Thursday, September 20, 2018

Counselor's Corner: Breaking Old Habits and Forming New Habits





I tried desperately to get up early each morning. I would set my alarm clack for 6 am and many mornings I would just reach over to my alarm clock on my cell phone and just turn it off, and then I would roll back into my comfy bed. No matter what I did, I could not get up consistently early, but I wanted to! Why was this so hard for me?



What is a habit? Habits are generally considered things that you do automatically when in a particular situation. A habit is something that has been learned through repeatedly performing an action.



Why is breaking an old habit hard?

To break a habit, you have to activate a different part of your brain to override those habitual tendencies. The problem is the part of the brain called prefrontal cortex is easily distracted and does not work as well when you are stressed, this is where those bad habits that are hardwired into your brain take over automatically. The new habit that you are trying to make can with time overwrite the old habit.



Before you try and break an old habit and form a new one, the number one thing that you need is sheer determination. You have to set in your mind and see yourself achieving your desired outcome. Visualize yourself not performing your old habit but instead see yourself performing your new habit.




How long does it really take to break a habit?

Generally, it can take anywhere from 21 to 30 days to break a habit or make a new habit, there are times it can take longer but usually within 4 weeks you should be in the zone of your new habit. Researchers from University College London examined the new habits of 96 people over 12 weeks, and found the average time it takes for a new habit to stick is 66 days. However, the process of breaking an unwanted habit depends on the person and the habit, and can take some individuals up to 245 days. Don’t get discouraged by 245 days, this is to inform you that breaking “pleasurable and rewarding” habits is no easy task, but given enough time can be achieved. I suggest at least 60 days of repeatedly replacing your old habit with your new habit before you will be able perform your new habit automatically.



After getting the vision for what you want to achieve, make a goal and write it down! Get a journal and write out the habit you want to break or make as well as the date that you started. You will want to track your progress as well as any mishaps you may have.



For the next 21 to 30 days realize that you probably will feel uncomfortable, may struggle to going back to your old habit, and want to quit all together, all normal but the difference will be your determination. Understand your habit. Most habits are patterns that have evolved because they have been rewarded in some way. A “habit loop” forms from a cue or trigger that tells your brain to start the habitual behavior. The brain processes a reward from this behavior that reinforces the habit loop. Interrupting the behavior part of this loop is how to break a habit. This is why it can be challenging to break a habit, and why most people give up after a week. Determine ahead of time that you will have a bit of a struggle in breaking this habit loop, but by repeatedly replacing the automatic impulse to act out your habit, eventually you will succeed.



Ask yourself, do I really want to break this habit or do I just like the idea of it, and am I prepared for the hard work that it will take to break a long-standing habit?



Know what “rewards” your brain is looking for. Many bad habits come about as a means of dealing with situations that cause stress or boredom.



What to expect when breaking a habit:

The first couple of days of forming a new habit will be meet with great expectation and you may even feel exhilarated at the thought of breaking an old, nasty habit. As the first week comes to an end, you very likely will be hit with strong resistance to go back to what you know is comfortable to you. As humans we like comfort, changing a pattern of behavior that you may have had almost an entire lifetime such as with alcohol, drugs or cigarettes can be frightening. At the end of the first week you most likely will be tempted to quit all together.

The “struggle” or the “in-between” phase kicks in about week 2. You have made it 2 whole weeks without your habit, but now what? You possibly will struggle with valid questions such as,” If I stop drinking or smoking then what will I do”? You will feel unsteady as you begin to navigate your “new life.” You very likely will have “withdrawal” symptoms during the first 2 weeks as your nervous system struggles to deal in a change in the chemicals triggering the reward center of your brain.  

If you have the strength to push through week 3 or day 21, it will be very likely your old habit is beginning to break and your new habit is being established as a part of your life. Week 3 can still have its challenges; your habit may be broken but your new habit still seems foreign to you. If this is the case I would advise you to keep moving and get more firmly established in your new habit as you go into week 4, and remember it can longer to break an old habit.



Tips for breaking habits:

If you are trying to break the habit like overeating, drinking alcohol, or smoking, know triggers will come. Be on guard for triggers especially during the first 30 days. In other words, do you enjoy a cigarette after a good meal? That is a trigger for you, so you will need to make a change such as enjoying a cup of tea instead.

Make sure you have a good substitution for your old habit, such as instead of overeating you will exercise 3x per week.

Surround yourself with people who will encourage you in breaking bad habits and decrease your time with those that would cheer you on to remain with your bad habit.

Reward yourself frequently and especially at the 21 day and 30-day markers.

Be extremely kind to yourself the first 30 days of breaking your bad habit. If you need to pull back from additional stresses in your life, do so if possible.

If you make a mistake, do not deem that is total failure. Breaking a bad habit, is extremely difficult, but focus on the fact that it can be done!



 Let's discuss:


What bad habit would you like to break and what new habit would you like to make? Write it down, send me an email or comment on the blog post.


Wednesday, September 19, 2018

Counslor's Corner: Gaining Confidence for Spirtual Victory





If you are trying to overcome some sort of battle in your life, gain freedom in an area in your life or are moving closer to God in any way-the enemy will try to defeat those attempts. How? By weakening your confidence.



You may have known for a while that you were suppose to take that bible study on getting free but as soon as you signed up for the class the enemy sent assaults to question if it was even possible to get free. You just knew God wanted you in that group on gaining freedom but somehow an unseen war has been waged. There may not be a Bible study that your struggling with attending but perhaps someone has made you feel not good enough, worthy enough or even condemned you in some way so that all you can now hear is the whisper of the enemy that you will not succeed. What is happening in the above scenarios and countless others, is a feeble attempt of the enemy to destroy your confidence so that you do not obey God and go forth with what God has told you to do.




When you lose your confidence and you begin to question if God even said for you to do what He wanted you to do, fear creeps in and before long you are going the opposite direction of what God said to do. You can almost expect opposition and resistance in some form from the enemy when you decide to follow God’s ways, or when you are trying to get set free from bondage. The enemy can only threaten and intimidate, he has no real power over you, it just seems very large and overwhelming when you are hit by the arsenal of arrows in the enemy’s camp.



The enemy is clever and will use old issues and problems in your past in hopes that you will trip and stumble and lose your confidence.



If you place your confidence in yourself you will fall when the enemy sends his weapons aimed at tearing your confidence to shreds. Your confidence comes in Christ.  If you are like me and have struggled with self-worth and self-esteem, it will take some rewiring to understand your confidence in Christ. Your worth and value does not come from what people think or say about you. Yes, we all want approval and to be well-liked, but some people simply will not like you or what you do.



You can become strong, fearless and confident in the midst of your “giants,” your opponents and your adversaries.



You may not feel confident in Christ, but instead of going on feelings, go on the truth. The Bible says to have no confidence in the flesh (Philippians 3:3). Proverbs 14:16 says that a “righteous man departs from evil, but a fool rages in confidence,” meaning the arrogant believe sin has no consequences. Psalm 118:8-9, tells us that it is “better to trust the Lord than to put confidence in man,” meaning those who trust in government, finances or people will be disappointed in the end. Those that put their confidence in God will never be ashamed (Romans 10:11). The Apostle Paul writes in Philippians 1:6, “being confident of this very thing, that he which begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ.”



►Tips to build your confidence:

Believe what God says about you and obey what God has called you to do even when opposition and resistance comes. Begin to act the part until your feelings catch up, walk tall and straight, when you speak do so as if you know Christ dwells in you, be well-groomed and dressed, smile and make direct eye contact, start speaking what God says about you out loud, set manageable goals and work towards them, and begin your day communing with God. Believe that God is bigger and mightier than any “giants” that have come to rob you of confidence.

Recall the story of David and Goliath in 1 Samuel 17 to reflect on how mighty God is. David and Goliath confront each other. Goliath, name meaning giant had his armor and his javelin and David had his staff and sling. The Philistines cursed David by his gods, but David replies: “This day the Lord will deliver you into my hand, and I will strike you down. David hurls a stone from his sling and hits Goliath in the center of his forehead with one shot and Goliath falls on his face to the ground. David then cuts off Goliaths head. The Philistines flee the battlefield (the rest of the enemies). Saul had the first opportunity to fight Goliath but he placed his confidence in himself and cowered down offering David to fight instead. The difference between Saul and David was David’s confidence was in God not in what he could do. Clearly Goliath was stronger, bigger and taller than David but he chooses to believe that God would deliver Goliath into his hands. Wow, now that’s confidence in God! The lesson of this story is no matter who or what is seemingly larger and more powerful than you, they are no match to the Mighty Warrior. Your “giants’ may try and scare and intimidate you because of their perceived power or might, but rise up like David and believe that God will fight your battle as you face them and not run like Saul did.



When you lack in confidence remember these truths:



Yet to all who did receive Him, to those who believed in His name, He gave the right to become children of God. John 1:12. You are a child of God



But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His wonderful light. 1 Peter 2:9. You are a chosen people.



The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in His love he will longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing. Zephaniah 3:17. The Lord takes great delight in you.








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