Counselor's Corner: Developing Confidence

Confidence is the belief in one’s ability to succeed. Looking confident plays a part as well such as making eye contact and good posture. Confidence comes naturally for some people, but for many confidence has to be learned.

A confident person has healthy self-esteem for themselves and they feel good about who they are, as well as their worth. They acknowledge that they are not perfect, have faults, and do not overemphasize their weaknesses.

A lack of confidence can be a result of many factors including: fear of the unknown, past failures, criticism from others, lack of self-esteem, depression, trauma, betrayal or repeated hurts by someone that you love, and being disappointed that something did not turn out the way you hoped for.

Signs of lack of confidence:

1.      Avoid doing certain things because you fear your inability to cope or handle the situation.

2.      Withdraw from certain people or situations who tend to make you feel even more less confident.

3.      Covering your lack of confidence by pretending or hiding the way you feel.

4.      Caring way too much what people think of you.

How to develop confidence or regain the confidence that you once had:

·         Be well groomed. Have your hair fixed and/or cut regularly, men shave regularly and women keep your nails polished or trimmed. Give yourself permission to buy a few nice outfits, and dress confidently daily. When you dress nicely you will feel more confidently about yourself.

·         Replace your negative self-talk and thinking with positive, faith-filled statements. You become what you think. *

·         Stand tall and straight, walk tall and with your head up.

·         Set small daily and weekly goals and reward yourself when you accomplish these goals.

·         Focus on solutions not your problems.

·         Smile.

·         Work on what you can solve or fix.

·         Write out your strengths and abilities and focus on those.

·         Practice visualizing yourself as confident and able.

·         Develop your skills through learning, reading and/or taking classes.

·         Exercise, this can boost your immune system and your self-esteem as well.

·         Accept yourself, your strengths, your weaknesses, your quirks, and all your imperfections. Love yourself in the process of change and becoming better.

·         Forgive yourself that you have made mistakes and let people down.

Developing confidence comes from repeated practice and small successes that eventually lead to larger successes. Think of yourself the way that God thinks of you. As a follower of Jesus Christ, your confidence should not come from worldly possessions, relationships, or titles but from whose you are-a son or daughter of the King.

Reflect on these truths:

God is within her, she will not fail. Psalm 46:5

She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future. Proverbs 31:25

Only God gives inward peace, and I depend on Him. God alone is the mighty rock that keeps me safe, and He is the fortress where I feel secure. Psalm 62:5-6

·         For additional information on disciplining your mind see my latest book release,” Disciplining your mind 30 days to a better you.”

Counselor's Corner: Why is Maintaining Peace So Difficult at Times

Have you had one of those days or weeks where you had difficulty maintaining your peace? Did you truly desire to walk in peace but turmoil, chaos or stressful situations got the better of you? If you answered yes to the above questions, you are not alone!

The enemy can set up situations that push your buttons and work your last nerve! I had one of those weeks last week. As much as I desperately wanted to maintain peace, I blew it, not at first but after the about the 50^th distraction in one week I began to come unraveled. I had already had a long summer and was finally looking forward to having peace again.  As women, we especially have to be more guarded to maintain our peace during our monthly cycles. It can be challenging to have your hormones take you on brief roller coaster ride while concurrently dealing with people and circumstances that make you want to come unglued.

If you are having trouble maintaining the peace that Christ has reassured us we have (not the peace that the world gives), then it is time to check where the enemy has caused a breach in your life and robbed you of your peace.

The enemy will use the same tactics that worked before to get you upset. The way the enemy may “wrap” your package may be different, but rest assured it is the same package. The enemy studies and observes your reactions to what comes your way. If before you lost your peace over a certain situation, then that “package” will be used against you again but it will be wrapped differently so you don’t suspect it could possibly be the same trick.

→Know your triggers!

If you feel your peace is leaving you, step away, walk away, run, turn away and get under the covering of the Almighty Father.

How do you stay under the covering of the Lord and maintain peace during times when you would rather tell someone off or have a temper tantrum?

1.      Observe your body-are your hands clinched, shoulders and neck tense, stomach ailments, or headaches? Your body will begin to tell you that you are losing peace, and stress and tension will replace balance or homeostasis in your body. You will begin to feel when peace leaves you.

2.      If you are reacting to your circumstances- stress and high amounts of adrenal are pumping through your body and you may begin speaking out your frustrations or having thoughts that are ungodly.

3.      Complaining and murmuring replaces thankfulness. Our focus becomes distorted and now we can see through the filter of what the enemy may be doing.

4.      Control is lost-When we lose control it can become an open invitation for the enemy to inflict us with our past sins.

→If you observe any of the above in your life at any time STOP because you cannot win the battle on your own.

·         Get under the covering quickly of God as many times as you have to. If you are at work and cannot leave the office, find a quiet spot like the bathroom stall!

·         Ask God to strengthen you and help you rise above the annoyances, distractions and any stress. Don’t react! The enemy would love to set you up so you can lose peace.

·         Take deep cleansing breaths. Inhale deeply and exhale your breathe slowly at least 3 times and as often as you need to. Breathing deeply relaxes tension in your body and reduces your blood pressure.

·         Write down at least 5 things you are thankful for, this helps get your focus on what is going right in your life.

·         Sit at the feet of Jesus and soak your mind and spirit in worship music.

·         Ask God if He wants to teach you something through your circumstances.

·         Begin declaring victory over your circumstances before you see the breakthrough.

·         Take a warm bath with Epson salt to relax tense muscles and play worship music as you bathe. Sing and praise while you are relaxing in your bath.

·         Wait with expectation that God will come through and restore your peace.

Counselor's Corner: When You Don't Know What to Do

Have you experienced a situation in your life that you have no idea what to do? You get perplexed, confused and anxious just thinking about the problem. You may have a problem in your life that is just unsolvable to you. The more that you try and figure out how to solve your problem, the more complex the situation gets.

I recently had a situation come into my life that I had no idea what to do. I felt perplexed, anxious and worried at every turn. This problem I had made me feel backed into a corner, like I had no options but the one tangled mess in front of me. As much as I tried to sort through the rubble of mess in front of me-I could not! The more I tried to find a solution to the problem, the more unrest and agitated I was becoming. I felt smothered and squished as this problem kept getting more complicated. I grew increasingly frustrated as I could not discover how to make the crisis in my life stop.

I began to realize through all of my efforts to untangle the problem I was faced with, I could not; so, I stopped and I began speak God’s word over the situation. I began praying prayers for spiritual warfare, and I declared to the Lord, “I can’t and I have not a clue what to do.” As I gave the situation over to the Lord in trust, He began quickly interceding and overturning the tangled mess that came into my life.

►The KEY when you don’t know what to do is that you do nothing in your own accord, if you do you will wear-down. If a problem comes to you and you feel pressured or “backed in a corner” with no way out, take that as an indication the enemy is involved. God always provides a way out and never acts in confusion, chaos or pressure. If you feel problems are coming at you with no solution, and any solution you give does not help-back away and allow God to untangle the confusion. Even if you feel you should be doing something, don’t! Wait upon the Lord to direct and smooth out those ‘whirlwinds.”