Counselor's Corner: Developing Confidence

Confidence is the belief in one’s ability to succeed. Looking confident plays a part as well such as making eye contact and good posture. Confidence comes naturally for some people, but for many confidence has to be learned.

A confident person has healthy self-esteem for themselves and they feel good about who they are, as well as their worth. They acknowledge that they are not perfect, have faults, and do not overemphasize their weaknesses.

A lack of confidence can be a result of many factors including: fear of the unknown, past failures, criticism from others, lack of self-esteem, depression, trauma, betrayal or repeated hurts by someone that you love, and being disappointed that something did not turn out the way you hoped for.

Signs of lack of confidence:

1.      Avoid doing certain things because you fear your inability to cope or handle the situation.

2.      Withdraw from certain people or situations who tend to make you feel even more less confident.

3.      Covering your lack of confidence by pretending or hiding the way you feel.

4.      Caring way too much what people think of you.

How to develop confidence or regain the confidence that you once had:

·         Be well groomed. Have your hair fixed and/or cut regularly, men shave regularly and women keep your nails polished or trimmed. Give yourself permission to buy a few nice outfits, and dress confidently daily. When you dress nicely you will feel more confidently about yourself.

·         Replace your negative self-talk and thinking with positive, faith-filled statements. You become what you think. *

·         Stand tall and straight, walk tall and with your head up.

·         Set small daily and weekly goals and reward yourself when you accomplish these goals.

·         Focus on solutions not your problems.

·         Smile.

·         Work on what you can solve or fix.

·         Write out your strengths and abilities and focus on those.

·         Practice visualizing yourself as confident and able.

·         Develop your skills through learning, reading and/or taking classes.

·         Exercise, this can boost your immune system and your self-esteem as well.

·         Accept yourself, your strengths, your weaknesses, your quirks, and all your imperfections. Love yourself in the process of change and becoming better.

·         Forgive yourself that you have made mistakes and let people down.

Developing confidence comes from repeated practice and small successes that eventually lead to larger successes. Think of yourself the way that God thinks of you. As a follower of Jesus Christ, your confidence should not come from worldly possessions, relationships, or titles but from whose you are-a son or daughter of the King.

Reflect on these truths:

God is within her, she will not fail. Psalm 46:5

She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future. Proverbs 31:25

Only God gives inward peace, and I depend on Him. God alone is the mighty rock that keeps me safe, and He is the fortress where I feel secure. Psalm 62:5-6

·         For additional information on disciplining your mind see my latest book release,” Disciplining your mind 30 days to a better you.”