Counselor's Corner: Traits of Healthy Relationships

Healthy relationships can bring out the best in you, but unhealthy relationships have the potential to bring out the worst in you. Have you ever wondered why some of your relationships cause you to feel stress, tense, anxious and angry? Healthy relationships should make you feel supported, encouraged, valued, loved and respected.

Healthy relationships are vital to your overall spiritual, physical and emotional/mental well-being.

Many people struggle with staying connected to people who are unhealthy for them because they have a sense of obligation or loyalty to them. Just because someone is family does not mean they are healthy for you.

You will need to have clear and consistent boundaries with your unhealthy relationships, and may even need to create healthy space between you so that you will not be wrecked emotionally and physically. Boundaries with unhealthy people in your life may look like limiting communication with you them, not agreeing to their demands, and placing some distance between you and them when they violate your boundaries.

So how do you know if a relationship is healthy?

Listed below are some traits you want to see in healthy relationships:

1.      There is mutual respect. You can be yourself and you allow the people that you are in a relationship to be themselves. You don’t have to be someone you’re not.

2.      There is open and honest communication. If there is a problem in the relationship, it is discussed, both parties are heard, forgiveness and grace is given, and the relationship is restored.

3.      You don’t feel obligated or expected to be with them. You actually enjoy their company and they enjoy yours, but if you feel obligated or pressured to be with them; that is not healthy.

4.      No one controls, manipulates, or makes the other feel guilty for what they can or can’t do.

5.      There is no abuse-verbally, physically or mental/emotional.

6.      You can trust each other. Trust is the foundation of any successful relationship.

7.      They are dependable and they are there for each other during times of crisis or difficulties.

8.      You feel secure and comfortable with them.

9.      Have a shared spiritual commitment and faith.

10.  Have shared interests and spend quality time together.

11.  Conflict is minimal and if there is conflict is it dealt with quickly through honest communication.

12.  Not over-entangled in one another’s lives. Autonomy and individuation are respected.

13.  You are able to have fun together, laugh, instead of focusing on problems.

Healthy families are not perfect, you may have experienced some of the above issues in your relationships but it should not be continually. Healthy relationships allow for individuality; each person is encouraged to have their own pursuits and interests. Boundaries between individuals are respected and honored. If you were raised in a dysfunctional family, you may need some healing yourself as to what is a healthy relationship; and if you are in a unhealthy relationship you may need to set limits on your contact with them.

You cannot change others, but you can change yourself.

Let’s Discuss:

Are you involved in any unhealthy relationships? How do you know and what can you do about it?