Ask yourself,” How would I feel after I ____________?” Also think through if your actions could hurt someone close to you.

2.     Don’t react immediately, take a step back before exploding or giving into your sinful desires. Pray, go for a walk, and wait 24 hours before deciding to take any action. Very likely if you wait 24 hours your initial desire or your impulsive will be significantly less or not there any longer.

3.     Reward yourself when you resist the urges to lose your self-control.

4.     Keep yourself in a calm and peaceful state. Get up early in the morning and spend time in God’s presence declaring over yourself that ,”You have the peace of Jesus Christ and are self-controlled because the Holy Spirit strengthens and enables you to do so.” Ask the Holy Spirit to help you have self-control.

5.     Don’t allow other people or people that are used of the enemy to rob you of your peace and joy. Decide to let no one control your thoughts, behaviors and actions. Don’t give others that much control over your life.

6.     Get physical-exercise, garden, build to release any pent-up emotions and to turn your attention from whatever is wanting you to lose your self-control.

7.     Identity and remove any triggers as much as possible. If you have trouble eating unhealthily, remove any unhealthy foods and snacks from your home.



A lack of self-control will eventually lead to fleshly, worldly desires and lusts. Eventually these worldly desires and lusts will have full control over us. We will become slaves to the enemy as we are in bondage to our fleshly, sinful nature. Exercising self-control keeps the enemy from gaining a foothold over us. Self-control is necessary because we are at war with our own sinful desires. If your cave-in to a lose of self-control, seek forgiveness from God and forgive yourself.




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